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  • Sebastian Harris

    There are two things in life that Sebastian Harris loves more than Barney Stinson loves suits: Traveling and helping men all over the world to find love. You can find out more about him on his blog.
7 Lessons I've Learned from Living with the Love of My Life

7 Lessons I've Learned from Living with the Love of My Life

Do you believe in love? There was a time when I answered this question with a loud and confident “No.” I didn’t believe in love. What about soulmates? Don’t make me laugh. It’s not that I wanted to stay alone for the rest of my life. I just didn’t believe that love existed. Then it hit me. Cupid’s arrow hit me right in the chest. I met this girl. I didn’t expect much. She didn’t expect much. Then we fell in love, and it’s been the best thing that ever happened to me. Here are the 7 lessons I learned from living with the woman of my dreams. 7 Lessons I've Learned from Living with the Love of My Life All, everything that I understand, I only understand because I love. -- Leo Tolstoy 1. Having someone who believes in you makes you believe in yourself Not everything works out the way you want. Sometimes you win. Sometimes you lose. But in the end it doesn’t matter. As long as you have someone who believes in you and who tells you to keep on going, you’ll be fine. There are days when I’m on top of the world. I believe in myself and in my abilities. Then there are days when I feel as if the world is against me. These are the days when I value my relationship the most. 2. Finding love and finding success are based on the same principles What’s the biggest secret to success? Well, I’m not a millionaire. I have to admit that. But I've watched a lot of videos in which highly successful people share their secrets. Everyone says something different, but there’s one thing they all have in common. “Never give up!” No matter if you’re listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger, Elon Musk, or Jay Z. They didn’t give up. They continued to work on themselves, to improve, and to reach the next level. That’s how I look at my relationship. I don’t want to give up. I want to improve it every day and reach the next level. That’s the secret. 3. A relationship is an opportunity for growth When do you grow? You don’t grow when you sit in front of your TV and watch Game of Thrones for the fifth time. You grow when you get out of your comfort zone and take action. That’s when the magic happens. That’s when you look happiness straight in the eyes. I’ve grown so much in my relationship. It’s amazing. Every conversation, every argument, and every loving touch is a chance to grow. I embrace it. You should embrace it too. 4. Fear of commitment is nothing but the fear of yourself What are you really afraid of? I’m still struggling with commitment phobia. Thinking about marriage makes my heart smile and my head ache. It’s a weird feeling, but I can’t control it. I can, however, control the way I look at it. When I’m really honest with myself, I’m not afraid of committing to her. I’m afraid that I’ll mess it up. The only thing I’m afraid of is myself. But hey, that’s just another opportunity for growth. She understands me and wants to help me face my fears. 5. Living with another human being reveals who you truly are I never thought that I was a caring person. I always considered myself a loner, a wolf, and an adventurer who recklessly pursued his goals without caring about other people. It turned out that I’m so much more than that. I really care about her. Every day I ask her if I can bring her something from our local market. Every day I hug her, cuddle her, and kiss her. It makes me happy to make her happy. A couple of years ago I would have called this romantic gibberish. Now I call it my life. And it makes me feel good. 6. Falling down and standing up again are part of life Is every day perfect? Of course not! The only relationship that is perfect 365 days a year is the one between Mickey and Minnie in a Disney movie -- and even they have their issues. No, our relationship is no Disney fairytale dream. It’s a normal relationship with its ups and downs. READ: 3 Qualities to Guide Successful Relationships of Any Kind The reason why we’re so happy is because we don’t have this unrealistic idea of a fairytale relationship. We are both realists. We know that nobody is perfect. What happens when one of us messes up? We deal with our emotions and forgive each other for our imperfections. 7. You can only love your partner as much as you love yourself This is something I learned almost too late. There was a time when I put myself under too much stress. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and I could barely be the boyfriend she deserved. Our relationship suffered because I was suffering. I learned from my mistakes. I learned that your partner can only love you as much as you love yourself. Every day I try to be less self-destructive and more self-loving. I do my best to love myself and as a result, she loves me even more.