Here's How The 5 Second Rule Can Turn Your Whole Life Around
At 41 years old Mel Robbins had hit rock bottom. Her husband's restaurant business started off as a success but quickly collapsed leaving them with $800,0000 worth of debt. Facing bankruptcy, alcohol addiction, and a spiraling marriage, Mel felt like a complete failure. Every morning when the alarm went off, she knew she had to get up, but anxiety about her situation made her continuously hit the snooze button. She wanted to change but just couldn’t make herself do it. Then one day, while she was watching TV, she saw footage of a rocket launching. From that moment, she told herself that she was going to launch herself out of bed like a rocket every morning without making any excuses. So the next morning when the alarm went off, instead of lying there thinking about her problems, she pretended NASA was there watching her and gave herself 5 seconds to get out of bed. By counting down 5-4-3-2-1 she beat her habit of hitting the snooze button. And so the 5 Second Rule was born.Outsmarting the brainOur brain is here to protect us from anything scary or difficult. It is designed to protect us from danger and keep us alive, so it develops these coping mechanisms and habits to stop us from doing anything that might hurt us. But really, by keeping us safe, it's actually keeping us from growing into our fullest potential and fully experiencing life. If you want to change your life, you have to do something scary. The moment Robbins woke up to the realization that she had to stop hesitating and take action before her mind could convince her otherwise, her life began to change. “If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.”Mel RobbinsThe 5 Second Rule essentially helps to get you out of the place between knowledge and action, which she calls the Knowledge-Action gap. It’s the place where you know what to do but can’t seem to make yourself do it. If you’re feeling stuck, you’re in your head. You’re thinking. It’s a universal problem. We know what to do but we hesitate and think about whether we feel like doing it. And then we make little decisions all day long that keep us from experiencing the life of our dreams.“If you do not take action on your instinct to change, you will stay stagnant. You will not change.”Mel RobbinsAct on your instinctsMel Robbins says that first, we need to get clear about what instinct really means. Instinct isn’t a rash, irreversible decision that involves destructive, harmful, or illegal behavior. “I define an instinct as any urge, impulse, pull, or knowing that you should or should not do something because you can feel it in your heart and gut.”Mel RobbinsShe calls them instincts of the heart. “Instincts are the moments where your heart speaks to you.” Your instincts are these urges that tell you to do something even when you don’t feel like doing it. So listening to these instinctual urges is listening to your heart’s desire, your inner wisdom. Mel explains that when we’ve set a goal or intention, our brains create a checklist and then keep reminding us of that intention through these small impulses to do things. The most important thing we can do is to develop the skill of knowing how to hear that inner wisdom when it kicks in and acting on it quickly before hesitation. Never ignore your gut feelings There’s a reason why scientists call the gut our “second brain.” Our gut is trying to communicate with us. We get these 'gut feelings' when our hearts and minds are trying to tell us something. And usually, these gut impulses are tied to greater goals.”Mel RobbinsFirst, you need to identify the gut feelings that are tied to your goals and begin noticing them throughout the day. Whether it's the impulse to go for a run, to call a friend, to speak up in a meeting, to eat something healthy--whatever it may be--applying the 5 Second Rule will help you act on those impulses in moments where you would usually hesitate. Push yourselfRemember, your brain will try and protect you. So you need to push yourself.Your brain wants to shut this instinct down. It’s going to do it.Mel RobbinsBut that’s the moment where you can choose to take control. Don’t think, just do it. One push at a time. It’s not supposed to be easy and it will be scary. You know what you need to do. You know it deep within. And it’s the wisdom that comes before the self-doubt comes creeping in. “It’s hard to push yourself. If you want to change, it’s something you MUST do. And the Rule makes it easier.Just start your countdown. Push yourself to start at 5. Just start counting. That’s it!Countdown, 5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – GO.Mel RobbinsDo it before the brain kills it If you don’t act within the 5 second window your brain will talk yourself out of it. Fact. Mel describes our brain as an “overprotective, irrational parent” that thinks it’s keeping you safe, but is in fact stopping you from growing as a person and living your dreams. When you hesitate or feel uncertain, you are signaling to the brain that something’s wrong so it automatically steps in to protect you.You know that there’s nothing dangerous about making a call or taking a walk or pursuing your dreams. But your brain doesn’t know that, and it tries to sabotage you.Mel RobbinsThe 5 Second Rule interrupts what researchers call ‘habit loops’ that get encoded in your basal ganglia - the part of the brain responsible for your feelings, emotions, and behaviors. So when you count 5-4-3-2-1 you interrupt your habitual brain and move to the prefrontal cortex - the part of the brain that’s awake and used when you’re learning something new.The 5 Second Rule is a way to outsmart your brain by changing hesitation into ACTION.Mel RobbinsThis simple tool has transformed thousands of people's lives. So next time you have an impulse to do something, try out the 5-second rule and watch what happens.More inspiring articles:Is Your Fear Of Rejection Keeping You Small In Your Relationship?Quarantine Made Her Resent Her Husband–This Is The Inspiring Lesson She LearnedThe 5 Types of People You Need to Avoid For A Better LifeYou’re Not Looking For A Partner, You’re Looking For A Lost Part Of YourselfIs Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?
