When it comes to co-parenting, one of the hardest things to deal with is when two parents don't see eye-to-eye on right and wrong. What's even harder? When your child and your ex are on the same team and you're the enemy.
One divorced mother's relationship with her daughter was strained after she decided to cancel her 18th birthday party at the last minute. Later, she went to the popular Reddit threat "AITA" (shorthand for: Am I The Asshole) to discover whether or not she was the parent in the wrong.
The comments poured in. And they were shocking.
She Rewarded Her Daughter Every Time She Lost a Pound
One 42-year-old mother thought she was doing the right thing when, at the request of her daughter Abby, she agreed to "bribe" her to lose weight.
"Abby embarked on her weight loss journey a year ago and we set up a milestone-reward system where I'd buy her a little gift every milestone she crossed."
Mother, Reddit
Shockingly, the reward system actually worked. Abby was well on track to have her "dream body." When the finish line was in sight, Abby asked her mother if they could change their deal. Instead of receiving several small "rewards" she asked if she could save the rewards and add them up to her birthday gift. Instead of having a huge birthday party, Abby wanted this instead.
Her 18th birthday was 4 months away and Abby wanted an even more extravagant gift. She wanted a vacation that her mother would pay for, inviting two of her closest friends to join. Despite the deviation from the original plan of a huge party, the mother agreed, wanting to support Abby's wishes.
Fast forward to just one week away from Abby's birthday vacation. Everything seemed to be smooth sailing, but this couldn't be further from the truth. When this mother received and unexpected phone call from Abby's best friend's mother — her jaw dropped to the floor.
She Realized Her Own Daughter Called Her Best Friend “Too Fat for Pictures”
When the bad news bombshell dropped, Abby's mother couldn't believe what she was hearing. She discovered Abby's closest friend, Betty, was uninvited to Abby's birthday party. The reason behind Betty's exclusion couldn't have been more evil. Abby deemed her best friend "too chubby to look good in pictures."
“I calmly talked to Abby and reminded her how Betty would feel being left out for such a reason, and she went off with, 'I didn't work so hard for this vacation so my pictures will be ruined.'"
Mother, Reddit
Abby's hurtful remark about her best friend's appearance cast a dark cloud over the vacation plans. It made her mother stop and think: Was rewarding weight loss sending the wrong message? It forced us to rethink how we motivate and support each other in our goals.
She Punished Her Daughter — But Her Ex Husband Retaliated
In the end, it all came down to a heart-to-heart chat. The mom felt strongly that Abby owed Betty an apology for her hurtful comments about her body. She reminded Abby how awful it feels to be put down, drawing from Abby's own experiences not long ago.
The mom even laid down the ultimatum: apologize or risk canceling the vacation. While she understood Abby's newfound confidence, she made it clear that it shouldn't mean hurting others. But Abby wasn't having it. She stormed off to her dad for backup.
Soon after, the mom got a call from her ex-husband, who was furious about her decision and didn't mince words. He hatefully reminded her that he was paying 10% extra in child support. He tried to use this as a tactic to manipulate her into rescheduling Abby's trip.
Remarkably, this fierce mom held her ground, telling her ex that enabling Abby's hurtful behavior wasn't okay. After hanging up, she reached out to Abby again. This time, she emphasized that she wasn't forcing her to invite Betty, just asking for a simple apology for the unnecessary pain caused.
Instead of Learning Her Lesson She Asked Her Best Friend to Lie
Despite the mother's plea for an apology, Abby's actions took a troubling turn. Ignoring her mother's request, Abby attempted to manipulate the situation by pressuring Betty to lie. She wanted Betty to tell her mother that she had fabricated being uninvited and instead claim that she canceled due to feeling unwell.
Betty, however, stood her ground, refusing to participate in Abby's deceit. In response, Abby unleashed a barrage of hurtful texts and body-shaming insults towards Betty, a display of cruelty that left the mother shaken.
Betty, in turn, shared the distressing screenshots of Abby's messages with the mother, prompting her to make the difficult decision to cancel the vacation altogether.
"When Betty said no, she sent a ton of hateful texts and body-shaming insults I can't even write down. Betty sent me screenshots so I canceled the vacation."
Mother, Reddit
Despite attempts by the ex to salvage the situation by rebooking the trip, the popular destination was already fully booked with a long waiting list. As a result, the girls' spots were quickly filled by others, leaving Abby to face the consequences of her actions.
Reddit Agreed This Heartbroken Mom Did the Right Thing
Many angry Reddit users were quick to back up this mom and let her know she did the right thing. Yet, despite the overwhelming support for her decision, this mother couldn't help but be devastated. She felt like she had failed as a parent and now it was too late to raise her daughter better.
Thankfully, one wise Reddit user reminded her of the silver lining.
"I had an older person tell me that when I was in my early 30's. She said I world regret allowing so much anger control my life and my decisions at this age, but I wouldn't get it until I, too, was old enough to look back and see it. She was so right! I'm in my mid-60's now and I'm so embarrassed about so many events in my younger years!
LSAinPA/ Reddit
Then other users were quick to chime in wholeheartedly agreeing her hopeful words couldn't be more true. Many of them agreed that looking back on their teen years, they were ashamed of their ignorant actions.
Part of being young is navigating through life's ups and downs, making mistakes, and discovering who you truly are along the way. It's about learning from those mistakes, growing from them, and finding hope in the journey towards becoming better versions of ourselves. With a mother who cares so much about her daughter being a better person, we can only imagine one day this young woman will look back and wish she did better.
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