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Tim Robbins: 4 Ways To Apply The Actor’s Empowered Mindset
Mindset

Tim Robbins: 4 Ways To Apply The Actor’s Empowered Mindset

Tim Robbins is best known for featuring in one of the most inspirational films in Hollywood history — The Shawshank Redemption. In the 1994 epic, Robbins stars alongside Morgan Freeman as Andy Dufresne, a man who vehemently claims his innocence having been convicted of murdering his wife and her lover. The bond between Andy and "Red" (Freeman) spans decades of time in prison, with a powerful message of hope and resilience.RELATED: What Is Method Acting, Which Actors Use It and Is It… Dangerous?Robbins has had an esteemed acting career, including an Oscar, and time spent behind the camera directing films such as Dead Man Walking, for which he received an Academy Award nomination. He’s also the founder of an experimental theater group, The Actors’ Gang, which he started in 1981. All of which is to say, Tim Robbins understands the industry. And, not only that, he’s someone at the top of his game. There’s a lot to learn from Robbins’s mindset and approach, but one of his mantras stands out more than most.Robbins: Never Blame the AudienceRobbins is known for considering the diversity of audiences and leaving any differences outside of the theater. That’s not always an easy choice to honor. In a Substack interview with Matt Taibbi, he expressed concern at how covid-measures impacted the arts, in particular vaccine mandates for audiences. “At the door, you don’t say you can’t come in, because you haven’t done this or that,” he said. “I had a problem with that. So I waited until everyone could be allowed in the theater.” Robbins’ approach has integrated into his acting mindset — never blame the audience. It’s an unwritten rule he follows, regardless of how well, or how poorly, a performance goes. In an interview with Traveling Boy, the actor expanded upon this ethos when asked about the validity of actors blaming the audience:“Never assume anyone in the audience had enough money to buy this ticket and assume because of that, they walked five miles to get here because they couldn't afford a bus. That's the respect you owe an audience. You never want to hear that an audience sucked. No. You sucked. You didn't meet them. You didn't find a way to tell them a story. Because of our discipline and approach, which is how do we make this immediate and great right now for these people, we rarely have an off night.”Tim RobbinsThe feedback loop of an audience is amplified in theater. Compared to a movie, where actors may spend months in a studio setting, surrounded by the crew, with occasional screenings shown to other people, actors in a theater have nowhere to hide. They breathe the same oxygen as the audience. Although respect works both ways, Robbins leads the way. And there’s a lot to learn from this simple, but profound, approach.Applying Tim Robbins’s Mindset“I learned much more about acting from philosophy courses, psychology courses, history and anthropology than I ever learned in acting class.”Tim RobbinsThe above quote by Robbins points to the actor’s wisdom. His mantra, never blame the audience, can be interpreted in a number of ways. Above all else, it’s about personal responsibility, discipline, and a growth mindset. Blaming the audience is a metaphor that extends far beyond theater. The act of blaming the audience avoids looking at the actor’s own experience, or finding creative ways to improve, and instead projects fault onto a faceless crowd. Clearly, studying psychology and philosophy has paid off. Robbins' approach has the hallmarks of stoicism, in particular Marcus Aurelius’ quote: “You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” In the theater of life, blaming the audience creates no room to learn from the audience. What didn’t work, and what could be done better next time? With the metaphor in mind, let’s look at 5 ways to apply the mindset to your life.1. Know That Blame Has Limited ValueWhat areas of life are you tempted to blame others, or life itself, for things not going your way? It’s normal to fall into blame from time to time. We might blame our partner for our emotional ups and downs. The tax man for our poor financial situation. Or our broken alarm clock for waking up late. Anytime you fall into blame, you stop taking responsibility, and enter into a space of learned helplessness.Blame has limited value. Instead, try to adopt an approach that always considers your role. You can start with small steps. What actions can you take, today, to make progress in any given situation? You’re much more creative than you’d imagine, and solutions will present themselves. For example, in a relationship, you might see the ways you lose your cool easily, and commit to improving your emotional regulation.2. Always Ask: How Can I Do Better?Despite Robbins’ career success, notice that he doesn’t assume the audience doesn’t get it. He’d be forgiven for taking such an egoic stance, considering his knowledge of the field. But instead, Robbins always makes the assumption there’s something he can do better, that it’s not the audience’s misunderstanding. He gives them the benefit of the doubt and doesn't make assumptions. The beauty of this approach is that it applies to all life areas.Let’s say, for example, you’re trying to make a career out of writing. You feel compelled to write, and show up every day to put words on the page. But every time you publish… tumbleweed. One option would be to fall into bitterness and moan about how people don’t get your work. The other would be to show up every day, keen to look at ways to improve. Can you improve your delivery, your headlines? Can you simplify or make your topics more relatable? There’s always scope to improve.3. Don’t Take Things PersonallyWhat I love about Robbins’ approach is that, even when not blaming the audience, he’s not sulking. He’s not personifying their lack of connection, taking it personally, and blaming himself instead. He’s viewing the situation objectively and analyzing it with logic. Granted, in life, it’s difficult not to take certain things personally; rejection hurts, as does not being noticed, or having something you care for overlooked. But do your best to train your mind not to take it personally.Notice that Robbins uses the example of someone not having money to pay for a bus ticket? Always give people the benefit of the doubt, extend them compassion, and don't assume or jump to quick conclusions.Not getting a response you’d like doesn’t mean you’re a failure, or not good enough. It just means something wasn’t quite right, but you have the chance to go again, to experiment, to try something new. Remain as self-compassionate as understanding when going through apparent setbacks and failure — it’s all part of the journey to success.4. Be ResilientWhat’s more important than individual outcomes, the metaphorical audience on any given night is the resilience you develop by showing up, day after day. That’s how character is developed. By continuing to show up, you’re demonstrating belief in what it is you’re here to do, even when you’re not received as warmly as you’d like. You're showing grit and determination, all the traits that lead to success. By not blaming the audience, you’re developing the value of humility, something that will be essential when things eventually do take off. This point is particularly relevant to the film that put Robbins on the map, The Shawshank Redemption.Finding Inspiration in Robbins’ MantraAt the risk of a spoiler (you’ve had long enough to watch by now), Andy is the embodiment of resilience. Day after day, as lights go out, he chisels away at the prison wall with a tiny rock hammer. Each small piece of stone chiseled away builds up. He keeps going, year after year after year until he’s chiseled a hole big enough to escape through.Using Andy as an example, think how easy it would have been for him to enter a space of blaming the audience; the courts, the injustice, the prisoners causing him harm, and the people ignoring his pleas of innocence. But he had no choice but to keep going, to believe, to find the energy to chisel away, to never lose hope.There’s a lot of wisdom packed into Robbins’ modest approach. Blaming the audience is the easy way out. By taking responsibility, you’ll be able to adapt a resilient approach to life’s ups and downs, build character along the way, and always strive to do better. You’ll have off days, for sure. But over the long run, you’ll move forward, one step (or stone) at a time.KEEP READING Achieving Resilience: The Importance of Bouncing Back

Mistakes Can Help Your Career - If You Use This Weird Social Phenomenon to Your Advantage
Mindset

Mistakes Can Help Your Career - If You Use This Weird Social Phenomenon to Your Advantage

