Woman Who Had First Child at 58 Years Old Says It Has “Made Her a Better Mum”
Every day we get older, wiser and never stop evolving!
An Australian woman welcomed her first child at age 58 and says she’s glad that she waited until she was older to begin her family.
Carolyne Ness, now 64, had longed for a child through her entire adult life. She had dreamt of having a child but it never seemed to be in the cards for her.
No Babies Were in Sight for Carolyne
“I had been married when I was younger, but I struggled getting pregnant,” she told The Sun.
“In my 30s I discovered that I had fertility issues but by the time we got round to thinking about doing in vitro fertilization (IVF), our relationship had really broken down and we just didn’t want to bring a child into that.”
“After I divorced my husband, Mr. Right never came along. I had a few relationships, but none that I felt were suitable to be a father.”
Ness, who was born in Australia but grew up in Scotland, said that she was desperate to have a family and had considered adoption but gave up when she realized how many years even the possibility of adoption could take.
Carolyn explored all of her IVF options, but even private clinics would not offer it to women over 50.
The Option of Embryo Adoption
Shortly before her 58th birthday, Carolyne came across the concept of embryo adoption. This is a process where a frozen embryo is “adopted” rather than waiting to adopt the baby once it’s born.
The embryo is selected by the adopter and is then implanted into her own womb using the same technique as IVF. This process gives the adoptive parent the opportunity to experience both pregnancy and childbirth themselves.
“I wanted my baby to grow inside me. If I did have any eggs left, they would not be good quality at my age, but I knew that if my womb was healthy, there wasn’t any reason why I could not sustain a pregnancy,” explained Carolyn.
Ness did her research and decided to move forward with embryo adoption. The age limit for the procedure is 55 in Australia, so Ness instead focused on India, where the age limit is higher at 58.
A Journey That Let Her to India
Ness made the journey to New Delhi, India with the hope of successfully using the egg of a 21-year-old Indian woman and sperm from an American donor.
She paid £4,500 (US$5,700) to adopt an embryo.
She knew the odds were not in her favor, so Ness looked at the trip to India as a vacation, so as not to get her hopes up.
“I’d always wanted to go to India because I wanted to see the Taj Mahal,” Ness explained. “I got the treatment done just before my 58th birthday, so I was at the very upper limit.”
“They transferred three embryos, something that tends to be avoided in Australia to prevent multiple births, which gave me that extra chance to get pregnant.”
“I just thought, well, I’ve tried my best and if it’s meant to be, it will happen.”
“Having a baby just shy of my 60th [birthday] would never have been my first choice when I was younger. I never wanted to be a single mother, that was l my worst nightmare, but it got to the stage where it was now or never and I knew I would regret it if I didn’t try,” Ness clarified to The Sun.
Ness enjoyed her vacation in India but couldn’t resist the urge to take a pregnancy test before she left.
“They were all coming back positive and when I got back to Australia I was overjoyed when my blood tests confirmed my pregnancy!” Ness said proudly.
The Happy Day Arrives
In November 2017, Ness went in for a planned caesarean section as her pregnancy was considered high risk. Her son Javed arrived happy and healthy at 5lb 20z.
Ness beams about how Javed, now age five, has brought so much happiness to her life and that waiting until a later age made her a better mom to her son. She explained that she now has a level of patience and a maturity she didn’t have when she was younger.
“Friends warned it would be exhausting, I’d miss my freedom and resent the sleepless nights, but they were all mothers already, they had no idea how much I wanted to give up my freedom to love a child like they had,” she told The Mirror.
in her 50s is too old to have children and says that Javed has completely changed her life for the better.
Ness told The Mirror that she has a solid plan in place for Javed. She has made arrangements with her younger sister, Rhona, and her best friend, Silvana, who is ten years younger, to care for Javed should anything happen to her.
“Ultimately, no-one knows what is around the corner. Younger women than me become moms and then sadly, their circumstances change too. I couldn’t let ‘what ifs’ stop me.”
“I can’t imagine missing out on this incredible life I have to share, and I have at least a good 20 years left in me to do so. It was the best decision I ever made.”
