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Beyonce and Jay-Z dressed up on the red carpet
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Why Setting Relationship Goals Is Important - And How to Do It

Ever wondered how power couple, Beyoncé and Jay-Z keep their love alive for 16 years? Hint: luck has nothing to do with it. If you've been blaming your failed relationships on "the wrong person"—think again. It may be time to reconsider who is really at fault.

Do You Think Your Boyfriend Is Special? Science Says You’re Wrong but That’s a Good Thing
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Do You Think Your Boyfriend Is Special? Science Says You’re Wrong but That’s a Good Thing

Even if you have never heard the term “partner enhancement,” chances are good that you have experienced it many times in your life. And it’s a good bet you have experienced it both in a giving and receiving sort of way.What is partner enhancement? Perhaps the easiest way to explain it is to first look at a different relationship in which one might experience what we’ll call “parent enhancement.” Think of all those times when your parents played up an achievement and how good it makes the kid feel. Examples include an outpouring of praise and support after a leap off a swing or a jump off the diving board, a celebration of a “graduation” from preschool or kindergarten, or cheers after a (let’s be honest, rather mangled) performance of a song during a piano recital.RELATED: Are You Being Emotionally Abused? Here Are The Signs To Look Out ForParents amp up the praise and support of their kids in part because they want the child to feel special and valued, of course, but we also tend to genuinely think of our kids as something even more special that most children. Which, statistically speaking, most are not by the very way that averages work.When it comes to partner enhancement, however, the person who is the object of the elevated opinion is not the one who so directly benefits from it: you are. The better you feel about your partner, the more you see him or her as a special, talented, and interesting person, the better your relationship is likely to do. And that’s true even if, frankly, they’re not all that unique of a person. It works even better if they think the same about you.How Partner Enhancement Helps New Relationships Grow Stronger(Unsplash)The early days of a relationship are a make or break time. As you get to know someone, you may soon find that there’s just not a genuine romantic connection, not a shared set of interests or ethics, and no real hope of a future. On the other hand, if you and a new boyfriend or girlfriend start to genuinely connect, you will likely soon begin to engage in what psychologists and relationship experts call partner enhancement.In casual terms, you can think of it as looking at your partner through the proverbial rose colored glasses. You will elevate their accomplishments – from a funny joke or anecdote to a meal he cooks to a project she completes at work and so on – even beyond the objective merits of what they have done, seeing this person as talented, competent, and attractive. In the early days of relationship, we tend to seek out and identify myriad positives about our new significant other, and we also tend to be able to minimize their negative traits and failings – this too is a type of partner enhancement.RELATED: Woman Survives Psychological Abuse And Proves You Can Find Healthy Love AgainAs a relationship progresses over the years, the partner enhancement tends to wear off to some degree. We still care for our partner plenty and see them in a positive light (in a good and loving relationship, anyway) and we still have cause to support and celebrate them often, but we’re not as likely to see every little thing they do as amazing. We’re also much more likely to allow ourselves to be annoyed by their quirks and habits.But that’s OK: assuming you say in a union for the long run, partner enhancement has already done its job.Why It’s OK That Partner Enhancement Fades Over Time(Unsplash)The fact that you celebrate every little detail of your significant other in the earlier days of the romance yet come to see them more as they really are (the old “warts and all” expression is a bit callous but illustrates the point here well) is nothing to be sad about. RELATED: Signs You’re Dealing With Narcissistic AbuseThe fact is that during the early partner enhancement days, you are building your relationship’s bedrock. If you and your boyfriend or girlfriend become close and loving enough in your early partnership, then chances are good that the foundation of the romance will be strong enough to endure for the long run, even after those rose colored glasses may have been traded in for reading glasses.The Flip Side of the Partner Enhancement Equation(Unsplash)If you find yourself always seeing the negative things in your partner – doing quite the opposite of partner enhancement, really – then that’s a red flag for the relationship in the early days, and it may well be a sign that you should not commit to being with this person.On the other hand, if you have been in a long and more or less loving and successful romantic relationship for a long time and yet you now see yourself identifying fewer and fewer positive traits and seeing more negatives about your partner, then that may be an issue that has more to do with you than with your partner. It’s important to do an honest gut check on yourself and determine if you are lacking in satisfaction with your own life and projecting this unhappiness onto the other person and onto your relationship.It’s also entirely possible that your partner is making you depressed or leaving you unfulfilled, and in that case it’s a problem you need to work through together. The larger point is to realize the partner you are with today may not have changed over time, but rather you may have changed how you see him or her. It can take effort, later in the relationship, to look for the good and overlook some of the shortcomings, but this effort is well worth it if it means that you can both continue on happily together, through good times, bad times, and boring times, too.KEEP READING: Domestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her Life

88 Cute Nicknames for Your Boyfriend - And What They Mean
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88 Cute Nicknames for Your Boyfriend - And What They Mean

Nicknames have long been used as terms of endearment toward the people who hold special places in our lives. For example, maybe your parents have a nickname that's stuck with you since childhood – something that spoke to your personality or affinities at that time. Or, your grade school friends might call you something for short, an inside joke that only makes sense to the both of you.Many nicknames are given to us early on in our lives, but cute nicknames for boyfriends are unique in that they can be issued at any point in a relationship. For example, you may have a pet name you give to your boyfriend early on in dating. RELATED: Euphoria Quotes: The Show’s Most Biting and Powerful Quotes – And What They Say about YouEventually, you end up calling your boyfriend by that name instead of his real one for so long that it becomes second nature.If you've clicked on this article, you're likely looking for some inspiration on sweet nicknames for your boyfriend. Here's a look at how to choose adorable nicknames for your boyfriend and some affectionate pet names to consider if you're looking for inspiration.What Do You Call Your Partner?(Unsplash)Deciding what to call your boyfriend can be a process that may take a while to develop and feel comfortable with. While there are less personal pet names you can opt for, some of the more memorable nicknames for boyfriends come after you've taken the time to get to know one another. Some fun nicknames might be more obvious – for example, a nickname you give your boyfriend based on your first impression of him.Nicknames for boyfriends can inevitably take on deeper meaning as the relationship progresses. Some pet names stand as a testament to the longevity of your relationship and become more of a fun call back to a certain point and time in your relationship history. RELATED: 50 Inspirational Quotes to Uplift and MotivateOther affectionate nicknames get utilized when your boyfriend performs a sweet gesture or goes out of his way to show you that he cares.Now that you know the importance of pet names, here are a few categories to explore in order to find the right nicknames for your boyfriend.Pet Names You Can Call Your Boyfriend(Unsplash)This all-purpose list of cute nicknames is a great place to start for new couples or those in relationships who want to change their current pet name roster.-Babe/baby. A classic, this pet name is a great starting place to test the waters with your boyfriend as far as cute nicknames go.-Handsome. There's not a guy out there who doesn't like to be complimented.-Good looking. Same deal here – sometimes you just need to state the obvious.-Captain. Use this when he takes charge of date night plans.-Hot stuff. When he's looking extra good.-Sweetheart. Nice guys deserve sweet pet names.RELATED: 128 Leadership Quotes to Inspire You to Become a Better Leader-P.I.C. For when he's acting as your partner in crime.-Bestie. When he's not only being a solid boyfriend but a great friend who shows platonic love too.-Bae.-My hero. For when he saves the day.Flirty Nicknames for Boyfriends(Unsplash)Ready to spice things up? These flirty pet names for boyfriends are sure to do the trick. These nicknames for boyfriends are meant to make your partner feel strong and desirable, so use them when you're in the mood to take things to the next level.-Stud-Sexy beast-Hot pants-Stallion-King-Casanova-Sweet cheeks-Dreamboat-Beef cake-MusclemanRELATED: Why a Woman and Her Ex’s New Wife Became Best Friends – And Family-Boss-Cowboy-Sherriff-Iron man-Heartstopper-Knockout-Perfect 10-Hercules-Adonis-Eye candyCute Nicknames to Make Your Boyfriend Smile(Unsplash)Looking for something extra sweet to call your sweetheart? These affectionate nicknames will do the trick. Here are some adorable nicknames to call your boyfriend that are sure to make him smile.-Lover boy-Cutie pie-Honey bun-Tater tot-ChipmunkRELATED: Dad Invites Stepdad To Walk Daughter Down The Aisle, Sends Powerful Message About Divorce-Love bug-Sweet pea-Sugar pie-Heartthrob-Cake pop-Champ-Pooh bear-FavoriteNicknames for Boyfriends Who Love to Cuddle(Unsplash)Is your boyfriend a good cuddler? Does he make the best big spoon? These sweet nicknames for boyfriends are a tribute to the guys who love to cuddle – and are excellent at it. To cuddle aficionados – may we know them, may we cuddle with them.-Snuggles-Cuddle monster-Bubba-Love bear-FluffyRELATED: Wife Of 26 Years Brutally Dumped For Younger Woman Gets Ultimate Revenge-McSteamy-Snookums-Papa Bear-Pookie-DumplingUnique Nicknames for Boyfriends(Unsplash)Sometimes, the best nicknames for boyfriends are the ones that the two of you make up together. These may be based on inside jokes and personal to you, or something that came out of important questions to ask your boyfriend. Here are just a few examples of unique nicknames to call your boyfriend.-My lobster-Mr. Big-McDreamy-My preciousRELATED: Wife Of 26 Years Brutally Dumped For Younger Woman Gets Ultimate Revenge-He-Man-Padawan-Schmoopy-Drogo-Dork-Hot potatoActual Pet Names for Boyfriends(Unsplash)Does your boyfriend remind you of a certain animal? Finding a pet name to call him just got easier. Here are some pet names derived from actual animals that can be sweet names to call your sweetheart.-Lion-Wolf-Big bear-Dragon-PandaRELATED: 3 Signals Your Partner Is Making You Depressed – And What to Do About It-Puma-Tiger-Puppy-Bunny-Bug-FoxFood-Related Nicknames to Call Your Boyfriend(Unsplash)Does your boyfriend look good enough to eat? Is he sweet as sugar? Or maybe he's extra spicy. Here are a few mouthwatering nicknames for boyfriends that your significant other is sure to eat up.-Jalapeno-Cookie-Cheesecake-Jelly belly-Chicken nugget-EnchiladaRELATED: How To Handle Emotional Cheating In A Relationship-Meatball-Peanut-Pickle-Pudding-Pepper-Cupcake-Muffin-RavioliSummary(Unsplash)Giving your boyfriend a cute nickname helps foster the connection between the two of you. It shows that you care about him and are fond of him. Keeping the spark alive in your relationship takes work, but one way to do so that's sure to get a smile out of your significant other is to be called a nickname that means something to both of you – one that's become part of the regularly used vocabulary in your relationship between the both of you. Show your partner that you love him by choosing a fun pet name for him, and he just might do the same.KEEP READING:Why Handling Reactivity Is Essential For Healthy Romance

How to Tell Your Friend They Have a Toxic Boyfriend - And What to Do Next
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How to Tell Your Friend They Have a Toxic Boyfriend - And What to Do Next

A true friend is someone who doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, but tells you what you need to hear. This is especially true when it may be the exact opposite of what you want to accept. And when the reality is the fact that your partner is bad for you, you need to hear the facts, and you need to act on them.But what about those times when you’re not the one who needs advice, but you’re the friend who needs to share the hard truth? RELATED: 7 Deep Questions Every Woman Must Ask Her Romantic Partner – And What The Answers MeanIf your friend has a toxic boyfriend, they may not be able to see their own situation clearly. It may fall to you to help them see his many flaws so that they can make their own decision to exit the partnership.But telling your friend that their partner is toxic takes a bit of finesse no matter how well-meaning you are, because if you do it wrong, you may instead push them away, and push them ever farther into his toxic embrace.What Is a Toxic Person? And How Does Toxicity Manifest?(Unsplash)According to WebMD, a “toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life… They [tend to] act in ways that don't present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.”To be clear, “toxic” is not an official term like “sociopath” and “narcissist,” and it’s not even a term that can be applied universally to a given person. In other words, a person may be toxic to some people but a perfectly good friend or partner to others; the toxicity comes into play when it manifests in a given relationship.RELATED: The 5 Love Languages, How Do You Speak Them – And Which One Is Right for You?The signs of toxicity to look for include manipulation, a lack of comfort in one’s own skin when the toxic person is around, a diminished sense of self-worth and pride caused by the toxic party, and a constant feeling like the person needs to make excuses for themselves and their partner.In short, a toxic boyfriend is someone is just no good for your friend; he doesn’t bring out the best in her (and may even bring out the worst) and never seems to have her best interests at heart. A toxic partner is self-centered rather than focused on an equal relationship, and he may feel and demonstrate a sense of entitlement, acting as if he is owed something merely for existing. But these negative traits may be hard for her to see from within the partnership, so don’t be surprised if she is surprised and defensive when you bring up the topic.How to Tell Your Friend Her Significant Other Is ToxicYes, there is a concern you are going to seem like a nosey person who is overstepping his or her bounds when you tell your friend you think her partner is toxic. Yes, it may be awkward and painful and ugly – at least for a while. If you truly believe your friend is in a bad place with her boyfriend, though, she’ll see your heart through the hurt sooner or later. So go for it.First, make it clear you are coming from a caring place and not a judging place, and make it clear you are giving thoughts and advice, not orders. And when possible, make use of the Socratic Method, asking questions that will lead your friend toward making the conclusions herself. Ask her how she feels about the relationship, ask her if she feels as safe and connected and free as she thinks someone should. Ask her if she has noticed any traits about her boyfriend that worry her.And then, depending on how she answers, you can frame your critiques of him as questions. Think: “Does he ever convince you to do things you don’t really want to?” or “Do you feel like you have to apologize to him a lot even though you’re not really sure why?” or “Are you as comfortable around him as you are around me and your other friends and family?”By asking questions rather than making comments (also known as criticizing) you are less likely to push your friend away and more likely to help her see the truth of the situation. That way, she will have come to her own conclusions which will make her more likely to act on them and less likely to lose her resolve.Just be ready to back down if she pushes back hard – it’s better to stay friends and try again later than to push too hard and lose your friendship.KEEP READING:Why Handling Reactivity Is Essential For Healthy Romance