Which character do we tend to side with in books, TV shows, or movies: the flawless, utterly competent “golden child” archetype who never makes a mistake, or the downright decent, down-to-earth striver who gets it wrong some of the time but sticks to his or her goal and gets the job done in the end?The answer, of course, is the latter – we tend to have a negative reaction to people we perceive as never making mistakes and always achieving things with competence. This is because such people make us feel vaguely threatened, perhaps a touch envious, or even less secure about ourselves. And it’s why someone else’s mistakes can make us feel more at ease, more sympathetic, and more self-assured.RELATED: Self-Efficacy: How to Never Stop Believing in YourselfThis is called the Pratfall Effect: it is a phenomenon in social psychology wherein witnessing someone else’s minor (and generally harmless) error actually improves the way we feel about that individual. Simply put, when we see someone spill a glass of water, miss a step and stumble, use the wrong word in a sentence, or commit some other pedestrian error – the exact kind we can and do make ourselves – we like that person more.And the Pratfall Effect is most effective when the person making that minor mistake is someone we might otherwise have estimated as threateningly competent.The Origins of the Pratfall Effect(Photo by Amanda Dalbjörn on Unsplash)While of course in practical terms the effects of this social phenomenon have existed for as long as humans have lived in societies, the specific identification of the Pratfall Effect can be dated to the year 1966 and attributed to a social psychologist named Elliot Aronson.In seeking to prove a theory he had, Aronson created two audio recordings of a quiz-style game show (staged for the experiment, though participants were unaware of this). In the first version of the show, a poised and clever-sounding host led participants through the competition and the proceedings went off without a hitch. RELATED: Overcoming Depression: What to Do When You Feel Like Giving UpIn the second version of the show, the only difference was that the host was heard to knock over a cup of coffee and respond to his accident with casual humor.As Aronson had expected, study participants in the group that listened to the recording with the spilled coffee incident found the host of the show much more likeable and relatable. The only difference? He had made a small mistake.Examples of the Pratfall Effect(Photo by Yogendra Singh on Unsplash)If you think back, you will probably realize you have experienced the Pratfall Effect myriad times in your life: perhaps your boss knocked over a cup of coffee during a meeting and laughed it off, suddenly seeming less powerful and unapproachable and instead amiable and relatable. Perhaps you have seen a Hollywood star slip on a red carpet or a runway model miss a step and found them suddenly relatable. RELATED: The Persona: Why Growth Means Removing The Mask You Show To The WorldEven a president who makes the occasional gaffe during a speech or press conference can seem more down-to-earth and likeable than a cool, collected politician who always has the perfect diction. And in your everyday life, you have surely seen a stranger stumble on a street corner or drop a bag in an airport and immediately sympathized with and even been charmed by the person. (Ironic, isn’t it, how embarrassed we can be when we make these harmless little mistakes ourselves even though we know how we would feel when seeing someone else do the same!)The Pratfall Effect as a Psychological Tool(Photo by History in HD on Unsplash)Those who have a clear understanding of the Pratfall Effect can use it as a powerful tool in politics, marketing, sales, and other arenas – mind you, they should only do so with good intentions, of course. By intentionally making yourself seem more relatable and likeable, you can help relate more closely to a constituency of potential voters; you see politicians doing this all the time when they adopt the mannerisms and speech patterns of a local population, even using improper grammar or colloquialisms that make them seem more approachable. RELATED: When Shaq Discovered A Teen Boy’s Mom Couldn’t Afford Extra-Large Shoes, He Did ThisIn sales or marketing setting, if the pitch person (be they a speaker at a conference, a TV presenter, or the car salesman or saleswoman sitting across the desk from you) seems perfectly polished, you are less likely to respond to them as a human and thus less likely to end up buying what they are selling. If, on the other hand, the person makes a few little mistakes, is a bit self-effacing, and seems a bit imperfect, you are more likely to connect with them on a human level and also to be more likely to be comfortable becoming a customer.When the Pratfall Effect Backfires(Photo by Jan Antonin Kolar on Unsplash)When a person who seems highly competent makes a minor mistake, in most cases, our perceived attraction of them will go up and we will find them more likeable, more relatable, and more trustworthy, and that, to reiterate, is the essential nature of the Pratfall Effect. On the other hand, when someone who does not seem all that competent or capable makes a mistake, it has the opposite effect: we see that person as even less competent, as less likable, and as less attractive.The Pratfall Effect is also ineffective or works against a person when they make a major mistake. While we may laugh at and appreciate a famous neurosurgeon flubbing a word or dropping a stack of notes during a lecture, there is no good that could come of a doctor making a mistake during an operation, for example – not in the eyes of others or for the patient on the table. Major mistakes – or transgressions or judgment errors – just don’t make someone likeable.So too can someone who makes too many mistakes go from initially more likeable to less so. If you want to put the Pratfall Effect to work in your factor, take care not to try too hard to appear likeable through error lest you may accidentally lower others’ estimation of you. A safer bet is to just be your genuine self and not to worry so much if and when you do make a mistake, because chances are good an honest mistake will actually work in your favor.KEEP READING:6 Ways to Slow Down the Aging Process and Stay Sharp and Strong

Here Are Some Key Lessons From Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations
Self-Development

Here Are Some Key Lessons From Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations

Marcus Aurelius is known as the last of the Five Good Emperors of the Roman Empire. His rule lasted from 161 CE - 180 CE and in that time he was, and still is one of the most powerful men to have ever existed. However it’s more than just the title and role bestowed upon him at birth that has cemented Aurelius’ name in the history books forever. It was his approach to life and collected thoughts that would be his legacy. Each night, Aurelius would write in his journal, thoughts of philosophy, love, change and death. A multitude of universes playing through the mind one of the most powerful leaders in history. This journal, originally titled Ta eis heauton (which roughly translates to To Himself) would later be reformatted as a book called Meditations. Meditations would go on to become a foremost resource on the practice and lifestyle of stoicism of which Marcus Aurelius himself was a student and eventual master. Marcus Aurelius and Stoicism(Getty)The practice of stoicism, (developed in 3rd Century BCE by Zeno of Citium, in Athens) teaches us the development of self-control and fortitude as a means of overcoming destructive emotions. The philosophy holds that becoming a clear and unbiased thinker allows one to understand the universal reason or logos. Stoicism's primary tenet revolves around the idea of improving the individual's ethical and moral well-being. Stoicism is all about being open and unbothered by the world around you. It doesn't mean you have to bury your emotions and face life with a stone-cold gaze, but that you can accept, acknowledge and work through those emotions without severe turmoil. It’s to be okay with destiny as it unfolds around you, and accepting of the fact that anything for you, will never miss you. Aurelius was one of the foremost students of stoicism and his journal, Meditations, is still a favorite resource for readers all over the world today. Key Takeaways from Marcus Aurelius's Meditations(Getty)Train your perceptions: “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength,” Aurelius explains. Marcus knew that the reality of how your life unfolds is in the way you perceive it to be. Whether or not you are accepting of your situation, and are able to find the positives is the strongest determiner of your happiness and self-control.Understanding also, what is and is not in your control is a key facet to perfecting our perceptive self. Unbothered and accepting of those actions we have no control over allows us to focus on what we can control. To put energy forth into things that truly matter and can have a benefit to our lives over things that are simply a waste of time. Some characteristics of a perceptive soul include self-perception, self-examination, and the power to make of itself whatever it wants. Believe in yourself and your ability to rectify life’s hardest battles. That means you are ready and willing to work through anything life throws at you with controlled and emboldened emotions. Forgiveness as a daily practice: “God did not intend my happiness to rest with someone else,” said Marcus Aurelius. He knew that at the forefront of happiness was letting go. It’s important to be able to turn the other cheek and be mature enough to forgive people, even and especially when they are totally in the wrong.During stressful times in life, we hope our people and community are there for us. When they aren’t, it can be another reason to feel hopeless and insecure. However, forgiveness to everyone else just going through life, as well as acceptance that our happiness and security lies within the power of our own hands are key characteristics to the values of stoicism. Be obsessed with your own destiny: this simple idea has the power and potential to change your life if you really believe in it. The idea behind obsession of our own destinies lies in the internal self-belief that you are meant for something, and it, in turn, is meant for you. In no world can you miss it, or it miss you. You are here for a reason, and destiny will carry you towards that reason eternally and forever. It allows us to accept all that is happening around us and see the bigger picture in life. This in turn allows you to build a strong and powerful emotional foundation that will lead you to achieve all that you dream of. Meditations is filled with incalculable tidbits of information that will help you better your life and understanding of the world around you. It teaches different things to different people, and has the power to teach you new things on every read. For anyone trying to gain control of their world, perceptions and emotional responses, it should be high on their list. Yet how can we apply his lessons to our everyday schedules?Daily PracticesHaving a built-in mindset when it comes to growth is one of the most important deciding factors on whether you will succeed at building new habits or not. A built-in approach asks one simple question: are you making this habit easy to implement within your world or not? If the answer is no, it’s unlikely that you’ll ever truly be able to take on that habit. We must make habits easy and natural to our days and movements. That can mean you find time to exercise on your daily commute to work, or listen to your language podcast every time you're cooking. In terms of stoicism, and lessons from Meditations, that means we must take the time to reflect and look back on our days, and so our lives any chance we get. A core tenet of Marcus Aurelius’s ideology was that he would journal every single day. Doing so allowed him to study himself and the world around him. (Getty)By journaling, meditating and pondering on the lessons you find in this book, or anywhere else for that matter, you will be able to notice the discrepancies between the person you are and the person you want to be. Giving yourself the space and time to reflect on such matters are keys to achieving internal peace, and emotional equilibrium.

