The 3 Keys to Happiness? Creativity, Service and Physicality
How can we reduce or eliminate the primary obstacle to personal happiness? We can use the word "anguish" to refer to a wide spectrum of feelings, ranging from basic discontentment, day-to-day stress and anxiety to profound sorrow, rage, despair and hopelessness. And the experts who deal with these kinds of problems—from the health sciences, including psychiatrists and psychologists, to philosophers, to well-being therapists and gurus, to spiritual and religious guides— all consistently point to three key factors that reduce anguish and increase happiness for everyone: creativity, service and physicality.
The Keys to Happiness? Creativity, Service and Physicality
Happiness is a how, not a what; a talent, not an object.- Herman Hesse
Between avoidance and engagement
Generally, there are two opposing approaches to dealing with anguish, especially during moments of life when we experience it for particularly intense or prolonged periods. One is to shut it down as quickly as possible, usually with some numbing or distracting mechanism. And the other is to learn how to harness and channel it into activities, projects and relationships that matter to us.
History is full of exceptional people finding their way to their greatest contributions during unusually anguished chapters of their lives. We see this especially in the arts, where unprecedented depths and intensity of creative expression often seem to have been opened through great personal turmoil. In various spiritual traditions as well, transcendent insights are often arrived at by passing through episodes of deep personal anguish. All of this is to suggest that anguish itself is not always necessarily the enemy; the question is how to wholesomely navigate with and within it, producing something worthwhile from it, and finding peace and joy in the process.
There’s a meeting point between these two extremes of avoidance and engagement. After all, we need to find enough relief and contentment in any given day just to see and feel the worth of applying ourselves. Creativity, service and physicality are proven ways to help immediately relieve unbearable anguish and open passageways to deeper, longer-term resolutions by exploiting the opportunities these moments of adversity can offer us.
Creative expression lets you externalize the anguish
By "creativity," I'm referring specifically to creative expression, as there needs to be an outward movement away from circular, internal self-reflection — what is inside moves outside. As with each of these elements listed, what matters is less the specific (in this case creative) action, than that you experience a sense of release.
Part of the crippling impact of deep anguish is that we often forget, ignore or claim that we don’t have time for what we really like to do. We need to allow ourselves to get lost in inspired fun, when we are at our most creative. We can find our way back to this state of un-self-conscious playfulness by remembering what used to drive our creative expression in our youth.
Even just pausing to recall and delve back into those energies and emotions we used to access so easily already opens doors to our essential creative spirit, and begins the process of rediscovering (and trusting in) our intuition. I think it’s important to start small and keep it sincere and ambition-free, just like you did as a child.
Service gives your life purpose
There are two forms of service that experts on the question of anguish generally promote in order to open pathways to greater happiness: helping others, especially those who are suffering more than we are, and engaging and fulfilling our faith. The only real requirement for the first to be helpful is that it be offered to those who we feel truly deserve it, so that it builds on an existing empathy and interest. For the second, it's more complex, but what's important is that it be a cause, idea, ideal or being that appeals to our imagination and values.
Both of these, helping others and fulfilling our faith, channel our minds, emotions and actions into a sense of purpose, giving us reason, meaning and direction. A friend of mine, a holocaust concentration camp survivor and psychologist, once said when we were talking about anguish, “Most deep anguish can’t really be worked through; it naturally diminishes as we focus more and more away from ourselves, especially onto those we truly care about.”
I’m a big fan of simple gestures pursued within the circumstances that are offered to us each day. There’s already significant relief just in finding the clean intent, “I just want to offer some worthwhile service.” You can go to a warzone to do that, volunteer for an urgent project, or just watch carefully for openings that come your way every day.
Physicality quiets the mind
Physicality is about correctly manipulating physiological variables. I place a high value on “above” and “below” the range of typical day-to-day physical patterns most of us live, because it brings our body, mind and emotions outside of the spectrum in which we experience anguish.
As an example of reaching "below," meditative breathing is the simplest way to quiet mental and emotional gripping and mania, and can be done anywhere at any time. There’s a lot of worthwhile information out there. And there are all kinds of activities (like yoga) that are designed to slow and lengthen our sensation and engagement of the moment.
On the other end, reaching "above" involves activities that we’re probably already familiar with but have perhaps ignored or avoided that effectively enliven our perceptions, energies and core mood. Dancing and singing are excellent, as are many forms of traditional movement that seek to break us out of lethargy and familiarity.
Also in this family of activity, as has been rightly pointed out in Bruce Almighty when Jim Carrey meets God, “People underestimate the benefit of good old manual labor.” Then there’s this, which some experts claim is the most effective of all: Solvitur Ambulando, or as it is otherwise known, going for a walk alone (you can read a great article about it here).
Concluding thoughts: The key is intention
For me, the pivotal issue is finding enough genuine intention to leave behind discontentment, unhealthy addictions, preference for conflict and, yes, anguish.
Yet in our pursuit to “win” the game of life at any cost, genuine intention and the qualities that flow from it -- such as sincerity, integrity, compassion and humility -- are often cynically viewed as expressions of ignorance or naivety, increasing the likelihood that we’ll lose the game.
Is it possible that our difficulty in finding sufficient motivation to resolve anguish itself stems from an inability to find a reason to do so?
I suppose we all have the freedom and right to determine whether or not happiness is a worthy enough objective. But if you look around, you'll find that there is, in fact, the need.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.