5 Signs You Have “Daddy Issues” and the Steps You Can Take to Overcome Them
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5 Signs You Have “Daddy Issues” and the Steps You Can Take to Overcome Them

No matter what, a father plays a major role in a child’s life. This is true whether he is a wonderful and devoted dad, it’s true if you had a present but emotionally unavailable father, and it’s true if he was completely absent. Dads have a major influence on their kids’ development and, later, on their adult personalities whether they were perfect or less than perfect. Children are both affected by and, for better or for worse, model themselves based on their parents before any other group or person on earth.All that said, “daddy issues” need not have been caused by a father figure – or by any parent or even by family life, for that matter – in order for them to manifest. RELATED: Are You Being Emotionally Abused? Here Are The Signs To Look Out ForWhat we call daddy issue for short (we’ll define the term more completely in a moment) can also be caused by other family members, as a result of a fraught romantic relationship, in the wake of failed friendships, and from myriad other factors.For our purposes here today, we won’t be discussing potential causes of your daddy issues, but will instead be focused on helping you identify if you have them and, if so, what you can do to get over them. If you do feel that past traumas, abuse, neglect, or other factors have led you to develop current mental health challenges, it might be best if you speak to a trained professional such as a psychologist or therapist who can help you deal with your underlying issues. If you feel that daddy issues are your primary problem holding you back in life, then read on.What are “daddy issues,” anyway?(Getty)The short story is that daddy issues refer to trouble people have forming healthy, lasting, and mutually rewarding romantic relationships with partners. They manifest in several different ways and cause myriad different issues, but writ large, the term refers to relationship issues that prevent the formation of a balanced, stable union.A father complex can wreak havoc on a person’s self-esteem, it can ruin his or her ability to trust others, it can cause a tendency to self-sabotage, and it can preclude healthy relationships even with a partner who would have made a great match. RELATED: Woman Survives Psychological Abuse And Proves You Can Find Healthy Love AgainThus we can see that though the term “daddy issues” may seem casual and even almost flippant, it’s a shorthand term for a raft of potentially major problems.Here are five common manifestations of daddy issues and a few tips for getting over them and learning how to form more successful adult relationships.You are too needy and clingy(Getty)If your father figure or any other major figures in your life was absent or was present but effectively unavailable, you may have developed abandonment issues. As a result, you may too quickly become clingy, possessive, and even obsessive over a partner, fearing – consciously or not – that they may bail out on you if you don’t keep them extra close.RELATED: Signs You’re Dealing With Narcissistic AbuseThe problem, of course, is that clinginess can have the polar opposite effect you want and can push the person away from you rather than drawing him or her closer. To overcome this tendency, you need to establish boundaries that you will be able to respect. If your partner needs a certain amount of space and freedom, you need to respect that. You also have every right to ask for good communication so you both remain on the same page even as you allow that space.You are unable to commit to relationships(Getty)Quite the opposite of being too clingy, many people with daddy issues are unwilling or unable to properly commit to a relationship. This may be because, subconsciously, they fear the other person will abandon them eventually anyway, so it’s emotionally safer not to commit.RELATED: You May Destroy Your Child’s Future and Not Even Know It if You Fall into This TrapIt can be hard to give your trust to another person when a major figure in your own life did not warrant being trusted. However, you need to find ways to let yourself trust your partner, or you will never enter into a truly meaningful relationship. A person who does not feel trusted or committed to will not truly be able to trust and commit to you.You have an unhealthy relationship with sex(Getty)If you suffered any form of abuse as a young person, especially sexual abuse, it’s entirely reasonable that, as an adult, you will have an unbalanced approach to sex. This could come in the form of hypersexuality, wherein you engage in potentially dangerous and/or emotionally devoid sex too often. It could also mean you have an aversion to sex.RELATED: Why the Term “Mutual Abuse” is Complete BS – And How We Can Do Better Right NowBoth of these opposite issues can lead to unhealthy relationships (and to much worse outcomes in the case of a glut of unsafe sex) and merit the support of a trained professional, a support group, or both.You regularly choose bad partners(Getty)Daddy issues caused in youth can manifest in the choosing unsuitable partners in your adult life. If you tend to form relationships with abusers, philanderers, people with substance abuse issues, or other problems, it’s a good bet that you are dealing with daddy issues that preclude you from seeking out and only connecting with safe, suitable partners.RELATED: How to Break the Cycle of a Traumatic Childhood and Save Your FamilyIf people have expressed concerns about your partners, if you have been or fear you will be abused by them, or if you form relationships even with people to whom you’re not really attracted because you just don’t want to be alone, those are all red flags. Read some relationship quotes and if few or none of them seem germane to your partnership, then you may need to consider ending things.You lack self-esteem(Unsplash)You should always be your own biggest advocate, you should believe in your dreams, and you should be willing to look after your own needs along with the needs of others. But if you had a parental figure who did not support and believe in you, as an adult you may be lacking in self-esteem. This can lead you to settle too easily in your romantic relationships, but it can also have a ripple effect out into other parts of your life.When considering your own sense of self-worth, think not about the desultory ways in which your dad related to you, but instead imagine the ways you wish you had been supported, and then direct that positive energy back at yourself. And if you have kids of your own, by all means break the cycle and raise them with the love, attention, and respect you are now aware was lacking.KEEP READING: Domestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her Life

Find Your Strength in Times of Pain: Divorce Quotes for Her
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Find Your Strength in Times of Pain: Divorce Quotes for Her

