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Mindset

A Match Made in Heaven: 6 Signs You've Found Your Kindred Spirit
Mental Health

A Match Made in Heaven: 6 Signs You've Found Your Kindred Spirit

Have you found your kindred soul? Picture going to a coffee shop, poetry event, or music festival or attending a class at university and meeting someone you instantly connect with.You know, the kind of conversations and engagement you would with trust and years familiarizing yourself with said person.And with this person, you feel an incredible bond filled with understanding and care would be considered a kindred spirit, almost as if you met them in a past life. It’s a beautiful thing when this occurs, forming a deep understanding with someone. RELATED: Healthy Life: Improve Your Spiritual Wellness With These 10 Fulfilling TipsBut on the other hand, people don’t always share the same perspectives as you do, which can spark curiosity and interest in developing friendships or romantic relationships.Still, clicking with a kindred spirit is a unique thing, as they will understand aspects about you that nobody else can. Ivana Cajina/UnsplashRead on to get the scoop on what a kindred spirit is, the signs you know you’ve met your kindred spirit, and the role this potential other half can play in your life.What Exactly are Kindred Spirits?Kindred spirits can be described in ways by people looking to have a better understanding of why they feel the way they do about those they feel swiftly drawn to.And according to a definition shared by Collins Dictionary, kindred spirits are people with “the same view of life or the same interests as you.”A genuine union with a kindred spirit feels very familiar and analogous when it comes to energy, emotion, and mentality.This divine connection can happen in any relationship, which predominantly includes platonic and romantic.With that, it’s safe to say that you’ve found someone worth being around and cherishing.Are Kindred Spirits Soulmates or Twin Flames?Kindred spirits are similar to the metaphysical concepts of twin flames, soulmates (also spelled soul mate), or karmic relationships, but with some subtle differences.Soulmates are said to be two individual souls that have an intense connection and are deeply drawn to one another, while kindred spirits feel very similar to one another. On the other hand, twin flames are considered to be one soul that is split into two bodies.Twin flames are also considered "mirrors" when it comes to the soul.When you meet your twin flame, it's as if you immediately become complete again.But this feeling of fulfillment can also come with challenges.As your mirror, your twin flame reflects your energy.Essentially this means unhealthy behaviors, weaknesses, and destructive traits, will be amplified and toxic for you both.Additionally, if the energy is positive, areas of growth and the most significant capabilities will be the focus, producing a beneficial partnership.Can Kindred Spirits Fall In Love With Each Other?Yes, kindred spirits can fall in love. It is worth knowing that not all kindred spirit connections are romantic.Because of how drawn to each other and confident kindred spirits can be in each other, it’s easy to get into a romantic relationship even if they aren’t meant to have that path.RELATED: 4 Signs You’ve Found a Kindred Spirit, Not a SoulmateIf you do end up falling in love with kindred spirits, they tend to come into your life once you’ve done inner work for growth.When they do pop up, your firm inner knowing will prompt you to be more open to meeting those special people.Signs You've Found Your Kindred Spirit in Life Adobe StockHow can you tell if the person you met and hit it off with is authentically supposed to be in your life?Well, there are a series of ways you can know for sure. Check out some of those down below.You Feel an Instant Connection With Someone Like You've Known Them Your Whole LifeMore times than not, kindred spirits feel they know each other through and through the exact moment they meet or a little after.It'll spark thoughts in your mind such as "I know exactly who you are!" or "I could talk with you for hours!" to name a couple.You Feel Safe and Sound With The PersonNaturally, when you are comfortable and engaged, it quells fears allowing you never to feel like you don't matter or question the relationship you have with said person. This ultimately helps promote a sense of balance and tranquility.You Have More Than One Thing in CommonKindred spirits will have an exciting amount of things in common, especially when it comes to outlooks on life.For example, you'll have similar values, such as integrity in relationships, polite mannerisms, and a sense of humor. You may even get shocked to find out how you dislike the same things or find each other completing each other's sentences when chatting. Toomas Tartes/UnsplashYou Discover More Things About YourselfWhen a kindred spirit enters your life, they sometimes come in and get realigned with your wisdom and your energy.The more you come around your kindred spirit, the more you see yourself and remember who exactly you are.They could be holding up a metaphorical mirror to see you for who you are or championing you to continue going after your goals and passions.They Support You, and You Would Do The SameYou can count on a kindred spirit to respect, love, and honor this person no matter what choices you've made.They will know exactly where you're coming from and help you make the best decisions.Your Connection With The Person Will Be The Same No Matter WhatIt can be days, months, and years since you've last spoken with your kindred spirit. But when you do, it's like the time and distance didn't cause the bond to break.But just like any relationship worth pursuing, kindred spirit relationships need care and attention to go the long haul. Jed Villejo/UnsplashMotivation For Each Other Is Always PresentAn imperishable bond between two people is produced through encouragement and motivation.Essentially, being there for each other when the going gets rough and offering uplifting words. In the same way, you both are willing to help in times of need and champion each other’s achievements.Encouragement and motivation make a stronger bond, helping your relationship flourish.Respect For Each Other’s Unique Quirks No one is exactly the same all the time. We all have traits and qualities that make us uniquely who we are.A strong bond needs two people who appreciate each other’s differences.Fully embrace each other and celebrate the things that make you different. This also provides opportunities to take on new experiences and learn some things from one another.How To Encounter A Kindred Spirit In Life Saiph Muhammad/UnsplashEven if you feel a connection like this is not in the cards for you, always remember that anything is possible as long as you put your best foot forward.Get Out Into The World and ExploreOne of the main ways to meet a kindred spirit is to get up, go outside and explore your surroundings. There are so many unique individuals out there, and you’ll have a hard time finding someone if you stay in hibernation mode.Take on volunteer opportunities with your community, go to a new destination, and explore new interests.The more you allow yourself to experience new people and experiences, the more you increase the chances of finding someone you can connect with on a deeper level.Don’t Shut Yourself Off From Meeting New PeopleIf you want to find your kindred spirit, you have to be willing to get out there and interact with people.No need to shut anyone out before you have the opportunity to get to know them. They may add to your life, changing it for the better.Even if it is a little uncomfortable at first, it will be well worth it!Be Your Authentic SelfNever try to be someone other than yourself, even when society is set up in that way.You have to tap into honesty with yourself if you want to be with someone who appreciates and receives you with open arms. Don’t be afraid to let your cards all out onto the table.Don’t Settle for Less Than What You DeserveWhen looking for someone to have a purposeful relationship with, it’s important that they share your core values and respect you as a fellow person.You’ll be confident around your kindred spirit and foster the notion of being yourself.Trust Your Gut IntuitionAs soon as you meet someone, immediately focus on your gut instinct.If something feels suspicious, it probably is. But if you have a positive feeling about someone, pursue it.You never know who you can connect with on a deeper frequency.Be Open To Many OptionsGypsieThe willingness to meet up with new people is essential. But not at the expense of spreading yourself too thin.It’s okay to be particular when on the quest for your kindred spirit. You don’t necessarily have to engage with everyone who comes your way, especially in romantic partnerships.Get to know people before you decide if they are potential matches. Take your time and don’t leap into something, and don’t rush into anything.Practice Patience On The JourneyDon’t feel defeated if you don’t find your kindred spirit soon. Coming across that person takes time and steadiness.Continue to explore, and eventually, you’ll find that special someone with whom you can have a fantastic relationship.Gear Up For Compromise and Take The Journey For All It IsShutterstockAlthough your kindred spirit is a divine connection based on similarities, it doesn’t mean there will always be an agreement on how things are conducted.Prepare yourself to accept and honor each other’s opinions, even when you aren’t on the same page.Finding a kindred spirit is a rewarding feeling, but again, enjoy the journey that you are on — it’ll make it an easy feat!Overall, your kindred spirit will have a vital role in your life as it will offer a sense of security and belonging, allowing you to feel at ease and at home, regardless of where you are on your life path.

