*Featured image contains photo by Andrea Piacquadio and Elina Fairytale
We've all heard the saying that the older we are, the smaller our circle gets...but this may not be for the reason we think. Social pattern expert Bianca Stelian, believes it's not just a matter of growing apart — but the way that we "catch up" when we're together.
Have you found yourself stuck in the friendship rut? With no way to get out? If you woke up one day only to realize most of your meaningful relationships have stumbled into "no man's land," don't worry, you're not alone and this is for you.
What Is a “Catch Up Friendship”
Often growing up means getting closer to our dreams, but it doesn't come without sacrifice. Time is the precious thing we never have enough of. So, when it comes to seeing our old friends for our bi-annual "dinner and drinks," why don't we spend it wisely?
“Every time you talk, you must start the conversation with many life updates. You have to hit every category: family, work, dating, social life, health, you get it. And before you know it, you’ve essentially spent 45 minutes interviewing each other like you’re on a reality show without really breaking past the surface.”
Bianca Stelian, TikTok
In essence, a "catch up friendship" is a series of sporadic surface level connections that make old friends feel they're slowly drifting further instead of drawing closer. Two people ramble on about all the "big picture" moments in their life: They got engaged? Must have missed that on Facebook. They are working a completely different job? Thought they hated corporate culture. Their dear mother's fallen ill? Make sure to send flowers.
And while yes, all these big moments are so important, they are not the sum total of the person we know and love. Somehow, after a rapid fire tennis match of "life updates" over 3 rounds (of cocktails), we end up going home, disheartened — feeling like we never even scratched the surface with how they are really doing. And sadly, they never quite got to to the heart of us either. We mistakenly chalk it up to being "different people."
If this sounds familiar, check out the viral video below to hear the vicious cycle in her own words.
Watch Bianca Stelian's Video:
@infinitebs I am guilty of this as well but there is hope i promise #postgrad #friends #friendships #sociallife #socialanxiety #college
Does Growing Up Mean Your Friendships Are Fake?
Of course not. The older you get, the more you have to plan in advance. Gone are the easy college days, where all your friends lived in a five block radius of each other. When you would waste the hours away grabbing coffee, watching a movie, or just studying near each other in silence.
One day you wake up, and you're not a kid anymore. But that doesn't mean life isn't really good. Maybe you have the job you always wanted, or the partner you always dreamed of, or even just the best couch in the whole world to watch your favorite TV shows on.
But in the famous words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast." And more often than not, all the extra time we used to spend with our friends is redirected to work or our family — sometimes we forget to stop and take a look around for the people who've been there since Day 1.
One Simple Way to Break This “Nasty” Cycle
The reality is, if we try and solve our "catch up friendship problems" by trying to schedule more frequent catch ups, we will be disappointed. Because it's not sustainable. You can't live a full adult life and still have the free time of a kid!
According to Bianca Stelian, the best solution is to use social media to your benefit.
"Start posting your everyday little thoughts and life updates. It’s a wildly efficient way to reach a lot of people with a little bit of effort.”
If knowing all the little things about a person is what a relationship is made up of — then share yours with your friends! "The posts don't have to be anything life changing," Stelian shares, "the smaller the better."
Is “Growing Apart” a Myth About Growing Up?
It's hard to say. When life gets so hectic, our instinct is to act from self preservation. You can't quit your job, you can't quit your kids, and you already got a divorce. So...looks like the friend who let you cheat off them for 4 years has gotta go! You didn't like her anyway...I mean come on, she let you cheat — that's a bad moral compass!
It's easy to cut off lots of connections growing up, under the excuse that "we're in different places" or "we're different people." Suddenly, your high school bestie who nursed you through 8 back-to-back heartbreaks while you did a love spell on a poster of Aaron Carter, is just not the kind of person who want to be associated with!
Now, sometimes it really is true. We grow up and we clash too much with people we used to laugh until we cried with. Take Derf McDerf for example! The author of My Friend Dahmer. Understandably, he wouldn't be too keen to schedule a friendship catchup via the Columbia Correctional Institution hotline.
But it's not always the case. Ultimately, only you can decide what friendships to let go and which ones to nurture — neither are easy, but both are rewarding.
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Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.