Some things in life need a good push to get going.
Like your career, your motivation, or my grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner.
But other things require time and their own uncorrupted environment to grow and form and work their magic.
Of all of those things in life which require such an ideal, untainted environment — organic life and success to name just two — love is perhaps the most misunderstood.
Many of us think that we can work a relationship the same way we work our job or build a house. All you need to do is put the pieces into place as fast as possible and you’ll be done sooner than later. Right?
When people say ‘marriage’ to me… It’s always a means to an end. Everyone’s so in a rush to define the relationship.Lady Gaga
But what exactly happens when you rush a relationship? In case you weren’t yet convinced, there are a few things (and hint: none of them are good).
Here are 7 things that happen when you try to rush a relationship.
1. You can push the person away
Forget making the relationship unhealthy. If you try to rush the relationship, there’s a good chance they’ll just pick up and scram.
Being rushed into love feels unnatural because it is unnatural. Intuitively we know that a relationship needs to move at its own pace. So, when someone is actively trying to push us into situations we just don’t feel comfortable with, we begin to be turned off by the person themselves and feel they only have their own desires in mind and aren’t thinking about us at all.
2. You become less attractive
Trying too hard is rarely attractive and that remains so even once you get together.
By trying to push the relationship along some of that solid gold paint you’re covered in, during a time when you both should simply be enjoying falling for one another, starts to chip away and the person begins to see you as a different person: desperate, needy, and selfish.
3. You cloud your own emotions
When you try to rush a relationship, you also confuse yourself a bit. It’s hard to act naturally and intuitively when you place yourself into situations that feel forced and fabricated.
And the more this goes on, the harder it is to tell if you’re with the person because you really like them or what you feel at all.
4. You create an environment where love can’t blossom
Love is elusive and it works on its own clock. When you try to force interactions or feelings or certain steps in a relationship before it’s time or when they’re not appropriate, you tamper with that relationship and make it to where it’s very difficult for real love to blossom.
Ironically, killing what you really wanted.
5. You could miss out on The One
Theoretically, you’re with the person because you like them a lot, right? Well, that might have been why you got together, but it’s not why you’re trying to rush the relationship.
The truth is, people tend to rush relationships because of a deeply-seated preconceived notion about what they need to make them happy. They believe that, without a relationship, happiness will remain a far-off dream. So, they rush toward love and a long-term relationship thinking that, once they arrive, magic will spring from the Earth and Heaven will rain down.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Heaven comes to those who are patient enough to allow the steps to build themselves as they will and rushing toward it with just anyone you kind of like isn’t enough to get you there.
You can’t settle in love, but you can settle in a relationship and miss out on the real love of your life. That’s the real tragedy.
6. You create an unhealthy relationship pattern
If you’re trying to rush into a relationship with one person, as we just talked about, it’s not because of the relationship — it’s because of what’s going on inside of you.
For that reason, if you don’t attack the behavior from the root, you’re likely to fall victim to it yet again when your next crush comes around.
Each time you do this, you ruin the chance at something special with the person, whether there was something special there to begin with or not.
7. You miss out, or mess up, other important moments
There are important moments in a relationship that most people don’t even notice.
Some are small and perhaps seem insignificant, but they mean something more important as a part of the whole and help build a greater relationship narrative between the two of you that strengthens your bond and therefore helps build the relationship.
Even if the person is perfect for you, by rushing the relationship, you can totally screw up the order in which things need to happen, causing trust issues, awkward moments that lead your partner to question your motives, or just make them feel uncomfortable with the relationship as a whole.
If you’re serious about the relationship, you have to take that leap of faith and let it develop at its own speed. You can’t keep someone at your side by grasping onto them. Only by letting them fly and showing them you respect their space and their feelings can you build a real, healthy long-term relationship.