No matter how you look at it—or the specifics of your marriage and its end—going through a divorce is difficult. It’s a painful loss. It’s a failure. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that just about no one planned for or wants to be on. And it takes a lot of strength, perseverance, self-love, grace, and patience to get through it. Especially for women, who tend to take the brunt of caring for the children and themselves along this challenging journey.And like a death by a thousand cuts, the pain of divorce can keep coming at you with a mind-boggling array of hurts, large and small. Sometimes, you might even wonder if this emotional turmoil will ever end, as the brutal assault of practical issues like child support, alimony, and who keeps the house and the dog just keeps coming. RELATED: Ed Sheeran’s Most Inspiring Quotes and Lyrics to Live a Happier LifeBut we’re here to tell you it will. Even better, you can come out stronger, happier, and wiser on the other side. In the meantime, draw strength from motivational quotes for women that can help you cope while going through a divorce. Here are 12 of the best divorce quotes for women to help you find strength—and motivate, inspire, and embolden you along the way.Find strength by reading uplifting divorce quotes. Know that you’re not alone. And rather than looking at divorce as an ending or a failure, aim to see it as a powerful, exciting, brave new beginning.“Divorce, the end of an error.” - Unknown(Unsplash)While divorce is undoubtedly a serious, heart-wrenching matter, try to see the humor in it—and reframe it as a logical step toward the goal of improving your life. If your marriage wasn’t happy or fulfilling, focus on the positives that the divorce will bring. It’s the solution to the problem, one that you can take pride in. It’s brave to walk away from an unsatisfying or unhealthy relationship. RELATED: Euphoria Quotes: The Show’s Most Biting and Powerful Quotes – And What They Say about YouThe divorce is like pulling off the bandage that will finally let your wounds heal—and let you thrive.“Half of all marriages end in divorce...” - Joan Rivers (Getty)“Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones.” - Joan Rivers It’s good to remember that getting divorced puts you in good company, as about half of marriages don’t last. Comedian Joan Rivers also reminds us, as she wrote in her memoir Bouncing Back, that just because the other half stays together doesn’t mean they’re happy. Sure, many long-married couples are still in love and enjoying fulfilling relationships, however, others are simply enduring. They might still be married but they might be suffering, too. RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy’s Deepest Quotes about Love, Life, and LossSo, when you look around at all the couples around you, consider that a few—or maybe more—of them might be just as miserable as you were once. But now, you get to remake your life and find the happiness you were missing.“Be the heroine of your life...” - Nora Ephron(Getty)“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” - Nora EphronThe life of a woman after marriage can be challenging but it can also be empowering. Renowned writer Nora Ephron tells us to be the star of our own stories. Center your own wants, dreams, needs, and questions, then make your life around them. Instead of focusing on what didn’t work out or what happened to you, take control of your own destiny. RELATED: 50 Inspirational Quotes to Uplift and MotivateDon’t wait for a partner to save you, protect you, or comfort you—you can do those things for yourself. Be your own hero because you are more than worthy and enough just as you are.“Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.” – Michelle Obama(Getty)“Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.” – Michelle ObamaDivorce and the reality of being alone and needing to remake your life can be scary, overwhelming, and lonely. But former First Lady Michelle Obama invites you to let go of those fears and believe in yourself. RELATED: 128 Leadership Quotes to Inspire You to Become a Better LeaderYou’re more capable, smarter, and stronger than you ever imagined. Think about the life you want to lead, then go after it. Good things will come your way.“I don’t have time for hate or negativity in my life...” - Reese Witherspoon(Getty)“There are things in my life that are hard to reconcile, like divorce. Sometimes it is very difficult to make sense of how it could possibly happen. Laying blame is so easy. I don’t have time for hate or negativity in my life. There’s no room for it.”- Reese Witherspoon.Movie star Reese Witherspoon has been through heartache just like the rest of us. But instead of getting mired in self-pity, doubt, or blame, she chooses to focus her attention on positivity and love. Yes, it’s understandable to feel defeated, hurt, abandoned, or mistreated, so give yourself time and permission to process those emotions. RELATED: 105 Strong Women Quotes to Celebrate Feminine PowerThen, aim to let the negativity and regret go. Make the bold decision to embrace and foster the good that’s left—or yet to come—in your life.“A divorce is always a good thing to have...” - Edith Wharton“A divorce is always a good thing to have: you never can tell when you may want it.” - Edith Wharton It might make you laugh to read writer Edith Wharton’s sentiment, in the book Custom of the Country: “A divorce is always a good thing to have: you never can tell when you may want it.” However, there is great wisdom embedded in this wry humor. RELATED: 120 Hope Quotes That Will Get You Through Any Tough TimesWhile it’s optimistic to think a marriage will last, the truth is that you never really know. So, the smart move is to know that if yours isn’t the happily ever after you’d imagined, then getting divorced can be a logical remedy. Divorce doesn’t have to be the tragedy or failure everyone assumes, instead, it can simply be the way to put an end to something that’s not working. "Divorce isn't such a tragedy...” - Jennifer Weiner(IG)"Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love.” - Jennifer WeinerAuthor Jennifer Weiner, in her novel, Fly Away Home, reminds us that you—and your happiness—matter. Don’t feel like a failure for leaving a toxic marriage, feel empowered and inspired. It takes courage and grit and immense self-love to let go of an unhappy marriage. RELATED: Top 20 Inspiring Oprah Winfrey Quotes That Will Empower YouEmbrace your own strength and be proud of expecting more from your life (and how you want to love) rather than staying in a relationship that isn’t what you want. "I do not believe that there were more happy marriages before divorce…” - Ann Patchett(Getty)"I do not believe that there were more happy marriages before divorce became socially acceptable, that people tried harder, got through their rough times, and were better off. I believe that more people suffered.” - Ann PatchettThis quote from writer Ann Patchett in This is the Story of a Happy Marriage, speaks to the bravery of choosing divorce over suffering in an unhappy marriage. Instead of beating yourself up for not working hard enough to make your marriage a success, embrace the idea that you had the courage and self-love necessary to set yourself free.“Take a deep breath and try again...” - KT Witten(IG)“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.” - KT WittenJust because one marriage ended doesn’t mean your next relationship is doomed to suffer the same fate. You don’t only get one shot at love. So, dust yourself off and be brave enough to try again, says poet KT Witten.“Sometimes good things fall apart...” – Marilyn Monroe(Getty)“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” – Marilyn MonroeGoing through a divorce can be brutal—but it's also a journey that makes you stronger as you remake your life. Take insights from your failed romance in order to learn how to build trust In a relationship for the next time around. RELATED: She-Hulk’s Sexual Liberation Is Crucial for Marvel and Disney+Because something better is on the horizon. Iconic actress Marilyn Monroe shares that not every relationship is meant to last—and just because it ends doesn't mean it wasn’t good at the start. Plus, remember that calling it quits on a now-so-so romance is the only way to make room for one that’s even better.“It feels like a weight has been lifted..." - Catt Sadler(Getty)"Divorce is never easy. I don't care who you are or what the circumstances are. It's a very, very heavy feeling, and at the same time, it feels like a weight has been lifted." - Catt SadlerYes, divorce can knock the wind out of you, but no one ever died of divorce. So, take a deep breath, give yourself grace, but keep your eye on the horizon. In fact, says entertainment reporter Catt Sadler, on the other side of the pain is a breath of fresh air that feels a lot like freedom.“I used to hope that you’d bring me flowers...” - Rachel Wolchin(IG)“I used to hope that you’d bring me flowers. Now, I plant my own.” - Rachel WolchinIn this quote, popular blogger Rachel Wolchin shares one powerful way to get over a breakup: Take ownership of your life and happiness. Recognize the ways your relationship was broken or codependent. Seek to notice and remake those patterns, so that in your next romance you can avoid tying your happiness to another person. Rather, go out and plant your own flowers. No more waiting for another person to “complete” you. Instead, find fulfillment and happiness within yourself—then you’ll be ready to share it with someone new.KEEP READING:13 Self Worth Quotes to Help Build Your Confidence & Self Esteem

