Being a parent is a wonderful crazy ride. But it's also physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. It's a continuous cycle of putting someone else's needs ahead of your own, and sometimes?
You just really need a break.
In a candid post that has gone viral on both TikTok and Instagram (racking up a staggering 31 million views combined), one husband explains why he prioritizes giving his wife alone time every single week, and honestly, we should all be taking notes.
Why a Husband Prioritizes Alone Time For His Wife
Former NFL player and motivational speaker Cedric Thompson Jr. and his wife, Charlotte, share three young children, ages 6, 4, and 1.
To say their household is chaotic is an understatement. Life with littles is all-consuming and amidst the diapers, constant demands, and neverending loads of laundry, it's not just easy to lose sight of your own needs, it's easy to lose YOURSELF, particularly if you're the primary caregiver.
Cedric understands this first-hand.
He starts the now-viral video with a gentle reminder for all moms, saying, "You should not feel guilty for having alone time."
And while this should be a given, the reality is that moms and guilt go together like peanut butter and jelly. Guilt doesn't come with a handy on-off switch and as any mom knows it's nearly impossible to let that guilt go.
Cedric explains that what his wife does with her alone time is "quite frankly, none of my business." What he does know is that when she's out, he doesn't want her to worry or feel rushed. He's got it handled.
"I don't want her to get lost in being a mother or a wife," he continues.
"I want her to take the time to remind herself who she is and the things that she wants to do."
Whether that's just getting away for a chance to chill and relax or meeting up with friends.
“At the end of the day, we’re a team,” he concludes. “My wife is my teammate. And sometimes your teammates need a break. When she comes back home and puts those hats back on, she can wear those hats in the way that she wants to after being rejuvenated from having that alone time.”
Important Conversation Around Needing Alone Time After Having Kids
Screenshots of a man holding a toddler
@ascedbyme/TikTok
Charlotte isn't the only one who gets uninterrupted alone time one evening a week, Cedric does too. It's taken a while for the couple to figure out how to do it consistently but now they make sure to give each other the space and time they need to recharge, blissfully alone.
"My biggest motto in life is that you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of those around you. That's the only way that you can really show up the best."
Cedric Thompson Jr.
Turns out Cedric's 1-minute and 7-second video hit a nerve and opened up an important conversation about giving your partner "me-time." Nearly 20,000 people took to the comments to share their thoughts and not all of them were good.
Because, of course, there were some people who just didn't get it (*sigh*).
"Does anyone post these drippy videos about "daddy's alone time" no they don't. Says it all really (eye-roll emoji)."
"Beta vibes."
"This shouldn't be celebrated doing your duty as a father shouldn't feel like such a burden to the point where you have to tell everyone you do it."
Others praised Cedric for being a supportive partner.
"This is how grown, mature men successfully manage a marital relationship, especially one with young children. Kudos to you sir."
Some commenters legitimately wanted to know how to make it work for both partners, asking:
"honest question: how do you navigate this need for alone time for yourself as well?"
And others were downright heartbreaking.
"How do I send this to my husband w/o sending to my husband? He knows NOTHING about mom alone time. But he knows about dad alone time."
"And this is one of the reasons I'm leaving my partner of 7 years. He thinks I'm lazy for having alone time from our 3 kids."
"The reaction has been interesting," Cedric told Newsweek. "It's hard to explain all that goes on in my wife having alone time in 60 seconds, and when people don't have the full context, they can make assumptions, which is understandable."
The Importance of Quality Time Alone
Woman in black zip-up jacket leaning on large log at daytime
Photo by Katie Moum on UnsplashNeeding alone time doesn't mean you're a bad parent, it means you're HUMAN.
Sometimes you need to stop, just so you can keep on going. Sometimes you need to leave the presence of your children so you can return and be more present with them.
According to experts, everyone needs some time on their own to rest and reflect. In fact, alone time is crucial for mental health and well-being and is a healthy way to recharge, destress, and recenter yourself.
