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What Is Hygge and Why Do We Need It in Our Lives?
Mindset

What Is Hygge and Why Do We Need It in Our Lives?

Hygge has become the latest buzzy word in marketing, but many of us have no idea what it is, or why we need it in our lives.Simply put, "hygge" is comfort, coziness, a feeling of belonging, but one of the key concepts behind hygge is that you can only truly understand what it is through experiencing it. Stemming from Danish vocabulary, the word doesn’t have a literal translation to English but it’s basically what it sounds like – a hug. “That cozy feeling that you get when you engage in the experiences that make you truly happy and connected,” explains Adina Mahalli, a certified mental health expert and family care professional with Maple Holistics. As we’re in a place in life where one in five people believe the most stressful aspect of their job is their work environment, a lot more hygge is necessary. That feeling of stress is the exact opposite of hygge.Whether that’s lighting a candle and curling up with a book or singing at the top of your lungs on a road trip with you friends, anything that makes you feel intrinsically happy – however fleeting it may be – is hygge. There’s nothing luxurious about hygge. In fact, the more simple the pleasure, the deeper the sense of hygge.Whether winter or summer, there is always time for friends and tea, long walks, bike riding, and doing things just for the joy of it. "When you are living the Hygge way, you will incorporate mindful indulgence while in comfortable clothing with candles lit, a good book by your side and some quietude to enjoy," says Linda Lauren, an entrepreneur and author.“In Denmark we have this concept of hygge,” says Christian Hanson, a Danish cheesemaker based in Greenville, South Carolina who owns Blue Ride Creamery. “Here in the States it’s usually translated as the adjective cozy."While coziness is certainly an elemental part of its meaning, hygge is actually a verb. “The act of creating this… shared feeling of something between contentment and bliss,” explains Hanson. Cocktails by a roaring fire on a winter night set the stage for hygge, but it’s as much about the company and a shared experience. “There is this feeling, something fundamentally ‘hyggelig’ that comes from sharing good food with others,” said Hanson. It’s rooted in the simple spirit of offering nourishment, providing hospitality. And it doesn’t have to be decadent food. It’s as much about the sincerity of the offering, the care with which it’s prepared.“I’m loathe to use the term artisan because it’s been so bastardized, but to me the definition of a true artisan is one who realizes that perfection is unattainable yet toils, undeterred, in pursuit of it nonetheless,” says Hanson. “When you’re a cheesemaker it’s months, sometimes years, until you get to taste your creation. So, when you finally cut into this wheel of cheese that you’ve molded and brined, and flipped and brushed and doted on for so long, and when that cheese has matured to the best possible expression of the milk that it started from, and then you get to share that with others…for me, that’s the ultimate expression of hygge,” says Hanson. Now that we know what hygge isn't, what is it? If we continue the food analogy, it’s Umami for the soul.What’s interesting is everyone assumes tropical spots like Hawaii or Bahamas are the happiest places on earth, but it is these Nordic countries such as Denmark and Iceland that continue to make the top lists. Many say it’s due to Hygge. “Hygge includes a variety of simple nostalgic things that keep us comforted. This includes things like coffee shops, board games, warm sweaters, cakes, record players, natural elements in the home, being around your pets, knitting, candles. You want to imagine simple satisfaction using your senses: texture, smells, taste, sound,” says Dr. Tricia Wolanin Psy.D., a clinical psychologist.Many of us may want to turn to these things when we feel sick, but explore how they can be part of our everyday lives. “In the Nordic countries, cafes are rated by how hygge they are,” says Wolanin. “We find simple pleasures in these things, it brings a sense of gratitude, grounding, and nostalgia. There’s an increase in contentment for what we have versus longing to be anywhere else.It instills a lifestyle for well-being so that we have a comforting, well-rounded experience that is free from stress. "It is a way of life, and a means to create personal inner awareness in spaces we frequent. As a form of self-gratification it helps to reduce stress by creating an environment of intense self-care and self-pampering. Some common items/themes are candles, fireplaces, sweaters, throw blankets, crystals, soft music and low lighting, a comforting drink and a nourishing home cooked meal, are all ways the Danes create their Hygge environment," says Lauren.What a beautiful concept. Perhaps we should all experience hygge days at work our in our homes regularly?

