4 Ways Self-Isolation Tests The Quality Of Your Relationship
Self-isolation has put couples to the test, what with divorce rates increasing. Here are 4 of the tests that can prove your relationship's strength.
Reality has completely changed in a few short, disruptive, life-altering months. This new reality has also changed relationship dynamics. Some couples are stranded, unable to see each other due to lockdown rules. Others are living in close confines, sharing self-isolation together.
And the results are mixed: for all the talk of “Coronababies” there’s talk of “Covidivorces.” Divorce rates in China have reportedly soared following quarantine. Equally, come the year 2033, we’ll be welcoming the “Quaranteeny” generation — those conceived during lockdown.
Self-isolation is a huge, huge test for any relationship. Will your relationship endure? That depends on how well you’re able to navigate these 4 main challenges.
1. Tensions surface with nowhere to hide
Most of us will be familiar with relationships that are rich, nourishing and loving, but have their limits. Those friends you enjoy meeting for weekly coffee but wouldn’t choose to travel with for an extended period of time, the best buddy you wouldn’t choose as a housemate. No two relationships are the same, as any two individuals create a unique chemistry.
A post-corona meme shared on social media jokes: “Can I see myself being quarantined with him? Does he come with toilet paper?” It’s lighthearted, but contains truth. The scale of people we’d choose to be quarantined with is slim. There aren’t many (if any!) people who you could live with in such close quarters without conflict.
As a result, it pays to view your relationship with balance. If there are issues between you, there’s no need to overreact. However if these issues reveal parts of the relationship that up to this point have remained hidden, then there’s something to consider.
If you can find harmony during this stressful time, developing closeness and intimacy and a sense of togetherness, you know what you have is pretty special.
2. Adversity makes us ask existential questions
We all like to convince ourselves life is full of certainty, that we know who we are, that our identities are fixed and dependable. With any huge disruption, be it the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or a global pandemic, our sense of identity is suddenly thrown into question. The areas of life we saw as part of ourselves no longer appear so dependable and we start to think about the bigger picture.
During lockdown, we’re forced to confront the parts of ourselves usually hidden in the shadows. With extra time to reflect, and the things we’ve taken for granted no longer available, we might start to question where we are in life. Am I happy with my work? With my decisions? And, naturally, with my partner?
This isn’t something to be afraid of. No relationship is an obligation, and it’s healthy to occasionally check-in to see if it’s what you really want. Questioning a relationship isn’t a direct sign of dysfunction or an inevitable break-up.
It pays to explore, openly and honestly, what truth the heart presents. Does it lead you towards your partner? Or away from them? This naturally reflective period could be a pivotal time in the journey of your relationship.
3. The risk of codependency and projection
A balanced relationship consists of two people who have rich individual lives, feel emotionally independent, and choose to support and nourish each other. This isn’t easy, though, and it takes a lot of work to avoid the pitfalls of co-dependency and projection. Without opportunity to nurture our social lives by seeing friends, or even following our normal routines, we may start to look to our relationship to fulfill our needs.
Whilst this isn’t a bad thing, and the ability for your relationship to step-up and support you through this time is admirable, pay close attention to unrealistic expectations. Even though these are unprecedented times, it doesn’t mean your partner is responsible for your emotions, making you happy, or being there 24/7. We still have number one responsibility over our inner-world.
In addition, codependent traits risk psychological projection. We look at our partner and expect them to know exactly what we’re feeling, or project feelings of anxiety or frustration onto them, blaming them for the way we feel.
A few sprinkles of this here and there are fine, but be conscious of allowing self-isolation to blur the lines between your reality and your partner's reality. A healthy way of dealing isn’t to avoid these feelings altogether, but to openly communicate your needs and wants when they arise. The test here is how you both respond.
4. Quality of communication is revealed
Communication is everything in relationships. But poor communication between two lovers isn’t always clear from the outset, especially during the honeymoon period. Usually, times of hardship or adversity are the moments when the quality of communication is revealed. During lockdown, emotions are running high, routines are out the window. This means the foundation of the relationship — the quality of communication — will be exposed.
Will your relationship sink or swim? This depends. It is possible the situation will reveal a complete misalignment in communication styles that give an indication of the future projection of the relationship. Lockdown shines a light on the broken parts of the relationship that were previously hidden. Will self-isolation be the difficult moment bringing you closer together, or push you apart?
It is always a team effort
If both partners are willing to learn, adversity can be used as a way to grow and develop, together and individually. Sometimes difficult moments reveal the strength of the relationship, an unbreakable bond or a mutual, lasting unconditional love for eachother.
Although these are difficult times, soon you might look back and realize if you can make it through the test of self-isolation and quarantine, you can make it through anything.
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Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.