Parenthood is amazing, yes. But it's also often overwhelming. Providing space and time for EACH partner to get away and take a break is essential, not just for the individual, but for the family as a whole.
Who Do You Think You Are?
Ah -- that blessed, belittling interrogative. The one with the power to shoot you down in a second; make a comedy of your greatest life aims in minutes; prevent you from telling anyone about your achievements for months; turn you into a person who apologizes for every accomplishment while branding it "self-deprecation" for life.
Because when someone asks you who you think you are, how do you respond?
Most likely with fear.
Fear of sounding too self-important. Fear of being "full of yourself." Fear that if you dare stand tall and say exactly who you think you are, you will be laughed at and dismissed as a "dreamer"...
Who Do You Think You Are?
Here is the issue: we 21st-century citizens are conflicted by a desire to share with the world the best, proudest aspects of our lives, while not wanting to appear special or better than anyone else.
Reality check: you are not better than anyone else – nor is anyone better than you. We all came onto this planet as human beings and are therefore fundamentally equal.
However, here's the second reality check: you are special. This much is undeniable. You have something to give that somebody else could never give, just as much as they have a gift you could never bear.
Knowing that you are special does not make you self-important; it makes you self-aware.
The good news? People are asking you who you think you are because you are daring to do/say/practice things that are perceivably bigger than yourself. This can intimidate people, because you're exceeding whatever limits they've set up for you in their minds. So, for people to be asking you this dazzling compliment shrouded as an insult, who exactly do you think you are...?
I'll tell you who I think you are.
Someone who no longer puts up with adequacy
You once accepted half-hearted adequacy from your peers so that peace could be kept. As long as you were doing the right job, why bother over what others are doing? It's their business, you once thought. But now you know that, as Viola Davis once put it, "You only get better by working with people who are excellent." If your team isn't excellent, neither will you be — and you won't grow.
Therefore you're no longer afraid of conflict with those who choose to be only adequate. Naturally they'll ask you who you think you are because it's easier than rising to the high bars you set. Realize you are doing the right thing and continue; if you persist unapologetically towards excellence, people will either quit or come around eventually. Move forward regardless.
Someone who speaks up for what they believe in
People ask you who you think you are when you dare to voice your opinion. As a result of speaking up for your beliefs, especially if they go against the grain, you're going to experience backlash. Nonetheless, if you are speaking for what is right – not offending others unnecessarily – then you are doing what you were sent here to do. So many people submerge their opinions – and rightly they should, if any of those attitudes target anyone based on their gender, race, sexuality, religion, or any other factor they cannot control. But if you are voicing your beliefs from a place of profound passion about something you love, or an injustice you hate, then you are on the right track.
Beware, however, that as a consequence people will ask – albeit under their breath, "Who you think you are?" Why? Because they haven't yet found the courage in themselves to speak up for what they believe in. More often than not, they are, as Erin Elizabeth expressed it, the "people in this world that will stay quiet while surrounded by ten people talking crap about their best friend." Draw confidence from the fact that you are not one of them.
Someone with big dreams
The inspiration for this article came from the biggest dreamer I know: Oprah Winfrey. In an interview with Brené Brown, Oprah admitted that the one shame-gremlin-message that has followed her throughout her entire career has been "Who do you think you are?" -- not from herself, but rather from what was reflected to her by other people. Because as a "little black girl from Mississippi" commanding millions of dollars a year from The Oprah Winfrey Show, she surpassed every limit her ex-bosses, coworkers, family members and members of the public had set up for her.
As the people with the biggest dreams, we will always be asked who we think we are.
Why? Because we are dangerous. Because we are unafraid of failure. Because while other people may have doubts about our abilities, we never listen. We simply accept feedback where useful, reject what isn't and then move forward. We persist. We are, in the words of Les Brown, "An uncommon breed."
And because of this we are going to be laughed at. We are going to be mocked. We are going to be told again and again that we are setting ourselves up for lives of poverty and disappointment.
We are going to be asked repeatedly: "Who the hell do you think you are?"
And now you know what to tell them in response.