Being a parent is a wonderful crazy ride. But it's also physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. It's a continuous cycle of putting someone else's needs ahead of your own, and sometimes?
You just really need a break.
In a candid post that has gone viral on both TikTok and Instagram (racking up a staggering 31 million views combined), one husband explains why he prioritizes giving his wife alone time every single week, and honestly, we should all be taking notes.
Why a Husband Prioritizes Alone Time For His Wife
Former NFL player and motivational speaker Cedric Thompson Jr. and his wife, Charlotte, share three young children, ages 6, 4, and 1.
To say their household is chaotic is an understatement. Life with littles is all-consuming and amidst the diapers, constant demands, and neverending loads of laundry, it's not just easy to lose sight of your own needs, it's easy to lose YOURSELF, particularly if you're the primary caregiver.
Cedric understands this first-hand.
He starts the now-viral video with a gentle reminder for all moms, saying, "You should not feel guilty for having alone time."
And while this should be a given, the reality is that moms and guilt go together like peanut butter and jelly. Guilt doesn't come with a handy on-off switch and as any mom knows it's nearly impossible to let that guilt go.
Cedric explains that what his wife does with her alone time is "quite frankly, none of my business." What he does know is that when she's out, he doesn't want her to worry or feel rushed. He's got it handled.
"I don't want her to get lost in being a mother or a wife," he continues.
"I want her to take the time to remind herself who she is and the things that she wants to do."
Whether that's just getting away for a chance to chill and relax or meeting up with friends.
“At the end of the day, we’re a team,” he concludes. “My wife is my teammate. And sometimes your teammates need a break. When she comes back home and puts those hats back on, she can wear those hats in the way that she wants to after being rejuvenated from having that alone time.”
Important Conversation Around Needing Alone Time After Having Kids
Screenshots of a man holding a toddler
@ascedbyme/TikTok
Charlotte isn't the only one who gets uninterrupted alone time one evening a week, Cedric does too. It's taken a while for the couple to figure out how to do it consistently but now they make sure to give each other the space and time they need to recharge, blissfully alone.
"My biggest motto in life is that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of those around you. That's the only way that you can really show up the best."
Cedric Thompson Jr.
Turns out Cedric's 1-minute and 7-second video hit a nerve and opened up an important conversation about giving your partner "me-time." Nearly 20,000 people took to the comments to share their thoughts and not all of them were good.
Because, of course, there were some people who just didn't get it (*sigh*).
"Does anyone post these drippy videos about "daddy's alone time" no they don't. Says it all really (eye-roll emoji)."
"Beta vibes."
"This shouldn't be celebrated doing your duty as a father shouldn't feel like such a burden to the point where you have to tell everyone you do it."
Others praised Cedric for being a supportive partner.
"This is how grown, mature men successfully manage a marital relationship, especially one with young children. Kudos to you sir."
Some commenters legitimately wanted to know how to make it work for both partners, asking:
"honest question: how do you navigate this need for alone time for yourself as well?"
And others were downright heartbreaking.
"How do I send this to my husband w/o sending to my husband? He knows NOTHING about mom alone time. But he knows about dad alone time."
"And this is one of the reasons I'm leaving my partner of 7 years. He thinks I'm lazy for having alone time from our 3 kids."
"The reaction has been interesting," Cedric told Newsweek. "It's hard to explain all that goes on in my wife having alone time in 60 seconds, and when people don't have the full context, they can make assumptions, which is understandable."
The Importance of Quality Time Alone
Woman in black zip-up jacket leaning on large log at daytime
Photo by Katie Moum on UnsplashNeeding alone time doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it means you're HUMAN.
Sometimes you need to stop, just so you can keep on going. Sometimes you need to leave the presence of your children so you can return and be more present with them.
According to experts, everyone needs some time on their own to rest and reflect. In fact, alone time is crucial for mental health and well-being and is a healthy way to recharge, destress, and recenter yourself.
