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Owner Asks Homeless Man to Leave the Premises but He Keeps Coming Back - Finally, He Decides to Take a Different Approach
Uplifting News

Owner Asks Homeless Man to Leave the Premises but He Keeps Coming Back - Finally, He Decides to Take a Different Approach

What would your reaction be to finding a homeless man sleeping behind your business?Unfortunately, many of us have a default reaction of skepticism or disregard to those we do not immediately understand. It is often too easy to judge others based on appearance, but one gym owner reminds us why an open mind is so important, and just how far a little compassion can carry others. What One Man Did When He Saw a Homeless Man Asleep in His CarPhoto by Timur WeberA few months ago, at the God Body gym in Memphis, Tennessee, owner Roderick Duncan noticed someone sleeping in one of his old cars behind the building. "Homeless guy, had to have been," Duncan told a publication. Duncan initially approached the car with his cell phone camera out and ready to record the encounter, telling the stranger gruffly to get out of the vehicle. He thought that was the end of the story, until the next day when he noticed the same individual, in the same spot. He again asked the stranger to leave, and he did. This continued night after night, developing into a routine for the two -- Duncan asking the man to leave his property night after night -- until he decided to try a different approach. One night he had a change of heart. "Before I could knock on the [car] window, I said, 'You know what?' I came back in here and made him a cup of coffee," Duncan recalled.What he brought to the young man was far more than a cup of coffee, but a change in mindset. Duncan approached the individual with understanding and compassion this time, and watched as he turned from a nameless 'homeless man' into a young individual with a story as unique as anybody else's -- and just as deserving of kindness. How One Cup of Coffee Led to a Beautiful FriendshipPhoto by Esranur KalayThe two shared a cup of coffee that one evening, and a relationship began to blossom. Duncan learned that the stranger was 24-year-old Bryan Taylor. He learned about Bryan's troubled childhood and struggles with alcohol, and more about his desire to change his circumstances. Their relationship grew over conversations, and soon, Duncan was taking Bryan to get a new ID, new clothes, and driving him to job interviews. Bryan even went from crashing in old cars behind the gym to a couch in Duncan's home. "Some people need more than one chance. It takes a while for most kids to stop bumping their head," Duncan admitted. However, Bryan's growth wasn't so simple. The duo have both admitted that their relationship came with its own turbulence, and required patience from both parties. For example, Duncan set rules for the young man, and tried to help guide him back on the right path, but there were setbacks at times. Trust was violated, and regained -- built back stronger. It turns out, that single cup of coffee, and change of mindset, paved the way for both men's lives to change. How a Man Proved the Importance of Giving Others a Second Chance For Bryan, the stability provided allowed him to begin taking steps in the right direction. With the trust of a mentor, and the confidence he instilled, he was able to search for jobs with a new fervor, and lean on someone for support in the process. “I’m a changed person,” said Bryan. “I got a job. I got more confidence. I got a smile on my face.” As a gym owner and personal trainer, Duncan is used to helping people work towards their goals. However, his encounter with Bryan forced him to reassess his judgement, and shift his perspective in a positive direction. What Duncan truly provided for the young man was belief. He instilled confidence in the young man, who still has a long life ahead of him. By reassessing his own implicit biases, and changing them, he had the ability to recognize that Bryan was not a threat, but just someone in need of some help -- as we all are at some point. The relationship these two developed can remind us all to keep an open mind, and always lend a helping hand when we have the power to do so. More from Goalcast:Homeless Woman Begs For Scraps In Restaurant — Customer Gives Her Leftovers Then Does Even MoreHomeless Dad Living in His Car With 2 Kids Is Fired From His Job – Then, Strangers Step in When They Hear His RequestWoman Buys Homeless Man Coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts — He Then Hands Her a Shocking Note

135 Friendship Quotes: Best Friend Quotes That Show the True Meaning of Friendship
Friends

135 Friendship Quotes: Best Friend Quotes That Show the True Meaning of Friendship

Even though we sometimes forget, having a best friend is truly a privilege, and should be counted among life’s greatest gifts. The sweet friendship you can receive from a bestie is rare. If you have one, they should be cherished!True friends are there through the best and the worst of times. They help us grow and when we do, they are genuinely happy for our successes. They lift us up when we’re feeling down, listen to our nonsense, and give us that figurative slap in the face before we make a terrible mistake.A loyal friend is like a guardian angel — the family you choose — and time and distance will never harm the bond you share. Sweet friendship refreshes our lives, and only your real friends always seem to know just the way to pick you up. So enjoy the sweet friendship quotes below, find the perfect friendship quote for your special someone, and send it to the person that deserves it the most!Best Friend Quotes: Sayings for a True Friend Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one - C.S. Lewis (more C.S. Lewis quotes)Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together. - Woodrow T. Wilson(Hulton Archive / Stringer / Getty)A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. - Walter WinchellWalking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light - Helen Keller (more Helen Keller quotes)You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. - Laurence J. PeterDon’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus (more Albert Camus quotes)A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. - Arnold H. GlasgowTrue friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. - David TysonLots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. - Oprah Winfrey (more Oprah Winfrey quotes)It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them - Ralph Waldo EmersonThere’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met. - Jim Henson(Ron Wolfson / Contributor / Getty)One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention. - Clifton FadimanA friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails. - Donna RobertsKeep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great. - Mark Twain (more Mark Twain quotes)Of all possessions a friend is the most precious. - HerodotusTrue friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity, before it is entitled to the appellation. - George WashingtonTis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected. - Charles LambAnybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. - Oscar Wilde (more Oscar Wilde quotes)The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. - Elisabeth FoleyA true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. - Bernard MeltzerReal friendship, like real poetry, is extremely rare – and precious as a pearl. - Tahar Ben JellounIf it’s very painful for you to criticize your friends — you’re safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that’s the time to hold your tongue. - Alice Duer MillerThe best time to make friends is before you need them. - Ethel BarrymoreMany people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. - Eleanor Roosevelt (more Eleanor Roosevelt quotes)(Bettmann / Contributor / Getty)The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. - Chelsea HandlerIf you live to be a hundred, I hope I live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you. - Winnie the Pooh (more Winnie the Pooh quotes)Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. - Elie WieselThere are three things that grow more precious with age; old wood to burn, old books to read, and old friends to enjoy. - Henry FordA friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. - Elbert HubbardNever leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life—and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next. - Dean Koontz(Paul Harris / Contributor / Getty)They were beautiful shells, as white as the surf in the sea. When you held one up to your ear you could hear the sound of your best friend talking to you, even if she was a thousand miles away. - Alice HoffmanA true best friend may get you into trouble, but they will always be there to pull you out of it too. - Kaylee StepkoskiSea sisters, Susa had called them once. Two pearls formed in the same oyster. - Samantha ShannonWhen the best friends come together, the shining spirit of solidarity replaces the brightest star Sirius! - Mehmet Murat ildanBest friends are people hard to find, difficult to be, and impossible to live without. They are the people you get along with so easily in the journey called life. - Khushi ParwalThe difference between your friend and your best friend is that your friend asks, ‘Are you are ok?’ and your best friend asks, ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ - Savania ChinaSome acquaintances become friends, but again these come and go with only a few remaining consistent. However, occasionally you will meet someone that changes who you are and who you will become. - Emily WilliamsYou can’t hate your best friend for taking opportunities he’d been given. That would be the worst sort of hate, wouldn’t it? Because it would mean you hate yourself, too. - Craig DavidsonLife’s a battlefield, and we remain loyal to those who fight for us; those who’d die for us. - Crystal WoodsBest friends are those people who reveal to you what is wonderful inside of you, and you can all still laugh together. - Debasish MridhaWhat do you say to your best friend when you stand at the gates of the gates of hell? Nothing. If it’s your best friend, she already knows. - Eliza CreweShort Friendship Quotes for True FriendsSometimes we don’t need a lot of words to express our appreciation towards our closest friends. In some cases, all you need is a warm and tender hand to hold during difficulties. Undoubtedly, your actions will speak louder than any long, cheesy quote. Ten minutes with a genuine friend is better than years spent with anyone less. - Crystal WoodsA true best friend loves you even when it seems like you’ve gone off the deep end. - Liz FentonA friend is not the shadow that mimics you, but the one who casts all shadows away. - Shannon L. AlderThere is a reason why you are my best friend. Destiny. - Almira BastariLife was meant for good friends and great adventures. - UnknownAwards become corroded. Friends gather no dust. - Jesse Owens(Bettmann / Contributor / Getty)Just because I’m not there, doesn’t mean I’m not here for you. - Jacquelyn MiddletonFriendship is not something that you seek but something that finds you. - Mokokoma MokhonoanaThere are friends, there is family, and then there are friends that become family. - UnknownBe slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm & constant. - SocratesThere’s nothing like a really loyal, dependable, good friend. Nothing. - Jennifer Aniston (more Jennifer Aniston quotes)(Jemal Countess / Staff / GettyPThat was our friendship: equal parts irritation and cooperation. - Ransom