If They’re Acting Like They’re Not Interested, Avoid Making These 3 Mistakes
When someone you like appears like they’re not interested in you, it really sucks. And it can leave you asking yourself, “Is there something wrong with me?” The answer is, absolutely not.There is nothing wrong with you. And actually, the more you can go through life facing what appears to be a rejection, the stronger, more resilient, and more self-assured you become. And like every little setback in life, it becomes an amazing opportunity for growth and self-reflection. So, let’s say someone’s either blown you off, taken longer than you’d prefer to get back to you, or sounded offish or disinterested when they last spoke to you. Or maybe you’ve felt a special connection with someone you can’t get off your mind only to be told they don’t like you back. What do you do? How do you react?First, I want to point out, if someone is rude or impolite to you, then it’s probably best to steer clear! But if they are simply coming across like they are not interested in you in the early stages of getting to you, it doesn’t mean they are a bad person. Don’t take it personallyRemember, if someone isn’t interested in you, it doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you. It’s more of a reflection of where they are at. Maybe they aren’t looking for a relationship right now and have other priorities that come first. Maybe the timing is off or they need a bit more space. If your crush “doesn’t see you in that way”, do not let this deter you from believing how amazing, unique, and wonderfully individual you are. It is totally normal to feel upset that your crush doesn’t see the greatness in you, but I cannot stress this enough: never, ever, EVER change who you are to be the type of person you think they may be into! Always be yourself! And the right person will like you back.Remember that you too have not liked back every person that had a crush on you either. You can put yourself in their shoes and know how it feels. We’re all entitled to our feelings whatever the outcome is, so try and let them off the hook. Don’t try harderIt can be easy to hold on tighter to someone that is pulling away but try and resist the urge to contact them once you feel their disinterest. It will only cause them to become even more distant. Use your energy instead to process how you feel. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and work through your feelings of disappointment. Instead of sitting there staring at your phone waiting for them to get back to you, go out with friends, take nice walks, meet more people, and do things you love. Avoid passive aggressivenessThe very worst thing you can do is to aggressively or passively-aggressively react to their disinterest in you. Reacting in an angry, sarcastic way shows that they have power over you and your emotions, and I'm sorry to say, this is not a good look. The very best thing you can do is to accept that they are where they are without judgment and use this as an opportunity to practice your highest principles of communication. Present the best version of yourself - the confidant, sexy, resilient, self-assured you! Remember, if they aren’t into you now, it doesn’t mean they won’t be later on. When you react in a way that you are proud of, the person you are interested in is much more likely to get back in touch when they are ready to date. Because self-confidence is very attractive. But who knows, when they are ready, maybe you could have moved on.Rejection is redirectionCommunicating your best self even when it feels uncomfortable is mastery level, guys! Of course, it’s hard not to react when someone you like doesn’t like you back, so be easy on yourself if you have let anger and hurt get the better of you. But know that you can always make amends if you do feel you have acted out of line.It also helps to understand that this person may actually be a blessing in disguise. Call it divine intervention if you will! This person who is seemingly rejecting you, is, in fact, guiding you to someone else way more perfect for you! So keep up those positive vibes, love yourself first, and the next person who comes along, will love you back too.More interesting articles:Is Your Fear Of Rejection Keeping You Small In Your Relationship?Quarantine Made Her Resent Her Husband–This Is The Inspiring Lesson She LearnedThe 5 Types of People You Need to Avoid For A Better LifeYou’re Not Looking For A Partner, You’re Looking For A Lost Part Of YourselfIs Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?
Is Your Fear Of Rejection Keeping You Small In Your Relationship?
