Woman Thanks Ex-Boyfriend's Kid For Making Her Feel Loved
Jen and her brother, Todd, were just 10 and 12 years old when their father began dating Shirley Norton. It was 1986. Their love affair was short-lived, lasting only a year.
And while it may have been brief, it left an impact that stayed with Shirley until she died.
Eighteen years later, Jen received a phone call out of the blue. It was from a bank manager, informing her that Shirley had bequeathed $50,000 each to her and her brother. But in addition to the inheritance, Shirley also left behind a note.
A Random Phone Call
@intoxicatedinsights69 Absolutely gut wrenching story! Step parents truly are angels on earth. Thank you guys for all that you do. Thank you to the endlessly fascinating Jen, for sharing this story with us. Full episode is out. Link in bio
Jen recently shared her story on her podcast, Intoxicated Insights. She also posted a clip of the episode on TikTok where it has gone viral, garnering more than 2 million views, 237,000 likes, and nearly 5,000 comments.
"I get a random phone call, this is like 2004, I have two small children," she explained to her co-host Sage.
"I get this random call from this woman from Utah who's a bank manager telling me that one of my dad's ex-girlfriends has passed away and left me and my brother $50,000 each."
Jen via TikTok
Initially, she thought she was being punked. It took the bank manager more than half an hour to finally convince Jen to provide her address.
She explained to Sage that the woman the bank manager called her about was "legit" one of her father's ex-girlfriends and they had only dated for one year before he broke up with her. But throughout that year, Shirley took care of Jen, buying her clothes, decorating her room, and being "absolutely sweet" to her.
Jen remembers the day Shirley left. She begged Shirley to take her with her.
"I might have seen her like maybe one or two more times but my dad got a new girlfriend and that was that."
Until 18 years later...
When Jen received the mail from the bank manager she discovered that in addition to the cash, Shirley had also left behind a two-page letter.
Jen has held onto that letter for 20 years.
The Letter From Her Father's Ex-Girlfriend
Jen's father's ex-girlfriend bequeathed $50,000 each to her and her brother. But in addition to the inheritance, she also left behind a note.
Youtube/intoxicatedinsights
Holding back tears, Jen read Shirley's letter aloud:
"Dear Todd and Jenny, I bet you both are asking yourself, who is she?" the letter began.
"I met you and your father in 1986 when you were about 10 and 12 years old. You each made a remarkable impact on me. You were both great kids. You were friendly and made me feel welcome in your lives."
To further jog the siblings' memories, Shirley wrote that at the time Jen wanted to be an actress and own a pink Ferrari. She talked about going to SeaWorld and spending Thanksgiving at Lake Tahoe. She reminisced about Knotts Berry Farm and eating dinner together on the Queen Mary.
"Todd, when we went to Circus Circus, you won a little stuffed lion for me," she added. "I still have it."
And when Jenny went to camp? She made Shirley a wall hanging out of a pie plate. "I still have it too," Shirley wrote.
"I never had any children of my own," she added. "But for that one year you made me feel like I was part of your family."
Cue the tears.
Shirley also shared in the letter that she'd had a kidney transplant in 1992. "This gift of life gave me many extra years so I could enjoy this amazing world."
She ended the letter, writing: "I had a good life. I would like to make your life a little easier and more secure. I pray you both have wonderful lives. P.S. Jenny, please don't buy a pink Ferrari," she joked before adding, "But if you really want one, buy it."
"We don't always know the impact we make on someone's life"
@intoxicatedinsights69 Replying to @AileneTH jen says thank you!
The money came at a time when Jen needed it most. In a follow-up TikTok she explains her son had just been diagnosed with autism.
"At the time my youngest son had just got diagnosed with autism and so the money was great because I paid for a lot of therapies for him."
She also shared that the family moved "and it did make my life a lot better." (Although she never did get that pink Ferrari).
But it's the letter that is truly priceless.
"The letter was the best. I've held onto it for all these years. I read it, it's sad, and it always touches my heart."
Jen via TikTok
It's also touched the hearts of more than 2 million TikTok viewers.
"Perfect example that we don’t always know the impact we make on someone’s life. She never forgot you," one commenter wrote.
"Omg I’m sobbing 😭.. that was so so sweet," wrote another. "All the memories she still had of the kids ❤️❤️"
A third said, "As an adult child of divorce who’s Dad had many girlfriends that I loved but never got to say goodbye to, this helped to heal me. Maybe they loved me as much as I loved them."
Sometimes people aren't meant to stay in our lives. They are there for a short time and then they're gone. But just because they are no longer with us, it doesn't mean they are forgotten.
Shirley never forgot the time she spent with Jenny and Todd, even two decades later. Her generous bequest and heartfelt letter were a testament to the deep impact their brief connection had on her life.
It's also a sweet reminder that blood isn't what binds a family together. It's love, no matter how briefly we get to share it.
*Featured image contains photo by cottonbro studio
The 3 Main Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic (and Why That’s Not a Bad Thing)
A hopeless romantic cant help but dream of their perfect partner, but there's a negative association with the term that we should change.
My name is Ricky and I’m a recovering hopeless romantic. I’ve been battered and bruised by unmet expectations, the slow crumbling of unrealistic fantasies, and the gradual jadedness of looking for an idealized version of love. In my younger years, I had big ideas and even bigger visions for what true love meant. A love free from pain, a love that offered salvation, a way to rise above the mundane, the struggle and strife of daily life, with someone by your side.
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I’ve experienced the poetically tragic and the ineffably beautiful. And, I’m here to reassure you. Because amidst the hopeless romance, there is hope. Hope for a more mature, balanced approach to love. One which catapults you to deeper levels of fulfillment, doesn’t avoid the tough stuff, and allows you to, paradoxically, get closer to the type of love you may have always longed for.
