• Pin

Drew Barrymore has spoken out about how being cheated on shattered her world as a teenager. This is how she made peace with it.

The phenomenon of cheating is as old as time itself, yet humanity still hasn’t cracked the code on preventing or coping with it. 

It can topple the most sweeping of love stories, threaten the most indestructible of ties, and jeopardize the most stable of families. You’d think we’d have developed a better mechanism to subdue its ramifications or identify it from the jump, yet the optimist in us prefers to turn blind to its most apparent indications. We’d rather stay in the dark than confront the betrayal and upend our entire world. Adultery is particularly challenging for the youth, who don’t have the necessary wisdom to process the experience in a healthy way. Not that adults are shining examples of showing sensibility during trying circumstances, but at least most of them have an adequate enough sense of self to help them move past the shock. 

Drew Barrymore, for example, has spoken out about how being cheated on shattered her world as a teenager. It took her a while to make peace with it, but when the moment arrived, she wouldn’t dare let it go. Here’s how we can follow her path:

Drew felt she wasn’t “good enough” for a man after getting cheated on

There’s no doubt Drew was one of the wildest teenagers Hollywood has ever seen in its 100-year history, but there lay a deep vulnerability behind her poor decision-making. As an impulsive but naïve young actress, she felt each and every emotion far more acutely than her adult peers. Every single occasion is a rollercoaster, every single relationship is ride-or-die, a breakup can be cause for severe depression, and if you don’t get what you want, you’re going to do everything in your power to reverse course. 

So what happens when you find out that the love of your life has been unfaithful to you? Drew told Elle she couldn’t withstand the heartbreak and therefore turned to self-loathing as a way to make sense of the shocking discovery. This particular boyfriend who she’d been with as a late teenager sent her down a spiral of shame and guilt as if it was her fault for pushing him into the arms of another woman. 

I remember feeling so bad about myself and I felt shame. I asked myself why I wasn’t good enough and I thought the other girl must’ve been so great. And then I thought, what if I decided to never think this way again?

Drew Barrymore to Elle

The Never Been Kissed actress blamed herself for not being “good enough” for lacking the qualities that the other woman seemingly had in spades. This type of thought process isn’t an anomaly among women; we’re conditioned to think securing a man is life’s ultimate goal. So if we fail at this purpose and let someone else walk away with our ‘prize,’ we’ll quickly be singled out in society as pariahs, some sort of disappointments who couldn’t excel at the only job assigned to us. 

That’s when Drew decided she needed to reframe her mindset and approach her future with a completely fresh perspective. She couldn’t afford to beat herself over someone else’s horrifying actions or absorb their guilty conscience by default. As women, it’s up to us to oust the mentality of carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, so as Drew went through the years and celebrated the milestones, she decided to transform her outlook. 

She decided “insecurities” weren’t an option and that it’s worth waiting for the right person

A huge motivation for the Charlie’s Angels star was becoming a mother to her two daughters, Olive and Frankie. She doesn’t want her daughters to ever go through the same humiliating cycles of distress and self-hatred as she had in her notorious teenage years. Some level of insecurity is intrinsic to the adolescent experience —there’s no way you’ll be able to eradicate these doubts at the click of a finger, but at least Drew is trying her best to carve a path her daughters could potentially follow. 

Drew Barrymore with her ex-husband William Kopelman

I will literally kill myself to make them learn the lesson I’ve learned about how insecurity is not an option […] Instead of being insecure and jealous and suspicious and wonder if every guy is going to cheat on me again, I decided to say, “Nope. This will be totally enough for somebody one day.”

Drew Barrymore to Elle

You shouldn’t have to be anyone other than yourself to please a guy. In fact, if anyone requires you to change everything about yourself to fit his definition of acceptable, chances are they’ll only keep raising their demands until you crumble. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to prevent your partner from cheating on you; if they make a choice, they’re doing so of their volition. They’re aware it’s the amoral road, and the onus should be on them to explain their move and seek your forgiveness. 

Of course, it’s pretty natural to feel devastated. Perhaps you could have anticipated the two-timing; perhaps if you had worked hard on the relationship, it could have been strong enough to thwart off those impulses. Yet, it doesn’t matter – cheating isn’t the automatic solution to those issues. Therefore, as Drew puts it, insecurity isn’t the answer. You are who you are, and someday you’ll meet someone who’ll value and appreciate you for who you are. It doesn’t mean change is completely off the table, but it’s something the two of you must decide on mutually rather than parlay it as a requirement for the relationship. “What if I didn’t try to warp myself into this phantom standard that I didn’t even know?” she said. Instead, she prefers to wait to find the person who thinks she, Drew Barrymore, is “enough” for. No unattainable standards to meet, no back-breaking exercises to follow, no sad justifications for the infidelities, just self-confidence at its finest. 

You are enough 

Drew Barrymore’s insistence at wiping out your “insecurities” is a reminder to everyone: you don’t have to blame yourself for how others treat you. This goes beyond romantic relationships; everyone who dares to blame or shame you for something beyond your control doesn’t deserve your time. You need to feel assured about your own self; of course, you’re not perfect, and you understand what you need to do to improve specific aspects of your life, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to make you feel any less worthy. 

Cheating, in particular, has traditionally been used as a tool to subdue women and make them question their place in society. The consequences are never as bad for men as they are for women, so keeping this in mind, you shouldn’t let anyone take control of your self-esteem. You have been wronged, and it’s not your fault in the least. 

More inspiring stories: