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Man Explains Why He Prioritizes Giving His Wife Alone Time
In a candid post that has gone viral on both TikTok and Instagram (racking up a staggering 31 million views combined), one husband explains why he prioritizes giving his wife alone time every single week, and honestly, we should all be taking notes.
Why a Husband Prioritizes Alone Time For His Wife
Former NFL player and motivational speaker Cedric Thompson Jr. and his wife, Charlotte, share three young children, ages 6, 4, and 1.
To say their household is chaotic is an understatement. Life with littles is all-consuming and amidst the diapers, constant demands, and neverending loads of laundry, it's not just easy to lose sight of your own needs, it's easy to lose YOURSELF, particularly if you're the primary caregiver.
Cedric understands this first-hand.
He starts the now-viral video with a gentle reminder for all moms, saying, "You should not feel guilty for having alone time."
And while this should be a given, the reality is that moms and guilt go together like peanut butter and jelly. Guilt doesn't come with a handy on-off switch and as any mom knows it's nearly impossible to let that guilt go.
Cedric explains that what his wife does with her alone time is "quite frankly, none of my business." What he does know is that when she's out, he doesn't want her to worry or feel rushed. He's got it handled.
"I don't want her to get lost in being a mother or a wife," he continues.
"I want her to take the time to remind herself who she is and the things that she wants to do."
Whether that's just getting away for a chance to chill and relax or meeting up with friends.
“At the end of the day, we’re a team,” he concludes. “My wife is my teammate. And sometimes your teammates need a break. When she comes back home and puts those hats back on, she can wear those hats in the way that she wants to after being rejuvenated from having that alone time.”
Important Conversation Around Needing Alone Time After Having Kids
Screenshots of a man holding a toddler
@ascedbyme/TikTok
Charlotte isn't the only one who gets uninterrupted alone time one evening a week, Cedric does too. It's taken a while for the couple to figure out how to do it consistently but now they make sure to give each other the space and time they need to recharge, blissfully alone.
"My biggest motto in life is that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of those around you. That's the only way that you can really show up the best."
Cedric Thompson Jr.
Turns out Cedric's 1-minute and 7-second video hit a nerve and opened up an important conversation about giving your partner "me-time." Nearly 20,000 people took to the comments to share their thoughts and not all of them were good.
Because, of course, there were some people who just didn't get it (*sigh*).
"Does anyone post these drippy videos about "daddy's alone time" no they don't. Says it all really (eye-roll emoji)."
"Beta vibes."
"This shouldn't be celebrated doing your duty as a father shouldn't feel like such a burden to the point where you have to tell everyone you do it."
Others praised Cedric for being a supportive partner.
"This is how grown, mature men successfully manage a marital relationship, especially one with young children. Kudos to you sir."
Some commenters legitimately wanted to know how to make it work for both partners, asking:
"honest question: how do you navigate this need for alone time for yourself as well?"
And others were downright heartbreaking.
"How do I send this to my husband w/o sending to my husband? He knows NOTHING about mom alone time. But he knows about dad alone time."
"And this is one of the reasons I'm leaving my partner of 7 years. He thinks I'm lazy for having alone time from our 3 kids."
"The reaction has been interesting," Cedric told Newsweek. "It's hard to explain all that goes on in my wife having alone time in 60 seconds, and when people don't have the full context, they can make assumptions, which is understandable."
The Importance of Quality Time Alone
Woman in black zip-up jacket leaning on large log at daytime
Photo by Katie Moum on UnsplashNeeding alone time doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it means you're HUMAN.
Sometimes you need to stop, just so you can keep on going. Sometimes you need to leave the presence of your children so you can return and be more present with them.
According to experts, everyone needs some time on their own to rest and reflect. In fact, alone time is crucial for mental health and well-being and is a healthy way to recharge, destress, and recenter yourself.
Parenthood is amazing, yes. But it's also often overwhelming. Providing space and time for EACH partner to get away and take a break is essential, not just for the individual, but for the family as a whole.
The Circles of Life: Why You Must Travel to Challenge Your Prejudices
Some people think travel is a luxury. That isn’t necessarily true. While there is a definite cost to being on the road, I believe the reward far outweighs it. To me, travel is a necessity. Not because I’m looking for a high. I travel because I need to dispel my prejudice and come to a fuller understanding of humanity.
Why You Must Travel to Challenge Your Prejudices
Let’s say that your home is the center of an imaginary circle, the radius of which is the furthest distance you’ve been from home. Now imagine, for simplicity’s sake, that every time you stayed at a new place for more than seven nights, you formed a new circle, the radius of which is the furthest distance you’ve been from the center of that circle. We’re using seven nights in this instance because it’s the amount of time it takes before you consider something you do a “habit” (though others suggest it can be longer). For example, if you brushed your teeth seven nights in a row, you’ve formed a habit -- at which point not brushing your teeth makes you feel incomplete. The point is that after staying at a new place for a certain number of nights, it would have become a new “home.”
Within these circles, stories of people’s lives, their culture, experiences, emotions, food and way of living become a part of your story. The longer you stay in these circles, the more you understand about the intrinsic values of the community and how they perceive the world. The more you understand, the clearer the circle becomes.
It is possible that while learning about the people within a particular circle, you will also learn of intriguing places far away, of bizarre traditions and strange customs. Because of this exposure, you start to form fuzzy circles of understanding about the places you’ve heard about secondhand. You might even form opinions and prejudices about those places based on these external accounts.
Finding our common bond
The problem is that for some people, these fuzzy circles are all they know. By not going to these places themselves, they can only imagine what life must be like there based on stories they've heard in the media or from their friends.
For some, their curiosity will take them to these places. By going there and immersing themselves in that place’s culture, they learn about that locale’s story, and a connection is established. The veil of mystery is lifted and these curious individuals develop a clearer picture.
The more you travel, the more of these circles become clearer to you. Then, magic occurs when these circles intersect. Because within these intersections, the common bond of all the individual circles begins to surface. It might even become apparent that the differentiation between “your story,” “my story,” and “their story” loses its hold: “my story,” “your story,” and “their story” become “our story.”
We all dream the same dreams
It is within these intersections that humanity’s story steps into the spotlight. Perhaps one would even realize that we’re not so different after all; that we all wake up hoping, wishing, and striving to find our own happiness; that the tears that fall from your eyes are the same that fall from mine; that pain, sadness, pleasure, happiness, excitement, and the spectrum of human emotions are shared between us; that at the end of the day, we wish for nothing more than to share a few peaceful moments of life with our friends and loved ones.
It is within these intersections that myths are dispelled and prejudice gives way to understanding. It’s where love and respect are nurtured.
If you are able, take that trip you’ve been thinking about. First-hand experience of different cultures is the remedy to fear. Form your own circles of understanding, and perhaps you might come to the same intersecting conclusion that I’ve laid bare.
I travel for the taste, the sight, and the vibrant sound of a peculiar culture -- but for all my might, I haven’t been to a place that I haven’t felt at home. Imaginary borders and walls may separate people, but our shared humanity will bring us together. This is why I travel. Shall we go together?