The Magic in Affirmations for Success
Motivation

The Magic in Affirmations for Success

You’re human, so chances are you’ve noticed that when you get trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk, it can seem impossible to break. You may even tell yourself that negative thinking is just part of who you are—which is just more negative self-talk! But there’s hope. Repeating positive affirmations for success can help disrupt the cycle and make it easier to create a fresh, new positive outcome. These positive pathways can allow you to actually change the way you think about yourself, and—by extension—change your reality. The more you repeat daily affirmations, the more you will actually believe them. And that, friends, is powerful—magical even. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.With regular practice, affirmations for success can become a new and more positive framework for your life. There’s even science behind it! One study which used an MRI to observe the brains of people using affirmations for success found that key parts of the brain involved in self-processing saw increased activity.In other words, daily affirmations can quite literally light up your brain. They do work. And with the right practice, you can find all the success and all the abundance you’ve been dreaming of. Achieving success and finding a dream life full of life blessings and endless opportunities is within your grasp - as long as you can find a way to create a positive attitude that brings you all the good life has to offer.What is success, exactly?Different people have wildly different definitions of success. But exactly what does it mean to you? While many think of success as being aligned with financial wealth—this is but one facet of one kind of success, so don’t limit yourself. Perhaps, true success in your life would mean achieving a meaningful work-life balance, having deeper friendships, or finally being in a healthy romantic relationship. (MilosStankovic / Getty)Consider writing out what success means to you to gain a better understanding of your values, passions, and goals. Once you understand what it means to succeed in the context of your own life, you’re ready to start choosing affirmations for success (or writing your own!).What are positive affirmations for success?According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day, 80% of which are negative and 95% of which are repetitive thoughts which carry over from day to day. In other words, most of us are stuck in a negative feedback loop.To affirm is to say something positively. To speak an affirmation, then, is to confidently and assertively declare a positive thought—as though it were the truth. A positive affirmation for success is a concise and powerful statement designed to give you better control over your own thoughts. “I am” affirmations hold particular power, as they speak directly to the self—about the self. When you say, write, or think an affirmation regularly, whether part of your morning routine looking in the mirror or spoken out loud on your commute to work, they can become the basis for a new thought-pattern that actually shapes your reality.The following affirmations for success in different areas of life can be taken as they are, or molded to meet your own needs! Affirmations for success in your work lifeI am capable of undertaking difficult challenges.I am deserving of success.(draganab / Getty)I am capable of achieving meaningful work-life balance.I am financially stable and successful.I hold the power to attain all my career goals.I excel under pressure.I am intelligent and resourceful.I am focused.Affirmations for wealthI attract wealth from many directions.I am ready to use all my skills and knowledge to grow my riches.I think of wealth, but I also strive for it.I am able to thrive.I deserve financial freedom and a joyful life.My money multiplies as I give more of myself to serve others.I am a money magnet.I welcome all the wealth life offers me.Affirmations for success in romanceI am worthy of love. I am loved.I accept the love that I deserve.I deserve someone who loves me for me.I am attractive—both inside and out.(FG Trade / Getty)I attract partners I desire.I am enough.I can turn my fantasy into reality.Affirmations for confidenceBecause confidence is the key to changing the beliefs we hold about ourselves, the last set of affirmations included here is devoted to cultivating more confidence, which can unlock exciting new possibilities.I am unshakable. I stand up for my beliefs.I am a force for positive change.I am learning to thrive outside of my comfort zone.I am at ease with my strengths and my weaknesses.I am proud of my accomplishments, both large and small.I am capable of thriving under any circumstances.I release limiting beliefs about myself which no longer serve me and probably never did.Do affirmations actually work? Can they bring you a wonderful and successful life?We often doubt ourselves when what we should be doing is supporting ourselves. Repeating affirmations for success is a way of getting in touch with the fact that we are all brimming with power and imagination—if we only open ourselves to it.The words we say out loud (and in our heads) can impact our present as well as our future. Not to mention, they can also have a lasting impact—for better or worse—on those around us.If you want to make a change in your life and naturally attract good results, watch your words and restructure your thoughts as necessary. Stay positive and success is inevitable. The power of morning affirmations for success Affirmations can calm your body, relieve stress, and give you large and lovin’ doses of confidence and contentment. Especially first thing in the morning! There’s a certain magic to a quality morning routine. After all, morning is the perfect time to start fresh and choose the way you want to feel before anything or anyone else gets a say. Think of it as setting the tone for your day.Although affirmations can work any time of day, morning affirmations hold particular power because your mind is still waking up, and is more receptive. (draganab / Getty)What you do in your first 5-10 minutes (maybe even before you get out of bed) can determine your mood and your energy for the rest of the day. With your mind poised for success, you can face any kind of day.How to make daily affirmations more effectiveConsider taking the following steps to get the absolute most out of your affirmations, and achieve meaningful success in your life.Make a list of your negative traits which you've always told yourself were ‘true.’Include criticisms others have made of you that you've held onto in spite of yourself. Don't bother determining whether they’re ‘accurate’ or not. After all, we all have flaws. Simply make a list and search out a common theme, like “I'm unworthy,” or “I'm too much.” This is a great place to start. When you write out the recurring belief, notice if you are holding onto it anywhere in your body—maybe with tightness in your chest or clenching in your stomach. Write an affirmation that flips the overarching negative belief on its head.Get creative with your wording to find better ways of resonating with your deeper self. For instance, rather than, “I'm just enough,” you could say, “I'm everything I need to be, to the nth degree.” Once you've written your affirmation, consider asking someone you trust for feedback on making it even stronger.Say your affirmation out loud for five minutes, three times a day.Say your affirmations while looking in the mirror, perhaps while applying makeup, fixing your hair, or shaving. If saying it out loud just doesn't work for you, or you're not there yet, another option is to write it out several times instead. This is easier to do at work or in public as well. (Getty)Either way, over time as your perception of the affirmation changes, the way you feel will change as well.Root your affirmation in your body.As you repeat your affirmation for success, place your hand on any area of your body that may have felt uncomfortable when you wrote down your negative beliefs. Try to breathe your affirmation into this area while you're saying it. Ask a friend to repeat your affirmation back to you.As they tell you “You're everything you need to be, to the nth degree,” see if you can perceive this statement as a ‘good parenting’ message—in other words, someone outside of yourself who is reinforcing a positive and loving message. Alternatively, use your own reflection in the mirror. The idea is to learn to receive positivity and caring.Bottom LineDaily affirmations for success are an incredible way to redefine yourself. They can absolutely transform lives. The right affirmations can facilitate your ability to welcome positivity into your life and help you work toward accomplishing even your most harrowing goals. So let go of any negativity that’s been holding you back and make these affirmations a part of your life moving forward!SPEAK YOUR DREAMS INTO EXISTENCEAre you ready to beat those negative cycles?

At 37, Jonah Hill is Finally Ready to Stand Up for Himself and Accept His Body
Celebrities

