Close Ad

Narcissistic Children Have Parents Who Do These Things--How Not To Raise A Narcissist
narcissistic child
Goalcast Originals

Narcissistic Children Have Parents Who Do These Things--How Not To Raise A Narcissist

While there is no concrete formula to make sure your child won't be a narcissist, here are some parenting behaviours to avoid in order to reduce the likeliness of it happening.

When we see children with signs of narcissism, it’s hard not to wonder, how did this happen? Was it a genetic disposition, or were these traits developed as part of their upbringing, as a result of their parents or caregivers?

According to a recent study in the Washington Post, researchers have taken a stab at that question by following and surveying 565 children between the ages of 7 and 11 and their parents -- 415 mothers and 290 fathers.


The results are quite clear: “Parents who 'overvalue' children during this developmental stage, telling them they are superior to others and entitled to special treatment, are more likely to produce narcissistic children -- who can grow up to become narcissistic adults, unless something is done about it,” said Tameka Anderson, founder of Parenting Confident Kids.

Why do parents struggle with the idea of "overvalue" in their child? And what should they do if they want their child(ren) to excel without contributing to narcissism?

Personality is a fascinating part of psychology. “Especially when it comes to narcissism, no other psychological term is used so often in stream culture,” said Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC, NCC,  a nationally certified counselor and founder of Counselingand Wellness Center of Pittsburgh.  

“While it is easy to note traits of narcissism, and there are certain parts to child development that are hallmarked by self focus, a mental health professional will not diagnose a personality disorder in a child,” said Wijkstrom. 

While that is true, there are things that parents do that can increase or reduce the likelihood of their child developing narcissistic traits. 

While all personality disorders have one part that is social or environmental and one part that is heritable or biological, we always do our best to focus on what we can influence as parents, our power then lies in how parenting does influence personality outcomes.

Stephanie Wijkstrom, MS, LPC, NCC,  a nationally certified counselor and founder of Counselingand Wellness Center of Pittsburgh.  

6 behaviours that can encourage the development of narcissistic traits:

1. They use shame-based parenting

“Children who are raised with shame, particularly shame around their inner worlds or who are shamed simply for who they are by their parents, are also at risk for developing a narcissistic personality,” said Durvasula.

“Shame can evoke a myriad of reactions in children, it can make them shrink in and become shadows of themselves, it can also make them become grandiose and self inflated in an effort to hide their woundedness,” said Wijkstrom.

For those with true narcissistic personality disorder, a part of the treatment is to uncover and heal the inner narcissistic wound.

2. They shower their child with adoration

Just as using fear, criticism, and shame can have adverse outcomes, so can too much adoration. “The parenting style that focuses completely on meeting the child’s needs without at times challenging them to become aware of themselves and the impact of their behaviors,” said Wijkstrom.

3. They don’t coach their child on empathy

“It is important to help your child think about how others are feeling and what they are experiencing,” said Wijkstrom. Without helping them gain an age appropriate awareness of others needs, the result is often narcissism.

4. Their love is conditional

Parents who are inconsistent, neglectful, or abusive can raise children who evidence narcissistic patterns in adulthood. In addition: “Parents who are very conditional in their love- the child learns that he or she is valued for what they achieve, how they look, how they perform - that also can result in narcissism,” said Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, professor of psychology and author of two books on narcissism.

5. They are emotionally unavailable--and compensate with material things

Narcissistic child 2 1024x546

Cold parents who are emotionally unavailable and compensate with material things can also create a pathway for narcissism.

Children who grow up simultaneously overindulged and under indulged are also at risk. These are kids whose material needs are met - perhaps too much (as though they are "spoiled") but whose emotional needs are not met at all.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula

These kids may have gadgets and wonderful experiences and privilege, but are given no opportunity to grow an emotional vocabulary or emotional self-awareness.

