Miss Kansas Publicly Calls Out Her Abuser In The Audience
25-year-old Alexis Smith was officially crowned Miss Kansas earlier this month. She beat out 25 contestants to become the third Black woman to ever win the title.
And while these accomplishments are to be admired, it's her empowering message to her abusive ex who had the gall to sit in the audience that makes her the real winner.
Beauty Pageant Participant Takes Down Her Abuser In Epic On-Stage Declaration
As a victim of domestic abuse, Alexis knows first-hand the devastating impact it can have on someone's life. Too often shrouded in secrecy and shame, the pageant contestant decided to use her platform to bring awareness to domestic violence.
Dubbing it her "Reclaimed Respect Initiative," she spoke about it during the interview phase of the competition.
It didn't go down as she expected.
Because as it turns out, the literal face of her trauma was sitting in the audience, obviously trying to intimidate her and cow her into silence.
But instead of letting her abusive ex silence her, she spoke out. And in doing so, reclaimed her voice and power in an incredible display of courage that has the world applauding.
"My vision as the next Miss Kansas is to eliminate unhealthy and abusive relationships," Smith boldly declared.
"Matter of fact, some of you out in this audience saw me very emotional because my abuser is here today, but that's not going to stop me from being on this Miss Kansas stage and from representing as the next Miss Kansas because I and my community deserve healthy relationships."
Not only did the cardiothoracic ICU nurse NOT let it stop her, but she WON! And she will be representing the sunflower state at next year's Miss America pageant.
Literal QUEEN.
Her Empowering Message Goes Viral
@lexlex_smith Respect Reclaimed is about reclaiming your power and standing firmly in it. On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace. Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power—not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening. This isn't about shunning others; it's about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts. I'm ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms. My voice and advocacy will empower everyone to reclaim their own power in their own unique way. I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same. #fyp #abuse #miss #misskansas #missamerica #pageant #awareness #me #relationship #respect #tiktok
Smith shared a video clip of her message across her social media channels where it has gone viral, gaining widespread support.
"On the night of Miss Kansas, my journey took an unexpected turn when someone I have been healing from tried to disrupt my peace," Smith wrote in the caption.
"Instead of falling into silence, I chose to live out my vision for a better world. I took back my power — not just for myself, but for my dreams and everyone watching and listening."
And while she didn't directly name her abuser, she did provide some insight into who it is in an interview with CBS affiliate, KSNW.
“My family, every single woman in my family, was impacted by domestic violence,” she said. “At the age of 14, I got in my first relationship, but it was also an abusive relationship that I was in until about 2018, 2019."
"It’s something that I’m still experiencing and dealing with today.”
Her journey with domestic violence has run the full gamut; from being a bystander, a victim, a survivor, and now an advocate who is "ready to use my story, tools, and resources to end unhealthy relationships in all forms."
"This isn't about shunning others; it's about turning our pain into purpose and channeling it in a way that unifies and uplifts," Smith continued. "I might be small in stature, but I stand tall in strength, purpose, and power with hopes of inspiring others to do the same."
She already is.
"As a survivor, this moved me. thank you for using your voice. you just gave strength to many you'll never meet 💜," wrote one commenter.
"YAS GIRL! As a fellow survivor, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for using your voice and showing your strength," wrote another.
A third shared, "As a victim of domestic violence I applaud you for speaking out!! I watched this 10 times!! I'm still getting bullied by his parents even with a no contact order. I plan on helping women like us as well."
The Importance of Speaking Out Against Abuse
Domestic violence is shockingly prevalent. According to a report by the CDC, "about 41% of women and 26% of men experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime and reported a related impact."
Additionally, "over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime."
Speaking out against domestic abuse is a critical step in breaking the cycle of violence. By giving voice to their experiences, survivors not only reclaim their own power but also pave the way for other victims to stand up and do the same.
If you need help or need help supporting someone else, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788 or chat online at TheHotline.org.
The 3 Main Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic (and Why That’s Not a Bad Thing)
A hopeless romantic cant help but dream of their perfect partner, but there's a negative association with the term that we should change.
My name is Ricky and I’m a recovering hopeless romantic. I’ve been battered and bruised by unmet expectations, the slow crumbling of unrealistic fantasies, and the gradual jadedness of looking for an idealized version of love. In my younger years, I had big ideas and even bigger visions for what true love meant. A love free from pain, a love that offered salvation, a way to rise above the mundane, the struggle and strife of daily life, with someone by your side.
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I’ve experienced the poetically tragic and the ineffably beautiful. And, I’m here to reassure you. Because amidst the hopeless romance, there is hope. Hope for a more mature, balanced approach to love. One which catapults you to deeper levels of fulfillment, doesn’t avoid the tough stuff, and allows you to, paradoxically, get closer to the type of love you may have always longed for.
What Does It Mean to Be a Hopeless Romantic?
It’s likely you already know what it means to be a hopeless romantic. What image intuitively surfaces? The hopeless romantic is an archetype in its own right, playing out over and over in stories, music, film, and poetry. The phrase dates back to around the early 1920s, appearing in a short story collection, to describe the mixture of “ passionate (romantic) yet ineffectual (hopeless) love.”