Get Off: 3 Signs Social Media Might be Hurting Your Sex Life
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Get Off: 3 Signs Social Media Might be Hurting Your Sex Life

There are a lot of great things about social media. It can help keep us connected to friends and family. It can introduce us to some exciting new brands and products. It can be an avenue for information, learning, and political discourse. Social media might even help us meet a new romantic partner. And of course, it offers hours of entertainment, and usually at no cost.At least, most social media comes with little or no cost in terms of money. The toll it can take on your life may be pricey in terms of your wellbeing though. Myriad studies have found that extensive social media use can lead to an increase in cases of depression, it can negatively impact a person’s attention span, it can interfere with school work or our careers, it can spread false information and promote hate and bigotry, and it can even have markedly harmful effects on your sex life.RELATED: Athletes, Actors, Artists, and Others: Celebrities and Famous People with DepressionIf you have recently found your sex life less fulfilling and you can’t identify any overt cause, such as a breakup, an illness or injury, or some other clear factor – or if your partner seems less satisfied and you’re not sure why – then your overuse and/or misuse of social media may be to blame. Let’s look at three common ways social media can deteriorate the quality of your romantic and sexual life.You struggle to grow aroused or remain stimulated(Getty)Social media use can cause issues with arousal in two primary ways. First, when stimulated by social media, the brain releases little hits of dopamine, the feel-good hormone that can also be released by things like a bite of chocolate, a favorite song, or the onset of a romantic encounter. When you are scrolling and swiping and tapping on various social media platforms all day long, your brain grows trained to get its dopamine fix from these engagements, and other previously exciting activities, even including sex, lose some of their appeal. (This is of course all the truer if you often view pornography.)RELATED: How to Talk to Your Kids About Social MediaThe second issue with social media and sexual arousal is the fact that an overuse of it reduces a person’s attention span and ability to focus. These issues can even extend to sex, so if you have found it harder to see a sexual encounter through to a mutually satisfying conclusion of late, it may well be your social media use that is the cause.Your relationship with your partner is suffering(Unsplash)Social media can easily cause friction between partners. It can cause jealousy if one partner regularly chats with other people in a flirty way, looks up exes, or of course spends time on dating apps potentially looking for a paramour on the side. And even if neither party has the intention to cheat, whether in a virtual or physical affair, constantly seeing pictures and videos of people to whom you are attracted can needlessly put space between you and your partner.RELATED: This Influencer Is On A Powerful Mission To Reveal The Truth Behind Instagram PicturesYou would not walk around a city street or shopping mall openly leering at people, yet you probably do pause and ogle people on social media. And on another note, if social media is getting too much of your time and attention, the communication between and quality time spent with partners is sure to suffer, and communication and attention are bedrock fundamentals for any successful relationship. If one or both parties in a partnership are overly dependent on social media, the relationship is very likely to suffer.You are less satisfied with your sex life based on comparisonsEveryone puts their best self out there when posting on social media. That one friend who always seems to be climbing mountains probably spends more time waiting in line or stuck in traffic than reaching summits, but if the peaks are all she shares, her life will seem one constant adventure. Your friend who seems always to be visiting new countries and meeting new people probably spends more time at work than in Paris or Bali or Tokyo, but if he posts a dozen pictures from every trip he takes, he’ll seem a consummate globetrotter.RELATED: Why a Woman and Her Ex’s New Wife Became Best Friends – And FamilyWhen it comes to sex and romance, people also posit their best selves online – even when they really shouldn’t. If you are suddenly less satisfied with your sex life, the issue may be that you are constantly comparing yourself to people you see posting videos or pictures of themselves with their partners.Envying the sex lives of others will do nothing but make yours ever less satisfying to you, and chances are good there’s nothing to actually envy anyway.How to stop social media from hurting your sex life(Unsplash)The best thing to do if social media is hurting your sex life is remarkably simple, but of course not easy: get off social media. You can indeed live a life without Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and all the rest of it. But if fully abandoning social media is just not an option, instead work to curate your experience to ensure it will not interfere with how you feel about sex and romance.Spend the time to unfollow people who cause you feelings of envy or unhealthy desire, hide posts you know negatively impact your libido to begin to train social media algorithms not to serve them to you, and set limits to how much time you will spend on social media. Also, set yourself time parameters, avoiding social media before you are going to see a significant other, for example, so you can keep your focus on him or her.KEEP READING:Why Handling Reactivity Is Essential For Healthy Romance