At 37, Jonah Hill is Finally Ready to Stand Up for Himself and Accept His Body

Jonah Hill has been cinema’s go-to funnyman for well over fifteen years, but there’s one subject he’s not willing to laugh about. Over the years, the 37-year-old has established a reputation as an immensely charming, sharp-witted, and self-deprecating comedian. You can always count on him for a well-crafted, cleverly delivered wisecrack, no matter how inappropriate or out-of-bounds it may seem. One might think he’s more than happy to joke about his weight; after all, that’s what everyone expects from a funny, overweight persona in the industry. The mentality seems to be: humiliate yourself before anyone else can. In reality, Jonah Hill’s had enough. The Maniac actor has gotten more and more forthcoming about the struggles he’s faced, both publicly and privately, as a result of the discourse over his appearance. It doesn’t matter he’s a seasoned actor who’s spent nearly twenty years in the limelight, it doesn’t matter if he’s poked fun at his size before, it doesn’t matter if it offends audiences and erodes his standing as a comic. If something bothers you, you have every right to speak up for yourself. And that’s exactly what Jonah Hill did. He’s faced “childhood securities” for a long time, but at 37, he’s finally ready to accept himselfOn October 13, Jonah Hill asked his followers on Instagram to not “comment” on his body going forward. “Good or bad I want to politely let you know it's not helpful and doesn't feel good. Much respect,” he said. He said he understands that many of his supporters “mean well,” but any discussion over his figure doesn’t do any favors for his mental health. The post received resounding praise from numerous celebrities and social media users across the board. It’s not every day a famous male comedian expresses vulnerabilities about his size. However, it’s critical to keep in mind that it’s not the first time Jonah has detailed his predicament. In response to a DailyMail article where he was photographed in a wetsuit surfing on the beach, Jonah revealed he’s suffered from “childhood insecurities” about his body for as long as he could remember. I’m 37 and finally love and accept myself [...] For the kids who don’t take their shirt off at the pool. Have fun. You’re wonderful and awesome and perfect. All my love.Jonah HillThe Oscar-nominated actor said he didn’t take his shirt off at the pool until he was in his mid-thirties, even when he was around loved ones. “Years of public mockery about [his] body by press and interviewers” only compounded his shame, and he didn’t think he ever could accept his true self. Yet, as he writes the post, he couldn’t be prouder. “I’m 37 and finally love and accept myself,” he said. The Superbad star said he’s not trying to garner sympathy for his situation. He’s not trying to boast about his newfound confidence, either. He just wanted to convey his love and support to the youth who are facing the same ordeal he did; kids who are afraid to bare their bodies in fear of ridicule; kids who can’t look themselves in the mirror because they loathe themselves so much; kids who just need a little bit of kindness in their lives to improve their self-esteem. “You’re wonderful and awesome and perfect,” he told them in his post. Lastly, he declared that disparaging articles by tabloids don’t faze him anymore. He’s evolved plenty in the last couple of years, and he won’t let anyone rain on his parade. “Daily Mail, not even you can take that smile from my face,” he said, concluding his statement. Here’s why his admission mattersJonah Hill’s heartfelt honestly represents a watershed moment for body positivity among men. The movement has largely centered around women so far, but the consequences of body-shaming are as severe for men as they are for women. Men, too, have to work to the bone to meet the impossible aesthetical standards our society is dominated by. Male actors, specifically, have to endure these pressures in the public eye, and most of them can’t help but succumb to them. They either undergo dramatic fitness transformations to get their frame to look a certain way, or they get around the stigma by just poking fun at their own bodies. Just look at Zach Galifianakis or Jack Black. I think everybody has a version of themselves ― I call it a snapshot ― at some point in life... [you’re] trying to hide from the world [...] For me, it’s definitely being like this 14-year-old kid, being overweight, wanting to fit in with these skaters and hip-hop kids, and just feeling lonely and maybe not understanding my own worth.Jonah Hill on The Ellen Degeneres ShowJonah Hill, on the other hand, wants to address his anxiety head-on. In a candid interview with Ellen, Jonah disclosed he was called “fat, gross, and unattractive” as a teenager. That’s why he’d developed a habit of hiding himself from the world, whether it was through his humor or his occasional coldness. This unease doesn’t end when you’ve older, more successful, or good-looking; it’s perpetual in many ways, so you’re going to have to get used to the discomfort. Not comprehending his “own worth” led to a great deal of loneliness and self-doubt, which continued through his teens, twenties, and the majority of his thirties. Only when he started working on his directorial debut Mid90s did he begin to examine some of his deep-rooted difficulties regarding his weight. He finally started to “understand how much that hurt and got into [his] head,” he told Ellen. It took a long time, but he did reach a place of peace and pride. His journey demonstrates that everyone can suffer from crippling insecurities at any age, and it will be a continuous dilemma you will simply have to navigate as you go on. Jonah Hill’s growth as an individual is also remarkable in that he’s usually known as the comic relief, the guy who doesn’t mind a gag or two at his expense. For him to be so open about his vulnerabilities has made him an icon of sorts in the body positivity conversation. It’s never too late to stand up for yourselfNobody can dare take your voice away. It doesn’t matter who you are; you should always have the freedom to speak your truth and demand the respect you deserve. No one should have the power to make you feel inferior or any less worthy of love. If Jonah Hill can find self-love and acceptance in his late thirties, nothing is stopping you. Just keep believing in yourself, and trust that the worst days will pass. Someday, you’ll look back and wonder why you ever felt so down about yourself. The truth is everyone comes to their realization in their own time. As Jonah Hill says, “You’re wonderful and awesome and perfect.”More inspiring stories: Why We Need To Talk About Vin Diesel’s Powerful Response to Fat-ShamingWhy Jonah Hill Lived In Shame For So Long—And How He Freed HimselfJenna Dewan’s Comments about Channing Tatum Will Shatter Your Expectations About HimThe Truth Behind Zoe Kravitz’ Relationship With Her Parents

