As much as you might not want to admit it, you have the potential to fall into a relationship with the wrong person — no matter how sharp you are.
Sometimes, they don’t turn out to be who you thought they were (or who they said they were). Other times, they– or you– change. Whatever the reason, you’re now wondering if they’re still the right person for you or not.
Meeting someone, getting to know them, developing the relationship, and all the while navigating our own bias and limited vision means the process of moving along in a relationship with someone is far too complex to get it right every time.
With all this going on, some signs are easy to miss. Fortunately, we’ve gathered a quick list of these easy-to-miss signs so you can stop wondering and start finding out if it’s time to move on.
You are so much better off on your own than with the wrong person.
– Cat Deeley
1. They’re emotionally unavailable
This is easy to miss because when our partner is emotionally unavailable we often write it off and make excuses for the behavior, pushing it to the back of our mind and letting it off easy. However, this is a behavior that the other person could control if they really wanted to.
Sure, some of us aren’t very social and have bad communication skills. But the truth is, if they were the right person, they’d be willing to do anything for you even if that meant being bad at it. Being emotionally unavailable involves not making an effort at all, which is a completely different story.
2. They’re manipulating you through your mistakes or setbacks
Many manipulators have become masters of using the other person’s emotional state against them. This is particularly dangerous when the person takes advantage of your setbacks or mistakes.
Pay attention to see if your partner seems to hang on to your mistakes and setbacks and, while not obviously rubbing them in, encourages you to spend time ruminating on them and almost wants to make you to feel sorry for yourself. This is a sign you’re being toyed with by a master manipulator.
3. They’re dependent
Sometimes, we’re so in love that we don’t notice the difference between the desire to be around one another versus a leech.
What I mean by that is, it can be hard to notice at first if your partner is leeching when you’re crazy over one another. You want them around you all the time, inviting them to stay at your place, offering to pay for things very occasionally without question, particularly when things have first heated up.
However, if you take a second to look around, you just might notice that you’re the one who is now entirely supporting them and they seem perfectly content with this. That’s not to say this kind of relationship is wrong. However, when the person seems to intentionally want someone to take care of them financially, they’re not in the right state of mind for a loving, long-term relationship.
4. They deflect your interests and encourage other career paths
In the beginning, your similar interests reign supreme. And, often, all it takes is the basics to create some great chemistry (going out for fun, watching movies, dining out, etc.) and develop the relationship.
However, if over time you notice that they share no desire to learn about your great passions and interests and even encourage you to follow another career path, one which better fits their vision for their life, you’re probably in a relationship with the wrong person.
This can seem harmless at first, however, it can lead to a huge separation that is irreparable. Your partner should show a sincere desire to learn about and support what you love and want to do with your life. If they’re not willing to do this, they’re just attempting to manipulate you (albeit, possibly unconsciously) to help realize their needs and wants and don’t really love you.