How I Took The Imposter Out of Motherhood And Overcame My Doubts
On a Monday afternoon, I sat on a small blue classroom chair, listening to how my eleven-year-old son couldn’t keep up with his peers; his curriculum was being modified back to the basics. In fact, his teachers' voices sounded like the adults in a Charlie Brown cartoon, but rather than being Charlie, I was a mother hoping the system would find a different way to help my son without tagging him as a boy with severe learning challenges. In retrospect, I was experiencing a case of the Motherhood Imposter Syndrome, and yes, it’s a real thing.Imposter syndrome happens to all of us. Students get it all the time, when they feel like they are not as intelligent or capable as their peers. Or you might have felt it when you joined a new workplace and doubts about your actual skills and competence started creeping in.The thing is, these feelings always arise when we are faced with a situation or people that makes us reconsider our methods, approaches or decisions. As a mother, this can arise often when we are faced with other mothers or, as my experience suggest, with criticism from other figures of expertise. Perplexed at their comments about his lack of reading and writing skills at a grade five level, I took a deep breath, looked at all three teachers, and asked, “Can someone please tell me how is it that my son cannot read or write, but he can create and launch an ecommerce store, design merchandise, sell it, make a profit, and donate a portion of it to charity?”I got crickets.Then one of them explained that ecommerce was an easy skill to acquire because all he had to do was "click here and there". They all nodded in unison. I was stunned by their response.All my years as a mother failed to prepare me for thisI have been a mother for 11 years, a step-mother for 23. After spending most of my adult life in a motherly role, one would think I had diapers, homework, and temper tantrum management down to a science. In fact, it couldn’t be farther from the truth.You see, the more experience I have as a mother, the more I learn from my children. I’ve adopted the term "Conscious Parenting" as one where I follow the “flow” of motherhood, learn and listen to my children more, as they, too, are human beings. I listen and watch others, and make intuitive decisions.As a mother, we have a 7th sense about our children, their safety, and their needs. Motherhood Imposter Syndrome need not be adopted because as mothers, when we tune in and listen, we know our child’s needs.Listening to my instinct was my best betIn the moment when my son’s skills as a budding online entrepreneur were completely discarded, I felt it in my core. I was overcome with a sense of inadequacy, of failure and guilt. Yes, I was hit with a wave of Motherhood Imposter Syndrome.You see, I believed that my son should be celebrated for a business endeavor that only a minute percentage of the population would ever undertake. In this case, they were not looking at all of the life skills he was gaining, but only that he couldn’t complete a book report.I don’t blame the teachers for that. I blame the system. You see, we’re bread to believe in the “natural order of things”: Send your kids to school so that they can get good grades, a solid education, and then a job.When you veer away from conventional thought, you are questioned and can sometimes be ostracized by your family, peers, and professionals.It is an integral part of motherhoodOver the years, I have learned to embrace feeling like an imposter as a mother, and have opened myself up to questioning everything my children might experience. In doing so, I feel like I am making the right decision as a parent, one that is for the highest good for my children. Here are several topics I’ve questioned on multiple occasions as a mom:Breastmilk or formula or both.Screens, screens, and more screens.Babysitters, nannies, daycare.Homeschool, public school, private school.Is saying “no” detrimental to their psyche?Allergies and did I transmit them? Is it my fault?Will my kids grow up to be responsible adults even when they’re hanging off the ceiling in public?Arguing in front of the kids.Pet or no pet.Discipline or lack there of.How to deal with bullies.Dealing with loss or illness of any kind.The list goes on and on. But after a while, the feeling of being an imposter subsided. Yes, it can flare up when I am confronted to situations like my story above. Yet, it also comforts me to know that questioning myself about being a good mother is a sign that I actually care.What does your motherhood imposter syndrome list look like?With the overwhelm of societal dogma, cultural norms, and marketing, tuning in and listening to what we, as a mother, think is right for our children can be a challenging. It’s important to remember the unbreakable bond that you have with your child, and after having researched all of your options, go within and find your answers. You are more powerful than you think.More inspiring stories:Here’s What It’s Really Like Being a Single Mom in 2019Do Emotionally Intelligent Parents Have More Emotionally Intelligent Kids?Parents of Confident Kids Do These 7 Things Daily
Why Will Smith's Friendship With Martin Lawrence Changed His Life