Parenthood is amazing, yes. But it's also often overwhelming. Providing space and time for EACH partner to get away and take a break is essential, not just for the individual, but for the family as a whole.
For a Happier and Healthier Life, Stop Judging Others
"I have nothing personal against her, but I think she is quite unprofessional."
That’s how I used to feel about an ex-colleague. And I wasn’t the only one. I was surrounded by people who thought the same. We were irritated by the way this girl used to work according to her own rules, yet get promoted before any of us.
When I think of it now, I think I wasted my time and energy. Why? Well, has judging her altered my life positively? If it has, I can’t recall any of these changes. I can only recall that it made me angry, irritated, and jealous. It disturbed my focus. It took my peace away. And I know that had I had put all that energy on my own work, I would have done better at my job.
For a Happier and Healthier Life, Stop Judging Others
Judging others, especially for things that do not concern you, only ever makes things worse. But how to avoid it? For many of us, judging is ingrained in our system. We judge everyone, from a stranger in the street, to a co-worker, to our political leaders, and usually without having all the information.
It's admittedly not easy to suppress the urge. But if I show you how it unsettles your life, you will be more determined to flush it out of your system once and for all.
Judging others makes you lose friends
What do you look for in a good friend?
Compassion. Understanding. Support.
But your readiness to judge leads to the opposite of all these things.
I once dated a guy who my best friend thought wasn't a good match for me. Whenever I would talk to her about him, she would subconsciously look for the negative. Eventually, I didn’t feel like sharing anything about him with her anymore, because I knew that if I told her how happy I was, she wouldn't share in my joy. And if I told her about a little fight we'd had, she would find all the reasons in the world to try to pit me against him.
The fact was that she never tried to know more about him. She never asked any questions. She never showed any interest. And yet, she felt she had the right to judge!
This could be any of us. We judge without even thinking sometimes. And this eagerness to cast judgement builds a nasty wall between friends.
When you judge others, you can't learn from them
Judgement is often derived from jealousy. We judge to console our mind that the person we see as competition is worse, or at least no better than us.
You might have a work colleague who is a favorite with the boss. You know they work hard. You know they deserve the attention. You might accept that. But you might still look for their flaws, and try to find the areas where you're better than them.
"She dresses like a geek. She is a bore. She has no social life."
But is that good for you?
Or is it better to acknowledge her strengths, and learn from her? You might be better at some things. But she is definitely better at others. So stop comparing yourself to others. You won’t gain any points for proving you are better than someone, but you can better your life by learning from others.
When you judge, you are less open to new experiences
Our opinions are often based on our past experiences. We tend to believe that what worked for us must work for others, just as what proved wrong for us must also prove the same for others. The problem is that after a few experiences, people believe they know it all and have earned the right to judge.
There is this phenomena called the Dunning-Kruger effect, where a person develops an illusory superiority in their mind. They become overconfident about their abilities and think lowly of others. The person who behaves this way is defined as cognitively biased and is considered to possess lower abilities.
Sure, your experiences equip you to offer sensible advice. You might have learned valuable lessons from them. But there are billions of people in the world, all with different experiences. And while there might be some commonalities, every experience is somewhat individual-specific.
The important part is to be humble. Think about this: if you have learnt so much from your own experiences, imagine how much more you can learn from others’?
Judging others damages your health and happiness
Still not convinced? Check this out: A study out of the University of Nebraska supported the belief that negative perceptions of others can boost narcissism and antisocial behavior. Wood said, "The simple tendency to see people negatively indicates a greater likelihood of depression and various personality disorders."
Then just why must you?
I know it's hard to shut down the negative voices all at once. As I said earlier, the instinct to judge is ingrained in our system. Chucking it at once is unrealistic.
So, go slowly. Make it a point to think at least once before forming an opinion of someone. Learn more about your own emotional patterns. Just don’t give up. Before you know it, you'll have stopped the toxic habit in its tracks. And you'll be a jolly positive person because of it!