RiggsThe best friends are made in childhood when we have no ulterior motives. - Tapan GhoshTrue friends are always together in spirit. - L.M. Montgomery (more Lucy Maud Montgomery quotes)It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. - Marlene Dietrich(Getty)Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there. - UnknownA good friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have. - Irish ProverbThere is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. - Jane Austen (more jane austen quotes)(Culture Club / Contributor / Getty)Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. - Oprah WinfreyThe only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo EmersonFriends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. - Ed CunninghamThere is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate. - Linda GraysonFriendship is the golden thread that ties the heart of all the world. - John EvelynRare as is true love, true friendship is rarer. - Jean de la FontaineCute and Sweet Quotes about FriendshipA good friend is someone that is like your chosen family. That friend is someone that makes such a beautiful impact in your life, you wouldn’t know what you would do without them. A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when you’re not necessarily funny, and a friend represents comfort in a tough world. The truly great friends are those that we can rely on, and who will not ask for anything in return.Anyone can have a friend, but the one that would walk in a storm to find you is all you will ever need. - Shannon L. AlderYou can count on me like one, two, three/ I’ll be there/ And I know when I need it, I can count on you like four, three, two/ And you’ll be there/ ‘Cause that’s what friends are supposed to do, oh, yeah! - Bruno Mars(Johnny Nunez / Contributor / Getty)Friends are a strange, volatile, contradictory, yet sticky phenomenon. They are made, crafted, shaped, molded, created by focused effort and intent. And yet, true friendship, once recognized, in its essence is effortless. - Vera NazarianThat was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours. - Kristen HannahBecause with true friends, no one is keeping score. But it still feels good to repay them – even in the tiniest increments. - Emery LordI was so sure we’d be together ten years from then, […], with the same bond as ever. We said lofty things like friends forever, that we’d be there at each other’s weddings, even though we were a thousand miles apart. - Lily SeabrookeSenses of humor define people, as factions, deeper rooted than religious or political opinions. When carrying out everyday tasks, opinions are rather easy to set aside, but those whom a person shares a sense of humor with are his closest friends. They are always there to make the biggest influence. - Criss JamiA good friend knows all your best stories. A best friend has lived them with you. - UnknownA true friend is one you can go extended periods without seeing or talking to, yet the moment that you are back in touch, it’s like no time has passed at all. - Ellie WadeNow she hesitated, wondering whether she dare do what she wanted… but surely, if they were best friends, it was all right? - Robert GalbraithTrue friends are like diamonds – bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style. - Nicole Richie(Doug Benc / Staff / Getty)One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood. - SenecaWhat is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle (more aristotle quotes)True friendship is trading photos from toilets. It’s a willingness to be vulnerable and stupid and irreverent in a way that other people can’t accept and that you can’t accept from other people. - Mike WehnerWe’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… and then we can be ‘new’ friends! - UnknownIn youth we learn; in age, we understand. - Marie von Ebner-EschenbachBest friends are the people you can do anything and nothing with and still have the best time. - UnknownYou guys are so much alike it’s scary. I mean, either you would’ve been best friends or you would’ve strangled each other. - Rick RiordanAnything is possible when you have the right people there to support you. - Misty Copeland(52nd NAACP Image Awards/BET / Contributor / Getty)Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things. - UnknownFriends are people who know you really well and like you anyway. - UnknownBut it was in the nearly silent times that the real strength of their bond was evident. A friend who understands everything without being told is the rarest and best kind of friend. - William JoyceI don’t have a ton of good friends, but you’re one of the best. - Lindsey OuimetI really want us to grow old together, you know? Go through all the typical life stuff together, even if that means we can only e-mail each other once a week because you moved to the middle of nowhere in Nebraska with your ten kids, and I’m still California because it’s amazing. - Claire KannSometimes a friend is most important, for friends are always there to laugh, cry, travel, see, hide, and feel with the other person. They will always be there. That is the measure of a true person: being a friend. It’s so much more than you think. - Sophia Braun(John M. Heller / Contributor / Getty)Loyal friends have your back. And the ones that don’t, can watch you from behind. - Steven CuocoThe interesting thing I’ve learned about best friends is that you can have more than one. I have two. One I love with passion, the other I love with complete affection. - April WhiteSome might wonder that the two men should consider themselves to be old friends having only known each other for four years; but the tenure of friendships has never been governed by the passage of time. - Amor TowlesAnyone can become your best friend when you spend time together and share your feelings about life. However, not every best friend can free you from yourself. This is when you reconsider the word ‘best’ and decide to expand your circle to include others. - Shannon L. AlderYou listen to me, you daft cow. You are not boring. If you were, we wouldn’t be friends. You’re funny and clever and, yes ,okay, you’re a bit of a dingbat sometimes but that doesn’t make you boring. The fact that we never know what’ll come out of your mouth actually makes you interesting. Now, that’s the end of that. - Michele GormanI swear my best friend is so fine. I see her every day after work and I’m always like, ‘she doesn’t even have to try!’ She’s that perfect! - Lionel Suggs(LIONEL BONAVENTURE / Stringer / Getty)I loved her like a sister and we’d known each other since we were babies, but on some level, you couldn’t have found two peas in the same pod that were so completely different. It was almost like opening the pod and finding a pea and a piece of corn. - Erica LarsenYour job won’t take care of you when you’ll be sailing through loneliness or going through a tragedy in life. Your friends will. Make good friends and stay in touch. - Chanda Kaushik‘Well, I don’t want to complain,’ Apple began. ‘Oh, go ahead and complain. That’s why you have a best friend forever after.’ - Shannon Hale