How to Use Time Blocking to Take Control of Your Schedule
Self-Development

How to Use Time Blocking to Take Control of Your Schedule

You’ve likely heard the phrase work smarter not harder. While this platitude may sound like too lofty of a goal, it’s more than just one of those inspirational quotes you see on Instagram (and then roll your eyes over). There actually is a way to reclaim your time, take control of your schedule and work fewer overall hours as a result. And no, the answer does not involve some Google calendar app. It’s a simple two word phrase that, if properly integrated into your life, can be life-changing. Get ready to learn about time blocking.What is time blocking?Time blocking is a simple time management technique that actually works. When you break down your days into specific, meaningful chunks, you end up spending more time staying on-task—and slaying your to-do list—and less time feeling like you’re not making any progress. (Jose m. Alvarez / Getty)By doing one thing at a time, and blocking off time to actually do all the things, you’ll be far more productive. Ready to get started? Here’s what you need to know about why time blocking works and how to implement it into your schedule right away. Why you need time blocks in your lifeTime blocking is essentially creating blocks of time on your calendar that are dedicated to specific tasks. Instead of creating a to-do list for your day and getting to each item whenever you happen to get to them, this time management technique ensures that each of those items on your list are actually accounted for on your schedule. It’s a way to learn how to focus your mental energies where they’re needed most. This creates more productivity in your day and helps keep you from procrastinating or simply not getting around to something that’s important to you to finish. You can group similar tasks together into the same block (like, making phone calls, answering emails or running errands). (The Good Brigade / Getty)You can also block time for self-care, napping, playing with your dog—whatever you need to do in your day to help you be at your best. If you feel like you’re losing control of your day to meetings, busy work or just general franticness or stress, time blocking is for you. Learn how to use it, and you'll learn how to be successful!Uninterrupted time is productive timeWhen you block off time to address your email, for instance, you only have a set amount of minutes to be in reactive mode and respond to those messages. If you feel like you’re being constantly interrupted by coworkers delegating tasks, asking questions or calling meetings, blocking off your schedule is a great way to reclaim uninterrupted time and get into deep work. Or, if you feel like you need more time to mentally wrap your head around certain projects or tasks, sectioning off part of your day to devote to said tasks can give you the ability to dive in with a clearer head knowing you can stay focused. With clear time management, you can feel less stressed, experience more productivity and work more efficiently. Win, win, win. Scheduling tricks similar to time blockingIt’s worth mentioning that there are other scheduling methods you can use instead of, or in tandem with, blocking time, in case these techniques would work better for your particular circumstances. Here are three other time management approaches to consider:Time boxingSounds similar to time blocking, yes, but time boxing is quite different. It’s great for people who like to challenge themselves. Time boxing means that each of your tasks has a specific end goal. Instead of blocking off time to work on a draft of a proposal (time blocking), you’ll set aside time to finish the proposal in a set amount of hours (time boxing). You have to work both quickly and efficiently to complete the tasks at hand. Task batchingFor smaller tasks, create a time block dedicated to a bunch of to-dos. For instance, instead of checking and posting to social media throughout the day, which can be a huge time suck, you can use a 20-minute task batch to scroll your accounts and schedule your posts for the day. This thematic catch-all for block time ensures you don’t end up down a rabbit hole of endless scrolling. Day theming For this technique, each day gets a specific purpose. For example, Monday can be your writing day, Tuesday is for editing, Wednesday is for posting and promoting your work, and Thursday is for content research and pitching ideas to your team. (Luis Diaz Devesa / Getty)This approach may work better for you than time blocks, depending on your type of work and the kinds of tasks you need to complete. Key benefits of time blockingMaking your schedule work for you has a number of upsides. Not only will you feel more in charge of your day, but using a time management technique like time blocking allows you to decide what tasks are most important to you and when. Commanding control of your schedule can also help you feel less resentful toward others who aren’t being cognizant of your time because your time blocks put you in the driver’s seat instead of being constantly reactive to the events of your day. Here are some of the key benefits to time blocking more in-depth:Time blocking allows you to take charge of your scheduleYou know your priorities best. By blocking time out for the tasks that matter most to you, you’ll go about your days in active mode, not reactive mode. You’ll be able to meet your deliverables without feeling like all you do is work because you’ll build in time for yourself, too. (More on this later!) Having your time blocked can make your to-do list less overwhelming because there will be a set time for each task to get your attention. Time management can be a major key to success and time blocking makes it possible.Time blocking makes you more aware of how you spend your timeWhen you time block, all of your time is accounted for. You’ll soon discover how long certain tasks really take and how much time you used to spend on other things, like completing your morning routine, firing off emails or chatting on Slack whenever someone messaged you. Instead of wondering where all the time went during your work week, you’ll know. And by the end of each day you can look at your calendar and feel more accomplished knowing that your valuable hours didn’t go to waste. Time blocking boosts productivityWhen the clock is running, you typically feel more of a fire under your seat to get things done. Time blocks (and especially time boxes) can give you the motivation you need to get going on certain tasks and see them through to completion. (Luis Alvarez / Getty)If you build in reward time for yourself on your calendar after these chunks of work, you’ll have extra incentive to get things done. Productivity is the name of the game here. Time blocking keeps you focusedIt’s hard to get mental clarity when you’re being pulled in multiple directions or have to stop every 20 minutes to duck into yet another meeting. Scheduling a set amount of time to devote to projects or tasks allows you to really focus. Single tasking, not multitasking, is what you really need when it comes to deep work. Block time ensures that you stay on the right track. Time blocking encourages follow through​​When you write something down, you’re more likely to do it. But often a to-do list just isn’t enough to really get things done because it’s not specific enough. Time blocking encourages following through by making a set time on your calendar for all of your tasks. Having a concrete plan for devoting your time to certain tasks ensures that you will indeed tackle them—and with clear focus. In this way, time blocking your schedule keeps you accountable.Time blocking helps you keep up your self careFor many people, finding time to take care of yourself falls to the end of the to-do list. And oftentimes, self care becomes optional—you don’t have to go to yoga or meal prep your lunches or take a bath. These things don’t pay the bills after all. However, with time blocking you’ll not only have more time in your schedule to actually do things for yourself but you’ll be able to section off self care time for more restoring tasks. In this way, creating blocks of time isn’t just about productivity and getting things done in your work week, it’s about helping you find balance and peace in your day, too. When your self care is time blocked, it becomes non-negotiable. How to use time blocking to manage your dayIt’s important to recognize that, like anything else, time blocking is a skill to hone. You might need a few days (or weeks!) of trying it out to discover how to make your calendar work for you instead of the other way around. Focus on progress over perfection. You’ll get the hang of it as you practice your new way of scheduling. If you’re ready to start time blocking and really dig into this time management method, here’s how to get started:Write down your daily to-do listBefore writing out the time blocks on your calendar, start with a simple to-do list of tasks. From here, you can start building in how long each of your tasks will take and how often these items should appear week to week. You might consider taking a macro look at your schedule and calendar on Sunday nights (or the last day of the month) so you can plan your time blocks for the week(s) ahead. Overestimate how long tasks will takeOne of the biggest pitfalls time blocking newbies face is underestimating how long each item on their list actually takes. Chances are, you’ll need more than 20 minutes a day to answer emails, at least when you first start off blocking your time. Get into it slowly by overestimating the time to complete tasks—you could even go as far as to expect that your tasks would take you twice as long as you think. You can always modify your calendar after you get into the swing of things. Block both work and home tasksUse time blocks for all of the time on your calendar, not just your time spent at the office. You can batch home cleaning tasks (folding laundry, doing dishes), childcare tasks (like packing lunches and going over homework) , personal tasks (grocery shopping, food prep, home organization)—you name it. By giving yourself dedicated time for these things, you’ll have more productivity at home and at work. Determine your prime timePrioritize deep work for when you’re at your sharpest. You should know by now when you work best, whether that’s first thing in the morning or after you’ve had lunch. Make sure that your time blocks are scheduled so that your prime time happens when you can really take advantage of working without distractions. This will keep you on track. Create do not disturb timeWhen possible, move meetings into blocks of time so that you can section off areas in your calendar for deep work. If you want coworkers to respect your time, share your calendar with these portions marked as “do not disturb” so you can ensure that these time blocks stay yours and will not be filled with requests and mindless tasks. (Peter Dazeley / Getty)When you set aside time for yourself, you may also encourage others to create dedicated time for themselves as well. Add blocks for reactive tasks each dayBe sure to block in time for answering email and other reactive tasks. But also add in a time block for unexpected tasks that could come up in your day and threaten to take over your calendar. By accounting for the inevitable last-minute ask from your boss or the random ball that somehow lands in your court, you’ll be able to stay on track. Don’t overschedule your downtimeTime blocking doesn’t mean that every minute of your day needs to be accounted for. In fact, blocking in chunks of “free” time is essential for avoiding burnout. (David Sacks / Getty)Make sure that your downtime doesn’t become overrun by the to-dos in your calendar. Stay flexibleFrom the boss calling an emergency meeting to your kid getting sick and having to stay home from school, life happens. Remember that your schedule needs to be somewhat flexible in order to work. Explore different time blocking methodsBreaking down each and every day into time blocks can take a lot of, well, time. For some people, the effort and inflexibility that comes with blocking each day into chunks just isn’t worth it. (Or it’s just not possible, depending on your job and life circumstances.)That doesn’t mean you’ll be left out of the time management game. You can still get the benefits of time blocking with these two methods that can be implemented whenever you need to get into some deep work or want to drill down on your tasks:The Pomodoro Technique: Entrepreneur Francesco Cirillo is credited with this time block idea, which was named after his tomato-shaped timer. The Pomodoro Technique is when you break down all of your tasks into 25 minute time blocks. (Morsa Images / Getty)The idea is that these short chunks of time keep you focused without getting burnt out or distracted. While it may not work for everyone, it’s a great way to get started with time blocking. Be sure to add a five or ten minute break between each 25-minute burst. (There’s also an app to help with this—more on that below.)Parkinson’s Law​​This time management technique is built on the idea that having too much time to finish a task could actually make that task take longer than it needs to. Parkinson’s Law comes from British historian Cyril Northcote Parkinson who famously said that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.” Instead of allotting a certain amount of time for your tasks, try working without your computer plugged in (meaning that you have to finish the job before your battery runs out) or cut your deadline by 50 percent so you need to finish a project well before its due date. The three best time blocking apps to try outWhen you start time blocking, it may help to have an app guiding you along the way. (Though, time blocking apps are actually great for time management newcomers and pros alike.) Here are three great apps that can get you going and help you continue you manage your calendar as you get more and more comfortable with time blocking: Plan As far as time blocking apps go, the Plan app is both streamlined and convenient. It combines your Google or Outlook calendar with your to-do list. You can also make multiple to-do lists within the app for specific projects or categories for further organization and time management. Sunsama If you want an app to do the work for you, look no further. Sunsama prompts you each morning by asking you what tasks you need to work on today and for how long. Then, like your very own personal assistant, this time tracking app builds your day out for you, integrating with Google and Outlook calendars. Scheduling, check! TickTick PremiumThis app allows you to list your tasks as well as block out time on your calendar for those tasks but it also incorporates a Pomodoro timer into the mix, making it stand out from the rest. If you need a ticking clock, literally, to get things done, then this is the app for you. All in all, these apps make scheduling and time tracking easy so that you can focus on the tasks at hand. While they all cost money to use (after each app’s free trial period), having an app to integrate your tasks with your calendar is a great tool to have at your disposal. Time blocking ensures that your time is well spentHaving a calendar that’s organized with your important tasks and deep work as your priorities can help you stay focused—and flourish—in your day to day life. By utilizing time blocking, you’re putting yourself and your time first, which can feel like a major step if you tend to go through life in reactive mode.(Moof / Getty)With your time blocked, you’re taking a great first step toward reclaiming your precious hours and putting them to optimal use. As you get more and more comfortable taking up space in your own schedule, your confidence and ownership of your time will spread to other aspects of your life.

