Everyone loves Oprah so it is hard to imagine anyone ever not wanting to celebrate her. Yet, as the household name confided recently in her O, The Oprah Magazine, Valentine’s Day for her has forever been ruined by an ex-boyfriend.

In her column titled “What I Know For Sure” column, Oprah talked about her longtime unconventional romance with Stedman Graham. Today, they are in love and happy as ever, but that doesn’t mean she is eager to celebrate Feb. 14.

Why she no longer makes a big deal of Valentine’s Day

In her special Oprah and Gayle Chronicles, she tells the story and the lifelong lesson she managed to extract from it. When answering the anonymous request for advice from a fan, who wanted her partner to take the lead and plan the Valentine’s Day instead of letting her do the work, Oprah recalls her own story.

“Lots of people make a big deal about Valentine’s Day. I don’t– and haven’t since I was a young contestant in the Miss Black America Pageant,” she admits. Thanks to an indifferent ex-boyfriend, Oprah was able to change and communicate to us one of her many precious lessons.

Many of the other girls were receiving flowers and gifts from their beaux. My boyfriend at the time, Bubba — yes, real name — sent me nothing. I felt bad about that and complained to another contestant. She laid this wisdom on me: ‘Girl, if your man has put a flower on your mind, you won’t need no flowers in a vase!’

Oprah Winfrey

But what did Oprah take away from it?

Obviously, the relationship with Bubba did not work out, but it only led her to greater happiness with her current longtime partner. Even if she initially “proceeded with caution, even with a friendship,” perhaps as a consequence of past learnings, she eventually found the right match in Stedman.

For her, the importance is not whether or not her partner remembers to celebrate Valentine’s day. Instead, she advises to look for “a [partner] who puts a flower on your mind so that it’s Valentine’s Day every day.”

She also concludes with a very real reminder:

And it’s just a day, it means nothing if the rest of the time, you are not feeling like a Valentine.

A good starting point to reflect on your relationship

Not every day has to feel like Valentine’s Day but we must feel intrinsically secure in our relationships and in the fact that we are loved. That is what Oprah’s advice is all about.

Perhaps, it may require changing your mindset on how you envision relationships for yourself or what kind of efforts you require from your significant other. In any case, if you feel any hint of insecurity or uncertainty, it is worth questioning it and having a conversation about it.

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