Samantha's Absence From New 'Sex And The City' Shows Uncomfortable Truth About Friendship
Friends

Samantha's Absence From New 'Sex And The City' Shows Uncomfortable Truth About Friendship

Recently, the news dropped that cult-favorite television series Sex And The City would be making a comeback with much of the original cast intact -- but minus the character of Samantha.Fans were torn on the news. While many believe it’s a reflection of the real-life conflict between Kim Cattrall, who played Samantha, and Sarah Jessica Parker, who played series lead Carrie, some were very concerned the show wouldn’t work if the foursome was suddenly made up of three friends instead of four.Friendship in adulthoodBut realistically, how many of us maintain the same unchanged core group of friends throughout our entire adult lives? Generally, are those we are spending time with in our twenties or thirties the same people we spend our time with in our forties and fifties? “I think there's a romanticized idea in our culture that friendships are forever, when in fact, relationships change for many reasons and not all of them are negative,” said Meg Gitlin, LCSW.There’s a lot of reasons friendships can end, or even change. There’s, of course, fights and friendship breakups. But often it’s something a lot more subtle or passive.We may move to different cities, have different interests, or our lives and priorities are just not the same anymore. “Perhaps your best friend from childhood is saddled with three kids and no childcare, and you are free as a bird to pick up at any moment,” said Gitlin. This is not necessarily a bad thing, it's the reality that people take different trajectories in life.These shifts sometimes happen in a way that you aren’t even aware of until they’ve already happened. Maybe you go from a daily FaceTime and weekly coffee chat to a monthly drink and things dwindle from there. Normalizing shifts in friendships“I think there's value in normalizing these shifts, because it helps us feel less crappy about ourselves when they happen,” said Gitlin. The definition of a healthy friendship, according to Gitlin, is not one that reflects rigidity, but instead one that can change and grow with the two individuals, even if that means growing farther and not closer apart.“In my job as a therapist, I can't tell you how often I work with people to process changes or the end of relationships,” said Gitlin. It's heavy and sometimes painful, but just as often can be a relief. “People feel liberated when they are more active in deciding who they want to spend their time with and what kind of energy they want in their lives,” said Gitlin.This has never been more true. People who felt stuck in relationships for years realize that they can make the decision to leave and suddenly have more time and energy to devote elsewhere.Friendships and relationships can naturally fade over time, even if there was no argument or falling out. “Whenever this happens in my own life and I am upset about a friendship coming to an end, I refer to a poem written by an anonymous poet. It’s titled 'A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime,’ “ said psychotherapist Jennifer Tomko, LCSW, owner of Clarity Health Solutions in Jupiter, Florida. The poem explains that some people enter our lives for a specific purpose, others for a period of time, and others remain forever. “There are those three categories and it is psychologically harmful for you to try to force a friendship to last beyond its expiration date,” said Tomko. Should you maintain a friendship?Relationships, both platonic and romantic, should bring you joy the majority of the time. “If a given relationship is bringing you more stress, sadness, or hardship than it is happiness, move on,” said Tomko. Do yourself that favor.So many people are experiencing this right now. Experiencing COVID-19 lockdown in different ways than our friends can make us no longer want to be friends with that person when we’re free to be social in traditional ways again. After quarantine has concluded, some people may elect to put an end to their communication with certain people for a variety of reasons.“The precautions people are or are not taking during COVID-19 has created a spectrum of polarizing opinions,” said Tomko. Some people like to surround themselves with only like-minded people, while others like to be part of a diverse group. If you are the kind of person who likes to be surrounded by people who only think and feel like you and coronavirus has exposed people in your life who think differently, says Tomko, you might choose to put that relationship in the past. The pandemic's effect on friendsPeople feel very strongly on both sides of the vaccination argument. People who believe in vaccines may not want to be in the presence of people they know have not been vaccinated.The pandemic has created an atmosphere where people are really showing their true colors. “If someone isn’t checking in on you to make sure you are mentally, physically, and financially healthy, you may find them to be rude, thoughtless, and inconsiderate and elect to abandon the friendship,” said Tomko. You may feel there wasn’t a true friendship to begin with if they aren’t expressing concern. Or maybe the friendship was one-sided and not reciprocal.Friends are not always foreverPeople believe friendships are supposed to be forever. Some are. But it’s OK if others are not. “I think one of the reasons that people don't typically associate friendship with something that is conditional goes back to school yard lessons that teach kids that friendship is through thick and thin,” said Gitlin. While this is sometimes true, there’s power in accepting that something just isn't working any more. In fact, it means we are changing and growing, which is a good thing. The fact that friendships are pluralistic, says Gitlin, unlike (most) romantic relationships means that people let bad relationships hang around for longer, because they aren't necessarily blocking other relationships the way a romantic one would. Change is the only constant - and it can be a good thing“Once you accept that all relationships (friendships and otherwise) can change, you start paying attention to the ones that add to your life, and which ones detract,” said Gitlin.You have more control over your time, happiness and resources and it's actually a pretty healthy thing, as opposed to a negative one which it is sometimes portrayed as.So, yes, Sex And The City may look a bit different without Samantha come the revival – but that’s OK. It may just reflect a normal trajectory in friendship and how it changes with time and age and circumstance. Perhaps it’ll allow us all to look inward at our own friendships and accept those changes in our own lives as well.More inspiring celebrities:Why We Need To Talk About Keanu Reeves’ Girlfriend Alexandra GrantWhat Finally Convinced Jennifer Lopez That She Needed A Divorce From Marc AnthonyWhy Shakira and Gerard Piqué Are Proud To Be An Unconventional CoupleHow Hailey Baldwin Dealt With Being In A Love Triangle Involving Selena Gomez

Cold Shower: How Complaining Made My Life Miserable (and How I Stopped)
Mindset

Cold Shower: How Complaining Made My Life Miserable (and How I Stopped)

My optimism used to be my greatest strength. Whatever happened, I always had the power to genuinely smile. Smiling made me feel better, and I was ten times happier when my good mood made others around me smile too. I felt like it was my responsibility to lift up other people’s spirits, even those who were not so close to me.I never thought that I would ever become bitter, but certain life events can completely change you without warning. I went from optimist to trapped in a cycle of misery.Here's how I lost my optimism:I had a chance to give hope and make a differenceI was 21, studying hard for my finals, and doing my research, which involved interviewing children with cancer as well as their parents -- not just regular interviews, but listening to life stories. Needless to say, it was consuming me, but those children had someone to play with, and their parents someone to talk to.Playing with these children was part of the process, since I couldn't directly ask them about their illness -- the situation was too delicate. After that, I would listen to their parents' stories. It was hard seeing those children and their parents in so much pain. But seeing them smile during our sessions was so amazing that, at the end of the day, the fact that the whole process took a toll on me didn't seem to matter.But in those six months of visiting children with a 25% chance of survival-- constantly lying to them that things will get better and they’ll soon be able to go back to their homes-- I began to face my own share of tragedy.Broken inside, with a huge smile for picturesI lost those dearest to me: both of my grandparents that raised me. I would’ve given my life without any second thoughts if it could’ve saved them. But unlike in fairytales, there was no devil to make a pact with.As they say, life goes on. I was on autopilot, desperately trying to find comfort in the arms of my high school sweetheart. But he didn’t love me anymore -- he pitied me and didn’t have the heart to leave me in such moments. Silly me! He ended our relationship the night before my graduation. I couldn’t sleep that whole night. The next morning, I got up, put on some makeup, and went to celebrate. I didn’t want to look sad in the photos that marked an important moment of my life, so I pretended.The great pretender became the great complainerAll the pretending started to backfire. My pain began to surface and I slowly turned into one of those whining people no one can stand. The kind that we consider toxic because they constantly complain and see the negative in everything.I could’ve won the lottery, found a thousand people to care for me, had a great job, and I would still have complained. I was indeed toxic… to myself and everyone around me.But I didn’t realize it. How could I? I was in pain and had reasons to complain; my reasons for being unhappy were serious. I didn’t complain because I couldn’t find a pretty pair of shoes. I’d lost the people I’d loved the most and the longest, then my first love left me. Regardless of reasons, I was sabotaging myself. The people around me were getting tired of listening to the same tape on repeat.The cold shower that woke me up:Thankfully, I have a blunt friend who would always “slap” me in the face whenever I took it too far. We promised each other that we would tell the truth, even when it hurt. We need someone to put us back on track, so this was a mutual favor we would do whenever it was necessary.After two years of hearing me complain about everything, my friend confronted me. She was patient enough, but I began projecting my negative feelings onto everything and everyone else. I was seeing the worst in everything -- always suspicious, always cynical -- and my friend finally flamed up!You’re driving me insane! Aren’t you tired of talking about the same things over and over again? It’s been two years and it seems like you’re not even trying to get over it.It was painful -- but necessaryI was offended! Of course, she was supposed to tell me the truth -- that’s why we were friends to begin with. She always told me if she thought I was making a wrong decision, and I loved her for that. But this time I was in pain. I thought if she couldn’t give me any advice, she could’ve at least listened. My friend's verbal "slap" was like a cold shower. It even led met to start questioning our friendship. My simple response was “we’ll see how you cope when stuff like this happens to you. Then I just changed the subject.Then something weird happened:after changing the subject, I was able to actually laugh at some stories she told me. When I got back home I thought a lot about her words and finally realized the obvious: she was the one trying to help me-- and I was the one resisting it. I forgot the most important thing:There was nothing great happening in my life back then, but neither was anything terrible. I had no reasons to suffer -- other than the ones I couldn’t let go of. My friend confronted me with the reality that I wasn’t even trying to get over my problems, so I started there: with trying. I forced myself to see and be grateful for the things that were neither great nor bad. At first, I wasn't able to use the term "good" so I would just say "it's not that bad." It took me a while, but I managed to practice gratitude in my own way.Now I can be grateful simply because it’s sunny outside. Sometimes I want to hug my coffee mug, sometimes I see someone randomly smiling on their way home and it fills me up with joy. No, I’m not crazy -- I still can’t help being cynical at times -- but at least I try to see the good things happening around me.There's always something to be grateful for, but complaining takes away our ability to see it. My friend's blunt approach opened my eyes and now I know better than to dwell on the negative.