Why We Need To Talk About Vin Diesel's Powerful Response to Fat-Shaming
Motivation

Why We Need To Talk About Vin Diesel's Powerful Response to Fat-Shaming

He might seem like the toughest man in show business, but that doesn’t give anyone a free pass to pile on Vin Diesel. Over the years, Vin has consistently presented himself as a bullheaded, gruff, macho figure who has never let anything faze him. He’s the enduring, beloved face of the wildly successful Fast & Furious franchise and has essentially built an entire career off of a hypermasculine persona that dominates both on and off the screen. His deep gravelly voice, his buff, broad-shouldered physique, and his propensity for action movie work have all contributed to his formidable image, a man you wouldn’t want to cross under any circumstances. Unfortunately, people have and will continue to do so. No man is safe in a judgmental, tabloid-oriented culture profiting off public outrage, hate, and negativity. You’d never expect the trolls to target Vin, but when he gained weight, they unleashed on him at full throttle. Vin’s experience on the receiving end not only lays bare the larger issue of male body-shaming but also tells us a thing or two about his emotional resilience. Vin opens up about being shamed for his “dad bod”On September 7, 2021, the Daily Mail ran a story headlined “The Fat And The Furious! Shirtless Vin Diesel, 54, proudly displays his dad bod on yacht trip with Zoe Saldana and her husband Marco Pereg - after revealing he relaxes his figure between roles.” The piece featured close-up photos of the bare-chested actor lounging atop a yacht, with his slightly plump tummy flopping out. There’s nothing sensationalist or scandalous about a man appearing slightly heavy during vacation; everyone is known to let it go when they’re away from the hustle and bustle of work. You want to savor the time with your loved ones, eat to your heart’s content, and not have to worry about the pressures of maintaining a certain body type. Vin’s allowed to have fun like everyone else. Just because you’re an enormous movie star doesn’t mean you have to live up to people’s expectations off the clock. The story also included a caption saying Vin “proudly showcased his 'dad bod.’” First of all, how is he in any way “proudly” showing off his figure? The 54-year-old actor is relaxing on a yacht with his friends and family, not advertising his body or ‘showcasing’ it like it’s a prized jewel. If the paparazzi happen to catch him in a deeply unflattering pose as he’s actively trying to avoid the spotlight, it’s not his fault. He doesn’t deserve the criticism — he’s the one who had his privacy invaded. Therefore he doesn’t have to offer any explanations about his body as it’s not a sight for the public to see or consume. I get it, you know? I mean, a) I don’t have to be in front of the camera for a couple months and b) I really am a dad [...] I'm okay because I've had the best body in New York City for decades.Vin Diesel to Complex This isn’t Vin’s first rodeo, either. He’s gained weight multiple times over the years, usually in his time off between movies. The Dad Bod jokes abound, of course, but Vin wears the label with pride. “I really am a dad,” said Vin to Complex Magazine. He is well aware he can straighten out his body in the space of a few months if needed for a particular role. When he packs on the pounds, he said, it’s usually when he’s away from the film cameras and doesn’t expect to be spotted by anyone. Even if he does get snapped, so what? If it’s not a contractual obligation to look a part, he shouldn’t have to owe anyone anything. Moreover, he finds the invasion of privacy “weird” and doesn’t understand why audiences seem to fixate on his ever-fluctuating body. Fortunately, he doesn’t feel too bothered by it; he had the “best body in New York City” for decades, so he doesn't feel the need to compensate for anything. What does this say about male body-shaming?The body-shaming that Vin endured at the hands of these publications exposes the toxicity that still prevails over masculinity and its extremely high physical standards. The body positivity movement has thus far centered around women, and there’s some justification in this. Women, in general, are privileged for their beauty, body, and youth and have far more to lose if they’re photographed looking ‘fat’ or ‘ugly.’ Men, in contrast, don’t rely on their appearances as much to make money or marry well, so people assume they don’t need such a movement to empower them. The problem is that this inequality has led to a disparity in terms of how men and women are treated for the same changes in their bodies. An article describing a woman’s weight gain would never have the headline, “The Fat And The Furious,” in this day and age. Yet, the language being deployed to describe Vin’s body is explicit, with no sign of sensitivity. Honestly, I would rather [the body shaming] come to me than somebody else. I can take it [...] I’m not trying to be in super shape all of the time. I’m trying to master my craft of making films.Vin Diesel on Good Morning AmericaIn an ideal world, you don’t have to make references to someone’s body at all, whether they’re male or female. Vin’s gender doesn’t make him invincible to public vitriol; he deserves the support of the body positivity movement just as much as women. People need to exercise respect when discussing others’ external features. Of course, some think they have free rein to descend on Vin, who only occasionally gets fat, as opposed to someone like Jonah Hill, who’s struggled with weight his entire career. But the same logic applies: respect needs to be unwavering regardless of the individual in question. Vin can “take it,” in his opinion, but some other man could quickly become depressed due to the bullying. In fact, Vin went so far as to say he’s glad it comes in his direction because he’d rather it’d be him than someone else. “I do think it’s wrong to body shame,” he told Good Morning America in 2015. Watch your wordsVin Diesel might come off as a cold, steely character at the end of this story, but it’s his mental fortitude that should be credited. It’s what’s enabled him to flourish in this industry through all the ups and downs. He’s content and fulfilled in himself and isn’t bothered in the least by what anyone has to say about him. At the same time, he’s capable of understanding how it might impact other people in the exact position, so he’s empathetic about their dilemma and is supportive of body positivity in general. Our words possess plenty of meaning and power, so we need to be more mindful about wielding them. If our harsh remarks have the potential to ruin someone’s day, especially for something that doesn’t hurt anyone, why not just keep it in? Furthermore, other people’s bodies have no relation to ours. It doesn’t make sense to get heated when we can just look away and move onto a different subject. Everyone’s just doing the best they can, so let’s watch our words and evaluate our actions on an ongoing basis. More inspiring stories:Why Vin Diesel and Paloma Jiménez Choose To Keep Their Love Under WrapsThis Is How Vin Diesel Coped With Losing “His Other Half,” Paul WalkerHow Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson’s Feud Started— and How They Ended ItVin Diesel: The Off-Screen Hero Who Wants You To Look Beyond His Physique

