Luminita Saviuc – Rewrite Your Story
Luminita Daniela Saviuc, also known as The Purpose Fairy, recounts a haunting story from her childhood and the shift in mentality that helped her find peace by not letting her past define her life.
We both started crying and shaking, because we knew what was about to happen. We hear our father’s angry voice breaking the silence. Who took them? Who took them? There are candy missing. Who took them? My siblings and I were sitting in the middle of our livingroom, watching TV. I looked at my sister. She looked horrified, and I immediately knew it was her. And then, he asked again, who took them? If the person who took them won’t answer, you will all get in big trouble. All of you, hear me?
I didn’t want my sister to get hurt. I knew I could handle my own pain, and I could deal with that suffering, but I would not be able to see her suffer. That moment, I just got up, and I said, I took the candy. The moment I said it was me, he just pulled me by my hair, and started dragging me all the way through the bathroom, and screaming, and shouting, bring me the gasoline, bring me the gasoline, or I’ll burn you all. He threw me on the bathroom floor, and started putting paper between my toes, and eventually, lit me on fire. I was crying so loudly, and shaking. I was horrified. I was there, with my body, but it felt like, is this really me, is this really happening?
Why would my father do such a thing to me? His body was physically there, but his mind, and his spirit were not there. It felt like the seconds that I was sitting there, on fire, just felt like an eternity to me. I honestly felt like I won’t make it alive. And, I passed out. I never really had a childhood, nor did I know how it felt like to live in a happy, healthy environment. For the first twelve years of my life, my father replaced love and nourishment with brutality and violence. And, that’s all I remember. I don’t remember a moment when I was actually having a beautiful, loving interaction with my father.
And, even though the physical abuse stopped when I was 12 years old, because that’s when my father died, I somehow continued to abuse myself emotionally and mentally, simply because there were so much pain in my life, and so much past that was carrying into the present moment, and I just didn’t know how to heal those wounds. And, how to deal with all that pain. When I was a kid, I was thinking that probably my father was treating me the way he was treating me because there was something wrong with me, because, how can you treat your own child like that? There has to be something wrong. I kind of continued to think that I wasn’t a valuable human being, and, I crafted my life based on that belief. And, as a result, I started attracting in my life, all kind of people and experiences, who would prove me that I was right, and I allowed them to kind of make me less or more valuable, based on how they were treating me.
Believe it or not, we are so attached to our own pain and our own struggles, that we keep those struggles to keep us away from actually moving forward with our lives. And, I just felt like I couldn’t do it anymore. And, I remember waking up one night, and I was sweating, and I started crying, and I realized that I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. There has to be a better way. And, everything for me changed, the moment I decided to make a commitment to myself, to let go of all the things that were holding me back. To let go of my past, to let go of judgment, of toxicity thinking, to let go of resentment, the need to control people, and the attachment to all that pain.
And, in that moment, I just had this realization that, what if my father treated me the way he did, not because I was unworthy, but because there was so much pain accumulating in his life, and because he didn’t know to deal with that pain, he started spilling over. The more I kind of opened up to this idea of accepting what happened and looking for the meaning, it was easier for me to actually open the closet, and look at all my skeletons, and, even though it was scary, to kind of give them a hug, because, by doing so, you actually realize that your fears and your worst enemies become your best friends, and they teach you valuable lessons. How people treat you doesn’t have to determine how you treat yourself.
I wasn’t unworthy, and there was nothing wrong with me. And that, if people treated me unkindly, it didn’t have anything to do with me. And, if, until that moment, I didn’t know any better, and I allowed them to make me feel less valuable, now, it’s the moment for me to take responsibility, and to look at all those experiences differently. And, to us, to be treated the way I want to be treated. Nobody will help me, if I don’t help myself. And that my salvation will not come from the outside. When you let go of the old, you make room for the new. You are able to tap into something that is so beautiful, and it’s so unique. There’s a beautiful quote from Buddha that goes like this. No one saves us but ourselves, no one can, no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. The story of your past does not have to equal the story of your life.