Who is my soulmate and what do I have to do to find them?

Those are just a few questions that many of us continue to grapple with throughout our life. If you’ve grown up reading and watching sweeping, epic romantic dramas, then you may already know what I’m talking about.

Our “soulmate” is supposed to be our only and only; one person specifically chosen by fate to be our partner in both love and life. Someone who’s supposed to just show up in our world and blow us away with their presence. Someone for whom a place already exists in our life because the gods above have somehow decided that we’re both meant to be together, and nothing can get in the way. We’re both destined and in some ways, doomed to find each other. And therefore, find our happy ending. 

It’s an irresistible concept, one that many of us wholeheartedly believed. And there’s nothing wrong with that. However, actress Anna Kendrick recently said that she’s not one to believe in romantic soulmates. Her new show Love Life chronicles the dating experiences of a young woman over a period of time as she attempts to find The One. 

Anna has admitted that many plotlines in the show have pulled from her own relationships. And her final consensus doesn’t only make sense in terms of her own perspective; it tells how we can approach romance in a way that doesn’t necessarily leave us jaded and frustrated. 

Anna is fiercely private about her long-term boyfriend 

Since her executively-produced show is definitely based on moments from her own life, many assume that Anna too has stumbled and wandered in the dating department. Being one of the most charming millennial actresses of the moment, it is mind-boggling to wonder why that could be the case. 

It’s important to note here that Anna has never been one to boast her relationships on social media. She keeps that part of her life largely private, but that also doesn’t mean that people can just start making assumptions about what goes on behind the scenes. 

From 2009 to 2013, Anna dated English director Edgar Wright. Soon after, she was linked to other actors like Zac Efron, Alfie Allen, and Chris Pine, but no romantic relationship of sorts was confirmed with either of them.

In 2014, Anna started dating cinematographer Ben Richardson and the relationship has held up over the years. They were spotted holding hands as recently as December 2019 and are still said to be together today. Once again, she hasn’t confirmed the relationship, but fans can rest assured that she isn’t wandering in the brutal jungle, that is, the dating world. 

Well, as far as keeping [my love life]  private, it isn’t easy… but that’s just always how it’s been for me

Anna Kendrick to Sydney Morning Herald 

Yet she’s also honest about her unsuccessful relationships

But just because things seem okay today doesn’t mean she hasn’t faced her share of bad relationships. In an interview with Sydney Morning Herald, she reflects on those relationships and examines why they went downhill. 

It was painful at times and I cringed at the way that I, and so many women that I know, dated guys in our early 20s – the way we were so awkward and needy and clingy.

Anna Kendrick to Sydney Morning Herald 

At the same time, the actress also acknowledged some of those relationships could have been salvaged if the couple had set boundaries. She also gave a specific example of what could look like. 

She said that if you’re ever in a car with a guy who’s driving and he suddenly lets go of the wheel in order to mess with you, that’s not the kind of guy you want to be. The scenario might be specific but it applies to everyone regardless of gender. Every relationship could be designed around people’s comfort levels and people shouldn’t do anything to disturb their mental peace and comfort. 

Another relationship at 19 put the scenario into practice. In this case, her boyfriend, for some inexplicable reason, wouldn’t stop tickling her despite her insistence. She ultimately broke up with him because he was constantly disrespecting her wishes by tickling her.

She doesn’t believe in soulmates but there are exceptions 

In an interview with E!, Anna Kendrick got real about her opinion on the soulmate theory. She said that she doesn’t believe in soulmates in the traditional sense of the word, specifically The One that’s going to show up in your life, sweep you off your feet, and be with you forever. In her opinion, most of us are going to get the opportunity of being in many relationships over the years.

In terms of finding the One, we just get lucky with finding someone who’s good enough to be with for a long time. That doesn’t mean that they’re necessarily our soulmate but just someone who we trust and love enough to spend time with them over a long period of time. 

I don’t believe in soulmates in any traditional sense for sure. Like, that word is kind of synonymous with ‘the one.’ There’s many ‘the ones’ and if we’re lucky we spend a long time with someone.

Anna Kendrick to E! 

However, Anna isn’t totally against the idea of soulmates. She does believe they exist but in the form of friendships. And she has a point: some of our longest, strongest relationships happen to be friendships. That could be for a wide variety of reasons. Perhaps we expect less from our friends, maybe they just know us better because we don’t hold anything back from them, maybe there aren’t any outward “rules” on what an ideal friendship should look like. 

Regardless, it’s refreshing to know that our best friend will know us better than anyone else, often to the point where it’s bewildering that someone could understand us this well and fit into our lives so perfect. 

I wonder if there are non-romantic soulmates. I mean, I would say that there’s evidence that it’s more likely that a soulmate is non-romantic. The best and longest relationships in my life are certainly friendships.

Anna Kendrick to E!

Every relationship is worth being thankful for 

Whether or not you’re a die-hard believer of soulmates, it’s hard to disagree with Anna here. While a few of us will go on to find our soulmates fairly early on in life, many of us will go through numerous relationships.

The idea that someone has been specifically put on this earth for us is a fairly wild theory to digest. In all likelihood, most people are just doing their own thing and moving through life as per normal. When we do seem to meet someone we like, it may not be fate — it could be just coincidence. Or sometimes it’s purely by choice and decision.

We choose to keep the people we love, we tend to move away from people we don’t like. Someone could be your soulmate and you could end up loathing them. There are just no fixed rules for that sort of connection because ultimately so much of what occurs in our life happens by pure chance or by choice. 

Even though our relationships end, it doesn’t mean they are complete failures. People come into your life and you grow and they change you and what you learn from them might be really positive or it might be negative.

Anna Kendrick to Sydney Morning Herald

What matters at the end of the day is that we learn from those various relationships. Anna said it best: people we’re with, friends or partners, transform our life in some way or the other. Sometimes they push us to be the best version of ourselves, sometimes they hurt us and leave us to fend for ourselves emotionally. Regardless, you take away something from that relationship and employ it as a tool of self-development. 

It’s not that the soulmate theory is unrealistic. There’s no way of knowing what sort of forces are in place that help us meet the love of our life. At the end of the day, we can just appreciate the special moments with our partners and hope that more special moments are headed your way. It could be luck, it could be a choice, or it could be destiny working its magic.

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