Decision Making: How To Make Impactful Decisions
Self-Development

Decision Making: How To Make Impactful Decisions

Making decisions is an essential part of everyday life. From major life choices to tiny, unconscious preferences, decision making skills involve mastering the hundreds (if not thousands) of quick, strategic choices daily.While much of this process may be happening below the surface, there are still plenty of ways to hone your capacity for effective decision making so you can find the key factors to weigh and the right course of action to take.Want to become a pro at examining alternatives for possible solutions and making quick, effective decisions? Here’s how to hone your decision making process and set yourself up for decision making success. What is Decision Making?Let’s start by defining what decision making actually is. On a psychological level, making a decision is the cognitive process of choosing between two or more alternatives. Another oft-cited definition of decision making comes from a 1993 textbook on management by Trewatha & Newport. It states that “decision-making involves the selection of a course of action from among two or more possible alternatives in order to arrive at a solution for a given problem.”We might say that the first definition encompasses nearly every decision we make, from who we date to what order we put on our clothes in the morning. This includes unconscious decisions. The second definition refers to strategic decision making, or decisions we make to solve problems, whether work-related or more personal. Such decisions involve weighing the alternatives and choosing a course of action to avoid negative consequences or achieve a desired outcome. Strategic Decision Making: How to Make Good DecisionsTo understand how to become an ace decision maker, it’s important to first understand the type and amount of decisions we actually make in a given day. So, what’s your guess? Participants of a 2006 study estimated it was somewhere around 15. Turns out they were way off! The study found we make over 200 decisions a day just related to food and beverage choices alone. John S. Dyson, Professor of Marketing and of Applied Economics at Cornell, told the Cornell Chronicle, "So many food decisions are made on mindless autopilot.” When you consider how much more we do in a day, you can imagine the true scope of human decision making and how many alternatives we’re actually contending with. According to a 2016 study, American adults are estimated to make around 35,000 decisions in a day, and we’re not even aware of most of them. So how do you turn off the “mindless autopilot” and determine your own course of action?Decisions, DecisionsThe first step is to determine what decisions you want to bring into deliberate focus. This includes any areas where making a good decision will have a positive impact on your life, and a poor decision could result in negative consequences. This might involve decisions about your:health and wellnesslove life choice of careerfinancessocial circlecultural or political affiliationsSetting goals in these areas will help you hone in on what’s most important to you. Then you can focus your mental and emotional energy on the things that really matter. When it comes to what kind of takeout to order or what color car to buy, the stakes aren’t quite as high.The Human Decision Making ProcessOnce you’ve determined the areas you want to focus on, the next step in the decision making process is to get educated about alternatives.Gathering dataGathering the relevant data, getting informed about what the experts think, and leaning on your own personal experience to guide you are all a part of effective decision making. When you’re educated about a subject, whether it’s the healthiest food to fuel your body or the most effective way to fix up a classic car, you’re well on the way to making good decisions that will lead you to your goal. Developing confidenceResearch shows that getting educated will also help you feel more confident in your decision making process, which is a key aspect of success. When you have the self-confidence to make tough calls under pressure, you’re more likely to make good decisions and follow through on your chosen course of action without distraction from doubts and personal insecurities. Want to boost your confidence? Check out these self confidence quotes for a little inspiration.7 steps to good decision makingLet’s break it down into steps. There’s a general consensus that the decision making process involves about seven steps. This framework is used in all kinds of decision making, from ethical to business decisions. The 7 steps to good decision are:Identifying the decision: What is it you need to make a decision about?Gathering relevant info: (izkes / Getty)In this stage, talk to people with more experience, read up on similar decisions made in the past, and get familiar with the facts. Identifying alternatives: It’s pretty rare that our choices appear in clear-cut black and white. Usually, there are multiple options and gradients to the potential benefits and downsides. The best way to get clear on your options is to map them out, either visually or in list form. Weighing the evidence: This involves examining the details of each potential decision, along with the potential positive and negative consequences. Choosing among the alternativesDecision makers take all the relevant information, put aside their personal biases, avoid the perils of following their gut reactions, and make a call. Taking actionOnce you’ve taken the time to gather facts and have made a decision, do it!Reviewing your decision:Did your decision result in your desired outcome? Do you have to go back to the drawing board? This reflection phase of decision making process will help inform your future decisions, making your decision making more effective each time you do it. Organizational Decision MakingWhen it comes to organizational behavior and making decisions that lead to better outcomes within group dynamics, there are additional factors to consider when you’re weighing the possible alternatives. Group decision making involves taking into account the interests of all parties involved, known as “stakeholders” in the business world. If you’re making a decision that affects a larger group, like your team, your clients, your board, or your shareholders, you may want to keep the PLUS Ethical Decision Making Model in mind. This model lays out an additional set of guidelines, a structured approach that can help you make a good decision in light of organization values, procedures, and precedents, a balance system that pays dividends within groups over time. The components of the PLUS model are as follows:P = PoliciesL = LegalU = UniversalS = SelfPoliciesWhen it comes to the policies step, ask yourself whether your decision is consistent with your organization's policies, procedures and guidelines. Are there past precedents in the organization that are similar to the decision you have to make?What organizational values does your decision honor?LegalThe next question to ask is whether your decision is going to have unintended negative consequences, i.e. does it break the rules?This doesn’t just pertain to the law though. It’s important to ask whether your decision is acceptable under the applicable guidelines and regulations or your specific organization. Does it violate any codes of ethics or contractual agreements? Does it leave anyone out in the cold?UniversalDoes your decision conform to the universal principles and values of your organization? Does it not only conform to, but uphold those values? Does the decision result in the most good for the greatest number of people involved?SelfDoes your choice satisfy your personal definition of right, good, and fair? In other words, do you feel as though your decision is in integrity with your values?If the decision you’re making checks all these boxes, you’re well on your way to making a sound, ethical, and effective decision that brings about positive results for your organization. That’s the stuff of good organizational decision making. How to Combat Decision FatigueDecision fatigue describes the impaired ability to make decisions and control behavior as a consequence of repeated acts of decision-making. In other words, being responsible for a lot of decisions can actually impair your ability to keep making decisions effectively. More colloquially, this fatigue is sometimes known as analysis paralysis. This idea comes from the Strength Model of Self-Control, which argues that people have a limited capacity to regulate their behavior. Just like your muscles get tired when you repeatedly use them, your decision “muscles,” known in psychology as executive function and emotional regulation, can get tired. The effort of processing information to make a decision can leave you feeling depleted, confused, and frustrated. When you get to this point, you might find that you can hardly tell up from down, let alone feel confident in making a solid choice. When this happens, it’s best to leave it alone for a while. Instead, try a calming activity that has nothing to do with your decision. For instance, try:Calling a friend and chatting about something unrelated to your decisionTaking a walk and enjoying the sights and soundsDoing something hands-on, like making art or gardeningGetting your heart rate moving by exercising, jogging, riding a bike, or lifting weightsIn conclusionNo matter who you are, decision making is an essential part of life. Every day consists of thousands of decisions that are affected by a number of factors including powerful cognitive biases, big and small, that add up to shape the direction you move in. Making decisions may be difficult at times, but such problems can be avoided and you can empower yourself by getting educated about the most effective methods for strategic decision making. Take charge of your decision making process and avoid common errors by learning the tools and techniques that successful leaders use to make tough calls under pressure, elevate their values, and make choices that result in positive results for everyone involved.

Adriana Lima's Unconventional Stance On Intimacy Before Marriage Challenges Expectations
Dating

Adriana Lima's Unconventional Stance On Intimacy Before Marriage Challenges Expectations

Society might be progressing at a breakneck pace, but is it becoming more meaningful?It’s the age-old adage: change is the only constant in life. As much as we dread it, prolong it, or run from it, it’ll arrive right on time and sweep away everything in its path. In many cases, this is a positive phenomenon and can be an opportunity for innovation and prosperity. Why abide by archaic, unrealistic notions of love, passion, and commitment when they have no relevance to our modern lifestyles? Why preserve them if they do not apply to present-day dynamics and only serve to hark back to a bygone era no one wants to revisit? Brazilian supermodel Adriana Lima isn’t necessarily advocating for a traditional way of life, but a few of her personal choices do remind us of a time when the dating game operated on an entirely different set of rules and customs. Here’s how she is challenging the status quo and what her outlook tells us about intimacy:She remained a virgin until marriage and turned down every man who didn’t “respect” her choiceAs one of the hottest, most ubiquitous supermodels of the aughts, Adriana Lima knows a thing or two about attractiveness and how it relates to desirability. She not only commanded each and every catwalk with confidence and oomph but also impressed audiences with her personality and work ethic. As a somewhat sexualized figure in the zeitgeist, she had to endure a number of assumptions regarding her personal life, many of which included absurd claims about her availability to the opposite sex. Yet, Adriana has always been clear on where she stands: no sex until marriage. In her heyday, circa 2006, she took part in a revealing interview with GQ and stated she would wait to have sex until marriage. “Sex is for after marriage,” she told the magazine. She explained it’s her Catholic faith that influences her perspective on love and sexual intimacy, and as a devout member of the church, she couldn’t betray the scripture and commit pre-marital sex. You have to stick up for your beliefs, and it’s about what makes you comfortable. Just follow your own values. Adriana Lima to Huff Post LiveHer position on this issue seems as extreme today as it did fifteen years ago. The interviewer replied with a “Say What?” and asked her to elaborate. She confirmed she was a virgin at the time of the article, though she mentioned she’d dated a few men before. However, love, as we call it, “only happens once” in her book. The Brazillian native also added that she doesn’t “care” if men are thwarted off by her belief. “They have to respect that this is my choice. If there’s no respect, that means they don’t want me,” she said. She’s adamant they need to adhere to her judgment call and get on the same page; if they don’t follow her values, they don’t deserve a chance. In a Huff Post interview in 2013, Adriana confirmed she lost her virginity at age 27 upon her marriage to NBA star Marco Jaric. She also added that the wait was worth her time; she didn’t budge on her principles and prioritized her comfort level every step of the way. There’s something about a woman deciding to stick to her guts even when the general public would prefer her to be more compliant and subservient. But is her choice the more unconventional or unrealistic one?You could probably spend an exorbitant number of hours dissecting her point-of-view and examining how it clashes with so many contemporary approaches to love and sex. At the end of the day, we shouldn’t necessarily hold sex on a pedestal and begin to lambast every individual that doesn’t treat it like some sort of a special occasion. For some people, sex is just sex: it’s akin to going to the bathroom, brushing your teeth, or eating junk food. You engage in the activity because it satiates you, or perhaps it’s part of a routine for you, or maybe you want to become well-acquainted with someone on a physical level. Of course, sex can be a beautiful means to intimacy and connection, but once again, this doesn’t have to do anything with marriage, either. In the older days, until a few decades ago, virginity was considered a prized attribute in a woman, a feature that immediately spoke volumes about her disposition, her suitability as a would-be wife, and her fertility capabilities. If she weren’t a virgin before marriage, she would likely be labeled as a ‘slut,’ someone with no concern for social order and gender roles. Times changed, and most women nowadays are expected to have some sort of sexual or romantic history prior to marriage. It has been normalized through decades of feminist movements, pop culture depictions, and general apathy about the matter in most communities. In fact, people have evolved to such a degree that Adriana’s attitude is likely considered unusual or unrealistic in many circles. Most people would dismiss her thinking as the rigid instructions of a cruel, unforgiving religion, but Adriana’s choice isn’t necessarily a reflection of church directives. Initially, it was, but over time, she’s reiterated it’s more about her comfortability and how she wanted to find the right person before taking part in what is a significant and vulnerable act. Not everyone will perceive it as unique or transformative, but when you’re with the right person, as Adriana had sought to be with, it indeed takes on a new air, and you want to put more effort and time into it. Unfortunately, Adriana and Marco’s marriage didn’t last, and they announced their separation on May 2, 2014. Yet, the relationship failure doesn’t necessarily challenge or discredit her earlier decision. A few people could definitely benefit from treating sex with more caution and meaning, and once you realize its specialness, it could be a way to achieve more profound intimacy and togetherness with your partner. Not everyone should or will be able to regard sex through this lens, but it’s brilliant food for thought nonetheless. Prioritize your comfort every step of the wayAdriana’s unconventional mindset tells us that we can’t expect every person to tackle love and sex the same way. Women’s empowerment is also about embracing the diversity of thought and extending every woman the chance to express her opinion without fear of judgment or ostracization. If you’d like to sleep with a hundred men before settling down, go for it. If you’d like to save yourself before marriage, you should have every right to do so. If you don’t want to get married or settle down at all, that’s your choice, too. Ultimately, your sexual experience will be determined by what you and your partner make of it. A one-night stand is not any less passionate than a long-term couple sleeping together for the umpteenth time. What matters at the end of the day is that you’re comfortable, you feel authentic, and you’re not under societal pressure in any which way. As long as you know yourself and your desires, you’ll be able to find something beautiful regardless. More inspiring stories:Ashley Graham Says Intimacy Is the Key to a Happy Marriage – and the Reason Why Is Not What You ThinkBillie Eilish’s Realization About Love Will Make You Re-Think Your WorthCourteney Cox and Johnny McDaid Prove There Are No Set Rules in LoveIs Your Fear of Intimacy Sabotaging Your Relationships?