Best Dating Quotes to Keep You Motivated in Your Search for Love
Dating

Best Dating Quotes to Keep You Motivated in Your Search for Love

Dating is an activity that’s full of hope, excitement, and fun. But it can also be clouded by disappointment, frustration, rejection, or boredom. Whether you’re looking for love, a long-term commitment, or a casual fling, the dating world can be really tough. Dating apps have made finding potential romance much easier. Still, finding a person you connect with can be an elusive challenge. Yes, some lucky people go on a few dates and seem to magically meet “the one.” However, that’s not the case for many of us. It can take a lot of looking and heartache to find Mr. or Ms. Right.RELATED: Ed Sheeran’s Most Inspiring Quotes and Lyrics to Live a Happier LifeHaving an open mind and simply enjoying meeting new people without an agenda, while also sticking with your goals and aspirations can make the dating world feel a little less brutal. It also helps to find humor in the process.Seeking solidarity and wisdom from other daters can be beneficial, too. When you’re feeling discouraged or overwhelmed by your dating life it can really help to know you’re not the only one! Read on for 11 of the best quotes on dating to help you recharge—and get excited about your next date. Dating can take a lot of stamina. Get inspired and refuel your dating mojo by taking in these awesome quotes about finding love.“You always find the wrong person when you go looking.” - Rihanna(IG)“I’m waiting for the man who’s courageous enough to deal with me. I’m going to wait though. You always find the wrong person when you go looking.” - RihannaPatience and knowing what you want are key elements in dating. Pop/R&B superstar Rihanna hits the nail on the head with this quote. Looking for love can backfire, especially if you are so eager to find someone that you settle for anyone. Instead, says the multitalented powerhouse, don’t rush it.RELATED: Euphoria Quotes: The Show’s Most Biting and Powerful Quotes – And What They Say about YouOpen your heart and wait for love to come to you. And make sure the person is what you are looking for, don't just worry about making them happy. Yes, make sure they’re all in for dating you, but also that they’re everything you want and more. “Dating has taught me what I want...” - Jennifer Love Hewitt(Getty)“Dating has taught me what I want and don’t want, who I am, and who I want to be.” - Jennifer Love HewittActress Jennifer Love Hewitt looks at dating as an exercise in self-discovery—and so can you. Instead of always thinking about what the other person wants or if you like them, focus on what you want. Use dating to learn more about yourself and become the best person you can be. Then, even if the date doesn’t work out, you’ve still gained valuable insights. RELATED: Grey’s Anatomy’s Deepest Quotes about Love, Life, and LossIf your date fits in with your goals and dreams, then all the better.“You gotta kiss some toads.” - Foxy Brown(Getty)For most people, it takes meeting many potential dates before you find your soulmate. Rapper Foxy Brown reiterates this wisdom in this quote. Let go of the assumption that each date may be “the one.” With expectations that high, you’re bound to be disappointed—or even overlook a wonderful potential partner. Instead, aim to approach each date as simply what it is: an opportunity to meet someone new, who you may or may not click with. RELATED: 50 Inspirational Quotes to Uplift and MotivateLook for common ground, traits you value (such as kindness, smarts, or sense of humor), and mutual attraction. If you do feel some chemistry, you can decide to explore that via more meet-ups—and maybe some kisses. “A kiss that is never tasted...” - Billie Holiday(Getty)“A kiss that is never tasted, is forever and ever wasted”. -Billie HolidayIn this quote, music legend Billie Holiday reminds you to go for it. Put yourself out there and the fun back into dating. Go ahead and lean in for that kiss. In other words, you’re more likely to regret not kissing someone than to wish you hadn’t shared that smooch. Of course, this doesn’t mean going around kissing anyone and everyone—unless you want to. But if you’re tempted and/or wondering if the other person is interested in you, there are few better (or potentially, more enjoyable) ways to find out than kissing. RELATED: 128 Leadership Quotes to Inspire You to Become a Better LeaderIf they pull away, you quickly know to move on to someone else. If they lean in, too, well, you get a first kiss. And it just might be a great one. Or even, lead to the love of your life.“Date to be known, not to be liked.” – Dr. Chris Donaghue(IG)Renowned sex and relationship therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue reminds us that the goal of dating is not to get the other person to like you, but rather for them to get to know you. So, let them see all the various sides to your personality, not just a primped, sanitized, curated version of you. In other words, don’t change yourself to try to get them to like you more. RELATED: 105 Strong Women Quotes to Celebrate Feminine PowerInstead, make sure they know the real you. And if you’re not their cup of tea, so be it. As pop star Ariana Grande wisely put it in her hit song, “Thank you, next.” You are great as you are, so instead of trying to be something you’re not, find someone to date who likes you just as you are.“You dated him because you wanted him for the way he was.” -Jean Oram(FB)“You didn't date someone to change him. You dated him because you wanted him for the way he was. Flaws and fears and all.” - Jean OramBe sure that you are happy with (and not nitpicking) everything the person you’re dating brings to the table. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to change the person you’re dating rather than seeing—and appreciating—them for who they are. Bestselling author Jean Oram reminds us to really see the other person. Decide if you like them as is, with all their various foibles. RELATED: 120 Hope Quotes That Will Get You Through Any Tough TimesThe truth is that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Rather than hoping to “fix” or ignore any drawbacks a person might have (in your eyes) seek to accept them as is—or simply walk away. “Stop expecting people to be perfect.” - Donald Miller(IG)“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” – Donald MillerWhile you certainly don’t want to feel like you are “settling,” dating becomes a doomed exercise if you are only willing to accept “perfection. Public speaker and marketing executive Donald Miller reminds us that no one is perfect—or perfect for you. Really, you just want the good to far outweigh the bad. Maybe they don’t share your passion for biking or kayaking, they don’t love sushi, or they don’t have rock-hard abs. But do you have fun with them? Are they kind? RELATED: Top 20 Inspiring Oprah Winfrey Quotes That Will Empower YouOnce you can start accepting that perfect isn’t possible, or even necessarily ideal, you can embrace the humanity and quirky awesomeness of life—and the person you’re dating.“What we wait around a lifetime for...” – Stephanie Klein(IG)“What we wait around a lifetime for with one person, we can find in a moment with someone else.” – Stephanie KleinPopular blogger, author, and weight loss strategist Stephanie Klein shares the truth that not every relationship is worth keeping—or pursuing. Sticking it out, while noble, isn’t always the wisest course and doesn’t guarantee future happiness. If you’ve given a romance a chance but it’s not working for you, give yourself permission to jump ship. RELATED: She-Hulk’s Sexual Liberation Is Crucial for Marvel and Disney+The problem may not be with how much effort you’re putting in, but rather that you’re trying to make it work with the wrong person. So, let go of relationships that aren’t making you happy—and find one that does. “Love is like a virus.” - Maya Angelou(Getty)“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.” - Maya AngelouEsteemed writer Maya Angelou aptly describes the way love can sneak up on you and take hold in the most beautiful and unexpected ways. Dating can be very disheartening sometimes, but it can also spark real love. Do your best to remember that right around every corner—or on your very next first date—you just might find love.KEEP READING:13 Self Worth Quotes to Help Build Your Confidence & Self Esteem