How to Turn a Toxic Friendship Into a Healthy Bond
Friends

How to Turn a Toxic Friendship Into a Healthy Bond

We all know our toxic relationship patterns -- or will once we take a moment to look closer. It happens in all sorts of relationships, be they romantic, friendly, or even work-based.We see a partner taking up all the energy in the room, making everything about their needs and wants and interests, with ours never coming into play. And we see ourselves letting this go on because it feels like that’s the only way to maintain the relationship. Resentment builds, and it’s a vicious cycle.Toxic relationships usually require both people to continue the same pattern of interaction and a lack of empathy adds to the impact of the negative interaction. "Sit down and address specifics of what is making you feel bad. Not through accusation but rather through “when you say this, this is how it makes me feel”. Try to help them understand how it feels to be you. Ask them what you might be doing to contribute to this dynamic and be willing to make your own changes in response," said Dr. Gail Saltz, an Associate Professor of Psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine. It’s also important to recognize that some toxic relationships can’t be repaired and it may be better to end it. Not every toxic relationship can become healthy because healing requires both people to take responsibility for their behavior, and not everyone is willing to do that. If both people are on board, here are some steps to detox your relationship:1. Each person understands and takes responsibility for their participation“This means they each do some soul searching and an honest investigation into why they were behaving like that. What were they projecting onto the other person? What wound was getting triggered? How were they trying to protect themselves?” said life and business coach Tristan Gutner. It's not sexy or fun work, but damn can it move mountains in a relationship.2. Knowing that it's not really about the other person.Regardless of what was said or done in an interaction, how we feel has nothing to do with the other person. The anger, sadness, hurt, etc. that we're feeling is there because that interaction is triggering something from our past. “It's SO tempting to blame the other person or make them wrong, but really, they're offering us a gift: the opportunity to identify and heal a very old wound,” said Gutner.3. Honest communicationAs simple as it may sound, this is the most significant step. “Honest, clear communication puts all the cards on the table, allows old wounds to finally get some air, and helps get each person clear about what the interaction is actually about,” said Gutner. This practice helps rebuild trust, intimacy, vulnerability, and safety.4. Acknowledge that relationships don't start out toxic“I always lay that out there first because often times people remember the first month of their relationship and don’t understand why they can’t have that all the time. But that is just lust and potentially there are some red flags during that time but no relationship starts insta-toxic,” said Emily Davis, bestselling author and a relationship coach.There are a few reasons a friendship become toxic however, and sometimes it's that one or more person is letting the fear from their past failed friendships or other relationships dictate how they treat each other. “I am speaking strictly about a toxic relationship, NOT an abusive relationship. Yes, toxic relationships are traumatic but the difference is that one partner is not intentionally harming the other for their own gain. If that is happening then it is an abusive relationship and not just toxic,” said Davis."Toxic" does not mean "beyond saving," but fear is the enemy of growth “The number one tip that I offer my clients it to get very very clear on what they are afraid of,” said Davis. “Take a half an hour and make a list of all their fears, everything from their grandmother’s basement to abandonment."The next step is to then communicate with their partner what they wrote down, and if they are comfortable enough, share the "why."“This exercise is not to make excuses for their toxic fear driven behavior but to create awareness amongst each other so that they can show compassion around each other’s fears and start to create a communication bond,” said Davis.Communication without accusation is so important, so when speaking about your or your partner's fears, so make sure that you do not under any circumstance use your friend’s fears against them. The way to make a toxic relationship healthy is through mutual kindness and teamwork. “I know it can be scary but make sure that you both are vulnerable with each other about how the other can help you through what you struggle with,” said Davis.5. Get support“Either with just books, or a coach, or a therapist if you are both welcoming to that but find a support system that can help you on this journey,” said Davis.6. Set boundaries“In any relationship, we bring our past selves to the table -- both the good and the bad. What we learn as children about intimate partnerships can be positive or negative or somewhere in between,” said Michelene Wasil, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego. If our parental models growing up were toxic, we often carry those maladaptive patterns through to other relationships. ”This is why, when couples come to see me -- if there is a high level of toxicity, I urge them to work on improving the damage from childhood by seeking individual help as well,” said Wasil. In the end, be ready to let go. "It is not always possible to save a toxic relationship because what often makes a relationship toxic is the inability to respond well to growth and change,” said Therese Yrani, a marriage and family therapist. However, if you are willing to acknowledge the toxic patterns and put efforts towards changing, it is possible.