9 Logical Fallacies That You Need to Know To Master Critical Thinking
Mindset

9 Logical Fallacies That You Need to Know To Master Critical Thinking

William James, who was known as the grandfather of psychology, once said: “A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” All of us think, every day. But there’s a difference between thinking for thinking’s sake, and thinking in a critical way. Deliberate, controlled, and reasonable thinking is rare.There are multiple factors that are impairing people’s ability to think critically, from technology to changes in education. Some experts have speculated we’re approaching a crisis of critical thinking, with many students graduating “without the ability to construct a cohesive argument or identify a logical fallacy.”RELATED: How to Tell if ‘Political Correctness’ Is Hurting Your Mental HealthThat's a worrying trend, as critical thinking isn’t only an academic skill, but essential to living a high-functioning life. It’s the process by which to arrive at logical conclusions. And in through that process, logical fallacies are a significant hazard. This article will explore logical fallacies in order to equip you with the knowledge on how to think in skillful ways, for the biggest benefits. As a result, you'll be able to detect deception of flawed logic, in others, and yourself. And you'll be equipped to think proper thoughts, rather than simply rearrange prejudices.What Is a Logical Fallacy?The study of logic originates back to the Greek philosopher Aristotle (384–322 b.c.e), who started to systematically identify and list logical fallacies. The origin of logic is linked to the Greek logos, which translates to language, reason, or discourse. Logical fallacies are errors of reason that invalidate an argument. The use of logical fallacies changes depending on a person’s intention. Although for many, they’re unintentional, others may deliberately use logical fallacies as a type of manipulative behavior.Detecting logical fallacies is crucial to improve your level of critical thinking, to avoid deceit, and to spot poor reasoning; within yourself and others. The influential German philosopher Immanuel Kant once said; “All our knowledge begins with the senses, proceeds then to the understanding, and ends with reason. There is nothing higher than reason.”RELATED: Fundamental Attribution Error: Definition & ExamplesThroughout history, the world’s greatest thinkers have promoted the value of reasoning. Away from academia, reason is the ability to logically process information, and arrive at an accurate conclusion, in the quest for truth. Striving to be more reasonable or calm under pressure is a virtuous act. It’s a noble pursuit, one which in its nature will inspire your personal development, and allow you to become the best version of yourself.Why Critical Thinking Is ImportantIt seems like humanity has never been so polarized, separated into different camps and stances; Democrats vs. Liberals, vegans vs. meat eaters, vaccinated vs. unvaccinated, pro-life vs. pro-choice. There’s nothing inherently wrong with thinking critically, and taking a stand. However, what is unusual is the tendency for people to lean into one extreme or the other, neglecting to explore gray areas or complexity.Many of the positions people take are chosen for them. It takes a lot of effort to research a point of view. And even then, we’re faced with the challenge of information overload, fake news, conspiracy, and even credible news which is dismissed as conspiracy. Far from academic debates or politicians facing off during leadership races, the ability to share respectful dialogue is an essential part of understanding our place in the world, and maintaining human relationships.The hot topics facing humanity aren’t going to be resolved by reactivity or over-emotionality. There should be room for all sorts of emotions to surface; it’s understandable to feel anger, grief, anxiety, etc, faced with global events. But critical thinking asks for a more reasoned, calm consideration, not getting completely carried away with emotions, but appealing to higher judgment.Examples of When to Use Critical ThinkingIt’s not always clear why critical thinking is so valuable. Isn’t it only useful for education, philosophy, science, or politics? Not quite. When applied appropriately, logic has a universal appeal in life. Examples include:Problem-solving: “The problem is not that there are problems,” wrote psychiatrist Theodore Isaac Rubin, “the problem is expecting otherwise, and thinking that having problems is a problem.” Life is full of problems. Fortunately, that means life is full of opportunities to problem solve. Critical thinking is an essential problem-solving skill, from managing your time to organizing your finances.Making optimal decisions: the more logical you are, and the less you fall into logical fallacies, the better your decision-making becomes. Decisions are the steps towards your goals, each decision making you closer to, or away from, what you really desire.Understanding complex subjects: with attention spans reducing due to social media and technology, it’s becoming rare to take time to attempt to understand complex topics, away from repeating what others have said. Whether through self-study or to comprehend global events, critical thinking is essential to understand complexity.Improving relationships: adding a dose of logic to your interactions will allow you to make better choices in relationships. Many “messy” forms of communication, from guilt-tripping to passive aggression, are illogical. By tapping into a more balanced point of view, you’ll better overcome conflict, argue your point (when necessary), or explain the way you feel.The Most Common Logical FallaciesWhen you begin to explore logical fallacies, language becomes a game. There’s a sense of having a cheat sheet in communication, understanding the underlying dynamics at play. Of course, it’s not as straightforward as a mechanical understanding — emotional intelligence, and non-verbal body language has a role to play, too. We’re humans, not computers. But gaining mastery of logic puts you ahead of the majority of people, and helps you avoid cognitive bias.What’s more, most people fall into logical fallacies without being aware. Once you can detect these mechanisms, within yourself and with others, you’ll have an upper hand in many key areas of life, not least in a professional setting, or in any place you need to persuade or argue a point. The list is ever-growing and vast, but below are the most common logical fallacies to get the ball rolling:1. Ad HominemOriginating from a Latin phrase meaning “to the person,” ad hominem is an attack on the person, not the argument. This has a twofold impact — it deflects attention away from the validity of the argument, and second, it can provoke the person to enter a defensive mindset. If you’re aware of this fallacy, it can keep you from taking the bait, and instead keeping the focus on the argument.Perhaps the most popular example of this in recent times is the viral interview between Jordan Peterson and Cathy Newman. Love him or hate him, Peterson is an embodiment of logic, sidestepping Newman’s ad hominem attacks and fallacies in a calm and controlled manner. 2. Red HerringYou might have heard of this phrase in the context of fiction: a red herring is an irrelevant piece of information thrown into the mix, in order to distract from other relevant details, commonly used in detective stories. In a political context, you might see a politician respond to criticism by talking about something positive they’ve done. For example, when asked why unemployment is so high, they may say “we’ve made a lot of effort to improve working conditions in certain areas.”A popular type of red herring in modern discourse is "what aboutism," a form of counter-accusation. If the person mentioning unemployment is a fellow politician, the same politician may say: “what about unemployment rates when your party was in charge?”3. Tu Quoque FallacyClosely related to the above, and in some ways, a mixture of the ad hominem and a red herring, is the tu quoque fallacy (pronounced tu-KWO-kway and originating from the Latin “you too”). This is a counter-accusation that accuses someone of hypocrisy. Rather than acknowledging what's been said, someone responds with a direct allegation. For example, if you’re in an argument and your partner raises their voice, you may bring that to their attention, only for them to say: “you raise your voice all the time!”.4. Straw ManThe straw man logical fallacy is everywhere, especially in dialogue on hot-topic issues, because it's effective in shutting down someone else’s perspective. The person runs with someone’s point, exaggerates it, then attacks the exaggerated version — the straw man — seemingly in an appropriate way. For example, when your partner asks if you could do the washing up, you might respond: “are you saying I don’t support you around the house? That’s unfair.”On the global stage, one of the big straw man arguments in recent times is the rhetoric of the anti-vaxxer, applied to resistance to mandated vaccines, social distancing, or lockdowns. The simplified term is a way of positioning someone as extreme, even if raising valid points, or looking to open dialogue about the repercussions of certain political choices, made without the option for the population to have their say.5. Appeal to AuthorityIf someone in a position of authority says something is true, it must be true. This type of logical fallacy is ingrained in the psyche in childhood, where your parents' (or adults around you) word was final. Society is moving increasingly in this direction, especially in the fields of science. But that doesn’t come without risk, as even experts are known not to get things right. In addition, many positions of authority aren’t always acting in pursuit of honesty or truth, if other factors (such as financial donations) have influence. While appeals to authority used to gravitate around religious leaders, a 2022 study found that, when linked with scientists, untrue statements are more likely to be believed, in what researchers call the Einstein effect.6. False DichotomyAlso known as the false dilemma, this logical fallacy presents limited options in certain scenarios in a way that is inaccurate. It’s closely linked to black-or-white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking, presenting two extremes without options in between. This is perhaps one of the most invasive logical fallacies in navigating life’s demands. For example, you either go to the gym or become unhealthy.These limitations require a dose of psychological flexibility and creative thinking to overcome. They require exploring other alternatives. In the example above, that would mean looking at other ways to become healthy and exercise, such as running outdoors or going swimming.7. Slippery Slope FallacySimilar to the straw man fallacy, the slippery slope is a way of taking an issue to a hypothetical extreme and then dismissing it based on what could happen. The potential of one thing leading to another, and the repercussions of that chain of events, may cause the original issue to be overlooked. For example, if you fail to set a boundary in one situation, you’ll forever be stuck in accepting certain behaviors.The issue with this fallacy is that a valid process of critical thinking is to look at what decisions can lead to in the future. Rather than dismiss outright, however, it pays to make reasoned decisions, avoid jumping to conclusions, and see how things unfold over time.8. Sunk Cost FallacyThis is the logical fallacy that, when having already invested in something, you continue to invest in order to get return on your sunk costs. Although using gambling terminology (such as chasing losses on roulette) the sunk cost can apply to any area of life. The investment itself doesn’t have to be financial. For example, investing lots of time and energy into a creative project, or a relationship.The sunk cost fallacy causes people to overlook a true and accurate analysis of the situation in the present moment, instead choosing to continue because of past decisions.9. Hasty GeneralisationAlso known as an over-generalization or faulty generalization, this logical fallacy makes general claims based on little evidence. Before writing this article, I went to a new gym, where my toiletry bag was stolen. You could argue it’s bad luck for something like that to happen on your first visit. If I decide that the gym isn’t safe, and make a hasty generalization, I may end up not going again. But what if the rate of theft in this gym was below the average in the city, and I was just unlucky? What if it wasn’t stolen, but someone absent-mindedly put it in their bag?The opposite of a hasty generalization is to find the appropriate context for events. A logical conclusion, on the other hand, takes time. It’s reasonable, doesn’t jump in, and collects as much data as possible. If I go to the same gym, and something else is stolen, and I then see in Google reviews that others have had the same, it’d be logical for me to conclude there’s a high rate of theft.How to Detect and Overcome Logical FallaciesBoth logic and critical thinking can be improved with practice. The knowledge of the nature of logical fallacies, and the above examples, will get you started. Deciphering when certain fallacies are active in real time is part of applied learning. Be conscious of applying the same level of rigor to your own level of reason as you do others.There are a few components to detect and overcome logical fallacies. The first is self-awareness. As mentioned above, we’re humans, not machines. In situations where the stakes are high, we’re usually driven by factors other than logic, ulterior motives, or strong emotions that run the show. How often, when angry or triggered, do you say or act in ways you later regret?Emotional regulation is useful in being calm enough to engage in critical thinking. But at times, logic isn’t the most skillful. For example, in conflict with a loved one, it’s more important to attempt to have compassion and understanding than to be the “most logical.” Sometimes, there are factors outside of reason that influence us, matters of the heart that can’t be captured, defined, or deconstructed by the mind.Knowing how to apply logic, and when, is a vital skill. Through practice, over time, you’ll cultivate an even greater virtue — wisdom. A precious commodity in short supply, if you’re able to achieve wisdom and reason, the world is your oyster, a positive slippery slope to supercharge your growth.KEEP READING What is Cognitive Bias? How To Wave Goodbye To Mental Distortions