The first couple of months of lockdown, my partner and I were truly killing it with how well we were doing. People all around me were telling me how their relationships were struggling, and I found myself thinking about how lucky I was to be in a relationship that was thriving during these intense times.But then things started to change. Actually, it wasn’t the relationship that changed, I realized how I was changing in the relationship. I was changing myself to please my partner. Oh no! I was doing it again. I realized that I had been molding myself to be what I thought he wanted me to be. My old pattern had come to say hello again and remind me of who I was not. And I had been doing this throughout the whole relationship! Because it feels so good to be loved, liked, and validated by the other, doesn’t it? But it’s a dangerous road that if you carry on going down, you will end up completely losing yourself. The lockdown, as it has for most people, gave me a lot of time for self-reflection. Firstly, I began noticing how I was changing how I looked and dressed to please him. And then I became aware of how much time I was spending worrying about what he was thinking and doing and that I had barely given any time to ask myself what it was I wanted. I was lost in his world. I was following his dream not mineIt wasn’t until we almost put an offer on a house that I realized it was his dream I was following and not mine. When I had this realization, it hurt my boyfriend. Badly. He felt like he didn’t even know me; he’d lost trust in me and he seriously began doubting the relationship. And I don't blame him! We decided to take some time apart to figure stuff out so I went and stayed with my sister for a few days.I felt broken. I hadn’t stayed true to who I was and as a result, I was about to lose the man I loved. So I decided to do some digging. Over the time I was at my sister’s I did a lot of healing work. I had some deep heart opening and meditation sessions with dear friends of mine and realized what my core fear was:Fear of rejection!And that fear had been driving me throughout the relationship. I was so afraid that he would reject me that I began changing myself to please him. But the irony is, because I wasn’t true to myself, I was losing him anyway. We decided to start over again. Actually, for me it was more than starting again. It was about getting to know who I was when I wasn’t looking for my boyfriend's approval. This new awareness felt liberating.I started to let go of any outcome of how I wanted the relationship to be. I let go of the attachment of thinking we would be together forever. And I completely trusted that the outcome would be taken care of as soon as I started honoring who I was, and what I needed.Although I felt more connected to myself following the almost breakup, a lot of doubts were coming to the surface about whether the relationship would work and if we were right for each other - I had been over-compromising myself for so long! And a lot of anger came up about how much I had ignored my needs and ignored my truth because I didn’t want to feel the pain of rejection.But the anger and doubts gave me even more reason to really show up as the fullest and truest version of myself. Because if I am being fully myself and I am rejected, then doesn’t that make it obvious this person isn’t for me? And don’t I want to be with someone that loves me for who I am anyway? Since I started being and feeling more myself, dressing how I want to dress, expressing what I want to express, and doing what I want to do, there has been a definite shift in the relationship. In myself, I feel a sense of freedom and empowerment and ease. And things are changing for the better in so many other aspects of my life. By honoring yourself and your needs, one of two things can happenEither the other person will be inspired by your authenticity and new-found sense of self and the relationship will blossom in wonderful, unexpected ways, or, you will discover that you are mismatched and that the only kind thing to do is to let each other go so you may both find someone who is a more suitable match.Either way, it’s about staying in the present moment, getting out of your worrying mind, and harnessing a practice of self-love every day. When you stay true to who you are, the rest takes care of itself--it won’t just be the potential for an even greater relationship, either with your current relationship or a new one, but your new-found confidence will bring about many wonderful, fulfilling and even miraculous opportunities to you. Remember, always, always, always.....be yourself.More inspiring articles:Quarantine Made Her Resent Her Husband–This Is The Inspiring Lesson She LearnedThe 5 Types of People You Need to Avoid For A Better LifeYou’re Not Looking For A Partner, You’re Looking For A Lost Part Of YourselfIs Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?