Adult Bullying Is Real -- Here's How to Handle It if It's Happening to You
Self-Development

Adult Bullying Is Real -- Here's How to Handle It if It's Happening to You

It's pretty well-established that bullying is a bad thing and hurts people tremendously. In fact, that's an incredibly simplistic way of putting it. People have literally died due to bullying and others have had their entire lives turned upside down.But we all have an inherent idea of what a bully looks like. We assume it's an aggressive older kid on the playground, giving someone younger and weaker a hard time. People expect to hear about bullying on playgrounds. That's what the "norm" is. But is bullying ever normal? And is there really an expected age range? It can happen at any age, and be incredibly damaging.When it’s happening to you as an adult, it's harder to be taken seriously. People may tell you to ignore it, be the bigger person, don't rock the boat. I know that, because that's what happened to me.Recently, I shared a story about having gone through a terrible stretch of cyber bullying, via the room mate of a former close friend. This person bullied me about my physical appearance, my career, my relationships, and he did so loud and proud on social media and tagged me. Sadly, several of my friends chose to take his side. It destroyed me. I didn't know how to handle it at the time-- but I do, now.After I shared that story, so many people came to me with their own stories that I realized there are so many of us out there. As adults being bullied, there often is no teacher or parent to report to. So what do we do?Here are 7 ways to handle adult bullying:1. Breathe intentionallyWhen you are bullied at any age, it is easy to react without thinking. “Take a moment to re-center yourself through breath before speaking back to the person who is bullying you. To do this, inhale for a count of four and then exhale for a count of four,” says Lauren Zoeller, certified Life Balance Coach + Motivational Speaker. This will give your nervous system a chance to settle down and you can then speak or act from a centered perspective. 2. Realize that bullying is a reflection of the other person's pain, not yoursIf you are bullied as an adult, it's easy to internalize the bullying as something that you are doing wrong. However, a healthy human being does not bully anyone, ever. “Take the time to step back and remember that any negative word or action taken against you by another human being is a direct reflection of the other person's insecurities and pain,” says Zoeller.3. Re-examine your boundariesIf you are being bullied as an adult, it may be time to re-examine who you are allowing in your life. “If you constantly find yourself as a target for bullying by a specific person, create a healthy boundary for yourself and remove this person from your life. You do not owe anyone an explanation,” says Zoeller. Put yourself first. 4. Never respond to the bullyThey are often looking for a response. Don’t escalate. Block, unfriend, or unfollow a bully. “Take a screenshot of the evidence, and report it to the social media network where the bullying takes place. Most online communities have codes of conduct and a place to report such behavior,” says Diana Graber, author of Raising Humans in Digital World and founder of Cyber Civics/Cyberwise.5. Keep recordsDocument all of the comments, messages, and other evidence. “Take a screenshot, keep emails, take actual photos of what is occurring. Please keep all of this in one place and back it up on a second device in case anything happens to the first copy,” says Ashleigh Diserio, who has degrees in psychology and has worked in the behavioral sciences field for 13 years. ”Keep a journal or running timeline of what occurred, where it was posted or what medium it came to you though, if you know who did it or have an idea of who did it, and what you did to try and remedy the situation,” says Diserio. For example, note when you contacted the site to try and get a comment down or blocked the person on social media.6. Report themReport what is happening to the service provider and have other friends and family report it also. “The more support behind you to remove the bullying comments or flag the person's profile the more likely it is to get done,” says Diserio. Also, contact your local police department to see if there is anything that can be done.7. Practice self-careThe toughest part is the mental and emotional toll this takes on the victims. “There are support groups run by professionals that you can join and other more social groups where people who have gone through this get together to offer support to one another. It is not shameful or weak to ask for help getting through this. I takes courage to reach out for help,” says Diserio.

Friendship Goals: Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki Bonded After Their Breakup
Friends

Friendship Goals: Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki Bonded After Their Breakup