We Asked a Scientist to Explain the Truth Behind At-Home DNA Kits
Family

We Asked a Scientist to Explain the Truth Behind At-Home DNA Kits

Ever wonder why things are the way they are? Welcome to Ask a Scientist. As a former teacher with a Ph.D. in Social-Personality Psychology, I have a passion for understanding and explaining trending topics in psychology and beyond, including attitudes, mood, social cognition, evolutionary psychology, and mental health. I’ve worked as a counselor in a maximum security jail, a researcher for the Department of National Defence, and as a teacher in North America and overseas and I’m hungry to take on your most curious everyday inquiries. You’ve probably heard of at-home ancestry tests offered by companies like 23andMe and Ancestry.com. Maybe you even know someone who has sent away their cheek swabs as genetic samples and received information on their heritage. It might come as a surprise, though, to learn that the latest wave of testing services offers to connect your genes to some fairly unexpected areas, including your optimal wine preferences, dating recommendations, Spotify playlists, and skin care strategies. While these highly customized profiles are fun and fascinating, one area that likely holds broader appeal is the relationship between genetics and health. Healthy DNA, Healthy Life? Health is wealth, they say, and for some companies the connection is particularly important. Take, for example, 23andMe, who received U.S. Food and Drug Administration approval in 2017 to sell direct-to-consumer kits that provide genetic risk information for ten diseases or conditions, including Parkinson’s disease, early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, and Celiac disease. In March of 2018, the company was cleared by the FDA to sell kits that screen for cancer risk. The kits specifically test for three mutations of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes associated with elevated risk for breast cancer, as well as ovarian, prostate, and pancreatic cancer. Back in 2013, however, 23andMe was ordered to stop selling its Personal Genome Service kits over issues with accuracy and interpretation. While FDA guidelines specified that health-related genetic profiles be considered for “Research Use Only,” the reality was that people were all too likely to view their results as diagnostic tests, inflating the potential fallout of false positives and false negatives. This was new territory for the company, the FDA, and especially for consumers. The ABCs of DNA Genetic science is fascinating, but using DNA to address even simple genealogical questions is difficult. Just watch a few YouTube testimonial videos to get a sense of the confusion that results when, for example, someone receives varying results from different companies -- something that happens simply because different companies examine different portions of the genome. Whether it’s actually a case of too much information or too little understanding, it’s easy to imagine how adding genetic details about health and disease could muddy the picture. This is partly what drove the FDA’s initial prohibition: the idea that our respect for science outweighs our actual understanding of science, and that we could consequently see our genetic profiles as a replacement professional medical advice. The Future of Us Of course, the desire to understand ourselves is only natural, and for many people this includes access to genetic health information; however, health is very complicated, and critics argue that the problem with such genetic disease risk information is that it is only part of the overall picture -- DNA is not destiny, and lifestyle factors like health and exercise also play an important role. Moreover, home testing kits are, after all, only another test, and no test is perfect. Thus, even “good” results that indicate no or low risk could be a false negative. Sites like Ancestry.com explain that even their genetic heritage data are only estimates, and savvy consumers should be ready to qualify health data in the same way. These are still early days for genetic science, and as the technology improves so hopefully will our general understanding of it. Whether its applications are a small stepping stone toward improved health care, the tip of another iceberg of disruptive technology, or something else entirely, remains to be seen.

Can You Really Fake It Till You Make It? Science (and This Laughologist) Says Yes
Skills

Can You Really Fake It Till You Make It? Science (and This Laughologist) Says Yes