Decision Making And Emotions: Why Things Can Backfire
Ever been in the middle of such an intense, emotionally challenging situation that you make a huge rash decision you end up regretting later? Yep, me too!Whether it’s breaking up with your partner in the middle of a raging argument and hooking up with someone else the same night, or storming out of work shouting, “I quit!” because your boss said something to offend you, when we're triggered, we're all capable of making some pretty radical, downright irrational decisions. You know the saying, “don’t make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion”? Well, this couldn’t be a truer statement!If you’re like me - a hot head when it comes to injustice - then you probably find yourself sometimes reacting to situations, rather than responding in a calm, non-defensive way. And I can tell you, from my experience, reacting from a negative place never turns out well! Why negative emotion interferes with decision makingMost of us will do anything to avoid feeling painful emotions. So we develop these self-righteous “I’m right, you’re wrong” attitudes as a coping mechanism instead of dealing with the issue at hand.Strong negative emotion causes separation. We confine ourselves and the world to an “us versus them” vision and believe the other person is wrong. We blame and ostracize the other for acting and thinking differently to ourselves. When we’re reacting from strong negative emotion, it’s often an unpredictable and disastrous ride. And the more emotionally reactive we are, the more clouded our judgment.Eat Pray Love writer Elizabeth Gilbert, explains in a podcast interview:“Terrified people make terrible decisions. Terror and fear make you irresponsible. They make you not think very clearly, right? And they make you willing to do almost anything to get rid of that awful feeling.”Elizabeth GilbertBut just how far are people willing to go to avoid that awful feeling? Gilbert goes onto explain how fear is such a powerful emotion that it’s become a tactic people use to manipulate others. “We’ve seen people do that on the individual level, and we’ve seen cultures do that. And we’ve seen politicians who find ways to exploit terror and fear in order to get short-term power or sometimes long-term power. Because if you can figure out how to hold the reins of other people’s fear, then you can control them for a while.”Elizabeth Gilbert says that one of the most powerful ways to not end up being controlled by fear is to remain more curious than you are afraid. ‘’I love curiosity. I think curiosity is our friend that teaches us how to become ourselves. And it’s a very gentle friend, and a very forgiving friend, and a very constant one.”She reminds us to be brave, which will, in turn, help others do the same. “Our fear is contagious, but our courage also is. And our courage makes other people be able to be more brave and come out of their houses and come out of their shells and out of their fear.”You can’t control your emotions, but you can control your responseTrying to control your emotions will only cause you more stress.Negative emotion doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Negative emotion is actually a good thing! The bad feeling you’re experiencing is just showing you that you're believing a thought that is not serving you. And now you get to do something about it. So, someone or something has triggered you. And you’re angry. What do you do?Now, I don’t want to state the obvious here but the best thing you can do when you feel strong negative emotion is to not react! I know, easier said than done, right!? But while you're in the throws of that intense, blood-boiling moment, try and find a way to create a bit of space - pause, breathe, and count to 5 if you need to - before you say or do something that you'll regret.Most of us have trained ourselves to react in such a defensive way that our reactions are uncontrollable in a moment of stress. Consider saying either to yourself or to the person you’re talking to: “I’m feeling triggered right now, my emotions are running high and I'm not thinking clearly. Can we sort this out later?”Don’t bottle up your emotionsIn this society, although we are definitely getting better at expressing ourselves, there is still a lot of fear around honestly and vulnerably communicating how we’re really feeling. Maybe we’re afraid of conflict or of being disliked, or maybe we’re afraid of appearing weak and vulnerable and even ‘uncool’. There are so many reasons why people don’t truly express themselves, but whatever the reason is, if we repress our negative emotions, we either explode or implode. Both of these reactions are dangerous and can lead to rash, irrational actions. I like to see negative emotions as scared, confused little children that just need some love and understanding. So instead of repressing, projecting, or ignoring what you’re feeling let’s learn how to say yes to what you’re feeling.Breathe into it, and be kind to whatever emotion is coming up. Saying yes to it will help it dissipate.Clear out the mind junk so the right decision can emergeIt’s no surprise that the clearer and more centered we feel, the more able we are to make the right decisions for ourselves. When our mind is clear, so are our decisions. A good decision is usually made from a calm, peaceful place. It just has an air of intuitive rightness about it. Can you remember a time when you felt so happy, so content, so in love with life and with yourself that nothing and no one would have been able to anger or upset you? Even when it’s something that might usually bother you? That’s the place you want to be when you make a decision. We have so much power and clarity from that place. Wake up and feel fantastic!The best way to get yourself feeling good, is to start as you mean to go on. When you wake in the morning consider doing 10 minutes of meditation, journaling, yoga, positive affirmations, or a brisk morning walk. These are all great practices for getting yourself in a clear and centered space for the day ahead.But if at some point in the day you still find yourself in the midst of strong negative emotion, just remember to remain curious and open-minded instead of defensive and reactive. Breathe, walk away if you have to, and give yourself some space before making any decision. Remember, negative emotion is temporary, it will pass along with the negative thoughts that go along with it. As soon as you start to feel calmer, clarity will come flooding back.More helpful articles:Why Getting My Heart Broken Was The Best Thing That Happened To MeSplit Decisions: Is Your Relationship Really Over or Does It Just Need Work?Is Appreciation Deficit Disorder Ruining Your Relationship?How To Forgive Your Toxic Parents…Even If They Don’t Deserve ItWhy I Make Every Big Life Decision Without Telling Family or Friends