Dark Triad vs. Light Triad: How To Know You're 'A Good Person' (And What to Do If You're Not)
Mindset

Dark Triad vs. Light Triad: How To Know You're 'A Good Person' (And What to Do If You're Not)

Whenever there’s talk of light vs. dark, I can’t help but think of Star Wars, and the Jedi-Sith war. George Lucas’ expansive fictional universe is a prime example of good versus evil, a gold standard of storytelling. But it’s also an insight into human nature and depth psychology. Everyone, to some extent, has the capacity to lean towards the light or the dark, just like Luke Skywalker. Our power lies in our willingness to choose to be better.RELATED: What is Shadow Work And What Is The Benefit of It?In psychology, the study of personality shows that people fit certain characteristics. The reasons for this are highly complex, a mixture of nature and nurture, genetics, and environmental and social factors. But one thing is clear — people do have ingrained traits. And, just like Star Wars, psychologists have identified two opposing forces when it comes to “goodness” — the dark triad vs. the light triad.What Is A Personality Type?Chances are you’re familiar with personality types to some degree. Many people have completed online quizzes to find out what their “type” is. The origin of personality types dates back to Carl Jung, who attempted to reconcile theories from Sigmund Freud and Alfred Adler. As a man who was committed to seeing beyond limitations, Jung attempted to map the human psyche as broadly as possible. In Psychological Types, he writes:“To be quite accurate, human nature is simply what it is; it has its dark and its light sides. The sum of all colours is grey - light on a dark background or dark on light.”The Myers-Briggs test is one of the most common models, which consists of 16 personality types. Developed by Isabel Briggs Myers and her mother Katharine Briggs, the framework builds upon Jung’s early work, offering insight into what their personality type is. This can support people in relationships, work, and various areas of life.Are Personalities Fixed?Personality research is a branch of trait theory (or dispositional theory), within which Myers-Briggs and other theories exist. Traits are habitual patterns of behavior, from thoughts to emotions. It’s a common misconception, though, that personality traits are fixed. One major study from 2018 tracked the “Big Five” personality traits across a group for 50 years and discovered that many traits are malleable, and can even change drastically.What Is The Dark Triad?In 2002, Canadian psychologists Del Paulhus and Kevin Williams published a paper that took the field of psychology by storm. In exploring what makes up bad character, the pair created the Dark Triad model to explain three main “dark” personality traits — subclinical psychopathy, Machiavellianism, and narcissism. What’s interesting about this research is that it didn’t study criminals, but a broad section of the population.Examples of Dark Triad TraitsSince the dark triad became widely known, there’s been an abundance of research, all of which affirm its validity. A study in Personality and Individual Differences from 2021 looked to explore the dark triad traits in greater detail, discovering many associated traits connected to the big three, all of which are antisocial in their own way:Psychopathy is linked to low levels of empathy and high levels of impulsivity. Six domains have been identified: detachment, aggression/impulsivity, antisocial, manipulation, risky behavior, and thrill-seeking.Machiavellianism consists of tricks and deception and is highly manipulative. Its domains include four dimensions: cynicism, amorality, manipulation, and detachment.Narcissism is extreme self-centeredness. Within that term, there are introverted and extroverted forms of narcissism. It contains eight dimensions: antagonism, authority, distrustful self-reliance, agentic extraversion, indifference, superiority, acclaim-seeking, and narcissistic shame.Paulhus and Williams identified that at the core of the dark triad positively correlated to “callous manipulation” — exploiting others for personal gain. Clearly, these aren’t people you want to take lightly. Fortunately, as is true in nature, everything has its opposite, and there is a Jedi to the Sith.What Is The Light Triad?The trend in psychology seems to first look at the negative before evolving to the positive, or thriving. The likes of Sigmund Freud, who emphasized various forms of pathology, were followed by the likes of Abraham Maslow or Carl Rogers, people who led the way for positive psychology and the study of fulfillment, purpose, and goodness.In 2019, a group of researchers addressed the imbalance. “While there is a growing literature on ‘dark traits’ (i.e., socially aversive traits),” they write, “there has been a lack of integration with the burgeoning research literature on positive traits and fulfilling and growth-oriented outcomes in life.” Their paper marked a milestone in exploring the light triad personality type. They explored the full spectrum of dark and light, in one study — the gray sum of all colors Jung mentions.Led by Scott Barry Kaufman, the group created the Light Triad Scale to capture the benevolent traits of human nature. These so-called “everyday saints” are marked highly in three key traits. Unsurprisingly, these traits are linked to better outcomes in life, including happiness and fulfillment.Examples of Light Triad TraitsAlthough there is some overlap, people who ranked higher in the light triad had a direct negative correlation to the dark triad traits. The light triad consists of high levels of honesty and humility and ranked highly on the Big Five trait of agreeableness. People ranked higher on other qualities such as compassion, politeness, and enthusiasm, and lower on qualities such as withdrawal.Self-esteem also ranks higher in the light triad vs the dark triad, along with authentic living, self-awareness, relational authenticity, and unbiased processing. Following the research, the team settled on three points of the light triad:Kantianism: inspired by Immanuel Kant’s moral philosophy of treating people as an end in themselves, not to be used for something else. In other words, humans have inherent value.Humanism: this values the dignity of every individual.Faith in humanity: believing in the fundamental goodness of humanity.To follow the thread of faith in humanity, it’s crucial to note that no one person is all dark, or all light. Research has even discovered what is known as the Dark Empath, someone who has dark traits and high empathy. The lines are blurred, each of us exists on a spectrum. And as the research shows, our personalities are always changing. How do you make sense of the dark triad and light triad, then? How can it be used for growth or inspiration?Your Personality Isn’t Fixed — And That’s a Good ThingResearch in psychology is beginning to align with certain spiritual concepts. In particular the Buddhist concept of no self, explaining how there is no rigid, fixed personality. Studies show how many traits are malleable. Practices such as mindfulness and meditation have been shown to alter people’s personalities — one qualitative study found that people who meditate increased their levels of openness and receptivity and ranked lower in neuroticism.RELATED: Compassion Fatigue: What is it?Many other theories of personality point to this, too. We are not the victims of the past or imprisoned by our upbringing or genetics, but always have the autonomy to make the choice to change. Perhaps the contrast between dark triad and light triad can act as an inspiration and a warning, a way to identify darker traits and work towards cultivating more compassionate qualities.Carl Jung, whose work on personality type has been hugely influential in the field, was cautious to warn people of their shadow. Just like Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader, there is a seed of dark and light within everyone, and it’s up to us how we choose to nurture it. Part of Luke’s hero’s journey is overcoming the temptation of being tempted by darkness — this is true of your own journey of growth. Steps to Take To Move To The Light SideQuestioning whether you are inherently good is a powerful exercise, which in itself is an indicator of goodness. But what can you do to become more Jedi and less Sith? What are the practical steps? Many qualities associated with the light triad are in essence spiritual practices. These are ingrained and set traits, but qualities that are possible to cultivate. For example, a loving-kindness practice can improve your level of compassion towards others. Empathy can be increased by consciously trying to understand other people’s perspectives.Other practices, such as gratitude and forgiveness, can move you away from a more self-centered, egoic approach to life. Meditation and mindfulness are powerful tools to boost these practices; their magic lies in the changes they seem to make in terms of outlook and perspective. As shown, they can change your personality and degree of openness.Studies have also found that practices aimed at improving agreeableness — such as donating to charity or talking to a stranger and taking an interest in how they are — can reduce dark traits, making people less impulsive and selfish. Hope is not lost.The Paradox of “Enlightenment”Paradoxically, moving toward the light requires acceptance of the darkness. As Jung warns: “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” You have to embrace your shadow, to fully become aware of how the dark traits influence your behavior from your unconscious mind. Believing yourself to be all bad, or all good, will distort your self-perception — it’s likely you’ll end up suppressing or denying any traits that you associate with being bad, allowing them to operate behind the scenes. Above all else, connect to values that lead you away from yourself. Start to deeply question the value of cultivating more kindness and consideration for others, and aim to move towards those values as best you can, day by day. Learn emotional regulation, in order to avoid your impulses or desires clouding your judgment. And try to keep in mind the golden rule: treat others how you would like to be treated.Goodness doesn’t come by chance but is the process of choosing good and light, in the face of the darkness.KEEP READING How To Improve Self-Awareness: A Comprehensive And Practical Guide