How to Catch a Cheater: 9 Tips on What to Look For
Dating

How to Catch a Cheater: 9 Tips on What to Look For

It’s common to worry that you’re being cheated on—especially if your partner is being unfaithful. Your gut is telling you to worry for a reason. But how do you know for sure? For starters, there are usually signs. Or, at the very least, a vibe.However, suspicion is one thing and proof is another. Ultimately, you’ve got to suss out the facts from the fiction. This can be tricky, especially because cheaters tend to try to cover up their misdeeds and mislead you. And there are so many emotions involved, which can interfere with impartial thinking. People often turn a blind eye to cheating. On the other hand, some people may jump to conclusions before seeing all the evidence. RELATED: Why a Woman and Her Ex’s New Wife Became Best Friends – And FamilyNot to worry, in this comprehensive guide, we’re here to give you helpful tips on how to catch a cheater. Read on to learn how to find out if your sweetie is up to no good. Once you know the questions to ask, what to look for, and how to find confirmation—one way or the other—you’ll be on much better footing to discover the truth. And move on, if needed.No one wants to think it will happen to them, but the sad truth is that many people cheat on their significant other. No one is immune. If you’re wondering if your spouse, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, or lover is cheating on you, there’s a decent chance they are. But, of course, they might not be, as well. Here are the best tips for catching a cheater.Know the Stats(Getty)If you start to have second thoughts about questioning whether or not your spouse or partner could really be stepping out on you, keep in mind that many people do. This doesn’t mean yours is, just that you shouldn’t discount any facts or inklings you have. Because cheating really does happen—and it happens a lot.In fact, studies show that upwards of 40% of people admit to having cheated on their special someone. Rates tend to be lower for women and higher for men but anyone (and every gender) is prone to cheat. RELATED: Dad Invites Stepdad To Walk Daughter Down The Aisle, Sends Powerful Message About DivorceIn fact, one survey found that around 25% of men and about 13% of women were actively pursuing side relationships at the time the study was completed. And remember, these stats only reflect those that fess up. It stands to reason that the numbers are even higher as some cheaters might not tell the truth, even on an anonymous survey.Trust Your Instincts(Unsplash)While it’s certainly possible to suspect your sweetie of infidelity and end up being wrong, if your gut says something’s up, it probably is. Our instincts (or fears) on this matter often end up dead on. RELATED: Wife Of 26 Years Brutally Dumped For Younger Woman Gets Ultimate RevengeOf course, it might be that something else besides cheating is the root of your bad feeling (say, they are stressed at work or the relationship is floundering for other reasons). But either way, if your instincts are waving red flags, it’s best to heed them.Take a Look at Your Own Baggage(Getty)Sometimes our inner wisdom is way off base. Insecurities, anxieties, and miscommunication can make you think someone’s being unfaithful even if they aren’t. So, consider what else might be going on—and take a look at your own baggage. Have you been cheated on before and are holding on to those worries? Do you have issues with trust? RELATED: 3 Signals Your Partner Is Making You Depressed – And What to Do About ItDoes poor self-esteem make you doubt anyone would want to stay faithful to you? Be honest with yourself. Then, look again at the facts. And consider talking to your partner about your fears.But if you keep getting a sick feeling that your man or woman is stepping out, investigate until you have an answer.Ask Yourself Why Your Spouse Might Be Cheating(Getty)Do your best to honestly reflect on why your significant other might be cheating—and what makes you think they are. Have they cheated on you or someone else in the past? Are there issues in your sex life that you think they might go out of the relationship to explore or compensate for? Is your relationship rocky? RELATED: How To Handle Emotional Cheating In A RelationshipHow are your relationship's communication and intimacy? Have the two of you been fighting more than normal? Have they been distant or cold? How has your sex life been lately? Are they under stress either at work or at home? Are there other reasons why you think they might be up to no good?After spending some time thinking, if you have some solid indicators that they might be cheating, move on to looking for tell-tale signs.Look for These Signs(Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash)While cheaters tend to do their best to hide their indiscretions, there are tell-tale signs that can give them away. Consider if you have noticed any of the following:They are more irritable, standoffish, or reactive than normal.They have been gone or are unavailable more than normal.They are acting strange or different in various ways, even if it’s that they are unusually attentive or have started giving you gifts unexpectedly.They have been more secretive (or have always been especially private), such as relating to their schedule, their phone, or their things.RELATED: How to End a Relationship: A 5-Step Guide to Breaking up and Letting GoThey are lying about anything, even if it’s not directly related to cheating. Or they seem to be lying.They are extra defensive.They accuse you of cheating (or being paranoid) if you bring up the issue.They are suddenly spending extra time with or talking about someone else that could be a potential romantic partner.They are working more than normal or suddenly have more business meetings, work trips, or other commitments taking up their time.They are newly interested in their appearance, working out, clothing, and grooming.You feel you can’t trust them.If you notice several signs of infidelity, it’s time for a deeper look.Be a Detective(Unsplash)Aim to distance yourself emotionally as much as possible while you investigate whether or not your love is true. Follow up on places they say they’ve been or will be. For example, if they say they’re at a business meeting, call the office manager or hotel to check. If they say they have a dinner meeting, ask what the restaurant is and then stop by to see if they’re there.Reach out to your friends and family to ask them if they’ve seen any signs. Reassure them that you want them to be honest. It can be hard (or feel embarrassing) to talk about this stuff but that’s what your loved ones are there for—and better to find out for sure. RELATED: What Is Groupthink? How To Avoid This Common BiasAnd don’t hold it against them if they didn’t tell you their suspicions before—that’s dicey territory and unless they had cold hard proof, it’s something many people might keep to themselves. If you feel comfortable, you could reach out to a select person or two that’s close to your partner if you think they will tell you the truth.Look in the pockets of their recently worn clothing and in their bags for receipts, notes, or other evidence. Check Their Electronics(Unsplash)If you can, get access to their phone, computer, iPad, and other electronic devices. Review their search engine history. Look for what is there—and not there. Was their search history recently deleted? Is their internet browser set to private? Are there hidden apps on their phone?Check for incriminating emails, texts, or other messages within social media apps. Look through their call history and text messages. Are there numbers you don’t recognize? Who are they calling the most? Potentially, you can also turn on location finder features on their phone so that you can know where they are in real-time. But know that if they know where to look, they will see that you are following their location.RELATED: Open-Mindedness: 5 Practical Steps To Open Your MindLook for hidden apps on their phone, such as dating apps or social media accounts that you don’t know about. Review their social media accounts. Look at the pictures and comments they post, but also look at who follows them and who they follow back. Be on the lookout for people leaving comments or liking photos who might be a potential cheating partners.If you have access to their calendar, financial statements, or other pertinent information take a close look. Review their schedule and financial transactions for the past few weeks and see if you can find any discrepancies or items that look suspicious or unusual.Helpful Apps to Catch a CheaterThere are also apps you can sign up for that can help you find evidence of infidelity. For example, Mspy lets you invisibly monitor your partner’s phone. You’ll be able to see who they are calling, texting (even deleted texts), and otherwise interacting with in real-time, all the while staying hidden. You can also see their location.RELATED: 5 Daily Habits to Steal from Google Co-Founder Larry Page Including His Controversial Leadership StyleAnother option is doing a search on your partner online to see what comes up. You can start with a straight google search. But you’ll get more at websites like Truthfinder that do the legwork for you and can uncover such information as if your spouse is on any dating sites.Ask Them(Unsplash)Another way to catch a cheater is to ask them straight up. Sure, they might lie, but they also might come clean. And if they’re lying you might sense it or they might give it away. Ultimately, if you want to know the truth, care about this person, and/or want a chance at salvaging the relationship (whether or not they’re cheating), then sharing your suspicions and giving them a chance to answer may be the best way to go. RELATED: Regular Workouts Keep Improving Your Memory and Brain Function — Here’s HowIf you don’t trust them enough to want to hear their response to your questions, then it’s probably best to walk away, regardless of if they’ve been unfaithful.That said, if you feel you need more proof, you could also consider hiring a private investigator. But again, if you’re convinced or even just doubting them, the relationship may not be worth saving.If You’ve Caught Them Cheating, Here’s What You Should Do Next(Unsplash)Once you’re sure your partner is cheating, you need to decide if you want to break up or try to repair the relationship. You also need to tell them you know—if you didn’t already. Decide how and when you want to have this conversation and if you want them to tell you any gory details or not. Another option is to preemptively break up with them and not even tell them you know about their infidelity. Or if you want to stay together, you could ask to go to couples therapy as a condition of giving the relationship another shot.RELATED: 7 Deep Questions Every Woman Must Ask Her Romantic Partner – And What The Answers MeanResearch shows that many couples break up over infidelity but around 25% stay together. Really, only you know if the relationship is worth saving and if you can or want to forgive the infidelity. There are many reasons why someone cheats and sometimes couples can work through those issues and even get stronger on the other side. Some couples like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith even decide to enter into an open relationship in order to stay together. However, for many people, cheating is a no-go and they decide to break up. Whatever you choose, take your time to figure out what you want to do next, on your terms. Give yourself the space you need to cope with any feelings that come up, such as sadness, anger, and disappointment. Self-care and seeking support from friends and family helps, too. Consider going to counseling to work through your feelings, if needed. But know that even though it may seem impossible now, it will get better. And you can find love again.There’s Usually a Reason(Unsplash)If you’ve got a sick feeling telling you that your honey isn’t so sweet, it’s worth digging to find out if they’re being unfaithful. If you discover they’re cheating, know that you’re not alone and that it’s not your fault or a reflection on you. But it is a reflection on your relationship. And in many cases, ending the relationship is the smart call. Because often, people who cheat do so habitually. Just as importantly, if they’re cheating there is a reason why. And that reason is not that the relationship is making you both really happy or that they love you in the way you deserve. So, grieve as much as you need but then dust yourself off, and when you’re ready, find someone who does—and knows that true love means being true.KEEP READING:Why Handling Reactivity Is Essential For Healthy Romance

