Brittany Cole (@brittmcole), a mother of two from Shawnee, Kansas, faced a challenging moment when her 4-year-old daughter Norah came home from school excited about her new friend, describing her as "the fat girl with pink glasses."
Cole was taken aback by the description, recognizing that it could be hurtful, but also aware that her young daughter might not understand the negative connotations associated with the word "fat." In a TikTok post, Cole shared her dilemma and asked for advice from other parents, sparking a thoughtful conversation about how to address sensitive topics with young children.
This Mom Was Torn — She Wanted To Inform NOT Fat Shame
Cole found herself in a difficult position: she wanted to guide her daughter toward using more respectful language without shaming her for an innocent observation. She knew that describing someone as "fat" could be seen as offensive, but she also didn't want to ruin her daughter's innocent view of the world by imposing adult perspectives on her. Cole was concerned that if she didn't address the issue, her daughter might unintentionally insult her friend or other children. Yet, she wanted to find a way to do so without turning "fat" into a forbidden word or making her daughter feel guilty for her choice of words.
Watch Brittany Cole's Video:
@brittmcole If its all about intent this is okay right? 🫠
Hundreds of Helpful Suggestions Came Pouring In: Here's What They Had To Say
Cole's TikTok video quickly gained attention, with parents and experts offering a wide range of advice. Some commenters suggested encouraging Norah to describe people based on other characteristics, like hair color or height, instead of focusing on body size. Others recommended explaining to Norah that certain words can have different meanings depending on context and that calling someone "fat" might hurt their feelings. A common theme among the suggestions was to start conversations about body image and self-esteem early, emphasizing that everyone is unique and valuable regardless of their physical appearance.
"It’s normal for kids this age to start to notice differences between themselves and others so I do think it’s important to have a conversation with her about how pointing things out like that can make."
- @nosk2212
Parents Don't Have To Know It All! Don't Be Afraid To Ask For Advice
Two little children sitting on a couchBrittany Cole / ABC News
Cole's experience is a reminder that parenting can be complex, and there's no single right way to handle every situation. By sharing her story and asking for advice, Cole demonstrated that it's okay to seek guidance from others when faced with challenging parenting moments.
Parenting experts like Rachel Simmons recommend that parents start these conversations with their children as early as possible, acknowledging that certain words can carry different weights in society. Cole's openness and willingness to learn from others show that parents don't have to know it all — they just need to be willing to listen, learn, and adapt as they navigate the journey of raising compassionate, empathetic children.
No, Depression Doesn't Make You Unlovable - Here's Why
Depression is like a dark cloud that can strike suddenly and without warning.
It's more than a feeling of gloom. Past accomplishments no longer have meaning, we lose interest in things we once loved, we feel that those who love us are better off without us.
If you suffer from depression, you’ve likely already sought out help. If you haven’t, it’s the most important thing of all and you should seek to see a therapist as soon as possible. Getting the right treatment for you can quite literally save your life.
However, the fight isn’t over after the depressive episode ends.
Why depression makes you feel unlovable
The problem is...even after an episode is over, you know (or, at least, strongly believe) that it’s only a matter of time before another one will arrive.
And, when that happens, you know there’s a chance you’ll do something you’re not proud of, like snapping at a loved one who did nothing wrong. You know what you’ve put them through and feel ashamed because of it.
When you suffer from depression, a sense of shame that is difficult to shake extends into your life, and it can make you feel unlovable.
Why depression doesn’t make you unlovable
The truth is, millions of people all around the world experience depression just like you. And it happened to them the same way it did with you.
Depression isn’t something you choose, it simply happens. There is nothing connecting a depression diagnosis with a lack of intelligence, strength, or biological capability. Your depression doesn’t make you less than another, it just makes you different, just the same way as anything else does.
Of course, you suffer because of it, but that doesn’t mean that you’re less of a person or can’t be loved by another. We all know we have flaws and, we didn’t choose them. They are there and we have to learn how to deal with them.
Everyone goes through the process of learning to deal with personal flaws, so while your loved ones may have a hard time understanding what you go through during episodes of depression, they can understand some of the feelings you experience – shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness.
3 things you can do if you feel unlovable due to depression
If you experience depression, there are coping tools to help you work through these feelings of being unlovable. However, as stated above, getting professional help before anything is crucial.
1. Develop self-awareness with mindfulness meditation
Mindfulness can help those who suffer from depression for several reasons, the most notable one being the ability to develop the self-awareness needed to see an episode coming.
And, if you can see it coming, you can shift modes and prepare for when the storm hits. This one thing can make a huge difference.
In addition to this, mindfulness has been reported to lessen depressive symptoms as a whole, making it even valuable to those who experience clinical depression of any intensity.
However, most relevant to the topic at hand, mindfulness also allows you to develop the clarity neeeded to view your inner dialogue, which can help you work through feelings of being unlovable and the toxic thoughts they bring.
2. Reflect on past accomplishments...and avoid comparisons
Whether you have a mild to medium depression or a more severe case, there are therapy techniques like CBT, ECT, as well as medication, and a slew of other treatment options that can help you get better.
However, if you continue to create comparisons in your mind with others, especially those who don’t suffer from depression, you’ll just end up discouraging yourself. But, on the flip side, by dedicating yourself to learning to manage your depression, you can get far.
Take some time to reflect on your past accomplishments, and see that you’ve done quite a bit even now with your depression. Sure, maybe not as much as you’d like. However, by reflecting on the progress you have made so far and focusing on making consistent progress, you’ll be further encouraged to continue with treatment. Slowly, you will get to a stage where you have your depression under control and your mind is in a better place where you can connect with others and not only give, but receive, love.
3. Communicate with those you love openly and honestly
Opening up to loved ones about what you’re going through can be one of the most difficult things to do, however, it may be the single most important one of all.
Perhaps the most damaging behavior of depression sufferers, closing yourself off to loved ones can cause you to feel alone not just during a depressive episode, but at all times.
We don’t feel the same way outside of a depressive episode as during one, but shame and guilt often can make us unwilling to open up when it counts the most. If you can muster the courage to start communicating with loved ones about how you feel and what you’re going through, you can create a bridge that gives you strength when you need it the most.
Depression still requires real, clinical help. However, the feeling that you’re unlovable that persists outside of depressive episodes can improve considerably if you focus on those three things.