Toxic Masculinity: What It Means, How To Fight It
Mindset

Toxic Masculinity: What It Means, How To Fight It

Toxic masculinity describes unhealthy or harmful behaviors — such as violence or abuse, emotional suppression, or sexual harassment. Awareness around toxic masculinity has sparked a cultural revolution, as unhealthy or harmful traits, previously normalized and accepted as “boys being boys,” are no longer tolerated.RELATED: What to Do When You’re in a Toxic Relationship (Even if You Can’t Get Out)As the model of manliness changes, it leaves a question: what does it mean to be a man? The answer isn’t straightforward. Fighting toxic masculinity starts by identifying gender stereotypes, saying “no” to toxic behaviors, and working towards a more considerate, compassionate, and heartfelt definition of masculinity.Toxic Masculinity Is Not the Same as MasculinityMasculinity describes qualities and behaviors associated with men and boys. It is linked to gender, not biological sex. Gender describes a person’s attributes, whereas sex describes biological characteristics, such as male, female, or intersex. Masculinity as part of the male gender stereotype is a mixture of biological factors and social constructs.You can think of this as a template for what it means to be a man. The traditional model might be someone who has a full beard, big muscles, doesn’t show emotion (other than anger), is into sports and drinking beer, and doesn’t like the color pink. All of these criteria are a mixture of biology and expected behaviors, which together create the template.As the name implies, toxic masculinity points to harmful behaviors often associated with the masculine gender stereotype. It doesn’t describe unchangeable elements of the male sex, fixed to a person’s biological makeup, but socially constructed behaviors. The behaviors themselves aren’t only demonstrated by men, either. But the template of masculinity makes men more likely to demonstrate them.Traditional Male Behaviors and Toxic MasculinityAlthough you are born male, female, or intersex (we won’t diverge into the finer nuances of the science here), no one is born a gender. Many expectations are internalized through the culture in which you grow up. For example, parents who have internalized gender stereotypes may not allow their sons to play with dolls, wear a dress, or outwardly express upset or sadness. These traditional male behaviors are reinforced at school, with teenage boys having to hide their sensitivity.RELATED: What is Wellness? Understanding the Concept of WellnessThe stereotype of men being stoic has big repercussions — studies have found a link between toxic masculinity and suicide risk, and males are four times more likely to die by suicide than females. As an extension, many traditional male behaviors encourage emotional suppression, aggression, or sexual harassment. Other examples of toxic masculinity include linking masculinity with power, believing men are more valuable, intelligent, or deserving than women (gender inequality), and physical or emotional toughness.There is a constant relationship between the societal construct of masculinity, as a cultural or spiritual illness, and the way men behave. Many men might feel the need to live up to the stereotype, to prove their manliness. That in turn reinforces the stereotype. But as we’ve seen with the revolution of masculinity, a change in stereotype can influence behavior, and a change in behavior can influence the stereotype.What Does Healthy Masculinity Look Like?Perhaps a bigger question is: what is healthy masculinity? It’s easier to point out issues with toxic masculinity than to offer alternative behaviors or approaches. It’s likely that, eventually, a new model of masculinity will emerge, which includes the best of traditional male behaviors and gets rid of the worst, in a process of evolution. But that requires clarity around what men should aspire to be. According to A Call To Men, traits of healthy manhood include:Emotional vulnerability. Not being afraid to cry or share difficult emotions.Validating the emotions of other boys and men.Valuing the lives of women and girls.Having an interest in women and girls outside of sexual conquest.Enforcing gender stereotypes to bully or ridicule others.Avoiding violence or aggression.Part of evolving the concept of masculinity is to understand gender exists on a spectrum. Some men are more feminine, some men are more masculine, and all are valid expressions of manliness. However, understanding healthy masculine traits can encourage men to cultivate their masculinity, not reinforcing traditional male behavior, but connecting to masculine values. For example, protecting vulnerable people and acting with nobility and integrity can all be seen as masculine traits. To further illustrate this, Jungian analyst Robert Moore identifies the four archetypes of the healthy masculine as the King, the Warrior, the Lover, and the Magician. Connecting to these symbols of masculinity is one way to connect to healthy masculine energy.How to Fight Toxic MasculinityFinding a solution to the crisis of masculinity requires two approaches. The first is to continue to expose toxic masculinity and challenge the gender stereotype. For all men, this means cultivating self-awareness to look at their own behavior.When noticing toxic masculinity within, be compassionate, and see it as an unhealthy internalized behavior. Do all you can to change and make amends for any harm caused. When noticing toxic masculinity in others, don’t be afraid to call out that behavior, in an appropriate way.The next step is to aspire toward healthy masculinity. For each man, that requires insight into their own balance of masculinity and femininity. There’s no expectation or pressure to meet any template, but there are healthy masculine traits you can cultivate, to find greater balance.No one wins from toxic masculinity. Many men struggle to live up to unfair standards and don’t feel they can authentically be themselves. Many women and men are on the receiving end of hurtful behavior, under the name of masculinity. The more people stand together — avoiding the temptation to demonize all men — the greater the chance of fighting toxic masculinity.KEEP READINGHow To Improve Self-Awareness: A Comprehensive And Practical Guide

Positive Anxiety: 5 Ways to Make Your Stress Work for You
Mindset

Positive Anxiety: 5 Ways to Make Your Stress Work for You

It’s safe to say that no one likes feeling stressed out. When you’re overwhelmed with life, anxiety can creep in, leading to all sorts of uncomfortable emotions. We’re taught to avoid stress at all costs. But learning to sit with, and even appreciate, low level stress can actually impact your overall mental health in a positive way. Instead of vilifying stress, it’s important to honor that you’re feeling stressed out and allow those feelings to impact you positively instead of paralyzing you. RELATED: What Is Groupthink? How To Avoid This Common BiasHere’s what you need to know about letting your stress work for you, rather than against you. What the Science Says about the Upside of Stress(Unsplash)While pervasive, unyielding stress (known as chronic stress) is undeniably bad for our mental and physical health, a recent study supports the idea that a little bit of stress, for a limited amount of time, can actually be good for you. According to Daniela Kaufer, associate professor of integrative biology at the University of California, Berkeley, who co-authored the study, “some amounts of stress are good to push you just to the level of optimal alertness, behavioral and cognitive performance.” RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindLow to moderate levels of stress can create resilience, as well as have other positive impacts on your life in general. Kaufer, along with UC Berkeley postdoctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby, found through their research that stress can impact people for the better, depending on how they perceive the stress and how long the stress lasts. Basically, the way you think about your own stress matters.Can Anxiety Actually Be Good for You?(Unsplash)Stress-induced anxiety is common these days, especially in the wake of the recent pandemic and all of the other issues people face . But anxiety itself is not the problem, according to therapist Britt Frank, author of The Science of Stuck. Frank calls anxiety the “check engine light” of your brain. When you feel anxious because of stress, your anxiety is not the actual issue—it’s a signal that something is going on beneath the surface. RELATED: What Is the Google Effect, How Does It Hurt Your Mind – And What Can You Do About It?When you reframe everyday stress and anxiety as cues that signal a problem you need to face, you can start to appreciate those uncomfortable feelings of stress, overwhelm and anxious thoughts, then get super curious about the root cause. (Of course, chronic stress and anxiety can be debilitating and do not fall within the scope of this discussion.)5 Ways to Harness the Positive Side of Stress (Unsplash)Now that you know that stress isn’t the absolute worst, and that it can even be helpful, here are five important ways that you can make your stress work for you. 1. Use stress as a source of information, not judgmentThink of stress the way Britt Frank frames anxiety—your check engine light is on and trying to tell you some useful information. Get curious about why you feel stress and what’s at the root of that stress. Don’t try to push your stress away, shove it down or tell yourself to just get over it. There’s no need to shame yourself for feeling stressed. Use your stress as a catalyst for finding a deeper self-awareness. 2. Use stress as a self care reminderWhen you feel stressed, chances are that you need to take a beat and make time for nurturing your mind, body and soul. Ask yourself: When’s the last time you ate something nutritious? Had a glass of water? Moved your body? Instead of ruminating in stress, take action toward self care. If you have trouble thinking of ideas, keep a running list of actions on your phone of things that bring you joy, like texting a friend, going for a walk or petting your dog. That way, when you’re deep in stress, you can easily find a self care strategy to help you through it. 3. Use stress to help you take actionStress can be a great motivator. Once you acknowledge and understand the source of your stress, take one small step of action. RELATED: Sensory Deprivation Tank: What Are the Benefits of ‘Floating’?This could be crossing one item off of your to-do list, answering one email, committing to five minutes of exercise or setting a timer for 10 minutes while you begin to tackle cleaning your house. This first step is typically all you need to hunker down and finish the task at hand. 4. Use stress to assess your time management skillsTake stock of your energy management when you’re in a period of stress. Write down what’s eating up your time and what you’d rather be doing instead (or needing to do instead). Evaluate what you can delegate or just skip. Oftentimes, stress comes when we feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all done. However, this stress can be alleviated when we realize that we don’t have to shoulder all of the burden ourselves. Use stress as a catalyst for setting boundaries and saying no when you need to. 5. Use stress to remind you of your resilienceFinally, allow stress to be your reminder of how strong you are. Even in the face of overwhelm and big emotions, you can persevere. Remember the times in your life when you felt anxious or over burdened and think about how you got through those periods. Harness your strength and resilience to tackle whatever it is that’s causing you to stress out. Accept that stress will come and go. Ride the waves knowing you can handle whatever hand life deals you. Yes, Positive Anxiety Exists(Unsplash)While it’s hard to feel like there’s an upside to stress and anxiety, since we are often told that these emotions are to be avoided like the plague, they are simply part of life. When you feel stressed, don’t try to fight it. Welcome these feelings, and even the anxiety that can come with them. Use stress as a tool to understand yourself better. When you get curious about stress you can take better care of yourself, set firm boundaries, manage your time more efficiently and feel the benefits of resilience that come from weathering the storm of anxiety. Instead of fearing periods of anxiety, realize that they are bound to come. It’s up to you how you acknowledge stress and use it for your betterment.KEEP READING:Train Your Brain to Shed Distracting Habits and Concentrate Better

