When Motivational Advice Fails: Handling Things Beyond Your Control
Here’s the thing about lifestyle advice. Sometimes all the good intentions in the world aren’t enough. This isn’t a criticism of lifestyle advice, or the wonderful motivational content here on Goalcast. But I think it’s important to recognize that there are folks out there who need more, who need to heal. I think these folks should be part of our conversations about quality of life and lifestyle improvement. Chronic conditions change life in ways that makes most of that advice pretty much useless. Chronic conditions come in all forms, and some are visible, while others are not. So this is for anyone who has ever read motivational advice and thought to themselves, I hurt too much to do that, That’s not sustainable for me, or Why can’t I make this work? I hear you. When Motivational Advice Fails: Handling Things Beyond Your Control Let today be the day you stop living within the confines of how others define or judge you. -- Steve Maraboli There’s one thing that everyone needs to hear, and that you probably already understand: Lifestyle choices are for maintenance, not healing. Taking a walk in the woods is great for stress management, but it doesn’t cure depression. Exercising is great for physical health, but sometimes you can’t “just push through” chronic pain. Goal-setting works well for a lot of people, but for some it just creates anxiety. Lifestyle advice is for mostly healthy people to stay healthy, and improve their daily quality of life. That’s fine. That’s a noble purpose. But if you need medical intervention then that’s what you need. I think that all of us, especially motivational bloggers like me, need to fight back against the stigma around needing medical help to improve your quality of life, or to just be functional in the first place. Don't suffer in silence Some aren’t necessarily noticeable even to the people who suffer from them. That’s because everyday issues that most people deal with can often become more severe and occur more often over time. For example, around 40 percent of people in the US suffer from chronic venous insufficiency, and they often suffer unknowingly. The conditions associated with venous insufficiency range from minor aches and leg pains, all the way to dangerous ulcers. Even acid reflux and heartburn can develop into chronic conditions that affect quality of life. Sometimes our normal body cycles can turn against us and cause unusual amounts of suffering. Chronic menstrual pain is surprisingly common. Because menstruation is a normal part of life, and because of the strange stigma that comes with talking about it, many women suffer through abnormal menstrual pain silently. Break the stigma The fact is that stigma, lack of education, and lack of finances often cause people to suffer with chronic conditions without seeking help. Sometimes it’s because they don’t know they need help. Sometimes it’s because they can’t afford it or are unwilling to open themselves up to ridicule by bringing it up. That’s just the body-health side of things. Depression, anxiety, forms of bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses come in varied forms. They’re also truly “invisible.” These conditions, and conditions like them, are quite often the targets of the “you can beat it without drugs” crowd. But they are physical illnesses and managing them often, but not always, requires medical intervention. There are a lot of conflicting opinions about this, but here’s what the brain research suggests. It does indeed suggest that in a number of cases, therapeutic options that don’t involve medication are more effective than their pharmaceutical counterparts to help people who struggle with mental illness. But it also suggests that it’s impossible to make sweeping assumptions about what works in general, because a patient’s response to different types of treatment depend on a number of factors, including their individual brain chemistry. Some people respond to a combined approach: medication and other types of therapy. Some people respond better to therapy without medication. Some people respond best to medication. Medication isn’t always the answer. In fact, an over-reliance on opioid-based pain medication has contributed a public health crisis. But that doesn’t mean medication is inherently bad. Yes, many people who are in pain, and many people with depression do need medication. No, that doesn’t mean that they’re addicted. Chronic conditions and mental illness have a lot of nuance to them, and everyone should be free to seek out the solutions that work best for them without judgement. Find your own path to healing For someone suffering with a chronic condition, the first step in the recovery process is often medical intervention. That can take the form of a medical procedure, physical therapy, non-medicated mental health therapy, medication, or a combination. If you just can’t manage to implement the kinds of positive life-building advice you find here on Goalcast, it might be time to talk to a healthcare provider. Don’t give up on your goals and dreams, however, just because attaining them isn’t sustainable right now. Keep all the healthy routine building tactics in mind, and keep thinking about your long-term wellness goals. At some point during your recovery, they will be vital, and they won’t seem so unachievable. That may not be right now. It’s okay to take it slow. For many people, the medical intervention has to happen first, before any other kind of healing will work. And that’s fine. Your situation is unique, and so is your path to recovery Many people can avoid or transition out of needing medical help. But not being able to do that isn’t a weakness. Just because some people can fight off stress without the aid of mood-stabilizing medication, that doesn’t mean you’re required to. The kinds of lifestyle changes and motivated, intentional living we talk about at Goalcast are not out of reach for people who suffer from chronic conditions. But they’re not a replacement for medical help. If any part of this article describes you, I want to say this: it’s not a failure of your lifestyle. You’re perfect the way you are. For some people, recovery is a lifelong process that doesn’t really end. That’s fine. Some of us out here hear you, and we love you. Keep doing whatever you have to in order to manage your condition, and don’t sweat missing that workout.
