Should You Move for Love? Here Are 6 Ways to Decide
In times past, people preferred stability. They didn’t change jobs or location as much as we do nowadays. In a time when everything moves so fast, we have to make a lot of compromises to keep up.
Many of us are used to changing jobs, and relocating is often part of that. Moving to another city or country is a hard decision, but doing it for your own self is definitely easier than doing it for someone else.
Your partner might receive a great job opportunity 100 or 1000 miles away, and you’re obviously going to be happy for them. Naturally, you’ll both think about accepting the offer and move. You can’t just say “Well… it was nice meeting you. Bye, bye now!” You’ve invested time and effort in your relationship and you’re happy together.
What
now?
Here comes the tricky part. You’re excited and you want to do this because you can’t imagine being away from your loved one. But as soon as the excitement fades away, you’re going to have second thoughts… “How often will I see my family?”, “What about my friends?”, “Will I find a good job? I’m gonna miss my colleagues…” But you’re probably going to move anyway because you’re in love.
As
horrible as it sounds, relocating for love has destroyed some perfectly good,
long term relationships. You’re great for each other in certain circumstances, but
when things drastically change, feelings might do the same.
“Relocating to a new city is a major decision with personal, professional and emotional implications, If your primary motivation is love, the key is to make the decision from a place of strength rather than from a place of desperation."
Elisabeth LaMotte, Relationship Therapist
Thinking things through, calculating cost and benefits is something that you owe to both yourself and your partner.
So are you really ready to move for love?
Here are 6 things to consider before making the big decision:
1. Will relocating solve your relationship problems?
No, it won’t! If you’re looking for solutions to solve your relationship problems, look somewhere else.
Packing, finding a new place to live, and leaving everything behind means a lot of stress, and that’s exactly what you should avoid if there’s already tension between you and your partner.
2. Job prospects
Maybe you’ll be okay with the idea of being unemployed for a while, but you’ll need or want a job eventually.
Even if your partner will earn enough money to support both of you, you should still do a little research and familiarize yourself with the job market in your field. If it looks promising, you’ll have one thing less to worry about.
3. You feel like you’re giving up a lot
Quitting your job, leaving family and friends behind, and basically giving everything you’re familiar with – it might feel like a bit too much.
However, if you both have compatible visions for the future, it won’t feel like such a tragedy. You’ll automatically focus on the positive side of it and you’ll find ways to make it feel like a positive change, not a loss.
Besides, you can always come back and visit your old town and loved ones!
4. Discuss living arrangements
This is not about being picky, but since you’re probably going to spend a lot of time home alone, you need to make sure you have everything you need most close at hand.
The new location is very important -- you don’t want to isolate yourself even more. It is better to discuss these details before you make the move, rather than after.
5. Unspoken expectations
If your goal is to get engaged or marry as soon as possible, make sure your partner is on the same page before you move.
You might want to reconsider your decision if you’re only doing this in hopes that your partner will respond with a marriage proposal.
6. Make sure you have a backup plan
Having
a backup plan doesn’t mean you’re expecting your relationship to fail at any
point. It will simply put your mind at rest so you won’t have so many second
thoughts. A backup plan will help you be more confident about any big change.