Are You Unhappy? It’s Probably Because You’re Failing at This One Key Task
Mindset

Are You Unhappy? It’s Probably Because You’re Failing at This One Key Task

Fate is fundamental to many modes of self-development, ranging from established philosophies such as Buddhism and Stoicism, to ‘new-age,’ modern-day spiritual communities. It’s not always explicit, but the ethos goes something like this: outside of your conscious control, Godlike forces influence your reality. Aware or unaware, your life’s experiences are designed to present the exact lessons you need to grow into your fullest potential.Very quickly, this line of thinking arrives at a moral dilemma. If we ‘choose’ experiences, and reality presents us with unpleasant circumstances, does that imply victims of abuse chose the abuse? Is there a malevolent God? Is poor fortune or negative events people’s fault? Exploring the depths of these questions is beyond the scope of this article, but they do lead to a philosophical conundrum: how do you relate to events far outside of your control, especially unfavorable ones?RELATED: Is Social Isolation Affecting Your Mental Health? There’s a Term For ThatBuddhism states that suffering is inevitable, and accepting this leads to inner peace. Stoicism suggests your approach to events, not events themselves, shape your destiny. New Age thinkers promote the idea that, as the creator of your reality, you can transcend limitations and choose a higher path. Another great thinker — Friedrich Nietzsche — championed accepting the hand you’re dealt. Fate played an integral role in Nietzsche’s overall philosophy of life, fulfillment, and happiness. More than others, Nietzsche suggested your relationship with fate was the path to greatness. It all gravitates around a Latin phrase and the focus of this article: amor fati.A Formula for Greatness(Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash)Amor fati translates to ‘love of one’s fate.’ Nietzsche held this practice in such high esteem, he called it a “formula for greatness in a human being,” and “the highest state a philosopher can attain.” This mindset has the willingness to see everything that happens in life as necessary; the good, the bad, the ugly. It’s beyond simple acceptance. Nietzsche encouraged would-be philosophers to love, not simply accept, all events. In a letter to a friend in 1882, Nietzsche wrote “I am in a mood of fatalistic ‘surrender to God’ — I call it amor fati, so much so, that I would be willing to rush into a lion’s jaws.”As can be expected from one of humanity’s most profound thinkers, Nietzsche’s approach to amor fati is far from clear-cut, despite appearing straightforward on the surface. Comprehending amor fati requires an understanding of the wider context of Nietzsche’s work, and in particular, his ‘affirmation of life’ which is captured in The Will to Power:“If we affirm one single moment, we thus affirm not only ourselves but all existence. For nothing is self-sufficient, neither in us ourselves nor in things; and if our soul has trembled with happiness and sounded like a harp string just once, all eternity was needed to produce this one event—and in this single moment of affirmation all eternity was called good, redeemed, justified, and affirmed.”RELATED: What Is Groupthink? How To Avoid This Common BiasThis excerpt points to Nietzsche's radical gratitude for living, that sees each individual life as a small part of a much bigger, interconnected web. From the Big Bang to the development of the Earth’s atmosphere priming the conditions of life, to multicellular life, to the first mammals, to homo-sapiens… all of it is imbued with meaning. And within that, here you are, a person with a name and a subjective experience and a life where good, bad, and everything in between unfolds.With amor fati, Nietzsche taps into a cosmic perspective of being — as expansive a perspective as possible — with profound results. How often do we reflect on the sanctity of life, when caught up in day-to-day worries? Are we able to see the bigger picture, to embrace our role as witnesses to something far beyond our comprehension, a type of universal fate unfolding in front of our very eyes?A Mindset for Transformation(Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash)Nietzsche’s amor fati was inspired by Stoicism. Marcus Aurelius channeled the spirit of amor fati when he encouraged people to “accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” Seneca echoed the same sentiment when he wrote that “fate leads the willing, and drags along the reluctant.” Leading Stoic thinkers explored the notion of fate as part of a divine plan by God, inclusive of an ‘inescapable’ sequence of causes.Crucially, the Stoics believed in elements of free will, that within this divine plan, there was an opportunity to choose a virtuous life, to grow, to transform. Clearly, Nietzsche agreed, by calling amor fati a ‘formula for greatness.’ RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindThe element of control and intent is the bridge between philosophical concepts and practical application. Whether there is a divine plan or not, loving one’s fate is transformative in its very nature. It dilutes regret, eases unnecessary suffering, and develops a life full of purpose.One of the most prominent spiritual teachers of the present age, Eckhart Tolle, tackles this conundrum when he writes: “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform your whole life.” This aligns with the Buddhist approach of non-judgment as a way to ease suffering. Whether or not fate is an objective truth, act as if it is, and witness the miraculous transformation.How Amor Fati Relates to Self-Development(Photo by Yosi Prihantoro on Unsplash)Many philosophers have contemplated the intention behind Nietzsche’s words. Our purpose isn’t to academically deconstruct amor fati, but to help you apply its wisdom to your life. With that in mind, how does this mindset relate to change? Does it mean we should all give up, surrender to God, and run into the lion’s jaws? Or is there a way this can be integrated, to move towards greatness, whilst still feeling in control of life?Amor fati is a reminder that so much of what happens in life is outside of our control. Resisting this, fighting it, wanting things to be different, regretting things in the past, all contribute to unnecessary suffering. Only when you let go of all desire of how you wish things were different, can you fully embrace your present reality. Only when you fully embrace the present, can you change course, and move towards what you truly desire.When viewing all of life’s events as meaningful and purposeful, everything takes on a new dimension. Rather than a passive ‘shit happens,’ everything is presented as like the growth mindset on steroids — not only is every experience an opportunity for learning, it’s part of a cosmic divine plan, you playing your part in nature’s evolution.It takes time and practice to authentically embrace amor fati in an embodied way. It’s no small feat; remember Nietzsche calls this the “highest state a philosopher can attain,” making it on par with forms of Eastern enlightenment. Be patient with yourself, and let amor fati inspire you. Be aware of the risk of intellectually wishing to love everything that happens, in a way that leads to emotional suppression, or denial.Start with acceptance. Whenever you notice yourself stuck in the past, or getting caught up on things not going as planned, let yourself consider that this is fateful, that there’s a much greater lesson being learned, that the hand you’ve been dealt is leading you to horizons you wouldn’t have chosen, but that will elevate you to greater heights. Above all else, in loving your own fate, don’t become passive. Amor fati isn’t resignation, but the wisdom to love that which is inevitable.Take everything as it comes, and be bold enough to become the master of your own fate, to write your own script, orchestrate your divine plan, to fulfill your personal destiny.Life is a journey. And with amor fati, you’ll learn to love every step.KEEP READING:Train Your Brain to Shed Distracting Habits and Concentrate Better

Mistakes Can Help Your Career - If You Use This Weird Social Phenomenon to Your Advantage
Mindset

Mistakes Can Help Your Career - If You Use This Weird Social Phenomenon to Your Advantage

