Finding “the one” is a universal desire, something virtually all of us dream will happen to us one day.

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That perfect match that gels with us in a way that seems almost destined — our soulmate — the person we were meant to spend our life with, creating incredible memories and, eventually, dying a happy, fulfilling life.

Whether you subscribe to such a belief or not, there’s no doubt that there could be someone out there that’s quite literally your ideal match.

But, if you’re lucky enough to find them, what will it feel like? What happens when you’re finally with “the one”, your destined partner?

Well, a few… weird… things happen.

I would rather spend one lifetime with you than face all of the ages of the world alone.

– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

1. You feel as though you’ve realized a great awakening

depression in relationships - empathy and support is crucial

Maybe not quite a full mind-exploding enlightenment like the Buddha, but finding the one will make you feel indescribably awake, joyous, and alive.

Like nothing you’ve ever felt before, when you’re with the one life becomes like that of an entirely different experience from before the time you met them.

You feel happy, regardless of what happens, grateful for what you have, and stronger somehow like you have a great rock underneath you that the Earth cannot shake no matter how much turmoil erupts underneath it.

2. You completely shut down shop (and open up to yourself)

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Once you’re with the one, both feet are in the door and you have no plans of ever stepping out into the dating scene again.

This has several interesting side effects such as changing the way you act in public gatherings (no more glances or random fantasies of passersby) and making you far more likely and willing to express yourself in an authentic way without worrying about what others will think of you.

3. You do things you never thought you’d do in front of the opposite sex

When you’re with the one, you know they love you for you, no matter what, and so you feel like you can be yourself.

In every way.

Even the gross kind.

Whether that involves letting it rip in their company or being open about what time of the month it is, you know they love you not for some superficial reason but because of what’s deep within you, so they make you feel comfortable in a way that no one ever has before.

4. An intense fear develops in you

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Another weird, but not exactly positive, thing that happens when you’re with the one is a great fear arises in you that you could lose your beloved — and what that would feel like.

Whether it’s dreaming about a car accident, a drowning, or someone hurting the one you love, it’s natural that when you love someone so much you become fearful of losing them in direct correlation to how much you love them.

This same thing is seen in parents who have nightmares about losing their children. My mom used to have nightmares of losing me in quicksand when I was a kid. I didn’t fully understand this fear until I started having the same occasional nightmare after I had kids.

5. You learn what unconditional love is – and start caring for someone else more than yourself for the first time in your life

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When you like someone a lot, even care for them quite a bit, you often still act in selfish ways that expresses how much you want to hold onto them.

However, when you’re with the one all you want is for them to be happy, even if that is at your own expense.

Sometimes, your love will be given an opportunity that will put you at a disadvantage or hold you back. Other times, you’ll be inconvenienced by giving them something that can help them but hurt you.

It doesn’t always happen, but one thing is for certain: you feel absolutely willing to give up anything and everything to make them happy because you care more about them than your own well-being and happiness.


More on finding the right relationship:


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