“Fake it till you make it.” It’s a phrase you’ve undoubtedly heard at least once in your career, but is it true? Is there any weight behind the idea that acting a certain way can influence where life takes you? Can acting successful bring you actual success? Yes, says a new documentary titled You Are What You Act, which explores the budding field of embodied cognition. “I was reading the newspaper when I saw a story about Tom Cruise rescuing someone from a violent mugging and I thought, ‘That’s weird. It sounds like a scene out of a Tom Cruise movie,’” stars award-winning director Albert Nerenberg, revealing the inspiration behind the doc, which premiered at the Illuminate Film Festival earlier this year and won Best Documentary. Teaming up with Academy Award-winning producer Frederic Bohbot (The Lady in Number 6), Nerenberg, a laughologist who invented competitive laughing (really) and directed the feature documentary Laughology, set out to discover if smiling can make you happy, having better posture can make you confident, and acting like you’re in love can make you fall in love. The Tom Cruise Effect “I did a bit of research and I realized it wasn’t just Tom Cruise, but dozens of actors, mostly of the action star variety, who had performed rescues in real life,” says Nerenberg. So he dug deeper and discovered the growing field of embodied cognition. Describing it as “the science of the way the body thinks,” Nerenberg explains, “Some of the conclusions of the science are that the brain always thinks with the body, constantly. It uses body metaphors to understand everything and explain everything. Also, the movements of the body affect the brain.” “The way you move your body shapes who you are,” he elaborates. “This has implications because our education system works on the assumption that we are just heads carried around by slave bodies, and most of us ignore or deny our bodies’ actual needs.” Expert Tips for Faking It... the Right Way So, can you really become the best version of yourself simply by acting the part? “I don’t want to be too ‘motivational speaker,’ but I believe that we’ve done a lot of research around positive thinking, but very little around positive acting,” says the director. “I think the way you act has deeper implications for who you are.” “You can fake your way to greater confidence, greater extroversion, greater attractiveness. You can also fake your way to more happiness and to even deepen love. Fake is kind of the wrong word, as it implies some deceit, but it still has to be calibrated to the situation.” Take your career, for example. “If you walk into a job interview and power pose like an idiot, you certainly won’t get the job. But if you come with a confident and energetic posture, you might,” he points out. Same for your personal life. “If you walk up to your lover and act like the world’s greatest lover, good luck to you,” he laughs. “In the case of love it’s more about sharing behaviours that culture love.” Nerenberg’s advice for successfully faking it till you make it? “Find confident postures that work for you. The rules are: Take up more space and stand straight. Engage in these postures when the situation demands it like public speaking or at a meeting. Otherwise, be humble.” How Laughing Can Change Everything Above all, don’t forget to laugh. “Laughter is an empowering, stress-reducing behaviour that can go much deeper than many people imagine,” says Nerenberg. “A lot of people’s lives are way too serious. And when they realize that, they get even more serious. Laughter is the antidote to over-seriousness. Laughter can really destress you and connect you to other people.” If you’re having trouble doing just that, don’t be afraid to seek a little push from the outside. “There are now techniques — Laughercize, Laughter Yoga, Laughter Therapy — that help people laugh more.” Which is important because, yes, smiling really can make you happier. “This is a good example of fake it till you make it,” he adds. “Let’s say you’re having a flat day. There’s research that says the act of smiling, even faked, actually biases your brain to find more things to smile about. If you’re open to it, you notice those things and your day likely improves and, before you know it, you’re smiling for real and people smile back because smiling is contagious.” You Are What You Act airs on the Documentary Channel in Canada on January 6 at 9pm EST.