Sometimes, we watch a movie where the two costars have so much chemistry that we think “Oh they act well together on set." Such is the case of Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, who made their debut as a duo in the 1995 movie Bad Boys. Yet, these two have a different sort of bond that goes beyond onscreen chemistry. Their friendship is the “real deal” but it all started with Bad Boys. Now, 25 years later, they reunite onscreen one last time in Bad Boys for Life, honoring the place where it all started for these two comedians. However, Will and Martin were not brought together by a simple gesture of Hollywoodian fate. Rather, their bond was precipitated by no other than Martin himself, who helped propel Will Smith into the superstar that he is today. Without him, Will may not have reached the rest of the world...Before they even knew each other...At the time, both Will and Martin were successful in their own television series--Will with The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and the latter with Martin. They were both already familiar figures to the public.When the original Bad Boys was in production, Martin was cast before Will. They were looking for the right costar, as much of the success of the story depended on the two leads. But what brought the two costars together?As Martin told Ellen Degeneres in December 2019, his sister suggested Will Smith to him.My sister… she brought Will to my attention. So, I called Will, and we set up a dinner and Will came to my house. Five minutes after talking to Will, he got the job.Martin LawrenceThey instantly connected and it was not for nothing. Director Michael Bay even allowed Will and Martin to improvise certain scenes together, which have led to some of the memorable, iconic moments in the movie. Bad Boys went on to be a hugely successful film, garnering immense commercial success. Their onscreen chemistry left a lasting impression on so many, which is no surprise that two other sequels were made. Will himself admits that to this day, this is the one movie that still has his fans talking.Of all the movies that I have done, Bad Boys is the one that people walk up to me on the street and say, ‘when are you going to do another one?’ They don’t say that about I am Legend or Men in Black – it’s like Bad Boys is the one that people feel there is meat on the bone.Will Smith to Heavy.However, at the time, Hollywood was no necessarily open to the idea of two black men leading a blockbuster film. The untold story behind Martin helped Will against all oddsBad Boys was originally written with two white leads in mind, actors Dana Carvey and Jon Lovitz, with the original title being Bulletproof Hearts. Of course, 1995 was a different time in Hollywood, and it was more difficult for black actors to forge their careers.Will acknowledges that Martin's interference was a pivotal moment for his career, but also for the world of cinema. At the time, two black leads it like ‘ehh’ … Martin [Lawrence] fought to have me in Bad Boys, and the big part of the original success was because, after that, [producer] Don [Simpson] and [producer] Jerry [Bruckheimer] refused to let it be a black movie. They fought the studio and said it’s not a black movie. Will Smith to Heavy.By marketing it as a movie for everyone to see, the producers also managed to break the stigma around black leads in cinema. "It’s a movie that the world needed to see," Will added. "That everybody would love because of the actors in the movie not because the actors in the movie are black."Martin fought to have Will Smith on board. In doing so, he helped destroy barriers in Hollywood and prove wrong the "perception essentially that black people can’t sell movies globally" or that "black films don’t travel."What has Martin been up to?Martin's level of success was not on Will Smith's and his life took a slightly different turn in the years following the release of the first Bad Boys movie. In 1996, he was arrested for "hurling obscenities at cars" while carrying a gun and in 1999, he suffered from heat exhaustion, which put him in a coma for 3 days.The 90s and early 2000s were not a good time for the actor but he definitely grew from that period. I was young and I made, uh, some irresponsible choices and, you know, carrying a gun when I shouldn't have been carrying a gun. And just getting into things that I shouldn't have gotten in.Martin Lawrence to GQHis journey was one of change and growth but it happened mostly behind the scenes. "Wait a minute. I don't want to be a failure,"he told GQ. "I don't want to blow this." I'm a kid from the hood and I've made it all the way to Hollywood, and I've got my hands and feet imprinted in Hollywood and don't want to go down negatively. I want to be held up positively." From this realization, Martin managed to get to a better place. He returns to audiences with Bad Boys For Life, with his long time friend, Will Smith. He even has a stand-up comedy tour starting on January 31st 2020. A lasting friendshipIt is hard to image the cinematic world without Will Smith. Yet, while Will was huge on television in the 90s, thanks to The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, he was not yet familiar to film audiences. When Martin brought him on Bad Boys, he jumpstarted what would become an immensely successful career in Hollywood.However, their friendship lasted all this time and was not solely fabricated for the screen. "Will is one of my good friends," Martin confided to New York Times. "I could call Will about anything, and he could call me about anything."Their return onscreen for Bad Boys For Life, 25 years after the original film, was not without a fair share of concern. Yes, they have remained friends offscreen but that didn't mean that their onscreen chemistry would be the same. However, that seemed to be no issue.We hadn’t really done anything for 25 years so there was a little concern [over] the chemistry. But literally the first moment on stage it was right back.Will Smith to EllenHow helping each other makes a differenceWill and Martin have charmed millions around the world as Mike Lowrie and Marcus Burnett. Behind the scenes, their bond has been just as genuine. They share an unbreakable bond. It is friendships like these that instill hope into the hearts of all people, old and young. Their instant connection helped them overcome the limitations of a discriminatory film world and we are thankful for it. Otherwise, we may not have the Will Smith that we know today. Martin took a chance on Will, but it paid off both in their careers and their personal life. It is important not to ignore genuine connections when they happen on our path. Listening to our instincts and what feels right always leads to fruitful and long lasting relationships.More inspiring friendships:Why Whitney Houston’s Secret Bond With Robyn Crawford Was More Powerful Than FameMartha Stewart’s Unlikely Best Friend Snoop Dogg Broke All the RulesHow Did Elton John Save Eminem’s Life?
