How to Talk Back to the Hater in Your Head
F-E-A-R has two meanings: Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise.- Zig Ziglar
We love these kinds of quotes, don't we? They inspire us and move us into action. At the very least, they move us to click the 'like' and 'share' buttons in our social media feeds so that we can spread the love and encouragement.
What happens next, though? How do you use those words to take action in your lives, on your dreams, and in your relationships?
It starts with choosing to face fear and learning to talk back -- loudly -- to the hater in your head.
How to Talk Back to the Hater in Your Head
People like to encourage you to just walk on by your fear and wave past it as you saunter into your new life. Those people, though -- they are not in your head. They don’t really know how loud you inner critic can be, or how insistent the doubters in your own life can be, when you start thinking or talking about taking chances, pursuing new dreams, or making change.
They just don’t know. But you do. Here’s what I know:
You can’t just kumbaya your way through fear. You have to go to war.- Heather Gray
Sure, you might be taking your fair share of deep breaths along the way, and that miracle morning mantra you repeat will come in handy. But to really face fear and create a new ending for this chapter in your story, you have to prepare for battle and get your game plan together.
Get prepared: Know your enemy
In order to face your fears, you need to understand your fears. Of course, there are people who manage clinical anxiety or chronic worry, but that’s not what we’re really talking about here. Those of you suffering with symptoms of clinical anxiety may indeed benefit from these strategies that will be outlined, but you might also need additional professional support and services to really achieve a higher level of health and function.
When we talk about fear in the self-improvement and personal development arena, we are most often referring to the biological response our bodies have to risk, change, or anything new. It’s the voice that says:
What if I fail?
Why me?
Who am I to think I can pull this off?
If it were really a great idea, someone else would have already thought of it.
I’m too old, too young, or too [fill in the blank] for this. I have no business being here…
You might remember this from your high school biology days. Us animals are hard-wired with a fight or flight response. We instinctively want to flee when danger, risk, or the unknown approaches us or or we are compelled to fight.
Your hater in your head is partly there because of biology. It can’t immediately suss out the difference between seeing a shadow in the dark and having a new, innovative idea for your career or business.
The doubts you might hear from those around you are also influenced by that same biological instinct.
What happens next is up to you. It’s your move.
Sure, you have a biological response to fear but that is not a get-out-of-jail-free card for choosing not to take action in your life. You can’t just sit back on your laurels and blame biology for why nothing changes in your life.
Now that you know what to expect, you know you can fight it.
Open your arsenal: Fight fear with competence
For some reason, so many people stop at the questions. What if I fail... what if I am not good enough... what if….
Well, why not take the second to answer those questions! What does happen if you fail? Will you be wrecked? Will you be capable of recovering? Will you be giving up something of yourself that you can’t possibly get back? If you were to fail, would you really find yourself regretting ever trying? If you fail, are you capable of getting back up?
The answers to these questions become the arsenal you use to talk back to the fears, the hater, and the doubters. Sure you don’t want to fail, but if you must fail, in all likelihood, you’ll be okay in the end. Not wanting to fail and not being capable of failing are two completely different things.
Your capacity is where your proof lies, and it’s on you to start amassing the evidence of what you are truly capable of. Start collecting examples of all the times where you have succeeded, where you have thrived, where you have stepped out and shone. Take stock of what you know and what you are capable of accomplishing.
Acknowledge the fear and talk back to it
You see the fear. You know it’s there, and you know what it looks like. It’s technically there because it has your back. It just doesn’t yet know that you’ve got this. You’re already on it.
See the fear, acknowledge it, and argue with it using what you know to be true about your capabilities.
Don’t wait for fear to pass before making your move
An enemy doesn’t just change its mind and retreat when you start to confront it. You can’t just sit there and think or talk your way out of fear. It might remain there as you grapple with it. That simply is not a reason not to take a risk.
You are not going to feel comfortable the first time you face a fear, or even the second time. Over time, though, your automatic thoughts will change and that is how the fear dissipates.
Determine your next move by answering this one question
You know what your fear looks and sounds like. You know what to anticipate, and now you know how to respond. However, as you go forward into your new challenge and take new risks, new obstacles will find you. They’ll either be real challenges that you will need to problem-solve your way out of, or they will be stories you have simply created inside your head. Either way, at each road block, ask yourself this one question:
Am I willing to stay where I am and keep feeling the way I do in order to avoid the fear that comes with taking the next step?
If the answer is yes, own it. You’re in control.
However, if the answer is no, get moving! You’ve got some fear to kick. You’ve got this, and you’re ready. We’re all just excitedly waiting to find out what you do next.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.