Which character do we tend to side with in books, TV shows, or movies: the flawless, utterly competent “golden child” archetype who never makes a mistake, or the downright decent, down-to-earth striver who gets it wrong some of the time but sticks to his or her goal and gets the job done in the end?The answer, of course, is the latter – we tend to have a negative reaction to people we perceive as never making mistakes and always achieving things with competence. This is because such people make us feel vaguely threatened, perhaps a touch envious, or even less secure about ourselves. And it’s why someone else’s mistakes can make us feel more at ease, more sympathetic, and more self-assured.RELATED: Self-Efficacy: How to Never Stop Believing in YourselfThis is called the Pratfall Effect: it is a phenomenon in social psychology wherein witnessing someone else’s minor (and generally harmless) error actually improves the way we feel about that individual. Simply put, when we see someone spill a glass of water, miss a step and stumble, use the wrong word in a sentence, or commit some other pedestrian error – the exact kind we can and do make ourselves – we like that person more.And the Pratfall Effect is most effective when the person making that minor mistake is someone we might otherwise have estimated as threateningly competent.The Origins of the Pratfall Effect(Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash)While of course in practical terms the effects of this social phenomenon have existed for as long as humans have lived in societies, the specific identification of the Pratfall Effect can be dated to the year 1966 and attributed to a social psychologist named Elliot Aronson.In seeking to prove a theory he had, Aronson created two audio recordings of a quiz-style game show (staged for the experiment, though participants were unaware of this). In the first version of the show, a poised and clever-sounding host led participants through the competition and the proceedings went off without a hitch. RELATED: Overcoming Depression: What to Do When You Feel Like Giving UpIn the second version of the show, the only difference was that the host was heard to knock over a cup of coffee and respond to his accident with casual humor.As Aronson had expected, study participants in the group that listened to the recording with the spilled coffee incident found the host of the show much more likeable and relatable. The only difference? He had made a small mistake.Examples of the Pratfall Effect(Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash)If you think back, you will probably realize you have experienced the Pratfall Effect myriad times in your life: perhaps your boss knocked over a cup of coffee during a meeting and laughed it off, suddenly seeming less powerful and unapproachable and instead amiable and relatable. Perhaps you have seen a Hollywood star slip on a red carpet or a runway model miss a step and found them suddenly relatable. RELATED: The Persona: Why Growth Means Removing The Mask You Show To The WorldEven a president who makes the occasional gaffe during a speech or press conference can seem more down-to-earth and likeable than a cool, collected politician who always has the perfect diction. And in your everyday life, you have surely seen a stranger stumble on a street corner or drop a bag in an airport and immediately sympathized with and even been charmed by the person. (Ironic, isn’t it, how embarrassed we can be when we make these harmless little mistakes ourselves even though we know how we would feel when seeing someone else do the same!)The Pratfall Effect as a Psychological Tool(Photo by History in HD on Unsplash)Those who have a clear understanding of the Pratfall Effect can use it as a powerful tool in politics, marketing, sales, and other arenas – mind you, they should only do so with good intentions, of course. By intentionally making yourself seem more relatable and likeable, you can help relate more closely to a constituency of potential voters; you see politicians doing this all the time when they adopt the mannerisms and speech patterns of a local population, even using improper grammar or colloquialisms that make them seem more approachable. RELATED: When Shaq Discovered A Teen Boy’s Mom Couldn’t Afford Extra-Large Shoes, He Did ThisIn sales or marketing setting, if the pitch person (be they a speaker at a conference, a TV presenter, or the car salesman or saleswoman sitting across the desk from you) seems perfectly polished, you are less likely to respond to them as a human and thus less likely to end up buying what they are selling. If, on the other hand, the person makes a few little mistakes, is a bit self-effacing, and seems a bit imperfect, you are more likely to connect with them on a human level and also to be more likely to be comfortable becoming a customer.When the Pratfall Effect Backfires(Photo by Jan Antonin Kolar on Unsplash)When a person who seems highly competent makes a minor mistake, in most cases, our perceived attraction of them will go up and we will find them more likeable, more relatable, and more trustworthy, and that, to reiterate, is the essential nature of the Pratfall Effect. On the other hand, when someone who does not seem all that competent or capable makes a mistake, it has the opposite effect: we see that person as even less competent, as less likable, and as less attractive.The Pratfall Effect is also ineffective or works against a person when they make a major mistake. While we may laugh at and appreciate a famous neurosurgeon flubbing a word or dropping a stack of notes during a lecture, there is no good that could come of a doctor making a mistake during an operation, for example – not in the eyes of others or for the patient on the table. Major mistakes – or transgressions or judgment errors – just don’t make someone likeable.So too can someone who makes too many mistakes go from initially more likeable to less so. If you want to put the Pratfall Effect to work in your factor, take care not to try too hard to appear likeable through error lest you may accidentally lower others’ estimation of you. A safer bet is to just be your genuine self and not to worry so much if and when you do make a mistake, because chances are good an honest mistake will actually work in your favor.KEEP READING:6 Ways to Slow Down the Aging Process and Stay Sharp and Strong

All About Nudge Theory: What It Is and How Can It Shape Human Behavior
Mindset

All About Nudge Theory: What It Is and How Can It Shape Human Behavior

As we go about our days, whether at work, in the grocery store or browsing the web, tiny cues continually influence our behavior—many times without us even knowing. Called “nudges,” these suggestions aren’t overt but they are significantly changing our actions and choices. If you’ve never heard of nudges or “nudge theory,” the behavioral economics concept that explains how and why these nudges work, you’re not alone. And for the companies that employ nudge theory to help increase their bottom lines, people’s cluelessness about nudging is actually ideal. But there are ways that nudge theory can encourage people toward healthier behaviors, both for themselves and the environment, as well as improve their likelihood to stick to good habits.Here’s a breakdown of nudge theory to help increase your general awareness of the concept and show you how it can benefit you and the world around you. Nudge theory definitionFirst, let’s dive into the definition of nudge theory a little deeper. Nudge theory hinges on the idea that if you shape the environment around people in a certain way, you can influence the choices they make. For example, if you want students to make healthier choices, banning junk food on campus is not always ideal. Instead, you might replace the food available in vending machines, providing different choices. The key is influencing behavior in a subtle way, so that people won’t realize that they’re being pushed toward making one choice over another. This is as true for junk food as it is for economic incentives in larger society.This theory of indirecting suggesting is used not only in behavioral sciences and economics but also in political and social theory. With nudging designed by a behavioural insights team or institution, people still feel like they have control over their own decisions and retain a freedom of choice. So, overt advertising, pressuring someone’s decision making process or otherwise flaunting a certain choice would not be considered nudging. Nudge theory has long been used in society but it was popularized as a concept by behavioral economist Thaler and Sunstein, legal scholars that released their 2008 book Nudge: Improving Decisions About Health, Wealth, and Happiness, available through Yale University Press. What exactly is a nudge?A nudge is anything that alters someone’s decision making or behavior in a predictable way—without taking away their options or incentivizing certain choices in a meaningful way. By changing the environment, a nudge makes it more likely that a person will make one choice over another when their brain’s cognitive processing automatically selects the favored choice. To understand how this works, it’s important to understand human decision making. People will often do things that they know are not in their best interest, even when we are aware of that fact. In many cases, we act based on whatever is put in front of us. Especially when we are tired or pressed for time, we’re more likely to make decisions based on our immediate environment rather than fully thinking about how a given decision lines up with our goals and values.In some situations, this is great. We might be encouraged to make a choice that’s actually better for us or better for society - think opt-out organ donation as opposed to opt-in. Nudges have historically been helpful for improving decisions about health, as we’ll soon discuss that in more detail However, in other situations, nudges may be detrimental, especially in situations where they encourage people to spend more money than they otherwise would have. You might encounter the term “libertarian paternalism” in these sorts of discussions, which is the idea that it is both possible and legitimate for institutions to affect behavior while also respecting freedom of choice. Libertarian paternalism acts as a sort of middle ground between the extremes.Different types of nudgesThere are a number of different types of nudges (sometimes referred to as a “nudge unit,”) each of which alters people's behavior by altering the “choice architecture” around us - all without us knowing. That said, once you know about nudge theory you will likely become more aware of when and how you are being nudged.Here are the most common types of nudges:Setting a default optionTypically, people won’t deselect a default option to choose something else. So when a certain option is intentionally selected as the default, this increases the chances that people will “choose” it, just like the organ donation example described above.Making certain options easier or harder to selectThis one depends on the level of ease when choosing certain options. For this nudge, either the so-called “good” option is easier for people to choose or the so-called “bad” option is harder to choose. This steers people toward selecting the good option. Making certain options more noticeableAnother way nudging can encourage people to choose a good option over a bad one is to make the good option more noticeable or the bad option less noticeable. This attracts people’s attention toward the good option, making them more likely to select it. Creating influence with a crowdThe idea that other people are doing something is a strong psychological anchor. People like to do what’s considered popular or what other people are doing. We want to follow social norms, even if we aren’t consciously aware of that drive. This sphere of influence isn’t just focused on what people close to us or what people we admire do but what people in general tend to do. Sending a reminderThis nudge may seem a little more overt but it’s not taking away people’s freedom of choice. These reminders might come in the form of your doctor sending you an email to remind you to make your yearly checkup appointment. This reminder increases the chances that you will make that appointment. Real Life Examples of Nudge Theory Talking about nudge theory theoretically is one thing. But it makes more sense when you see how it’s put into practice in various aspects of daily life. These real life examples of nudges in action will show you how this behavioral science theory works.In the workplaceReducing meeting time: By capping meeting times, people are more productive (because they have more time for deep work) and they are less likely to talk casually and waste those precious minutes, making the meeting time more meaningful. Offering fewer waste baskets and printers: If you only have one trashcan and one printer per office floor, people have to exert more energy to throw things away and to print things, respectively. This helps create less waste overall. Installing creative carpeting for open floor plans: When people aren’t in individual cubes, privacy can be tough. Some offices in the UK government actually install half circle shapes of carpet in a color that’s darker than the rest of the floor’s carpet under people’s work stations. The shape is big enough to create a small “island” for each worker’s desk and chair, plus a little extra. This helps discourage other people from hovering over their coworkers’ desks. Having a visual demarcation of space allows people to feel less crowded by others and like they have more privacy. Putting up inspirational posters and photos: Installing thoughtful quotes or images of inspirational people can influence behavior for the better. These subliminal messages encourage employees to follow the words they see or act more like the people in the photos. (You might also see inspirational posters and photos in schools and in doctors’ offices.)Offering an on-site gym or workout classes: Giving people a way to move their bodies during the day can not only encourage healthy habits but also influences workers to come into the office earlier or stay later so that they can use the facilities. For that matter, offering catered lunches or an on-site cafeteria also nudges people toward eating in the building (or at their desks), especially when the food is paid for by the company. In societyCharging for plastic bags: When it costs you 10 cents for a grocery bag, you are less likely to ask for one. (Ariel Skelley / Getty)Changing the placement of healthy food ideas: When candy is swapped out for nutritious items at the grocery checkout counter, people are often more inspired to buy healthy snacks.Encouraging recycling with size: Trash services giving customers a small trash bin and a larger recycle bin can decrease waste and encourage recycling. Offering renewable energy as the default: When energy companies offer renewable energy as a default option on their websites, people are more likely to sign up for that service. Decorating stairs to encourage exercise: In Sweden, the popularity of stairs painted like piano keys led to the installation of similar stairs in Milan and Istanbul. At Utah Valley University, campus stairs were decorated to show how many calories you can burn by walking up them.In businessesHighlighting most popular choices: You’ll see this on Amazon when certainly products are highlighted as “Amazon’s Choice.” Language like “x number of people also have this item in their carts” also encourages purchases when online shopping.Reducing plate sizes: Restaurants can choose slightly smaller plate sizes to reduce food waste and overall costs—without lowering their prices. Typically customers will not notice this small change. Installing arrow stickers on floors: These arrows on store floors can lead people to certain items or displays that a business wants people to buy.Encouraging food upgrades and combo meals: Fast food restaurants prominently offer combo meals to influence people to buy more. You might also remember hearing the phrase “Do you want to Supersize that?” every time you order from a popular fast food chain. Nudging YourselfYes, you can nudge yourself to make better choices, particularly when it comes to improving decisions about health. While you will be aware of the nudges, these cues can encourage you to make healthier decisions or more easily accomplish goals that you’ve set for yourself (and for your family). Here are a few strategies for applying nudge theory to influence your own “good” behavior:Placing healthy snacks in an easy-to-access drawer or cabinet, or leaving fresh cut fruit on the kitchen counter (Put cookies and sweets in harder to reach places.)Setting time limits of your phone for certain websites or apps Offering a reward for kids to complete homework or choresPutting up visual chore charts and calendars so that everyone can see themPutting your dental floss next to your toothbrush to encourage you to both floss and brush every dayLaying workout clothes out the night before so you put them on first thing in the morning and actually do your workoutKeeping phone out of reach when you don’t want to use it (i.e. put it in another room while you watch TV or plug it in somewhere not next to your bed so you don’t read for it first thing in the AM)Wearing a fitness watch that reminds you to stand with a vibration or beep alert at hourly intervals(Oscar Wong / Getty)What’s in a nudge?As you now know, nudge theory is a concept in behavioural economics that proposes positive reinforcement and indirect suggestions. Some people are critical of nudge theory, especially as it relates to business practices of encouraging people to spend more money—basically influencing people to act in the company’s best interest instead of their own. However, there are a number of ways that a mere nudge can be used to help people make better choices for themselves, for others and for the planet without having to be guilted or pushed into doing so. Because of that, nudge theory remains an important tool for improving decisions, especially when it comes to public health and safety.