How to Spot Commitment Issues and What You Need to Do to Get Over Them
Dating

How to Spot Commitment Issues and What You Need to Do to Get Over Them

Picture two islands rising from the sea near one another. On one island, food grows plentifully: there are trees laden with fresh fruit, there are fields of grain, and there are forests filled with leafy greens. But there is not a reliable source of fresh water. On the other island, there are streams and waterfalls and flowing springs; there is an endless supply of water, but little food grows there.If the inhabitants of each island worked together to build a bridge connecting the two, a wonderful future could be created, one in which life was so much the better for both islands. But that future could only be relied upon if both sides worked equally to construct a strong, sturdy bridge. The same is true in a relationship: the bridge is commitment; when people are committed to a relationship, it has the chance to thrive and endure.RELATED: 7 Deep Questions Every Woman Must Ask Her Romantic Partner – And What The Answers MeanOne of the most important – indeed, essential – relationship goals must be solid commitment to the partnership. That’s not to say your relationship with your partner needs to be perfectly solid at all times; few if any long-term partnerships are ever thus. It means that, even when things are rocky, you can both count on being in the relationship with full commitment.When commitment issues arise, they threaten to poison a relationship no matter how much potential it may otherwise have had based on the compatibility between the parties. Knowing how to spot commitment issues may help you salvage a relationship before it is torn. So too can spotting commitment issues help you stay out of romantic relationships that may have been doomed from the start.What Are Some Commitment Issues?(Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash)A fear of commitment can come in many forms; some people avoid taking on major projects at work for fear of responsibility or failure; some people don’t fully invest themselves in friendships for fear of being taken advantage of or concerns over feeling more alone should the friendship fade; some people might be wary of parenthood because they don’t think they can give over so much of their time and energy to a child.For our purposes, we are focusing primarily on commitment issues in couples involved in – or potentially involved in – serious relationships. Commitment is necessary for a long-term relationship to work, after all. It is the foundation of healthy relationships, so knowing the signs of commitment phobia, as it were, are crucial. As for defining commitment issues, broadly speaking we can refer to them as any (or all) of these behaviors when they occur repeatedly:Ambivalence to a partner’s needs, emotions, and hopesConflict avoidanceDisinterest in the future of the partnershipInconsistent levels of intimacyFailure to give (and/or earn) trustNow that we’ve laid out some of the most common signs of commitment issues in a romantic relationship, let’s talk about ways you may be able to overcome them. And we mean that in helping your partner overcome his or her issues, or in you identifying commitment issues in yourself and working to make your own changes.Ambivalence to a partnerWhen one partner seems ambivalent to the hopes, wants, needs, concerns, or feelings of the other, that may not be a sign of a lack of capacity for care and concern – such as may be present with a sociopath – but may show the person is afraid of committing to the relationship, perhaps because they fear they would not in turn receive the same care and concern in return when needed.RELATED: The 5 Love Languages, How Do You Speak Them – And Which One Is Right for You?If you feel your partner is too ambivalent to your feelings, you need to clearly express not only that you need more mindfulness from them but you also need to make it clear that you care about what they are feeling – in a successful relationship, hopes, concerns, desires, and goals should all be shared, not one-sided.Conflict avoidanceAvoiding arguments does make problems go away; in fact, it makes them much worse. If you or your partner always avoid conflict, eventually you will just be avoiding each other. In a committed relationship, things get hashed out, dealt with, learned from, and left behind. In a relationship marked by commitment phobia, conflict is tiptoed around or run from.The problem may be not that your partner isn’t invested in the relationship, but that they are not comfortable with the way you fight. Talk about conflict in a moment of calm and you may be able to figure out how to argue more productively.Disinterest in the futureIf your partner seems disinterested in the future you’ll share, that’s a major red flag of commitment concerns. But it’s another thing to simply not be great about making plans – don’t confuse the two, but if your partner seems to genuinely not envision a future for the two of you, then the present is the time to work through it or consider ending things.Inconsistent intimacyWhen we say intimacy in this context, we’re not talking about romance, but about warmth, patience, connection, and openness. Even when angry, a reliable partner should still seem a safe and available person. Even when saddened, a committed partner will make his or her thoughts available. Even when tired or frustrated, your partner should still factor your feelings is with theirs. If you don’t know how a person is going to act or respond from one situation to the next, they may be incompletely invested in the relationship.Lack of trustIf you just don’t think you can trust your partner, it may not be because he or she is actually hiding anything from you, but rather because they are not fully committed to your relationship. They may be holding a part of themselves back in self-defense, and in so doing weakening a needed pillar of any partnership. There is no “one size fits all” answer to the question of how to build trust in a relationship. There is, however, the necessity that you find a way to do it in yours.What Causes Commitment Issues?(Unsplash)Most commitment issues can be traced to past experiences. A home where the parents were separated or together but in a toxic partnership can strongly imprint on a child. Painful past breakups, especially after long term relationships, can lead to commitment problems in later relationships. So too can certain personality disorders cause commitment issues.In some cases, though, a person with commitment issues may simply lack proper awareness of how they are acting. They may fully want the partnership to work and just not know they are not showing up to the relationship in a mutually fulfilling way. Patience and communication can fix this in many cases.And in any case, know that you – and your partner – are not alone in your issues. Read a few relationship quotes and you’ll see just how many people have dealt with the same struggles and, more to the point, how often love has won out in the end.KEEP READING:Why Handling Reactivity Is Essential For Healthy Romance