6 Expert-Approved Hacks That Will Cut Your Morning Routine In Half
Productivity

6 Expert-Approved Hacks That Will Cut Your Morning Routine In Half

There are some people who thrive with the sunrise, waking easily and with excitement, ready to begin their day. And then… there are the rest of us. We snooze until we just-can’t, rush through brushing teeth and hair, and sometimes have time to grab a coffee and race out the door in time for the morning’s first meeting. While this mad dash is often normalcy instead of exception, when we don’t give ourselves enough time to check through all boxes, corners are cut, deadlines are made and our energy level is tanked. One of the most effective ways to alleviate the stress of the morning is to develop an efficient routine. From avoiding distractions to preparing yourself for success the night before, life coaches and career experts provide their best strategies for maintaining a ritual that works for you—and not against you. Limit the number of choices you make in the morning. Nearly every moment of the day, you’re consciously and subconsciously making decisions: right or left? Instagram or Facebook? Bathroom break or not? Blue or red? While this is an innate human skill, mornings often mean your brain is hazy and ill-prepared for strategic thinking. Instead, life coach and author Sarah Stewart, MSW, CPC recommends setting decision-making for the night before. This might mean picking out what you’re going to wear each day of the week on a Sunday and laying it out so you avoid staring blankly at your wardrobe before work. Or, you can meal prep so your breakfast is set aside and ready for you. Take it a step further and stock up your work bag or backpack with extra packs of gum and pens, as well as hair ties and other essentials. You can lay out your laptop to charge in your living room by the door so you don’t forget it. Whatever you need a little choice-making assistance with, use the evening as your time to prep. Avoid social media. Whether you’re an entrepreneur managing a lean team of five or a stay-at-home parent who can balance the needs of toddlers and their antics, most people have the same reaction to the sound of the alarm. They turn over, shut it off and flip open their phone. Considering smartphones are commonplace these days, it makes sense that most want to catch up on what they missed while they were dreaming. If you can resist the temptation to browse through Instagram, Facebook and beyond, you’ll find a much faster-paced morning, according to career and branding expert Wendi Weiner. “Hold off on responding and devote the morning time to getting ready for work and sticking to your personal routine. If you have to, flip your phone on airplane mode so that you aren't easily distracted,” she suggests. Choose lemon water and veggies first thing in the morning. While sure, preparation may take up time in the morning, holistic nutritionist and wellness coach Serena Poon explains fueling your body with the right vegetables and nutrients will ensure you’re speedy throughout the day. “Starting the day with a clear, uncluttered mind helps me accomplish so much throughout the day. It's so important to nourish our bodies with the proper bioavailable nutrients in the morning to energize our body, mind and soul. But a full breakfast complete with greens, antioxidants, probiotics, prebiotics—everything needed to get us going—is time-consuming,” she continues. Instead, you can manage this early-A.M. task by simply choosing a lightweight approach. Poon says to start your day with a warm glass of lemon water, which gives you natural energy and flushes your system. Then, she says to blend your favorite veggies and fruits with coconut yogurt. If you need to cut even more minutes, she recommends frozen fruits in individual bags with a handful of greens, too. Keep a schedule. Physician Assistant and founder of Eat Your Way to Wellness Jessica DeLuise, MHS, PAC says more than anything, our bodies are a thing of habit. This makes maintaining a consistent schedule vital to productivity at any time of the day, particularly in the morning. So if you can, give yourself a bedtime like you did when you were a kid. “Resting and waking at the same time each day and night can help your body’s rhythm. It also give you more energy and pep in the morning, allowing you to crush your routine, and, it will prevent you from hitting the snooze button all morning long,” she explains.” Clear clutter at the start of the week. One of the most effective ways to ensure you check off all of your morning boxes is to clear the path for any disruptions… literally! Clutter creates a feeling of chaos and constantly tripping on this-and-that will make for a frustrating routine. CEO of apartmentjeanie, Jeanie Engelbach explains simple organization hacks can turn your whole before-10 a.m. schedule. Start with your entryway. “Having a landing area right inside your front door so you don't drag too much of the outside world in—his also serves as a home for your keys, wallet/purse, sunglasses, and so on,” she says. “Keep things you take with you on a daily basis the same spot.” Then, she suggests always putting shoes up and ensuring your kitchen is organized so you can grab, go and keep going. Take care of yourself physically and mentally. When professionals are nurtured from inside their homes, reaping enough family time and connection to those they love, they’re that much more prepared to perform at work. If your mornings are always transitioning between work and your family, you’ll feel a frantic chaos, instead of an invigorating start to your day. As president and founder of Notion Consulting Christine Andrukonis says, one one to streamline your routine is to set and adhere to boundaries. These include quality time, sure, but also self-care, too. “Set appropriate boundaries between work and life during those critical morning hours, clarify them with others, and honor them,” she recommends. “Make sure you are getting proper rest, nutrition, water, exercise and downtime to stay refreshed and rejuvenated.”

By Asking One Simple Question, We Can Start to Transform the Areas of Our Lives That We Don’t Like, According to Attraction Coach Christy Whitman
Self-Development

By Asking One Simple Question, We Can Start to Transform the Areas of Our Lives That We Don’t Like, According to Attraction Coach Christy Whitman