Dictionary.com’s definition of a hopeless romantic is:
A hopeless romantic has high ideas for love and will do all they can to pursue them. Of course, characters we read on pages or see on screen often reflect emotional or psychological processes within; there is truth in fiction. Many of us have the inner hopeless romantic, a yearning to find “the one,” a desire to pursue love at all costs, to place it above all else.
Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic
It’s likely, if you’re reading this article, you have experienced enough red flags in romance to know your patterns need closer inspection. Above all else, the biggest sign of hopeless romantics is that romantic love, or more accurately romantic drama, consistently takes up a lot of space. Either in being distracted by a new love, engaging in toxic relationships, recovering from conflict, or becoming codependent. Other signs include:
1. You Use Romance Is An Escape
Hopeless romance is immature, to a certain extent. The desire for fairytale romance is naive. Relationships take work. Beyond the honeymoon period of falling in love, a relationship will challenge you to grow and mature. You’ll need to navigate your own shadow, trauma, and defense mechanisms. You’ll need to work on communicating whilst triggered, or overcoming emotional fallouts.
All of this is anything but an escape. In facing someone else, relationships encourage you to face yourself. Hopeless romantics, however, tend to view romance as an escape. The desire for this type of love is a way to bypass difficult feelings, obligations, or responsibilities.
2. You Experience Many Passionate But Short-Term Relationships
Because hopeless romance is founded in an idealized version of love, many people find that, when the going gets tough and the fantasy starts to dissolve, they leave the relationship to pursue someone else. If love doesn’t match expectations, it’s always the relationship’s fault or the other person’s fault. Without self-awareness, this perpetuates the cycle of chasing, falling, and becoming disillusioned. As a result, many hopeless romantics get stuck in a simultaneous state of yearning and cynicism.
3. You Prioritize Romance Above All Else
There’s a difference between prioritizing meaningful relationships and family, from a place of service or love, and the hopeless romantic’s approach to prioritizing. A hopeless romantic will place the pursuit of romance above all else, often leading to codependent relationships that are so intense, and lacking in personal boundaries, other areas of life become neglected. They stop seeing friends or pursuing solo hobbies or interests.
Despite being unhealthy, hopeless romantics get trapped, because their idea of love means giving it everything, being passionate, and making sacrifices. There’s a seed of truth in all of this — love does require giving, passion, and sacrifice. But when it comes from an imbalanced sense of martyrdom, or a need, it becomes unhealthy.
Is Being a Hopeless Romantic Unhealthy?
Modern portrayals of love emphasize this mixture of passion and ineffectiveness. Forbidden or impossible love makes for a dramatic story. What would The Notebook be without arguments or barriers to love between Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel MacAdams)? Or Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Rose (Kate Winslet) in the Titanic? Or, stretching further back to the greatest hopeless romance of all, Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet?
Of course, normal isn’t healthy by default. Hopeless romance often comes from a place of innocence. How can you argue against believing in love? Or wanting to find someone to share life with? The question then is, how does hopeless romance surface, and in what ways is it unhealthy, limiting, or holding you back?
I explored all of this in detail through my “recovery” from hopeless romance. Like most hopeless romantics, it got to the point where I knew something had to change because I was experiencing regular setbacks and heartbreak. I sensed I was stuck in various cycles of high expectations and disappointment, and intuitively felt I was placing too much value on my partner.
Impaired Spirituality, or More Satisfaction?
In Facing Love Addiction, codependency expert Pia Mellody explains one of the biggest pitfalls of hopeless romance — making your partner your higher power. By replacing your sense of spirituality or transcendence in a relationship, it’s possible to impair its healthy expression. This leads people to “try harder and harder to manipulate the other person to live up to the mental image they have created — that is, someone who will care for and love them the way they long to be cared for and loved.”
However, it’s not all bad. One study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that people in long-term relationships who had romantic beliefs reported greater satisfaction. According to the study, “romantic beliefs do not appear to foster false or unobtainable expectations for romantic relationships, and the concerns regarding the endorsement of these beliefs may be misplaced.”
The Hope Isn’t Lost in Love
I promised you there would be reassurance, and here it is — being a hopeless romantic isn’t a bad thing. I know from experience that there’s a temptation to judge yourself when spotting these patterns. How could you ignore the warning signs, and get stuck again and again? Part of the process of growth is to take what works, let go of what doesn’t, and build towards a healthier model of love.
RELATED: Are You in a One-Sided Relationship? 3 Steps to Heal or Let Go
If you’re single, consider how you can reclaim the power you’ve given to the pursuit of finding “the one”. Know that true fulfillment comes from within. That being said, a deep, intimate relationship requires a mixture of self-fulfillment and giving. Don’t discard or suppress the inner romantic. Give a voice to that part of you, but don’t make it the leader of your inner kingdom.
The eternal optimism of hopeless romantics is something to admire. You don’t have to become cynical or give up, although that is often part of the recovery process. After exploring this within myself, and vowing never to be in a relationship again, I eventually entered a relationship that asked me to cultivate true love.
It’s not always pretty. But we are growing together, because it’s confronting and grounding, and doesn't allow us to escape. Best of all, there’s still space for passion, and romance, along with a wider spectrum of experience. The more these barriers and unrealistic expectations dissolve, the more vibrant the essence of romance blossoms. Not as a naive fantasy, but something we allow ourselves to indulge in, an expression that has found its rightful place.
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