How Jane Fonda Rewrote Her Life With a Third Act
The year is 2019, and 81-year-old, two-time Oscar-winner Jane Fonda is being arrested for the fourth week in a row. Her crime? "Non-violent disobedience." While being arrested, Jane takes the time to thank the BAFTAs for her lifetime achievement award-- she will not make it to the awards ceremony, because she is protesting climate change outside the Capitol Building.This is the same year that 16-year-old Greta Thunberg was named Time's Person of the Year for leading a global movement of climate strikes protesting the same issue.But Grace and Frankie star Jane Fonda's history as an activist stretches back four decades. She has been both loved and hated for her dedication to her principles, but remains passionate about the issues she supports today as she was when she began her journey. Today, we see activists marching the streets of America and the entire world on the single topic of climate change, but Fonda’s colorful journey is one to explore. How did she become such a fearless crusader?Jane's first act of activismAs the daughter of Hollywood royalty (her dad was Oscar-winner Henry Fonda of 12 Angry Men, On Golden Pond), Jane grew up in the spotlight before owning it herself.She built a career as a starlet and sex symbol by starring in films like The Chase and Barbarella, but though she was born in the shadow of her father's success, Jane has always been determined to blaze her own path. Jane made her first public display of activism during the Vietnam war, using her high profile to bring attention to the causes she was passionate about-- and faced major backlash for doing so. Despite this, she forged a critically-acclaimed career, winning her first Oscar and refusing to star in movies that she didn't feel held value for the public. This decision led to her second Oscar win, for a film about a Vietnam vet's struggles.Jane then branched out into comedies, starring in the hit movie 9 to 5 with close friend (and future Grace and Frankie co-star Lily Tomlin) and built a work-out video empire.Then she announced her retirement. Things seemed over for Jane-- but that was far from the truth.Second act: learning from her mistakesJane Fonda became known as "Hanoi Jane" for her Vietnam activism and many say this was by far the most overboard she has ever gone to raise awareness of an issue she supports. In fact, this is where she started to gain enemies toward her activism. In 1970, Jane was falsely arrested for drug trafficking and detained, although her bag contained only vitamins. It was a moment that would set the tone for her future protests and arrests.Jane's loyalty to the USA has been questioned for many years. Many see her alleged “Anti-War” protests as “Anti-American” because she seemed to blatantly speak against the U.S. SoldiersIn later years, Jane has reflected upon and apologized for posing in the iconic picture:I will go to my grave regretting the photograph of me in an anti-aircraft gun, which looks like I was trying to shoot at American planes. It hurt so many soldiers. It galvanized such hostility. It was the most horrible thing I could possibly have done. It was just thoughtless.Jane Fonda to Barbara WaltersSecond act: Growing from mistakesThe mistakes she made in her youth have led Jane to be more informed and to think more carefully and critically about the causes she supports.Today, she is still out and about doing marches and “Fire Drills” to raise awareness of climate change, with support from other famous friends like Joaquin Phoenix and Ted Danson. Jane has said in numerous interviews that she doesn’t care to get arrested as many times as it takes to make her point, while acknowledging that her privilege as a celebrity affords her the ability to do so. Spoken like a true activist.Though critics of Fonda say she goes overboard with her statements and actions, those closest to her say that her activism is what keeps demons at bay and keeps her going and youthful. It's time for a third act"I divided my life into three acts of 30 years each because every 30 years, I tend to change."Jane Fonda, HBOJane emerged from retirement in 2005, reinvigorated by years of experience out of the celebrity world. In addition to acclaimed performances on the stage and in film, Jane and best friend Lily co-starred in 7 seasons of Grace and Frankie. The show follows two best friends whose marriages have abruptly ended due to their husbands' infidelity, as is all about them rediscovering their joie de vivre.As Jane told HBO, "At the beginning of my third act, I realized — holy sh*t — I don’t know who I am. I was 60 and thought, I have maybe 30 more years. Third acts are important and can pull the rest together. So, I went about studying myself, which meant studying my parents and grandparents. Those are the people who determine who you are — who you then