What Does It Mean to Be a Hopeless Romantic?
It’s likely you already know what it means to be a hopeless romantic. What image intuitively surfaces? The hopeless romantic is an archetype in its own right, playing out over and over in stories, music, film, and poetry. The phrase dates back to around the early 1920s, appearing in a short story collection, to describe the mixture of “ passionate (romantic) yet ineffectual (hopeless) love.”
Dictionary.com’s definition of a hopeless romantic is:
A hopeless romantic has high ideas for love and will do all they can to pursue them. Of course, characters we read on pages or see on screen often reflect emotional or psychological processes within; there is truth in fiction. Many of us have the inner hopeless romantic, a yearning to find “the one,” a desire to pursue love at all costs, to place it above all else.
Signs You’re a Hopeless Romantic
It’s likely, if you’re reading this article, you have experienced enough red flags in romance to know your patterns need closer inspection. Above all else, the biggest sign of hopeless romantics is that romantic love, or more accurately romantic drama, consistently takes up a lot of space. Either in being distracted by a new love, engaging in toxic relationships, recovering from conflict, or becoming codependent. Other signs include:
1. You Use Romance Is An Escape
Hopeless romance is immature, to a certain extent. The desire for fairytale romance is naive. Relationships take work. Beyond the honeymoon period of falling in love, a relationship will challenge you to grow and mature. You’ll need to navigate your own shadow, trauma, and defense mechanisms. You’ll need to work on communicating whilst triggered, or overcoming emotional fallouts.
All of this is anything but an escape. In facing someone else, relationships encourage you to face yourself. Hopeless romantics, however, tend to view romance as an escape. The desire for this type of love is a way to bypass difficult feelings, obligations, or responsibilities.
2. You Experience Many Passionate But Short-Term Relationships
Because hopeless romance is founded in an idealized version of love, many people find that, when the going gets tough and the fantasy starts to dissolve, they leave the relationship to pursue someone else. If love doesn’t match expectations, it’s always the relationship’s fault or the other person’s fault. Without self-awareness, this perpetuates the cycle of chasing, falling, and becoming disillusioned. As a result, many hopeless romantics get stuck in a simultaneous state of yearning and cynicism.
3. You Prioritize Romance Above All Else
There’s a difference between prioritizing meaningful relationships and family, from a place of service or love, and the hopeless romantic’s approach to prioritizing. A hopeless romantic will place the pursuit of romance above all else, often leading to codependent relationships that are so intense, and lacking in personal boundaries, other areas of life become neglected. They stop seeing friends or pursuing solo hobbies or interests.
Despite being unhealthy, hopeless romantics get trapped, because their idea of love means giving it everything, being passionate, and making sacrifices. There’s a seed of truth in all of this — love does require giving, passion, and sacrifice. But when it comes from an imbalanced sense of martyrdom, or a need, it becomes unhealthy.
Is Being a Hopeless Romantic Unhealthy?
Modern portrayals of love emphasize this mixture of passion and ineffectiveness. Forbidden or impossible love makes for a dramatic story. What would The Notebook be without arguments or barriers to love between Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel MacAdams)? Or Jack (Leonardo DiCaprio) and Rose (Kate Winslet) in the Titanic? Or, stretching further back to the greatest hopeless romance of all, Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet?
Of course, normal isn’t healthy by default. Hopeless romance often comes from a place of innocence. How can you argue against believing in love? Or wanting to find someone to share life with? The question then is, how does hopeless romance surface, and in what ways is it unhealthy, limiting, or holding you back?
I explored all of this in detail through my “recovery” from hopeless romance. Like most hopeless romantics, it got to the point where I knew something had to change because I was experiencing regular setbacks and heartbreak. I sensed I was stuck in various cycles of high expectations and disappointment, and intuitively felt I was placing too much value on my partner.
Impaired Spirituality, or More Satisfaction?
In Facing Love Addiction, codependency expert Pia Mellody explains one of the biggest pitfalls of hopeless romance — making your partner your higher power. By replacing your sense of spirituality or transcendence in a relationship, it’s possible to impair its healthy expression. This leads people to “try harder and harder to manipulate the other person to live up to the mental image they have created — that is, someone who will care for and love them the way they long to be cared for and loved.”
However, it’s not all bad. One study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that people in long-term relationships who had romantic beliefs reported greater satisfaction. According to the study, “romantic beliefs do not appear to foster false or unobtainable expectations for romantic relationships, and the concerns regarding the endorsement of these beliefs may be misplaced.”
The Hope Isn’t Lost in Love
I promised you there would be reassurance, and here it is — being a hopeless romantic isn’t a bad thing. I know from experience that there’s a temptation to judge yourself when spotting these patterns. How could you ignore the warning signs, and get stuck again and again? Part of the process of growth is to take what works, let go of what doesn’t, and build towards a healthier model of love.
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If you’re single, consider how you can reclaim the power you’ve given to the pursuit of finding “the one”. Know that true fulfillment comes from within. That being said, a deep, intimate relationship requires a mixture of self-fulfillment and giving. Don’t discard or suppress the inner romantic. Give a voice to that part of you, but don’t make it the leader of your inner kingdom.
The eternal optimism of hopeless romantics is something to admire. You don’t have to become cynical or give up, although that is often part of the recovery process. After exploring this within myself, and vowing never to be in a relationship again, I eventually entered a relationship that asked me to cultivate true love.
It’s not always pretty. But we are growing together, because it’s confronting and grounding, and doesn't allow us to escape. Best of all, there’s still space for passion, and romance, along with a wider spectrum of experience. The more these barriers and unrealistic expectations dissolve, the more vibrant the essence of romance blossoms. Not as a naive fantasy, but something we allow ourselves to indulge in, an expression that has found its rightful place.
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