The Big Bang Theory stars Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco didn’t just play a couple on the small screen for over a decade, they also secretly dated for two years in the real world between 2007 and 2009. The pair never spoke about their personal relationship until after their split and the secrecy may actually have been a catalyst for their breakup. As Cuoco admitted to CBS Watch! Magazine in 2010, the constant need to be sneaking around eventually took its toll. "That's not the kind of relationship I want. I don't want to be hiding,” she told the outlet. “We couldn't do anything. It wasn't as fun as we wanted it to be.”Despite making the difficult decision to no longer be a couple while still having to portray a strong romantic attraction on the show, the duo managed to keep their professional relationship and friendship intact. In fact, they handled their separation so well that their bond became stronger, proving that true friendship can overcome even the worst heartbreak. They handled their split the right wayWhile their characters' romance on The Big Bang Theory blossomed in 2009, Galecki and Cuoco’s real-life coupling sadly came to an end, but they came out of the experience stronger than ever. Playing a loving couple on-screen while splitting off-screen may have made their breakup more complicated, but the duo handled it like pros. As Cuoco told CBS Watch! magazine in 2010, "Moments were really hard, but we have such a love for each other — and we knew we weren't destined to be together — that we accepted it and said, 'Look, if we ever break up, we will be professional.” And they were.Calling their time together a “wonderful relationship” in a 2019 cover story for Haute Living, the actress revealed just how they managed to go their separate ways romantically without letting the split compromise their friendship nor their careers. “We weren’t weird, which is what was weird,” she explained. “It was a mutual breakup, and you can rarely say that.” “Johnny and I were friends first, then obviously we dated,” she continued. “When we broke up, it was funny because that was when our relationship on the show was hot and heavy. There were a lot of bed scenes. We were a little like, ‘We were trying to end the relationship and it kept falling back in.’ We got over it really fast, and we’re closer than ever now. It could have gone either way, and I was really proud of us.”They share each other's milestonesFrom coworkers to friends to lovers and back again, Galecki and Cuoco’s relationship has been quite the roller coaster, but one thing has always remained the same: their unshakeable friendship.A prime example of this special bond is the fact that they have continued to actively celebrate each other’s special milestones, including birthdays and weddings, even after their split. That’s because, as Galecki told Watch! magazine in 2013, “We’re dear friends, still. Kaley’s not just an ex, she’s a part of my life.” When Galecki turned 43 in 2018, Cuoco celebrated by posting a sweet throwback snap to Instagram, writing, “Happy happy birthday to the best TV husband a girl could ask for! This pic was taken during our first press tour in Rome. I don’t think we had any idea the ride we would be on! Love u Mooks!”Meanwhile, when Cuoco tied the knot with equestrian Karl Cook in July 2018, not only did Galecki attend the wedding, but he had a great time, even raving about the big day about on social media. Sharing a photo of himself holding the bride’s hands and smiling from ear to ear, he wrote, “Couldn’t be happier for my fake wife @normancook and @mrtankcook whose words brought us all to tears last night. So much love for you both.” In another shot, the trio posed for the camera with Galecki writing, “Deepest congrats to the newlyweds. Love you both so much @normancook & @mrtankcook So moved by tonight.”A few months later, during an appearance on The Late Late Show, host James Corden asked the actor if going to Cuoco’s nuptials felt weird in any way and Galecki quickly set the record straight, saying, “Not at all. It was a beautiful wedding."They’re so close, it sparks rumorsAfter Cuoco split from her tennis player husband Ryan Sweeting in 2015, rumors began circling that she and Galecki had rekindled their romance. The headlines were no big surprise, given the fact that they spend so much time together and aren’t afraid to show their love for one another. They even dress alike and as Cuoco gushed to The Talk, "He’s one of my best friends and one of the closest people I've ever worked with. I don't even know how to describe it,” she elaborated. “Into an 11-year relationship, he's one of the closest people I've ever worked with, for sure. We know each other really well. We call each other a tag team so we're always doing stuff together and going in on stuff together. He's been a great support for a long time."Despite headlines repeatedly linking them together romantically, Cuoco set the record straight about their relationship back in 2015. Taking to Instagram, she wrote, “So sorry to disappoint, but no home wreckers or secret flings going on here. Me and @sanctionedjohnnygalecki are just the best of buds. Leonard and Penny will just have to suffice!!!” she joked. Galecki added his own post, joking, “No scandals / homewreckers / pregnancies here, y'all. Just profound friendship.”Other inspiring relationship stories:Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel Stepped Back to Leap ForwardJohn Krasinski and Emily Blunt Show Us Love at First Sight ExistsChris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky Are Each Other’s HeroesJason Momoa and Lisa Bonet Prove the Power of Second Loves

4 Non-Threatening Ways to Mend a Broken Adult Friendship
Friends

4 Non-Threatening Ways to Mend a Broken Adult Friendship

Friendships that unravel as adults can be complicated to mend. Friendship can waver from distance, lack of effort, or an act that is hurtful. Adults hold grudges and stay bitter over being hurt --meaning the piece that holds back forgiveness can be stubbornness.We asked experts to share their wisdom and advice for building friendships back up.Manage the expectations of the friendAdult friendships can unravel because of our expectations of the other person. “We act out of a sense of what we need, not what another person necessarily needs from us,” says Blythe Daniel, co-author of the book, Mended: Restoring the Hearts of Mothers and Daughters. “Expectations can be killers of relationships.”Daniel says to find common ground and put your relationship ahead of your differences. Be proactive in describing why you feel slighted in your friendship and how your friend can step up to meet your needs. Once this is articulated, they should understand your perspective; but the key here is that they have to understand your position. They have to get it, that’s how the shift will happen. “Resist trying to change and control the other,” adds Daniel.Give a heartfelt apologyThe best approach to mending a friendship is give a genuine apology to clean up your side of the street, says Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D., an expert in clinical psychology. “When you give an apology you must acknowledge what you did wrong, you can give the reasons why you did what you did to help the other person understand where you are coming from,” explains Dr. Campbell. From here you need to say how you will change your behavior or thought patterns going forward. “This brings peace, understanding, and clarity going forward; this high level of love shows respect and humility,” she adds. It is also important to let your friend know exactly what hurt you and what you would need to see moving forward in terms of understanding and/or flexibility. “From this place you can have a new start and a deeper potential for the friendship,” Dr. Campbell continues. Recognize the patterns of the friendshipWhen it comes to mending an adult friendship, it’s important to notice the patterns or pattern that caused the disruption or break in the relationship, says Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist. “Through this awareness and understanding, healing steps can then be made,” Dr. Manly says. “This step is essential in order to understand how to avoid any negative patterns and missteps that harm the relationship.” If the relationship has historically been one-sided, speak openly to your friend and tell her about how you’d like the friendship to evolve. “Reach out to your friend with an open heart and mind,” adds. Dr. Manly.Reach out to reconnectSend your friend a text or call and tell her you miss her friendship and try and take the steps to reconnect. “If the friend is not yet willing, do not be pushy or disrespectful,” suggests Dr. Manly. “Simply respond with, ‘I understand. Would you be open to me calling you in a month to check in?’” If the friend is still resistant, it’s often best to respect the boundaries and respect the friend’s needs. “If the friend declines connection at this stage, a later follow-up -- perhaps several months down the line -- may be appropriate depending on the friend’s response,” she continues. “First and foremost, it’s key that boundaries be respected.” In situations where the friend agrees to reconnect, it’s essential that the past not be reviewed in a blaming, negative manner. Dr. Manly says not to dwell on past mistakes so the relationship can move forward with new, positive patterns.