De-Clutter Your Life, De-Clutter Your Soul
I’ve lived in three countries and moved at least nine times. If you count the back and forth from college, it’s probably more. It can be hard to keep track. I feel as though my life has been a constant process of giving away, throwing away, selling, and resisting accumulation.As stressful as each move was (especially changing countries), there was always something cathartic about getting rid of things. While it was certainly disconcerting, it was also satisfying to reduce my life’s possessions to a pile of suitcases and boxes that would fit into the back of an SUV. Moving has forced me to let go of emotionally charged items that hold painful memories. Along the way, things I thought I couldn’t live without got lost and never replaced.I always felt freer after ridding myself of physical clutter, and even discovered things that I didn’t know were superfluous additions to my life. All this roaming has taught me to be more invested in who I'm with than where I am and what I have. A move has always felt like a great unburdening — even if I was tearing my hair out trying to get it organized!The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.- Hans HoffmannHow clutter can affect mental healthYou don’t have to be a hoarder to be negatively affected by too much stuff or an unhealthy fixation on owning things. Even if your home is outwardly neat, collections of things in closets and garages can weigh on the soul over time.The worst thing about clutter is that it compounds on existing stresses. On top of that, it’s a subtle influence that people may not think about. Unhealthy associations, such as an item belonging to an ex or deceased family member, can further exacerbate this elusive psychological pain.Psychiatrists and professional organizers often refer clients to one another. Professionals in both fields are often very good at recognizing the crossover, and so you might be surprised at the interconnected support system for people suffering from clutter-related stress. Clutter seems to have a strong correlation with grief, pain, and obsessive disorders. So the first thing I want to mention is that there is never shame in seeking professional help, even if your clutter problem is nowhere near as serious as those depicted on Hoarders.The different types of clutter in your lifePhysical clutter: an oppressive amount of physical thingsCalendar clutter: an overabundance of social or work obligationsEmotional clutter: too many harmful or unfulfilling relationshipsIn my opinion the clutter in one’s life isn’t just physical. There are a number of ways that you can accumulate associations that you don’t need.North America has developed a strange respect for people who are overworked and constantly busy. These traits that we laud can be extremely unhealthy, and while they create a full life, they don’t necessarily create a fulfilling one. Learning to recognize when to take time for yourself is an important step to better emotional health -- and hey, may even give you time to de-clutter physically as well.I have also experienced a cluttered web of relationships. Especially if there is an element of inequality, in which you give more than you receive, too many friendships and relationships can sap your emotional strength and leave little left for the people who really matter.My way to fix clutter: Move! (or pretend to move)Moving has regularly addressed all three types of clutter that were burdening me. It forced me to cut a great number of physical possessions out of my life. Moving also reset my work and social schedule. A new job, and needing to make friends again, allowed me to recreate my calendar from the ground up, making it easier to only take on as much as I could handle.I also found that moving away from my regular social circle cut down on relationships that weren’t fulfilling. I naturally made an effort to keep in touch and visit the people I cared about the most, while the extra effort required to keep in touch with me demonstrated who my most loving friends were.If you’re not in a situation to move, you can still de-clutter like you’re moving. Pretend!I use some unlikely sources of advice when it’s time to de-clutter. Even if I’m not planning on moving, I check out packing advice for moving out. Then I pretend I’m doing it. I’ll give myself a limit -- say, one SUV excluding furniture, or one cube truck including small furniture items. You don’t have to actually pack a vehicle, instead look up the interior measurements and use them as a guide. Empty everything room by room, then pack and label boxes. There is one vital difference: pack according to priority, not similarity. By all means put your absolute favorite book or movie in with essential items like your cookware or toothbrush. Allow necessity to include things that make you happy, but be sure they actually do. Label the boxes to indicate priority as you go along. Be specific, and prepare a full inventory list as if you were actually loading up a truck and sending it off. Label the priority of a box on a numbered scale, like 1-10. Once you’re done, consult your inventory of each box and double-check its priority. Then pick a number, and toss away every box below it.Another trick I’ve played on myself with some success is to pretend I’m selling my house. I’ll start to think about what I need to do to each room to make it super sellable and impressive; to make it “pop.” Usually, this means getting rid of the majority of things in it. I once again look up advice about how to dress up your home for a sale. While I’m at it, a little bit of decorating and feng shui generally make me feel a lot better about each room.Lighten your lifeAnd then of course, there’s actually doing it (if you are). At one point, my family owned a Bed and Breakfast, a six-bedroom, four-bathroom monstrosity. Even though we had to keep it clean and clutter-free, we still ended up collecting far too much stuff: furniture and decor that we neither liked nor used, extra kitchen and dining items, enough spare sheets and towels to soak up the pool. Downsizing to a much more sensible townhouse came as a great relief, and not being able to fit everything into it made getting rid of things much easier. It was part of an exciting new process, rather than just an unpleasant chore.So whether you’re dropping a bedroom or two, or making a drastic change and building your own off-the-grid tiny house, downsizing can be a fantastic way to lift the burdens of your life. On the other hand, please do be cautious. If you are battling with a serious trauma or disorder, it may be that no amount of personal change will “fix” your problems. But when combined with professional advice, these strategies to de-clutter your life might just make all the difference.