spend the rest of your life healing from. One of the things I hope people come away feeling is a need to examine their lives.” This is a profound personal development statement that rings true to most all people of any age and in any stage of life.Through this realization, Jane has made peace with herself, ending her marriage and embracing her third act as a single woman. I'm single, which makes me very happy.Jane Fonda, Vanity FairShe has also gone deep into contributing to the following charities: Alzheimer's AssociationBarbara Davis Center for Childhood DiabetesElton John AIDS FoundationHeifer InternationalLos Angeles LGBT CenterOceanaPeace Over ViolenceV-DayWhat we can learn from JaneWhile not everyone agrees with Jane's personal beliefs or motivations, we can all learn from her approach-- fearlessly embracing her opinions and living in accordance with them, whatever the cost.One of the rights we all hold dear is the right to speak our opinion, and to be heard. This is not a right to be heard if and only if you support one cause or the other, but a right that we all possess. We can see that Jane Fonda simply followed what her heart believed, and that can be interpreted many ways. Jane's story teaches us that our story doesn't end when we are struggling or when we reach a certain age. Through each act of her life, she experienced highs and lows, made mistakes and learned from them. In your second and third acts, you, too, can grow and adapt while still being true to the beliefs and convictions that make up the core of who you are.I love mistakes because it’s the only way you learn. You don’t learn from successes; you don’t learn from awards; you don’t learn from celebrity; you only learn from wounds and scars and mistakes and failures. And that’s the truth.Jane Fonda, Flaunt Magazine
Jim Carrey's Quotes for Believing in Yourself -- and Your Dreams
One thing that Canadian megastar Jim Carrey is well-known for is his philosophy: Life is meant to be ad-libbed. To non-actors, it’s fascinating to watch Carrey ad-lib and go off script -- in life and on screen -- at a moment’s notice. His screen presence deeply portrays his passion in everything he does.Although Carrey has long been king when it comes to ad-libbing, life wasn’t always megastardom for the comedian. At the young age of 15, he dropped out of school to contribute to his household's income, though his family was still forced to moved into a van. Fast-forward to his life in Los Angeles years later, following tons of hope and gigs in stand-up comedy, Carrey ad-libbed his own recipe for creating the life you want and believing in yourself and your dreams.In his late 20s, Carrey decided he wanted to make more money, so he wrote himself a check in the amount of $10 million dollars. He then gave himself only five years to cash it. On the check, he wrote “For acting services rendered.” In 1995, he landed the lead role in Dumb and Dumber and with this one gig, he generated enough income to cash his check. This is the power of unwavering belief in your dreams.Here are 3 quotes from Jim Carrey’s quotes to help you believe you can create your own dreams"As far as I can tell, it’s just about letting the universe know what you want and then working toward it while letting go of how it comes to pass.” Let the universe know “what you want” and let go of the delivery. This is one philosophy that is taught in every single self-help modality. The problem we have is that we first create a desire, then try to use our minds to make it happen. The universe is much bigger than our minds, so letting go and then allowing is the first step. Don’t try to control the outcome. Do the work and receive it.“It is better to risk starving to death than surrender. If you give up on your dreams, what’s left?” If you have ever worried about putting food on the table, then you know just how strong the fear is that one day you will starve. Even if this thought is the furthest from the truth, it’s still a fear. Giving up on your dreams means risking loss of the nightmare. Your dream is given only to you. No one else in the world has your dream. Can you risk “starving to death” to follow your dreams? “Desperation is a necessary ingredient to learning anything, or creating anything. Period. If you ain’t desperate at some point, you ain’t interesting.” This one took a little while to absorb. Why is desperation a necessary ingredient? Because the hungrier you are, the more likely you are to find a solution. The truest lessons are learned at rock bottom, where the fertile soul of change is waiting for new seeds. The seeds you plant in the most desperate of times also contain the dreams you hold inside.Take some time today to truly assimilate these lessons and perhaps draft a check to yourself with a due date in the same way that Carrey did. Self-belief is the most powerful motivator.
