Lewis Howes | How I Turned Abuse Into Triumph
Lewis Howes - Lean into the Dream
In this emotional interview, Lewis Howes speaks candidly about how he was sexually abused as a child and how, instead of victimizing himself, he decided to take control of his life, turn his experiences into triumph, and accomplish all his goals.
Transcript:
I was sexually abused when I was five. Then my brother went to prison when I was eight, so for me this was hard to grow up in a small town without many friends, feeling abused already from the sexual abuse that I faced, and just feeling disconnected in general from my family, and from my friends, and the world. It made me very defensive. It made me want to get as big, and as strong, and as fast as possible, and successful as possible, because the more I achieved, the more I felt like a worthy man. The bigger I got, the stronger I got, the more I felt like no one could ever hurt me again, and this darkness that I was feeling from all the pain and disconnection as a child, I put it into sports, and said, “I’m going to master this, and I’m going to be the best that I can be.” Don’t
Now, it drove me to be great at my sports. I was a two-sport All-American. I was All State in multiple sports. I played professional football, but it left me with this deep sense of unfulfillment and darkness inside, because I was doing it all for the wrong reasons, and this is where more pain and disconnection was created. I would achieve at the highest levels feeling smaller and smaller inside, and I started to get really nasty and aggressive in a lot of instances. I would take this aggression out on the basketball courts, so every few days I would go play pickup basketball until one day I was in a basketball game. It was a heated game. I was guarding a guy who was much bigger than me and older than me. We were both aggressive, fouling each other, blocking each other, holding each other, talking trash, and then it got down to the final point. It was game point for both teams. He had the ball down and he was about to score a layup, so I grab his arm and foul him so he doesn’t score, a hard foul.
But going back and forth, everyone was doing this. All the sudden, he turns around and headbutts me. He gets in my face. He headbutts me, and I see stars, and it must’ve been just like the weeks and weeks of buildup from these arguments and the frustration I was feeling in my relationships and personal life that I couldn’t hold back anymore. I literally pummeled this person to the ground. I had him in a headlock. I was punching him in his face, until someone got us up and got me off of him. I saw this huge gash of blood coming out of his face, and I remember just shaking and trembling in that moment, thinking to myself, “What have I done?” I allowed my ego to get so hurt and bent out of shape to continue to fight, to continue to talk back, to continue to be aggressive, and to want to physically punch someone.
I was terrified. I ran back to my place, was just looking in the mirror shaking thinking like, “Who are you? Why are you doing this? Why are you so upset? Why are you getting so mad to want to actually physically hit someone?” I remember just feeling so ashamed, and so upset with myself, and so mad that I allowed my anger to get the best of me. For 25 years I never told anyone what happened to me, and in return what happened was me getting angry in situations, me getting defensive, me getting in fights, me being aggressive, me shutting down. 25 years after I was sexually abused I finally opened up about it to someone, and it was terrifying. I was trembling. I was crying. I was shaking. I didn’t want to do it, and it was one of the scariest things to reveal to someone else.
The more I started to share my most vulnerable moments as a man, the more connected I became to every person I told it to, the more bonded we became, the more they revealed about themselves that they have never shared with anyone else. It was like this deeper sense of understanding between myself and them when I started to open up in a vulnerable way and share about sexual abuse. The scariest thing in the world was actually sharing, but it’s the thing that set me free. You know, there’s this challenge because as boys growing up we in general face a lot of peer pressure from other boys telling us to not be a wussy, don’t cry, don’t act scared, man up, all these things. Then if you play sports, you have coaches, some coaches that say, “Don’t show pain. Don’t show emotion. Get back up quickly. Don’t act like you’re hurt. You got to go harder. You got to go stronger,” so it’s just conditioning. In the locker room it’s the same things.
In high school, you’ve got to protect yourself from bullies, so we’re constantly conditioned from media, coaches, friends, peers, parents who tell us to not show emotion, so when we’re conditioned over, and over, and over again to man up, to step up, to not cry, we start to harden. We start to put on masks, and these masks are a fake image of who we truly are. I’m not saying we need to be crying every single day and weeping constantly, but to truly be vulnerable loving man is to reveal yourself, so the moment I started to share and let it go was the moment I took my life back and had power over that experience, as opposed to that experience having power over me. I think you can’t overcome sexual abuse, or rape, or any type of experience like that until you start to share.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.