Sometimes, you get hooked into a relationship that is downright toxic.
Other times, you snag a pretty good catch. Maybe even an amazing one. But the quality and beauty of the person is one thing and your compatibility… another thing altogether.
This can make it agonizingly difficult to end the relationship. But ultimately you need to think about yourself and whether you feel the relationship is right for you or not.
If you feel that the two of you just aren’t right for each other, or something isn’t right in the relationship, you might need to call it quits and move on no matter how difficult it may be.
When we grow comfortable with the person around us, they can serve as a magnetic force which keeps us within our comfort zone rather than venturing out into the world, single once again and with no guarantee you’ll ever find that perfect person for you. It’s no surprise then why we hesitate.
However, to consciously stay with another you know isn’t right for you is a much worse fate. You’re reminded every single day that you’re not truly happy and slowly grow accustomed to settling. This then bleeds into your entire life — personal and professional.
I know you don’t want that and you know that you’re better than that, but we’re adept at fooling ourselves into comfort. So you need to be willing to face the music and look at your relationship honestly to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I can still love an ex as a person, regardless if the breakup was bad. I would never wish anything negative on them. It takes more energy to hate them than to wish them well.
– Ashley Greene
Here are four reasons to end a relationship– even if you care about the other person dearly.
1. You’re not happy (or it doesn’t feel right)
Sometimes, it appears on the outside like you have everything. Maybe you’re beating yourself up about why you can’t be satisfied or other people keep telling you how lucky you are but you just don’t understand their point of view.
Whatever the case, if you’re not happy, even if you care deeply for the other person and even if things appear great on the outside, you should probably end the relationship.
Healthy connections make you happy while unhealthy ones make you unhappy. It sounds simplistic but it’s true. If you’re not happy, even if it just feels wrong and you’re not quite sure why, then what’s the point? You deserve to be happy and sometimes that means breaking it off with someone you truly care about because it’s just not working out.
2. You have conflicting life goals
One of the most divisive things in a relationship is a difference of opinion about where each person wants to live and what they want to do with the rest of their life, whether it be professionally or as it pertains to the relationship itself such as kids and the relationship dynamic.
Don’t give up just because of conflicting goals as that’s perfectly normal. However, if you’ve worked tirelessly to resolve whatever conflicts exist and it’s still not working out, either because one or both people aren’t willing to budge or due to a true conflict, it might be time to end it and start pursuing the life that you truly desire.
3. You just can’t resolve your problems
I’m not one to suggest giving up in light of a few issues because a relationship takes a hell of a lot of work, forgiveness, and sacrifice.
However, because every relationship is different, and there is an infinite shade of problems you might encounter– some absolutely unresolvable– this is definitely not a surefire thing. Sometimes, the issues run too deep to fix.
Ultimately, you’ll be the one to judge whether you can work through the issue or not. But if you’re dealing with something you feel is unresolvable and will result in you spending your life with someone you’re not truly happy with, you probably need to end the relationship– no matter how tough it is at first.
4. You’re being abused (physically or emotionally)
If you’ve never been in an abusive relationship, it might be hard to imagine how you can love someone that abuses you.
However, human beings are much more complex than bad vs. good. While someone might be occasionally abusive they could also sincerely want to change and also express real love for you. That’s because someone’s abusive nature typically comes from a traumatic past, something which they certainly didn’t ask for and often try vehemently to reject (as difficult as it is).
If you’ve been, or are, in a relationship with someone who is either physically or emotionally abusive, you already know how it is.
This back-and-forth tussle can make you feel like you’re going insane, however, because you care so deeply for the other person you might be hesitant to call it quits. You might even feel guilty like you’d be doing something wrong by “giving up” on them (which is not at all what you’d be doing).
However, this type of long-term exposure to physical or emotional abuse (or both) can be incredibly damaging and you owe it to yourself to prioritize your well-being and happiness. If your partner is abusive, no matter how much you care about them, it’s time to end it.