The 8 Steps to Happiness No One Told You About
From an early age, many of us were taught that to achieve happiness, we need to get a good job, buy a house, find a partner, and settle down.
The only problem is, even after all of these puzzle pieces are in order, we still seem to be missing something. We’re stressed, anxious, and unfulfilled. And, worst of all, our discontent sometimes spills over into frustration and hurts those we love. Not to mention, the underestimated fear of happiness.
The thing is, happiness doesn’t work the way most of us were taught. Afterall, the lot of us were taught by people who weren’t even happy to begin with. I think you can see the problem.
There is no way to happiness -- happiness is the way.– Thich Nhat Hanh
So then, how do we find true happiness? There are a few very important things to keep in mind that I’ve learned over the past six years of studying happiness.
I don’t pretend to have it all figured out, but after a few thousand hours of reading and studying and hundreds of thousands of words written in an effort to discover the truth about happiness, there are a few things I’ve discovered that no one ever told me about happiness.
1. Stop looking for happiness in the future and start finding it in the now
Growing up, we’re convinced that there is some magical pot of happiness at the end of the rainbow, the rainbow symbolizing the path we must take to get there.
The only problem? The rainbow is more like a never-ending maze that convinces you you’re getting somewhere when you’re really not.
You won’t find happiness always looking to the future because it’s not there. Sure, planning for the future is important, but you need to ground yourself in the present moment.
The more you do that, you’ll find all kinds of things that will bring you joy, often simple things you never noticed before because you were always fixated on worries and frustrations about the future.
2. Make happiness a consistent effort
“Happily ever after” is one of the most damaging misconceptions about happiness that’s ever existed. Most of us believe that happiness is something which, once found, we’ll have forever. That’s just not the case.
This comes mostly from the misconception that happiness is a thing. However, happiness is more of a state of being than it is an object outside of yourself. Happiness is always there as potential within us, it’s up to you to nurture that potential on a daily basis.
Exercise, eating well, meditating, and cultivating healthy relationships, are all ways to do this.
3. Find something you have a passion for and pursue it with all your heart
This might sound like an obvious point to some, however, growing up, no one ever told me how important this was. It wasn’t until much later in life that I realized this is really one of the two major sources of happiness for us as human beings.
We’ll talk about the happiness of progress in a bit, however, when you pursue something you have a passion for, your life is filled with a sense of meaning and purpose that is infectious. As you work towards improving your craft and pursuing what you love, you’re filled with an energy for life that is powerful and fulfilling.
So, if you haven’t already, start asking yourself, ‘What do I love?” so you can find what fills you with a sense of energy and joy.
4. Do everything in your power to maintain strong relationships with those you love
You might have heard that relationships are important. That’s common sense, right?
However, I’ve found that very few people that believe this actually follow through with nurturing those relationships. It’s as if most people believe that, while important, relationships will just maintain themselves. This is a dangerous belief that can, and likely will, hurt you eventually.
Relationships take work. You need to think of the other person from time to time. Make sure they’re feeling appreciated, provide value, and be supportive when necessary.
To put it simply, maintaining strong relationships takes intentional effort from you on a regular basis. It’s sort of intangible, so it might be the kind of thing you’ll need to push yourself to do at first. However, with time, you’ll see what a big difference it makes and how much happier it makes you (and your loved ones).
5. Face your demons
Most of us develop a habit of pushing away or hiding from our problems. There are a lot of reasons this happens, however, whatever the case is for you, doing so will only cause you pain. In order to be happy, you need to face these demons.
For the most part, this refers to facing your inner dialogue. As we go about our life, our experiences cause us to develop beliefs about ourselves that creates a sort of script that our subconscious mind plays on repeat. This dialogue influences what we do on a daily basis and can either make us happier and more successful or unhappy and consistently discouraged.
Take some time to be with yourself in silence each day and listen to what arises from your mind. Being kind and compassionate with yourself is vitally important to “curing” this damaging self-talk. If you do this, you can transform it over time.
6. Beware the illusion of happiness found in material things
According to Dr. Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University, who specializes in studying the relationship between money, material items, and happiness, “We buy things to make us happy, and we succeed. But only for a while. New things are exciting to us at first, but then we adapt to them.”
The "happiness of things" is a dangerous illusion. While material goods do in fact make us feel a shallow kind of temporary happiness, we’re then convinced that we just need to get more things to be happier. This leads to a very unhealthy pattern of behavior where we’re constantly searching for our next fix.
Sure, if you grew up never having enough, then getting yourself to the point where you do can make you happier consistently. However, don’t confuse that with money or material items having provided you happiness. Continue to search deeper once you get to that point.
The happiness found in things is all but an illusion, keep that in mind as you go about your life and don’t be fooled by it.
7. Stop comparing yourself to others
Comparisons create completely unrealistic and often unreachable standards that keep happiness dangling in front of you like a carrot on a stick.
Everyone is different, so while one person might be able to do something or be somewhere, you might not be able to yet. That isn’t necessarily because of talent or skill, though, it might just be because you’re different. Perhaps doing things differently works better for you.
At the beginning of an endeavor, copying others around you who are more developed or advanced can be very productive. However, quickly you need to start carving your own path and stop chasing the unrealistic mental image of others.
They might do great as a square, but if you’re a circle all you’re going to do is kill yourself trying to conform to a way of living and being that doesn’t fit your strengths and preferences as a circle.
8. Create a vision for your life– and find happiness in progress
Not to be confused with the never-ending rainbow, creating a vision gives your life a sense of purpose. It's less about getting somewhere and more about creating the optimal environment for cultivating happiness in the present, while working towards a vision for the future, which gives you one of the most powerful gifts of all: happiness through progress.
When we’re making progress and improving on a regular basis we feel great, like our life has meaning. Just make sure you remember the most important point of all: that happiness is about how you live your life now, not about acquiring something in the future.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.