Have you attracted toxic people?
While their toxicity is in no way your own fault, your behavior can sometimes attract unwanted attention from those seeking to pull you down.
And, while some of these behaviors can’t– and shouldn’t– be changed, others can be modified or used more cautiously to be careful about who you attract and end up surrounding yourself with.
After all, it only takes one toxic person to create a huge thorn in your life.
Attraction is beyond our will or ideas sometimes.
– Juliette Binoche
So, if you’re ready to get to the bottom of why you’re attracting the wrong kind of people so you can start cleansing your life of bad influences, let’s get started.
1. You’re nonjudgmental (and a great listener)
We all want– and need– someone to open up to from time to time. Many of us just don’t have anyone we can do that with. Or if we do, that one person isn’t someone we can be absolutely transparent with (like parents, for example).
For that reason, we tend to grasp onto anyone we meet that seems like a nonjudgmental or like-minded ear.
Some people just give off the kind of aura that they’re someone whom others can open up to. People have said that about both my wife and I, so we both sometimes end up in sticky situations because of it.
If you’re like this, what on earth are you supposed to do about it? This is a great quality because it’s a powerful way of supporting others and showing compassion, however, I’ve found that most open-minded people also tend to withhold from criticizing toxic people.
Don’t be afraid of offering helpful, even hard-lined, criticism. If a person is truly looking for advice, they’ll welcome the input. However, if they’re simply a hater or naysayer looking to project their negativity onto you, they’ll generally become defensive and back off when you offer feedback.
2. You’re indiscriminately generous
Generosity is a powerful quality. However, it shouldn’t be handed out unconditionally.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t be nice to everyone you meet. However, I am saying you need to be smart about who you offer your time and resources to.
Toxic people often latch on to anyone who gives them an inch and will continue to take for as long as they can, turning to deceptive and venomous tactics to get every drop out of you emotionally, mentally, physically, and even financially.
If you tend to have a hard time telling people no and want to help everyone you meet, you’re truly amazing and a rarity that this world needs more of.
However, to protect yourself, pay close attention to how someone reacts when they receive your kindness. If they turn right around and ask for more without any air of appreciation for what you already gave them, they might not be the kind of person you want to keep associating with.
3. You’ve got big dreams– and tell everyone about it
Leeches and manipulative types are often attracted to people with big dreams, especially if they’ve already tasted some success. This offers a more reliable guarantee that you have something they can take for themselves.
And while this is no reason to let off the gas pedal, it is a reason to be more careful with who you open up to.
Something that has stuck with me for some time now is: “What kind of value are you providing to those around you?” This is a powerful reminder that you should always focus on offering value to those who you surround yourself with, a great quality to have if you’re trying to attract good people. But it can also be turned around to notice those around you that might be the wrong people to keep around.
If the people around you never support you, offer kindness or help, or a compassionate ear, you’re probably attracting the wrong kind of people.
4. You try to fix others
It’s part of the human condition to feel as though we’re incomplete. So, we go about our lives feeling not worthy, looking to fill a void.
Sometimes, that takes the form of us actively searching out certain types of people because we think we’re broken. We believe that by “fixing” others, we’ll fix ourselves.
Other times, this manifests in us looking for people who will mistreat us and confirm in us our most unconscious of beliefs: that we’re worthless.
Either way, this is nothing but unhealthy and will often end up hurting you endlessly unless you turn to face the real problem: your own feeling of unworthiness. If you can do this, you can begin to create a noticeable change in the kind of people you attract.