Trigger warning: this article addresses self-harm and suicide. “She did it.” “She did what, mom? Who did what?” “Your sister.” “She committed suicide.” It is the phone call no one wants to receive, especially when your family is impacted or at stake. New York Times best-selling author and critically-acclaimed life and law of attraction coach Christy Whitman collapsed when her mom uttered these words to her many years ago. As she put it, she dropped everything: her phone. Her body. And crumbled to the ground. Though the news was debilitating and excruciating, for Whitman, it served as a turning point. And a challenge: to encourage others to live their lives with joy, hopefully preventing others from taking their own lives. Whitman described her childhood as ‘crazy-making.’ Her parents were much like the Joneses, where appearances mattered but dealing with the difficulties within the home were deprioritized. Her mother concealed much of her anger, while her dad had a hot temper, and together, they spent much of her early years at battle. During this time, her mom would find her younger sister crying, but when she asked her what was wrong, she could never pinpoint it. As she grew older, her sister’s sense of self and attitude continued to suffer, especially when she was overweight, wore braces and glasses, and her depression deepened. “We just ignored it. We acted like everything was fine,” Whitman added. But it wasn’t -- her sister packed a car and moved to California. And for a while, she had hours of long, deep conversations with Whitman, discussing everything from her triggers with her parents to what she was working through in therapy. “She was very honest and very real, and it was obvious she was in real pain,” Whitman continued. But, seemingly, out of the blue, she stopped returning calls. She wouldn’t come home for Easter. Or Christmas. In an effort to reel her back in, Whitman wrote her a thoughtful card to express how much she meant to her and how grateful she was for their sisterly relationship. She called her and express much of the same, not realizing how much Whitman cared for her. That was the last conversation they would ever have. Looking back, Whitman is happy she took the time to scribble some words on that Hallmark card, knowing her sister felt loved before she left the earth. “She put me on the path of self-discovery and healing,” Whitman explained. “...Learning how to find happiness and live my life in a space of joy, is still a motivation for me today.” You can learn more about Whitman’s journey in this exclusive video, and consider these effective, actionable tips on implementing manifestation into your daily practice ASAP: “What would I love?” As children, we daydream -- about the future, about what we hope to be when we grow up, about love. But as we age, those rose-colored visions seem far-fetched or unrealistic, and we often lose our imagination. Or rather, the courage to fantasize after so many aspects haven’t gone according to plan. Whitman says by asking one simple question, we can start to transform the areas of our lives that we don’t like: ‘What would I love?’ By defining what the change is, you can start to work your way toward the happier place you’ve been too nervous to believe can happen. “You don’t have to be a victim of your circumstances.” No matter how many times you’ve been rejected, discounted, made to feel inferior or as if you weren’t good enough, understanding you don’t have to be a victim can be life-altering. Much like growing up in a household ripe with negativity, carving a new lifestyle for yourself takes work, but it isn’t impossible. “When you find yourself in a situation you don’t prefer, know there are lots of other options and other choices. We get to decide -- we are the only ones who give ourselves permission --to what we want to experience,” Whitman says. “...We all have the capacity inside of us to focus on what we would love and how we want to feel. You can have everything you want in your life -- you just have to focus in that direction.” If you’re feeling inspired to pursue a new goal or learn more about how Christy Whitman turned such a tragic point of her life into her life’s purpose, be sure to check out her Quantum Success Learning Academy, where she offers more actionable ways to improve your life -- from manifesting your dream life to your ideal body.

