10 Steps to Help you Get Over a Breakup
A guide for getting over your ex and becoming the best possible version of yourself.
Breakups are hard. There’s no way around it.
While it may feel like the post-relationship emotional rollercoaster will never end, you will indeed move on and grow from the experience.
Having a plan for getting over the relationship can help. Here’s a handy guide for how to get over a breakup and come out the other side happier and more emotionally mature than before.
Getting Over a Breakup
When your romantic partner becomes your ex, you’ll go through all the emotions—anger, regret, loss, sadness—as you transition from being part of a couple to being single. Once the shock of the breakup has subsided, use the 10 step plan below to get yourself through this challenging time.
Let yourself feel all the feelings
Part of the breakup recovery process is letting your emotions flow. Don’t get caught up in judging your feelings or telling yourself that you should feel a certain way—just let your feelings come and go naturally. Make a breakup playlist to help channel your emotions, whether you’re feeling angry or melancholy. Let yourself ruminate on contention points in the relationship or replay conversations in your head. Then, when you feel emotionally exhausted, tune out the chatter in your mind with some Netflix and your favorite snacks. It’s all about balance.
Lean on your loved ones
After a split, you’ll need your friends and family more than ever. While these people aren’t relationship experts, of course, they have probably experienced a break up before and can empathize with what you’re going through. Your best friend is a good resource for helping you put everything into perspective since they likely know more of the nitty gritty details of your relationship and may have spent quite a lot of time with you and your ex when you were a couple. Getting their insider, yet outsider, take on things can be helpful for understanding why the relationship didn’t work out.
Limit your time on social media
It’s really hard to get over a breakup when you’re bombarded with images of happy couples and still seeing pictures or updates from your now ex in your feed. This is not the kind of content you need right now. Remove the apps from your phone and block each social media web site so you’re not tempted to check them. Find new activities to replace mindless scrolling.
If you can’t seem to get off your phone or laptop, search for the best breakup and divorce quotes to find words of wisdom to guide you during this time.
Avoid triggering places
After a breakup, it may seem like everything reminds you of your now ex. Try not to visit any place that you went with each other, from the grocery store you used to frequent, to the coffee shop where you had your first date. (Even if you truly love their lattes, it’s not worth the heartache.) Take a new route to work, change up where you get takeout from and look for hidden gems in your neighborhood to frequent instead of the places filled with relationship memories.
Do a cleansing ritual
Heal your heart with any kind of ritual that can help you reset your space. Burn sage in your home to clear the energy. Clean out your closet or reorganize your kitchen. Definitely put any of your ex’s things in a box and either donate or give them to your best friend to return. Also clean out any items that remind you of your ex, like gifts, books or other memorabilia from your relationship.
Stick to a self care routine
Now is the time for some serious self care. Indulge yourself with some fancy bath products, take out from your favorite restaurants, go to yoga more often—whatever it is that makes you feel taken care of, do it as much as possible. It’s also important to get sleep, eat nourishing foods and drink water. Some form of exercise, even just taking walks, can help you feel better too. Taking care of your body will help you take care of your mind.
It’s easy to get lost down rabbit holes of unhealthy thoughts after a breakup. Maybe this is a good time to take up meditation and give yourself a few minutes every day to stay grounded and rooted in the present instead of caught up in your emotions. Keeping a gratitude journal can also be a good strategy for reminding yourself of all of the good that’s still in your life, even if your partner is no longer in the picture.
Use this time to grow as a person
Breakups can teach us a lot about ourselves. Reflect on the person you were in your relationship and try to see your part in the breakup so you can grow into the best possible version of yourself. Make a vision board of what matters to you—set goals and intentions for this new chapter of your life.
Focus on how you’re going to really love yourself and boost your self esteem as you move forward. A breakup is a great opportunity for change and personal growth.
Revise your ideal partner goals
Every so-called failed relationship has a purpose: To provide you with useful information about what you want in a romantic partner and what you don’t want. With the breakup fresh in your mind, make lists about the qualities you want in your future partner and what qualities are deal breakers. Reflect on what went wrong in your partnership and how you can avoid some of those pitfalls in the future. People come into our lives for a reason and your ex is no exception. Let them teach you something useful for the future.
Trust the process
The hard thing about breakups is that you don’t know how long the grieving process will last, especially if you were truly in love with your former partner. Cultivate your resilience by being brave even when it feels like you won’t get over your ex. Take deep breaths when life feels hard or a wave of grief washes over you. The emotional fallout from a breakup takes time. It’s okay to not be okay for a while.
Live Your Best Post Breakup Life
The most important part about getting over a breakup is remembering that you are the true captain of your own life now. Even if you were in a relationship that allowed you a lot of freetime, you don’t need to defer to another person at all right now.
No one is in your way. Use this time to travel, spend time with your friends, kill it in your career, nurture relationships with your family members and really take care of your own needs. Then, when you’re ready to find love with someone again, you’ll be in exactly the right place to receive that adoration.