The Shocking Truth Behind Paris Hilton's Dumb Blonde Persona Will Change How You See Her
Mental Health

The Shocking Truth Behind Paris Hilton's Dumb Blonde Persona Will Change How You See Her

When we think of Paris Hilton, we always have a certain image in mind: the ditzy, dumb, conceited, blonde heiress. What we don’t realize is that her public perception has very much been shaped by the media; these platforms have profited off depicting Paris in a certain way to generate more views, more sales, and more clicks.While it’s no secret that Paris has made some problematic decisions over the years, it’s also unfair to examine those choices without looking into her past. Believe it or not: before the sex tape, the reality shows, the perfume lines, and the horror movies, Paris was just an innocent teenager. In the documentary This Is Paris, it emerges that Paris as a teenager wanted nothing more than to fit in and be loved by her family and friends. Her adolescence, however, was rife with personal tragedies and insecurities, which led to further pain and disillusionment in her twenties and thirties. </p><p>At 41, Paris has learned her lessons; she has found it in her heart to move on and focus on building a world that is just a little better than it was yesterday. Her journey from a bad-girl socialite to a confident businesswoman tells us that it’s difficult but not impossible to heal from those tragedies and live our life with purpose and meaning.<br/></p><h2>Paris’s “Abusive” Experience at Boarding School Left her Permanently “Traumatized” </h2><p>As a teenager, Paris had developed a reputation for being a party girl. In the documentary, she <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOg0TY1jG3w&ab_channel=ParisHilton">recalled </a>being “addicted to the nightlife” in New York. Her parents were growing more and more concerned over their young daughter’s behaviour but instead of addressing those issues in a reasonable, empathetic manner, they decided to ship their child off to a boarding school. </p><p>At first, she was sent to an “outdoor wilderness program,” revealed Paris’s mother, Kathy Hilton. Hailed as an “emotional growth school,” in the middle of nowhere, this camp forced Paris and other teenagers to do manual labour all day long. </p><p>Paris tried to break out of the facility with another girl but they were caught and brought back. Paris described the ordeal, saying: <br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>The guys that worked at the camp grabbed us and then we got back and they literally just beat the hell out of us in front of everyone. </p></blockquote><p>Paris was then sent to another camp for troubled teenagers but she managed to run away this time for real. Kathy and Rick Hilton were getting more and more impatient by the minute; finally, they decided to ship Paris off to Provo Canyon School in Utah. </p><p>To avoid Paris’s protests, her parents literally arranged for strangers to grab their daughter off her bed in the middle of the night to take her to the school. Paris thought she was getting “kidnapped,” at the time. </p><p>The school itself was the “worst of the worst.” The school operated under rigid structures that didn’t allow any recreation or fun of any kind. Paris said: <br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>There’s no getting out of there. You're sitting on a chair, staring at the wall all day long, getting yelled at or hit. I felt like a lot of the people who worked there got off on torturing children and seeing them naked. </p></blockquote><p>Paris added that the school would prescribe these unknown pills to the students. Paris had no idea what they were for but they made her feel “tired and numb.” When Paris refused to take the pills this one time, she was basically locked in “solitary confinement,” without any clothes for twenty hours straight. <br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I was freezing, I was starving, I was alone, I was scared [...] It's terrifying, and I relive that every night. I experienced it, and to this day I'm still traumatized [...] They were constantly being abusive in every way. </p></blockquote><p>Paris said that she still suffers from insomnia and nightmares as a result of her experiences at Provo. Furthermore, she began to “hate” her parents for putting her through the whole mess. </p><h2 id="h-her-boyfriend-had-pressured-her-to-make-the-infamous-sex-tape">Her Boyfriend Had Pressured her to Make the Infamous Sex Tape<br/></h2><p>Paris’s early “claim-to-fame” was widely believed to be the sex tape that leaked in 2003. The tape was recorded in 2001 with her ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon. The public’s assumption that Paris herself released the tape to achieve fame couldn’t be further from the truth —the sex tape was released without her consent. <br/></p><p>Paris said she was just eighteen and not in the right “headspace," when she made the choice with Rick. For a girl who’d been so starved of love and appreciation in her life, she wanted to do something that would please her boyfriend and put her in his good graces. She said about the matter:<br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I was just so in love with him and I wanted to make him happy. I just remember him pulling out the camera, and he was kind of pressuring me into. Like, 'Oh, you're so boring. Do you want me to just call someone else? No one will ever see it.' It was like being electronically raped, and for people to think that I [leaked] it on purpose? </p></blockquote><p>Paris said that if the same occurred today, the reaction wouldn’t have been harsh for her. She wouldn’t have been made to be the “bad person,” or as someone who is fame-hungry. </p><p>The sex-tape incident, in combination with the betrayal of her parents, turned Paris into a perpetually untrusting woman. Over the years, she said she has endured five abusive relationships, some of which turned physically as well as mentally violent. She had even sworn off men for a while. <br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I was like, ‘He loves me so much that he is going this crazy.’ I just wanted love so bad that I was willing to accept being hit or yelled at or screamed or strangled. A lot of things. </p></blockquote><p>Even now, she has to take a number of precautions to maintain romantic relationships with her partners. First, she said she sets up cameras in her room so she can keep track of what happens when she’s not there. Then, she also gets a new computer every time she has a new beau so they don’t try to break in or threaten her for passwords. </p><h2 id="h-paris-is-focused-on-her-career-and-on-raising-awareness-about-boarding-school-abuse">Paris is Focused on her Career and on Raising Awareness About Boarding School Abuse</h2><p>The latest documentary also sheds light on Paris’s ambitions as she approaches forty. Though her sister Nicky insists that she should be less focused on being “greedy,” Paris is insistent that she wants to be a billionaire, but she definitely does want to become a mother down the line. She said:<br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I just don't know when I'm going to have time. I will not stop until I make a billion dollars, and then I think I can relax. I know it sounds crazy. I just don't want to have to worry. I don't want to ever have to worry about anything. </p></blockquote><p>The entrepreneur revealed that she’s frozen her eggs, so she does have the option to undertake motherhood at some point in the future. As for the time being, the influencer is dedicating her energies to building her empire through the various projects she’s got in the works. She also wants to raise awareness about Provo Canyon School, which has been slammed with 56 accusations of either physical and sexual assault. She <a href="https://people.com/tv/paris-hilton-opens-up-about-the-secret-terrifying-abuse-she-suffered-as-teen/">told </a><em>PEOPLE</em>:<br/></p><blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I want these places shut down. I want them to be held accountable. And I want to be a voice for children and now adults everywhere who have had similar experiences. I want it to stop for good and I will do whatever I can to make it happen. </p></blockquote><h2 id="h-thinking-in-stereotypes-doesn-t-help-anyone">Thinking in Stereotypes Doesn’t Help Anyone </h2><p>Paris Hilton has often been portrayed as the epitome of the rich, blonde girl who’s had everything spoon-fed to her since birth. Though she grew up privileged in many ways, she too suffered from having negligent parents who didn’t want to truly know or help their daughter. As a result, Paris dreamt of getting out of their shadows and building her own brand. In her worst days at Provo, that’s all she ever dreamed of. </p><p>“Thinking about what I wanted to do and who I wanted to become when I got out of there,” was the mantra that drove her as a young woman. </p><p>The fact she was able to heal and put her life back together despite the obstacles that jumped in her way is remarkable in and of itself. Along the way, she made mistakes, learnt from them but managed to zero in on the big picture. Her story tells us that we should never judge someone based on the stereotypes slapped on them. Paris was never the dumb blonde; she has been a kind, thoughtful, and driven activist that wants to make the world a better place. </p><p>Paris is hardly going to be the last individual with whom we judge based on stereotypes. Therefore, it’s worth remembering that you can’t judge a person without interacting with them or knowing their background or story. </p><p>Everyone’s fighting their own struggles behind the scenes, even the ones we assume to be privileged and fortunate. Perceiving people as who they are, as opposed to what they seem like, doesn’t just go a long way in building more fulfilling, stronger relationships in our life; it helps us spread more compassion as everyone continues to face challenges. </p>

Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your Mind
Mindset

Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your Mind

For a moment, I’d like you to picture the human mind as a container. Each person’s mind, or container, has boundaries that are essential to distinguish it from the rest of the world and other people. Each person is responsible for the contents of the container, making sure that they update, reassess, and evaluate the knowledge, beliefs, and thoughts inside.If this container had no boundaries, and was always wide-open, monitoring all the contents would quickly get confusing or overwhelming. If this container had a fortress around it, made of steel, and was never open, the contents themselves would become stale and soon outdated or incorrect beliefs would make it exceedingly difficult to adapt to an ever-changing world.Being open-minded means having the ability (and the motivation) to discern when to “open” this container, and to accept new content, or update existing content in the form of ideas and beliefs. Being an open minded person is a way of staying flexible to life’s challenges, is the foundation of a growth mindset, and is a quality that makes for good partners in romance, friendship, and business.Keeping with this metaphor, in this article we’ll explain the role of open-mindedness, how to “manage” your container, and how to make sure you’re getting the right balance of receptibility and self-trust.Being open-minded means…The common use of the term open-minded generally applies to someone who is flexible in their thinking. These people are “open” to new ideas, new perspectives, and new approaches. In Encounter, author Milan Kundera explains how it takes “great maturity to understand that the opinion we are arguing for is merely the hypothesis we favor, necessarily imperfect, probably transitory, which only very limited minds can declare to be a certainty or a truth.”It isn’t necessarily true, however, that open-minded individuals are strictly defined by having the humility to accept where they are currently, in terms of the perspectives and beliefs they hold. Instead, it is the willingness to always scrutinise and consider updating this “matrix” of thoughts that is the mark of someone who will always grow. Within the field of personality psychology, open-mindedness is best captured with “openness to experience,” or “openness.” According to Scientific American: “Open people tend to be intellectually curious, creative and imaginative. They are interested in art and are voracious consumers of music, books and other fruits of culture.” Because of their willingness to take on new information, open-minded people are often highly creative and curious. One study from 2017 even found that open-minded people literally see the world differently from close-minded people, with personality and mood having a direct influence on perception.Open-minded vs. Close-mindedLet’s pick up our container metaphor again to explore the difference between open-minded and close-minded individuals. You could argue that the barriers that get in the way of new information are based on cognitive biases or mental heuristics — the mental “shortcuts” that make processing information easier. There are certain biases that keep people stuck in old patterns of thinking, from cognitive dissonance to confirmation bias. The former explains the tension people experience when receiving information that conflicts with pre-existing beliefs, and how that information is manipulated to hold those beliefs in place. The latter explains how people often find evidence for pre-existing beliefs or assumptions, and reject conflicting evidence.Equally, a person’s overall mindset can distinguish between whether they’re open-minded or closed-minded. Psychologist Carol Dweck, whose work can be found in the Cambridge University Press, is the guru of mindsets, and her work on the growth mindset vs. the fixed mindset gives a profound insight into the distinctions, and differences, between the two approaches.Someone in a fixed mindset (i.e close-minded) avoids challenges and personal growth, gives up easily, and views intelligence as rigid or fixed. Those who adopt a growth mindset (i.e open-minded) embrace challenges, persist in the face of setbacks, and see intelligence, and other skills, as adaptable.Dweck’s work is a powerful reminder that, although some personality types might be more prone to openness, adopting a growth mindset shows that increased open-mindedness is a skill that can be learned, and developed, over time. This ethos also links to the discovery of neuroplasticity — which demonstrates how the brain itself creates new pathways when learning new things, or taking novel approaches.How to be a more open minded person One characteristic of open-minded people is that they’re always looking for ways to push outside of their intellectual comfort zone, which comes from a willingness to adapt to new information. That means no matter how open-minded you currently are, there are techniques and approaches that prime you to be more receptive. Below are five steps to get you started:1. Adopt a growth mindsetThe number one starting point is to utilize the knowledge Dweck has developed over decades of research. That means always looking for ways to improve, and grow, and understand that nothing about you is already fixed. It’s worth noting that the growth mindset is forgiving of setbacks and perceived flaws — so make sure to stay compassionate when identifying areas you’d like to change.2. Embrace new ideas (Getty)Remember Kundera’s words: opinions are hypotheses we’re arguing for. Developing an open mind means accepting that any belief you hold, or any opinion or perspective, is likely the best guess with the information you currently have. That requires the willingness to explore information that can either expand your current view, or might undermine it completely.3. Get used to cognitive dissonanceDiscovering other ideas and perspectives from some other person - one that conflicts with your current view - can cause a lot of inner tension or resistance, particularly if you’re prone to a certain closed mindedness However, the more you get used to this feeling, the more likely you’ll develop the ability to adapt when necessary. That doesn’t always mean surrendering beliefs or positions you believe to be true — a level of discernment is required before accepting new information. However, discernment is generally considered just, and fair, in the way it looks at new ideas. People who are able to discern healthily don’t look to see if the new information fits a pre-existing view (confirmation bias) or seek to minimize or reject ideas before re-assessing beliefs. They look at the information while accepting it could change their perspective, even if accepting these new arguments results in a bruised ego.4. Regularly update your “software”In other words, make sure you check in with yourself and allow life to show you the ways in which you might be resisting change. New beliefs or perspectives might form that feel right, only to be later conflicted or challenged. All of us are susceptible to becoming complacent. Open-mindedness is an ongoing exploration and curiosity towards life and the current status quo, which includes spotting the times when you might slip up.5. Start a meditation practice(Kilito Chan / Getty)Meditation is a catalyst for becoming open-minded and more free in your thinking, something most people are interested in. It transforms the way in which you view your own beliefs and thoughts. By observing them with non-judgment, over time, the distance between thoughts allows for greater mental clarity. More awareness also means more flexibility, as you’re better able to detect the moments when you’re about to go down familiar mental habits.As well as being a tried-and-tested technique for thousands of years, science is discovering this to be the case. In 2011, one study found that mindfulness meditation led to more openness and curiosity, because “the voluntary exposure to a wide range of thoughts, emotions, and experiences suggests that increases in openness can be expected due to the practice.”As this study found, the key element of mindfulness meditation, which opens people to new experiences, is non-judgment. When we either resist or indulge in certain thoughts (or beliefs or perspectives), we’re less likely to see them clearly. By accepting their presence, they become fully conscious, and with that clarity comes the flexibility to change.In conclusionA big part of personal development is the willingness to live a full life. That means, for example, pushing yourself to adapt and grow, to infuse a renewed sense of curiosity about the diversity of experiences and knowledge available to you. At the center of that is an open mind. Receptivity to other people’s points of view, or new ways of seeing the world, invites inclusion, wisdom, and greater intimacy into your life. There is a word for this: humility. As Socrates once said, “I know that I know nothing.” The more you know, the more you know that you don’t know. Only when we think we know, only when certain we’re right or convinced our perspective is the perspective, do we close ourselves to that mystery.Open-mindedness is the acceptance that we find ourselves born into a vast, mysterious universe, and the quest for more understanding, more learning, and more surprise, is at the core of the human condition, and our desire for continued growth. Interested in growing? Check out our growth quotes for a little extra motivation!