3 Signs It May Be Time for a Friend Break-Up (and Why That's OK)
Friends

3 Signs It May Be Time for a Friend Break-Up (and Why That's OK)

There is no shortage of songs, movies and television shows depicting the difficulties of romantic breakups. But when it comes to navigating the end of a friendship, it can feel like you’re on our own.The truth is, heart-wrenching, gut-twisting breakups are not limited to romance. Although many friendships outlast romantic relationships, but there’s no rule that says they’re forever. While at times the cause may be blatantly clear, mutually agreed upon, and beneficial, more often than not, the rift can seem sudden and painful. Consider the following three reasons it may be time for a friend break-up (and why that's totally ok):1. Mismatched expectations Here’s but one common example: not long ago, you and your friend were both single. But now they’re married with a kid. And suddenly you’re the only one trying to make plans. It feels one-sided, and you get why, but that doesn’t make it feel any better. And your friend doesn’t seem to understand why this new arrangement would cause you to bat an eye.While some friendships do indeed weather inevitable life changes, if you don’t feel comfortable expressing how you feel in a friendship, an eventual kaput is likely. Sometimes what it comes down to is that if you can’t adjust your expectations of your bud’s time/energy, it may be time to move on -- without shame or regret.2. Give and takeWe’ve all had that friend who seems to take way more than they give -- sort of like an energy vampire that drains you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Every conversation seems to be focused on them and their problems. You may constantly have to give advice, yet they never seem to listen. Plus, they’re not the most reliable.If you can’t count on them when it counts, that’s an issue. The same friends are often poor listeners, failing to reciprocate when you happen to share your problems. And on the flip side, you know you’ve got trouble when something good happens to you and they fail to be happy for you. Not okay.3. It’s a fight Constantly fighting is exhausting -- no matter what kind of relationship we’re talking about. Who wants to be around someone they’re always in disagreement with? Resentment accumulates fast and stays strong, even if we don’t like to admit it. If your friend seems more of a frenemy, and you’ve got a strange feeling they actually hate you (or you hate them), listen to that.And if they go so far as to insult you, or pull rank on you, do your best to spot the imbalanced/abusive dynamic and walk away before it gets worse. Never feed a troll. Yes, unfortunately, our friends sometimes turn to trolls.Bottom line: if any of the above sounds familiar, remember that friendships, like most (if not all) other things in life, do come to an end. It's more than okay to let that happen, and move onto new people better-suited to you, who will bring fresh, new, inspiring energy to your life!

6 Light-Hearted Ways to Handle a Friend Who May Be Unintentionally Taking Advantage of You
Friends

6 Light-Hearted Ways to Handle a Friend Who May Be Unintentionally Taking Advantage of You

It’s nice to go out of our way to help our friends. But, where is the limit? Can you actually help too much? If you have a pal who is always asking for a favor and it’s becoming annoying, overly time-consuming or straight up off-putting, listen up: we’ve asked experts how to say no to them -- with tact, and respect to your friendship.Keep the message clear and conciseWhen posed with a request for a favor and you wish to decline, say so, but use decorum. There’s a difference between being direct and being nasty. “Validate the requester's need for help without being rude,” advises Susan Petang, a stress management coach with The Quiet Zone Coaching. “Keep repeating until they get the message using the ‘broken record’ technique.” RELATED: 5 Reasons Why It’s OK to Keep Turning Down Social Invites from Toxic FriendsKeep your emotions in checkAs in any conflict resolution, it's important to stay calm. “If you feel like you're getting too hot under the collar, postpone the discussion,” says Petang. It’s OK to tell your friend, "I'm getting angry because I feel you're not listening to me after I've said no.” Another valid way to handle it is by simply saying, “let's talk about this later when I'm calmer."Stand your groundInstead of tiptoeing around the issue to avoid hurt feelings, appeal to the actual friendship between the two of you, says Debra Carpenter, relationship manager with Sandpoint Idaho Real Estate. “Rely on that connection being strong enough to withstand your honesty about the situation, and respond immediately when asked for another favor,” she says. To show you care, smile, which demonstrates understanding, but stand your ground -- your own confidence in saying no is what will resolve the issue. Maintain your boundariesEstablishing and maintaining barriers with others can be difficult, especially when it’s a close friend or relative. “When someone is constantly asking for favors, they are overstepping boundaries that we may or may not have communicated,” says Jared Heathman, MD, a psychiatrist in Houston. If you want to complete the request asked of you and it does not overstep your boundaries, then do so. Try to help find a (realistic) solution If it is something specific they are always asking favors for, call out the elephant in the room, says Dr. Heathman. Let them know that you notice that they appear to be continuing to have trouble. Try to help solve the challenge. “Talk to them about the problem and see if you can problem-solve with them to end the long-term favor requests,” he says.RELATED READING:How Emotionally Intelligent People Handle Toxic People6 Ways to Build New, Meaningful Friendships as an Adult5 Signs You're Actually the Toxic One in a Friendship