gender equality

Raising kids is hard, and it’s a lot harder than it used to be. Years ago, when many families could afford to live with just one working parent, it made sense for the other parent to stay at home and manage the household.These days, not all families can afford for one parent to stay home. That means most parents are required to work, while still cooking, cleaning, raising the kids, and maintaining the family calendar.Unfortunately, because of gender norms that many of us grew up with, sometimes all of that falls on the working mom. It’s a heavy load, and it can take a toll on your physical and emotional health.It can be so overwhelming that one mom decided to speak out in a powerful video that has since been seen more than eight million times.A Hard WorkloadLynalice Bandy, who goes by @5kids5catssomedogstoo on TikTok, was having a week. She had worked 10-hour days for six days in a row, with only one day off because she had been sick. So when she got home after another long day and saw the state of her house, she decided to capture her experience.In a time-lapse video that has since gone viral, Bandy explained her work situation while showing off various rooms in her house. In each photo, you can see clothes, toys, and random items thrown everywhere, with barely any floor space left.“I’d like to pretend I’m not the only person who cleans here, but as you can see… these rooms don’t get much attention when I’m not here,” she captioned the video.Bandy began cleaning, picking up and sorting items, making the bed, doing countless dishes, and clearing off tables, counters, and basically all other surface areas. Throughout, you can see her young children hanging out in the background, sometimes stepping in for a moment or two to help, but only in the way young kids do.The Final StrawIt’s hard not to feel exhausted just watching Bandy clean up her house and all the clutter that comes from living with six other people and pets. As she tackled room after room, her husband didn't show up once to help — even when she was cleaning up his car stuff from the kitchen counter.That’s when Bandy revealed she’s in the middle of leaving her husband, calling him her “soon-to-be ex-husband.” She explained that during the school year, he had said he couldn’t watch the kids because he was focusing on homework. But at the time of the video, it was summer, and he no longer had that excuse.“Every single day I’ve gotten home from work, I’ve been met with one disaster to another caused by inattentive parenting,” she continued, pointing out things like nail polish on the walls, self-cut hair on the floors, and Nugget covers smattered with shampoo.At one point, she also cleaned up a bin of dog food that she revealed her husband had smashed in anger. Meanwhile, she explained how her husband continued to spend excessive amounts of time outside working on four different cars and ignoring everything else — including the kids. “His obsession has hit an all-time high, and he’s even brought car parts into the dining room and left oil everywhere,” she said. “This was because he claimed he had to be able to watch the kids and just not doing the task wasn’t an option.”A Community Steps InToward the end of the video, Bandy opened up even more.“I wish so much that the housing economy wasn’t what it was here and I could afford to move out,” she wrote. “My soul aches without a place to feel safe and happy.”The exhausted mom then wrapped her video with quick shots of the now-clean home and an important message to anyone who might be struggling like her: “Hang in there, lovelies.”The video went viral because so many moms related, while others just wanted to share a positive message for Bandy.“There is nothing more soul-draining than a ‘partner’ who is actually an extra child,” one person wrote.“All I’m gonna say is I’m proud of you Mama. I’m going through the same thing and it’s hard for me to even clean. Hugs,” wrote another.“Kids are messy for sure. I like how you acknowledged that it was ‘inattentive parenting’ and not ‘destructive kids’ or the like. You’re a great mum,” encouraged someone else.Breaking the CycleThis story resonated with so many people because it’s an honest portrayal of what life is like for so many moms right now, and it also teaches an important lesson: true partnership is essential for a happy marriage. That applies whether both partners work outside of the home, or if one stays back to maintain the home. No one’s job should just be “bringing home the bacon” anymore. Unless that honestly works for you and your family, of course.So many of us perpetuate gender norms without even knowing it. Who says that Mom always has to cook and clean while Dad will always be the one to tend to the cars and lawns, for example? One thing parents everywhere can do is to work together to teach their kids how to do all household tasks and take gender out of the equation.It’s not 50 years ago, and life has become challenging in new and unexpected ways. These days if you want to thrive, support in all walks of life is needed — at home and on the job.More from Goalcast:Man Explains Why He Refuses to Help His Wife and 4 Kids Around the House – And Strangers Are Praising Him for ItTeacher Told 3-Year-Old Boy Only Girls Can Paint Their Nails – But His Dad Had the Best ResponseSingle Mom Expects 6-Year-Old Son to Do Household Chores – The Reason Why Is a Lesson for All Parents