6. They are bad role models

The fact is, narcissistic parents don't have kids because they intend to cultivate and direct their children through life. Dr. Vikram Tarugu, CEO of Detox of South Florida believes these types of parents have kids because they have an instant, built-in partnership through which they have control, one which the narcissist may dictate the laws without any checks and balances.

The idea of "modelling" also comes into play. Kids do what they see - so a child with a dysregulated, vain, superficial and entitled parent - MAY (not always) simply mirror those qualities (some children who grow up like this feel a tremendous sense of shame about their parents' conduct).  

“Most of these patterns undercut the child's ability to develop a secure sense of self - and that insecurity can plague them into adulthood and manifest as narcissism,” said Durvasula.

Watch what happened when this man confronted his father:

Here are 2 parenting tricks that can help:

Of course, there’s also a way of parenting children so they have a better chance of not developing these psychological characteristic.

1. Be a good role model

Narcissistic children 4 1024x571

“Find opportunities to highlight qualities that others possess that show unique skills,” said Dr. Rebecca Mannis, Learning Specialist at Ivy-prep.com

Demonstrate your comfort with others having qualities that you don’t have and your ability to celebrate their success. For example, you can say, “The way Aunt Jane set up the barbecue really made good use of the yard. It was different from what I planned but really worked for the occasion.”

As you shift the focus away from mastery and more toward caring for others, your child will internalize the lessons from those teachable moments.

2. Take note of and praise your child's character

"Celebrate your child’s character", says Dr. Mannis. That does not signify their achievements but more particularly the moments where they have shown empathy and were not drawing the attention to themselves only.

Say something like: “Joe, it was very thoughtful of you to play with your cousin while his mom was changing the baby’s diaper. Thanks for pitching in that way.”

Seek help if you need more guidance

Parenting is not an innate talent. The truth is, it's a challenge that we can all learn and get better at. That's why it is important to identify our blind spots and limitations, and work on them to make sure we can show up for our children in the best possible way.

Past, unresolved traumas can resurface in our parenting methods. And sometimes, there are underlying issues we are unable to identify. In that case, it's important to seek the help or guidance of a professional licensed therapist.

Oftentimes, they can help detangle and make sense complex situations while providing a clearer path to a solution.

More helpful articles:

Hot Stories

Why Paul Walker Left His Only Daughter With Vin Diesel

Vin Diesel & Paul Walker were more than just friends, they were …

content.jwplatform.com

When the tragic news of Paul Walker's death surfaced, the world was left in shock. As one of the most beloved stars of the Fast and Furious franchise, his passing was felt deeply by fans around the globe. But perhaps the most devastating impact was felt by his daughter, Meadow Walker, who was left without a father.

Keep ReadingShow less
Life Stories
stranger pays for man's huge bill

We've all been there: you’ve loaded up your shopping cart or ordered a service, only to reach for your wallet and realize that it’s not there. It can be an embarrassing and anxiety-inducing scenario, one that sets the tone for the day.

A man faced a similar situation one day when he couldn’t remember his new PIN at a gas station. But when a stranger stepped in to help, he did more than save this man’s day.

Keep ReadingShow less
Uplifting News
rapper eminem poses for a picture
Eminem
UNITED KINGDOM - NOVEMBER 09: ASTORIA Photo of EMINEM (Photo by Nicky J. Sims/Redferns)

There is no doubt Eminem is a complicated person. His 25-year career has been defined by feuds, violence and toxic male aggression. However, amid the chaos, the rapper has maintained the ability to lay bare his vulnerabilities and acknowledge his weaknesses. Nothing illustrates that complexity better than the fraught relationship between Eminem and Eminem's mom, Debbie Nelson Mathers (maiden name Nelson).

Marshall Mathers, better known as Eminem, didn’t have the best upbringing. Raised in poverty, his parents grappled with addiction and relationship troubles, scarring the young rapper as he was beginning to carve out an identity. As such, he harbored resentment for his mom and dad, and swore he would break the pattern when it came to his own daughter.

Keep ReadingShow less
Celebrities