7 Questions to Ask If You Want to Discover Someone’s Dark Side, According to Experts
Heartbreak

7 Questions to Ask If You Want to Discover Someone’s Dark Side, According to Experts

Even if you’ve known someone for well over a decade, you may eventually discover they have a disconcerting dark side. They maybe have had that dark side all along, and you just missed out on the signals and warning signs that could have warned you to stay away long before. But how do you know? Well, Bustle recently reported on seven creepy questions to ask (according to experts) if you want to find out if that person is hiding a dark side and this information is important to know, even if it probably will ruin your day, and maybe what you consider to be an important friendship. Milana Perepyolkina, author of Gypsy Energy Secrets: Turning a Bad Day into a Good Day No Matter What Life Throws at You, told Bustle that dark sides usually come out when we experience a blow to our ego. "It's very important to know that feeling anger, jealousy, and even hatred does not make us bad people," Perepyolkina says. But acting upon them in a destructive way can. That's why she says knowing about your dark side and accepting it as part of being human can help you stop unleashing it on others. So here’s the questions we’re supposed to know to ask: 1. What Is The Smallest Thing You Got Angry About? Siobhan Johnson, a professional witch, told Bustle, it’s not even the reason people got angry that matters, but rather how they behave when they are angry. "You should look out for things like losing it at innocent people, violence, pettiness, etc.," she says. If someone is behaving in extreme ways over minor things, that’s a red flag. 2. What Made You Cut Off A Friendship? We know there’s always more than one side to a story. But this response will show how someone behaves when they think they’ve been wronged. "You're watching for people taking offense over small matters, taking revenge, being unaware of their own part in the story, or twisting things to make them seem like a constant victim," Johnson says. "If bad things keep happening to someone, chances are the problem is them." 3. What Do You And Your Family Fight About Most? "Most of our 'issues' begin at home," Johnson says. It may be a matter of crossing boundaries, or invading space, and it will give an idea if they have something to hide. 4. What's The Worst Thing You've Ever Done In Your Life? Pay attention to the reaction. If they have a dark side, they will love the chance to share it. Relation expert April Masini told Bustle, "They’ll be glad you asked and playful about letting you in." If they share a story about cutting school to go to the mall? Probably not all that dark. 5. What Did You Take Away From The Worst Thing You've Ever Done? "If they are honest with you, you’ll probably learn a lot about them personally, including if they have insight into their own life choices," licensed professional counselor, Heidi McBain, MA, LMFT, tells Bustle. You are looking to see how self-aware your friend is, and to see the difference between right and wrong and to acknowledge when they've made bad choices, and made the effort to change for the better. This is how you can tell if someone is emotionally mature. 6. What Do You Think About Getting Revenge? "How we deal with pain shows our darkest side," Perepyolkina says. It's important to see how a person deals with being hurt or frustrated, and if they have the ability to move on without lashing out. 7. What's The One Thing You Regret The Most In Your Past Relationships? This is more about what they don't say. "It's normal and healthy to have regrets about our past relationships. It's how we learn and grow," Amica Graber, an expert with background check site, TruthFinder, told Bustle. "Those with strong narcissistic traits rarely feel regret or remorse over their actions." If you see these signs in a friend, don't freak out too much yet. All of us have a dark side. It's how you handle it and how you move past it that ultimately makes the difference.

Experts Agree That a Quick Four-Day Vacation May Be Better Than a Full Week
Productivity

Experts Agree That a Quick Four-Day Vacation May Be Better Than a Full Week

Sometimes a stretch of seven days may be a bit too long to be away. We’ve asked experts for their take on why four days can be the ideal length to re-charge your mental mindset and physical wellness without the hassle of preparing for your absence or subsequently stressing out about being away from your everyday life. You can breakaway more Having a four-day vacation can be great because it means you'll be able to take a few more vacation "breaks" throughout the year, all of which will give you something to plan for and look forward to. "The anticipation before going on vacation is one of the healthiest and best parts of the whole process, so having more, albeit shorter, vacations throughout the year adds welcome breaks into one's schedule," says business coach Stacy Caprio. Spend less time traveling When you travel closer to home, you can spend more time being there and less time traveling to get there, says Inma Gregorio, the travel blogger behind A World to Travel. And, less traveling can reduce your carbon footprint, if that is something you consider: “Several short trips along the year will likely bring more pleasure than just a couple long ones, it is also great for the environment as we tend to stick closer to home when we only have three or four days and, therefore, cheaper,” says Gregorio. Embrace your spontaneous streak Shorter getaways can allow last-minute deals and the ability to "try out" a new city before committing to a full week, says Cherise V Stewart, owner of Irgo Travel in Philadelphia. “It's definitely helpful if you are on a budget and can't splurge for a week long all-inclusive all the time.” Stewart’s last four-day trip was to Memphis, TN for a 3-day music festival with a day trip to Tupelo, MS and a visit to the National Civil Rights Museum. She said the duration was perfect. “I had a ball,” she adds. Make every day count Sometimes travel expenses to get to a destination may make travelers stretch the time out to rationalize spending. “We've been guilty of this -- that feeling that if you're going to take a trip, you need to stretch it out,” states Annick Lenoir-Peek, travel blogger at The Common Traveler. Instead, Lenoir-Peek insists a four-day vacation is more relaxing. “We truly unplug during that time,” Lenoir-Peek says. “Because we know that it is only a four day commitment, we appreciate each day. Ever notice how by the end of your vacation you start thinking about all the emails you have at work or all the chores you need to do at home? You don't have that during a four-day vacation. You're really in the swing of relaxing each and every day.”

