Why Falling in Love with the Grind Can Kill Your Progress (and What to Do Instead)
Have you ever met someone who seemed to love the grind a little too much?
Maybe you?
Years ago, I worked in an office selling insurance and investments (it was more fun than it sounds). The culture was one of self-improvement, making it big (we were sales people), and persevering through the grind to get to success.
The problem is, over time, some of us became almost infatuated with the grind itself. It made us feel good because we knew we were working harder than everyone else. While some people were taking time off, sitting on their couch, or going out for the weekend we had goals and a dream and we were working towards them.
We never realized that we had built a cage around of ourselves that would be hard to get out it.
Why Falling in Love with the Grind Can Kill Your Progress
Don’t let your struggle become your identity.– Ralston Bowles
So, why is this a problem? Why was it so bad that we had fallen in love with the grind?
One reason: Because it became our identity.
Many of us had been there in that office for years and gone through a lot just to stick it out, seeing examples of people who had perfected their system and really made what we considered at the time to be a lot of money and had a seemingly great life.
And over that time, that struggle literally became a part of our identity. Working hard is important, but seeing yourself as someone who is always struggling is highly damaging. They’re two different things which are not to be confused.
If this becomes a part of your identity you’ll never get out of the situation you’re in now and move on to something better. And I’m a testament to the fact that there is something better beyond the struggle.
Life never stops challenging you, and sometimes things happen that can throw our entire world upside down, but letting the act of struggling to accomplish something become a part of our identity is something else entirely. When that happens, we’ve built a cage around ourselves that is hard to get out of.
Since that time, I’ve become more aware of what happened then and what really helped me grow beyond it. I’ve found there are three important steps.
1. Assess your progress
First, it’s critical you start tracking your progress. Many of us set goals...but very few of us actually track our progress towards those goals.
What typically happens is we set a goal, are excited for a while, can’t keep the excitement up, don’t accomplish the goal, and then altogether forget about it and set a new goal. Once that new goal is set we block the previous one out of our mind. This is especially dangerous when you don’t track your progress because it can skew your perception of your own progress in a more favorable light than it may deserve.
By tracking and assessing your progress as you go, you’ll remember everything you’ve done up until then, see how much progress you’ve made (if any), and be able to then course-correct to fix the situation or simply state on course if you’re doing great. The point is you want to make sure you’re always making real progress, that way you’re never stuck.
2. Create an image of yourself
Next comes the important part. The entire reason falling in love with the struggle is dangerous is because it becomes a part of our identity. But if you can change your identity to one of someone that is beyond the struggle, who grinds but doesn’t become attached to the hard times connected to it, and who makes real progress than you’ll break free from this crisis of identity to a better place.
So, take some time to map out a new identity for yourself. Think of what you really want to do with your life, who you want to be, and what you’d like to accomplish before you die. Don’t limit yourself and really allow yourself to think openly.
3. Become the image (mimic the conditions)
Raising your identity level takes time and definitely isn’t an overnight thing, but there’s something you can do to help the process along: mimic the conditions of your new identity goal. By doing so, you’ll accelerate the process and help yourself break out of the old identity you’ve created for yourself. This isn’t hokey advice, I’m referring to taking real steps to craft your life in the image of this bigger, more developed, and more successful image.
Back at the old insurance and investment office I used to work at, I remember hearing a story about one of the most successful producers the company had ever seen, someone I really looked up to at the time.
I was purchasing office space in a building we shared and the office secretary was telling me about how when he purchased his first office he had nothing but a desk and a phone inside of it. The guy didn’t even have very many sales coming in regularly yet to justify the office, but he didn’t see himself as the person he was at the time– he saw himself as something bigger. He knew where he was going. He had set his identity goal and was now doing things that befit someone at that level. And that’s the same thing you need to do.
How that’s done is for you to decide, but the process of brainstorming ideas is simple. Ask yourself this question: What will my life look like and what will I be doing when I hit this ultimate goal?
This could be something simple like purchasing a domain name, reading a book, calling someone; or it could be something larger like buying supplies or something to perform a task, going back to school, or leasing office space like in my example. Whatever that is for you, take steps to becoming the image you’ve created for yourself to move the process forward.
It’s easy to fall in love with the grind because working hard– harder than you ever have– is essential to realizing your dreams of success, but the struggle doesn’t have to be. Use a better system for assessing your progress, create a bigger identity, and take steps to realize that identity and you’ll find yourself breaking through your old identity to make real progress like never before.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.