So, you’ve been crushing hard on someone for a while now, maybe it’s your neighbor, or workmate, or someone you keep bumping into, but there’s something about this person that just makes you go weak at the knees and smile like a giddy kid.
Before my long term relationship, I remember the times where I had these insane crushes on guys and would write both our names in heart bubbles on park benches and lay awake dreaming of them at night. Oh, those were the days.
It’s easy to get lost in the fantasies of our own minds, creating all kinds of outrageous stories of how perfect this person is for us. But…
Let’s get real!
We first have to see if they are more than just the cheeky smile and charming banter that we so often fantasize about.
Yes, they may dress well, sound cool, look like your type, but.. are you two compatible?
Some people may appear appealing on the outside and they also might be a wonderful person inside, but that doesn’t mean that they’re right for you?
The most important thing to be aware of when you’re with your crush is to be aware of how much you can be yourself around them. Do you feel like you’re able to be your authentic self or is something holding you back?
Anyone that makes you feel like you have to be someone you’re not to impress them, is showing you a huge red flag straight away.
Being yourself in front of someone is the most important foundation for any relationship. And not just feeling yourself, but feeling your best self!
Right, so you know you’re comfortable around them? What next? Well, you now need to figure out what values are most important to you. For example, do you want someone who is kind, funny, sexy, creative, independent?
Is finding someone who makes you laugh more important than someone who has a steady job? Is someone loyal, stable, and trustworthy more important than someone you find sexually attractive? Or maybe it’s all just as important.
Write down a list of all the traits in a partner that you would like and put the most important one first.
For me, my top three things are someone who makes me laugh, someone who is kind and loving, and someone who I sexually desire. These things may not be as important to other people but they are three fundamental things I look for in someone. And of course, like everything, they are subject to change. Usually, when one relationship ends, we get clearer on what things are the most important to us.
Designing your questions
Now you know what you’re looking for, and you’ve got your key traits in mind, what do you want to know?
When you start dating and asking questions, my advice to you is never bring up the exes. Some people might argue with me about this, but I personally don’t see any benefit in dragging up the past.
So, the questions… I have put a few together that might help you get a clearer idea of what this person is like on a deeper level. But you also might want to add a few extras of your own to suit what your interests are.
After all, you want to have things in common. So you may want to ask about music, travel, books, food, animals or favorite festivals if these are things important to you. As snobby as it sounds, I could never be with a partner that loved listening to cheesy pop music. It just wouldn’t work!
See if some of the below questions resonate with you and choose the ones you think are most important…
- If you saw me angry or upset, what would you do?
- If I did or said something that triggered you, would you feel comfortable to communicate it with me? And how would you do it?
- If there’s one thing you would love to do to change the world, what would it be?
- What skill would you love to master?
- What kind of person do you see yourself becoming, or would like to become in the future?
- When you look at the world, do you see it as a kind, loving world or an unkind, unjust world?
- How do you want people to feel after being in your company?
- What are the most important traits that you would like your ideal partner to have?
- What relationship do you have with your mum and dad?
- What would be your ideal date?
- What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?
- What do you judge people most for?
- When you’re angry or in a bad mood, what do you do to get yourself out of it?
- Where is the most beautiful place you’ve ever been to?
- Do you prefer going to big parties or hanging out with a small group or alone?
- If your house suddenly caught fire, what’s the most important object you would save?
- What 5 people would you like to meet dead or alive and why?
- If you had all the money in the world and didn’t have to work, what would you do?
These questions, plus some of your own creations should give you a pretty good idea of whether your crush would be a good match to you or not.
But saying that, you may even think that meeting someone similar to you isn’t actually that important. My boyfriend is completely different from me in many ways, but it just works.
Variety is the spice of life!
Remember, people aren’t perfect. Actually, there has to be room for the relationship not to be perfect. If it was perfect, how could it evolve and grow?
But only you know what is right for you. And you will know what’s right by how you feel when you’re with them. Get grounded, get sure and go on your date with a clear head, but be open to being surprised and delighted in unexpected ways, because a lot of the time, it’s the people that we least expect that are the most suitable for us.
More interesting articles:
- The 5 Types of People You Need to Avoid For A Better Life
- Why Ambivalent Relationships Are More Dangerous Than They Seem
- The Hero And The Villain: Narcissists Deserve Empathy Too
- Split Decisions: Is Your Relationship Really Over or Does It Just Need Work?
- Is Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?