Successful Kids Have Parents Who Do This One Thing, According to Career Expert
Parenting

Successful Kids Have Parents Who Do This One Thing, According to Career Expert

Suzy Welch works in management auditing and as an author and CNBC commentator, but she’s also a mom, and she has some amazing advice regarding what parents can do to help their kids have fulfilling lives. "That's a tough question," Welch told CNBC Make It. "And I can really only answer with what worked for me." Despite their mom’s highly public and influential career, her kids are like all other kids and they "whine about the unfairness of life, or how hard it was to make new friends at school or how much extra work it took to get an A instead of a B or a C." Welch says she responds by reminding them of something very important: "Everything good is hard." "They didn't love hearing that," she says. "But pretty early on, even by middle school, it began to make its own case and they began to see for themselves how a boatload of effort did tend to pay off." Welch’s kids are now grown, and they all have rewarding jobs (of course with good days and bad days), so the advice did pay off, it seems. "Believe me, I know all too well how impossible it is to control what your kids do at school or how they fare in the real world," she says. "Life happens, but don't discount the importance of your influence on their career trajectory." Welch thinks that parents need to show their kids the way and set a good example, sharing that "when it comes to achieving lasting success, there are very few shortcuts." "Hard things are hard for a reason," she emphasizes. "They're worth it." It's always easy to complain about how things aren't fair -- even as adults we deal with that. We're jealous of our friends who have easier jobs or make more money or a better apartment. But sometimes things are most worth it when we have to work hard to get it -- like working out to stay healthy, for example! -- and keeping at it makes those rewards at the end mean even more.

6 Surprising Psychological Reasons Someone Might Fall In Love With You
Dating

6 Surprising Psychological Reasons Someone Might Fall In Love With You

What makes someone fall in love with you? That’s a question we’d all like to know, isn’t it?Love is both mysterious and complicated. Try too hard to figure out all its nuances and you risk losing your head. In the end, you'll probably end up feeling like you’re right back where you started.Having said that, psychologists have identified some surprising reasons people grow to admire and fall in love with another person.These don't provide an ultimate answer to why and how people fall in love. However, they do offer interesting insights into how attraction works. People fall in love for mysterious reasons.– Jeff BridgesHere are six surprising psychological reasons someone might fall in love with you.1. You’re incredibly similarDespite the old tired adage of “opposites attract,” it turns out similarities create stronger attraction.A 2007 study found that similarities in partners help them understand each other which forging stronger connections faster as opposed to swooning over interesting differences.2. You connect on 3 generational levelsPsychologist Eric Berne, author of Games People Play, says the most successful couples connect on three different “generational” or ego levels:Parent: What you’ve been taughtChild: What you’ve felt (past experiences)Adult: What you’ve learnedThe more of these tiers you both align on, the more compatible you are, according to Berne’s research.3. You stare into each other's eyes for long periodsSurprisingly, a study out of the University of Mass. that had participants work together in pairs and stare into each other’s eyes for several minutes found that extended eye contact may have the power to connect us and develop feelings of love and affection.Another 2014 study even found that the way we look at our partner may communicate love versus lust -- looking at the face communicating feelings of love.4. You care about the environmentOddly enough, it turns out that caring about the environment might help that special person see you as a worthy partner.A 2016 study found that those who make environmentally friendly purchases were seen by both sexes as more desirable for long-term relationships.5. You turn toward instead of turning awayOne of the most surprising reasons someone might fall in love with you has to do with whether you turn towards, or away, from your partner and how often.Psychologist John Gottman, who has studied intimate relationships for over 40 years, says growing a relationship comes down to what he calls “bids.”Think of bids as individual moments of presence and shared social interaction. Every time you interact, you each have the opportunity to forge a stronger connection and develop that love.How do you respond when your partner tries to tell you about a new Netflix show he or she just watched? Do you meet their enthusiasm, ask questions, and respect their energy with your presence or do you turn away from them, write off their remarks, and not give them much attention?Something like talking about a new show might seem insignificant but it turns out each and every one of these little “touch points” either strengthens the relationship or weakens it from the very moment you lay eyes on one another.6. You have a dogYes, having a dog can earn you bonus points.Particularly relevant for men, a 2008 study followed a 20-year-old who attempted to obtain the phone numbers of women with and without a dog by his side. He found that having a dog during such social interactions increased the likelihood of obtaining their number when compared to not having one.This same conclusion was echoed in a 2014 study, which found that women who were shown stories of various men rated those men with dogs as more suitable long-term partners as well as more approachable compared to the men who didn’t.