Tracee Ellis Ross Has An Important Reminder For All Single Women
Mindset

Tracee Ellis Ross Has An Important Reminder For All Single Women

You could be the most beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, talented woman of your time and still be perceived as “incomplete” without a husband and a slew of young, adorable children by your side. It’s an expectation that’s not just imposed upon girls from a startlingly young age — it’s drilled into them as the only ‘normal’ way to be, the default that every woman will, inevitably, naturally, abide by to fulfill her purpose on this earth. Whether you’re a naïve, unprepared twenty-two-year-old pregnant with your first child or a middle-aged woman pursuing alternative means to experience late motherhood, a baby is considered a blessing no matter what. It’s the piece you’ve been missing all along, the treasure that can catapult you into a state of endless euphoria and love. Only, the reality isn’t as idyllic, and women feel more comfortable than ever resisting those predetermined lifestyles in favor of their unique priorities. Fertility isn’t the be-all and end-all in this day and age; civilization will simply go on regardless of whether some women choose to become mothers or not. Just look at Blackish star Tracee Ellis Ross: she is not explicitly rejecting the norm, but she’s clear where she stands and how she wants to live her life. Tracee favors her “dreams” over the expectations of getting married and starting a family In a strikingly honest interview with Glamour magazine, Tracee opens up about the perennial pressures women face in meeting a man and starting a family. The actress has never been married or had children, but she argues this doesn’t affect her approach in life in the least. She’s a hard-working professional with countless accolades to her name; she’s a loving daughter; she’s a supportive sister; she’s a role model to thousands of young actresses hoping to find a footing in the entertainment industry. She’s already juggling so many responsibilities and aspirations; why does she need to add a partner or family to the mix to feel more valid or capable?Tracee Ellis Ross and the cast of GirlfriendsI’m a good friend, a solid daughter, a hard worker, my credit is good, I take out the garbage before it gets smelly, I recycle, and I won a Golden Globe [...] I’m going to pay attention to the reality of my life and the audacity of my dreams instead of the expectation I was raised with. Tracee Ellis Ross to Glamour Tracee says even the most well-intentioned folks can’t help but remind her it’s “never too late” for her life to have “meaning,” as if everything she’s attained up to this point doesn’t matter, that her life is as good as pointless if she doesn’t have offspring to share it with. This perpetuates the idea that the relationships you share with your parents, friends, co-workers, or siblings will always be inferior to those you might have with potential romantic partners or children. Your most productive place in society is as a wife or a mother. It’s as if our mission is to nurture everyone’s lives but ourselves. There’s no doubt some women prefer to tether themselves to their nuclear family, but the most fundamental privilege you can confer upon women is to recognize and appreciate their differences. Tracee says as a single, childless woman in her forties, she’s had to “make friends with loneliness” in certain situations, but it’s also allowed her to strengthen in selfhood and resilience. At this point, she’s well-versed in distinguishing between what constitutes “choiceful solitude” vs. what constitutes unwanted loneliness. She hasn't completely ruled out the idea of marriage but doesn't want to be "waiting"Just because you prefer to spend time by yourself doesn’t mean you can’t crave social or familial support; it just means you like to flourish independently at times and find it’s the best route to being at peace with yourself and the world. Tracee reveals meditation and journaling are two activities that enable her to build appreciation for herself, but she also savors her “tribe of people” who are ready to put themselves at her disposal whenever there is a need. “One of the ways of cultivating my own selfhood is that I get to lean into different people,” she told the magazine. Most importantly, she won’t, in any way, buckle to the expectations that serve to dictate her path; she will keep focusing on her “audacity of dreams;” the passions that truly drive her to excel and persevere. I used to put myself to sleep dreaming of my wedding. And I would still love all of that, but what am I going to do, just sit around waiting? Shut up. I’ve got so many things to do. Tracee Ellis Ross to Marie ClaireWhile Tracee is steadfast in her determination to achieve self-actualization without depending on a husband or children, she is not entirely opposed to the idea of settling down with someone. However, she’s so occupied with her endeavours she doesn’t have the time for “waiting” around for the perfect candidate to sweep her off her feet. As an actress, producer, and a recent entrepreneur of her haircare startup, Pattern Beauty, she’s a busy woman. If she’s meant to be with someone and if she feels ready enough to become a mother, it will happen. At the moment, however, she’s not the least bit concerned with adhering to rigid social mores that don’t apply to her personality or her journey. This doesn’t mean she’s stopped pursuing love or isn’t embracing her sexuality; in fact, she’s more appreciative of her sexuality than ever before, and that’s not something you often see in middle-aged women. Ageism isn’t a prejudice unique to women, but the way in which mainstream media contextualizes femininity within youth and fertility does speak to how women end up on the shorter end of the stick more frequently than men. A woman in her forties and fifties doesn’t stop being sexy, desirable, or dynamic; she’s as justified for changing her mind or indulging her whims. It’s never too late for her to venture out of the status quo and explore new experiences, whether it’s in motherhood, marriage, or entrepreneurship. Just as you associate young women with potential, excitement, and beauty, you can appreciate older women for the exact attributes. Every woman is her own person, and it’s unwise to slap assumptions on her based on her “biological clock.” You don’t have to conform to anything but your own desiresAs women, we’re constantly scrutinizing ourselves on whether we can blend in with the crowd. The obsession of fitting in and not defying longstanding traditions runs deep, and it’s not easy in the slightest to overcome these anxieties to follow our arrow. Yet, women like Tracee Ellis Ross exemplify how it can be so liberating to let these pressures go and dedicate your energies to matters that genuinely spark something in you. Forget about finding your soulmate at 20; actually, forget about finding your soulmate at 50 or 70; it’s totally up to you how you want to live your life, and whether you’d like to find love with someone or adventure through the thrills of motherhood. If it’s not something of interest to you, you have the right to do as you please. Your aspirations, desires, needs, and journeys are the only priorities you can and should prioritize. More inspiring stories:Chrissy Teigen’s Breastfeeding Thread Holds A Special Lesson For MotherhoodHow Katy Perry’s Strange Childhood Shaped Her Approach To MotherhoodKatherine Heigl’s Adoption Journey Reveals Another Facet Of MotherhoodMichael B. Jordan Defies Expectations By Being Single — His Reason Will Warm Your Heart