with additions by MJ Kelly
Let me ask you a question: How well do you know your partner?
I mean, really know them– their likes, dislikes, trauma, regrets, passions, dreams and greatest desires?
I don’t say that to undermine your relationship, simply to point out an area for improvement, something that needs to be strengthened if you hope to get through not just the good times, but also the bad ones.
Fortunately, there’s a pretty easy way to strengthen your bond. And, I have to say, it’s a lot of fun (even if it can get heavy sometimes).
Think back: when’s the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner?
An open and honest conversation can help bring you closer together by building trust, mutual understanding and compassion.
Allowing yourselves to be vulnerable, by practicing active and empathetic listening, also tends to reveal a lot about your partner’s character, their values, their past and their visions for the future. It’s an opportunity to learn more about your partner and ultimately, more about yourself.
Communication will bring understanding and understanding will cause harmonious mutual relationships which can establish peace and stability.
– Lobsang Tenzin
The power of questions
Understanding is the gateway to compassion and love, and questions allow us to obtain that necessary level of understanding, helping us learn why our partner behaves or thinks a certain way.
Here are 50 deep questions to ask your partner to connect with them on a more intimate level. May they help you realize a deeper understanding, boundless compassion, and open love.
- What’s something you’re glad you’ll never have to do again?
- What’s one thing you always procrastinate on?
- What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars?
- What should a healthy relationship provide for the people in it?
- Do you believe everything happens for a reason, or do we just find reasons after things happen?
- Is there anything you consider absolutely unforgivable?
- If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first?
- In your life, what has been the biggest blessing in disguise?
- If you could pick one year of your life to do-over, which would it be and why?
- What is one behavior that you never tolerate?
- If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only three words?
- What is the one thing that makes you feel alive?
- What would your perfect day look like?
- Do you usually follow your head or your heart when making decisions?
- What is something that never ends well?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
On your relationship:
- What did you think when you first met me?
- What about our relationship makes you really happy?
- If you had one word to describe our relationship what would it be?
- What’s your biggest fear for this relationship?
- What’s one difference between us that you absolutely love?
- What’s one similarity between us that you absolutely love?
- What about me made you fall in love?
- What’s your favorite memory of us?
- What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
- Where is your favorite place to be with me?
- What’s one thing you’re scared to ask me, but really want to know the answer to?
- What’s one thing you feel our relationship is lacking?
- What’s your favorite non-physical quality about me?
- If our relationship ended, what’s the one thing about it you’d miss the most?
- What do you think was your most vulnerable moment in our relationship?
- What’s one secret you’ve wanted to tell me, but haven’t?
- What’s your favorite way to receive affection?
- What’s one thing you think makes our relationship unique from everyone else’s?
- If you could change one thing about our relationship what would it be?
- What do you think is your biggest strength in this relationship?
- What’s one thing about your life you would never change for someone else, including me?
- What about us do you think works well together? How do we balance each other out?
- What does love mean to you?
- What do I mean to you?
Just plain fun ones:
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
- Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
- Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
- If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
- Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
- Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
On the future
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
- How do you see our future together? Where do you see it headed?
- What are your goals in the relationship?
- What are your thoughts on having a family?
- Where do you see yourself living when you retire?
- What are your financial priorities and goals?
- What is on your bucketlist that we can do together this year?
- What’s the one thing you want to achieve the most before you die?
- Do you have any habits you want to change?
- What do you most look forward to about getting old?
- What are you hoping to learn in the coming year?
- If you could see into the future, what’s one thing you want to see?
- How do you want to be remembered?
On the past:
- When’s the last time you felt vulnerable? How did you cope?
- What have you accomplished in the past year that you are most proud of?
- What were the major turning points in your life?
- When’s the last time you pushed out of your comfort zone? How did it make you feel?
- What is your happiest memory?
- How have you changed in the past 5 years?
- When was the last time you cried and why?
- What is an important life lesson you’ve learned?
- What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?
- What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned from previous relationships?
- What’s the most challenging setback you’ve ever experienced? How did you overcome it?
- If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?