13 Signs You're Way Stronger Than You Realize
Self-Development

13 Signs You're Way Stronger Than You Realize

You never know how strong you are until you’re tested.Most of us go about our life never truly realizing just how tough we are. At times, we might catch a glimpse and be surprised with ourselves but most of the time, we’re too busy beating ourselves up over why we aren't constantly exceeding our personal best.We kick ourselves over why we’re not smart enough, why we quit at everything we do, why we didn’t do better at that job interview, or why we always screw everything up.But you’re stronger than you realize. And, sometimes, you just need a little reminder to see how far you’ve come.No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.– BuddhaHere are thirteen signs you’re way stronger than you realize.1. You have great patiencePatience itself is one of the clearest signs of strength. To have patience means to have control over the mind and an effective ability to navigate your response to outside events.If you’ve always, or are now, the patient type, know that this isn’t just the “type of person” you are, it’s a sign of real strength and mental toughness.2. You know your weaknesses and work through themMost people don’t know what their true weaknesses are because they’re not conscious enough.But you’re not only aware of your weaknesses, whether it’s social anxiety, perfectionism, or the tendency to second guess yourself, you actively work around them and adapt what you’re doing to make it happen regardless.3. You’ve actively worked on your inner worldIf you’ve meditated for years, kept a journal, or simply consider yourself very introspective and self-aware, you have a particular kind of strength that very few others have.Where most are controlled by the forces of stress, anxiety, and strong emotions you’re able to manage them effectively and keep them from overwhelming you.4. You’re not afraid of failureIf you couldn’t give a crap whether you failed or not because you know you’re just going to get back up and try again until you succeed, you have immense strength and a very rare ability to weather the effects of adversity.5. You do what you want because it’s true to who you areIf you don’t let what others think of you dictate your actions, you’re in a very small group of human beings.Whether it’s following your passion of becoming an artist, snowboarder, world traveler, or adopting a particular sense of style that you love, your unique qualities make you who you are. If you don’t let anyone stop you from expressing your authentic self, whether they criticize you or not, you’re far stronger than you realize.6. You’re okay with being vulnerableThat vulnerability is weakness is one of the world’s great misconceptions.Vulnerability in a person is a sign that person is strong enough to admit imperfection, an imperfection we all have but aren’t all willing to admit to. If you’re okay with being vulnerable you’ve not only found a great source of strength but you’re far more likely to live a happier life than someone who is not.RELATED: 5 Life-Altering Lessons from Brené Brown’s The Power of Vulnerability7. You don’t hold grudgesWhen someone constantly holds intense grudges, it’s the sign of a low sense of self-worth. That person feels they’ve been attacked and their defenses are poised to defend their mind from any semblance of an attack to protect their own sanity.But the willingness to let things go in due time is a sign of great strength and wisdom.8. You don’t mind being criticizedNo one likes being criticized. However, if you don’t react defensively to criticism and let it roll off your shoulder, that’s a sign of a very thick skin.Many people react as if they’ve been struck in the heart when receiving criticism. But you understand that people talk because of their own insecurities -- not because what they say about you is true. Their words are nothing but sticks and stones to you as you’re secure with yourself and know your own truth.9. You take action nowLaziness and apathy are two of the great human diseases. They plague the average person to no avail and leave them only on their deathbed to reflect on their many great regrets.But despite the stinging pain of stepping out of your comfort zone, you face that pain and walk through it time and time again. You know the value of taking action and you’re willing to face the challenge head-on.10. You embrace fearSome live paralyzed in fear. Some use it as a springboard. If you’re the latter, you have a rare ability to face one of the most difficult challenges known to man.You know that courage isn’t the absence of fear but the willingness to face it and move forward anyway, a sign of great mental toughness.11. You stand up for what you believe inIf you frequently stand up for the opinions, people, and causes you believe in, you’re what the world desperately needs right now.It takes an immense amount of strength to be willing to stand up in the face of potential adversity for what you believe in but those who have done so have been some of the most important people in the history of mankind.If that’s you, you have an incredible gift.12. You love others without failLove takes a certain measure of courage, strength, and wisdom. Without each of these things, you’re not able to fully love someone.If you have someone in your life that you give unconditional love to, each and every day your strength is tested. And, each and every day, you move forward with courage and toughness.13. You follow your heartIt takes a lot of guts to follow your heart. More than it does to do virtually anything else.That’s because following your heart requires many different types of strength: the willingness to stand up for what you believe in, to weather criticism, to face your fears, to take consistent action without giving up, and to get back up after you’ve been hit with failure.If you know what you want to do with your life and you’re actively following your heart, you’re far stronger than you know.