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toxic relationships

Stranger Gives Woman Advice About Her Toxic Relationship - Receives an Unexpected Email From Her 6 Years Later
Uplifting News

Stranger Gives Woman Advice About Her Toxic Relationship - Receives an Unexpected Email From Her 6 Years Later

*Featured image contains photo by Alex Green and Ivan SamkovThere's nothing worse than being stuck in a bad relationship. If you're one of the lucky ones who hasn't experienced a toxic relationship, then you've probably been a backseat driver for a loved one going through it. "It's gonna be a U-Turn at the next red light to avoid heartbreak!"For an outsider looking in, leaving an abusive relationship may seem like the obvious choice. Someone treats you bad? You leave them. 1+1 =2. But for someone stuck in an abusive relationship? Everyday is a battle that wears them down. Even if you can't see their battle scars, they have them. Tough love doesn't always work. For people suffering this daily struggle, it's not that they're ignoring your well intentioned advice. It's that they are so accustomed to the abuse it starts to feel like home (ie: Stockholm syndrome).Thankfully, a Reddit user who is being hailed as a "hero" knew exactly how to advise one woman when it came to leaving her abusive relationship — and it's not the approach you'd think. All the identities have been concealed to protect the identities of the parties involved. The Reddit Comment That Saved Her LifeIn a heartwarming Reddit thread, one user shared the amazing story of how they helped a neighbor in need...without even knowing it. When u/OptimisticOctopus8 stumbled on a Reddit thread asking for advice, the headline didn't just grab her attention, it pulled at her heartstrings.The anonymous user (who we will call "Jane") shared she was in the middle of an abusive relationship and didn't know how to get out. Jane came to Reddit seeking guidance — but the responses she got were a mixed bag.Scrolling through the comments u/OptimisticOctopus knew she had to jump in and say her piece, even if it got lost like a needle in the haystack. "I didn't do the whole, 'Dump them, get a lawyer, delete Facebook, hit the gym!' thing.u/OptomisticOctopus8Instead of telling her all the things that were wrong with her relationship, she decided to tell her what it looks like when a relationship is right. And the results couldn't have been more perfect.“Today I Learned I Changed the Entire Trajectory of Someone’s Life for the Better”jezzieg.comThey kicked things off by painting a picture for the person stuck in the abusive relationship – a glimpse of what a healthier, opposite kind of relationship could look like. "It was more like just contrasting their relationship with the healthy relationship they could have in the future and explaining the kind of things that needed to happen in order to create that future." With their words, they gently steered them toward envisioning a future filled with positivity. They urged them to release the toxicity of the present, making room for the potential goodness that awaited ahead."I also reassured them about some things that worried them," u/OptimisticOctopus added. Still, she had no idea her words would have lasting impact on one stranger's life. "If nobody told me, I wouldn't even have realized I'd written that comment - I don't remember having written it."An Unexpected Email Arrived 6 Years LaterThe impact of her forgotten words lay dormant until six years later an email notification brought the past rushing back. "Jane", the recipient of u/OptimisticOctopus8's advice, reached out to express her gratitude for the incredible words of wisdom she received all those years ago. She shared the transformation her life had undergone — and it's downright inspiring."It made me cry happy tears. It's so touching, and it's amazing to think I changed somebody's life through a Reddit comment," u/OptimisticOctopus8 reflected.Jane shared that u/OptimisticOctopus8's comment ignited her decision to break free from the abusive relationship. It set in motion a journey where she embraced singleness, delved into long-term therapy, and grasped the intricacies of fostering healthy relationships.Today, she finds herself in a mutually respectful and satisfying relationship — a reality that once seemed unimaginable.In the vast digital landscape, u/OptimisticOctopus8 may not have set out to be a hero. Still, her empathetic and insightful words resonated with Jane. Her story illustrates the profound impact a virtual stranger can have on a life in need of guidance and hope.Other Survivors Chimed in Sharing Their StoriesThe impact didn't stop with Jane's story. Other survivors chimed in, sharing their own experiences and expressing gratitude for the positive influence of online communities. "I love this! I've been on the receiving end," one user shared. "Some comments made me think hard, and now, six months out of that relationship, I'm grateful to all the Reddit communities." RedditAnother user, u/wakeboarderCWB, added, "I don’t care how tough you are; this is enough to make you tear up. Good for you. We need more people like you in this world and less like that person’s ex."Sure, sometimes the internet comment section can be a mean place — but this story is a reminder that with great power comes great responsibility. The same thing that can tear you down has the power to build you up!Empathy and Patience Goes a Long WayThere is a delicate balance between giving helpful advice and hurtful advice — that's why therapy can be healthier alternative than consulting your best friend. Our loved ones can be so biased even if its for the right reasons (like wanting to protect us). Therapists are trained professionals who specialize in looking at all sides of a situation.But even thought she may not have been a licensed professional, u/OptimisticOctopus was able to bring this same, non-judgmental energy to the conflict, and it made all the difference. More from Goalcast:Mom and Her 4 Kids Were Stuck in an Abusive Situation – So She Built Her Own House Using YouTube to EscapeUndercover Boss Notices Abusive Manager Is Making an Employee Sob – Steps in With a Response That Leaves Everyone Shocked16-Year-Old Puts Her Abusive Father in Jail – Today, the Police Officers Who Arrested Him Walked Her Down the Aisle

Toxic Friends: 6 Signs of a Toxic Friendship, and When To Call It Quits
Mental Health

Toxic Friends: 6 Signs of a Toxic Friendship, and When To Call It Quits

Friendships are a significant factor in a fulfilling life, and in many ways, a good friend is worth their weight in gold. All of us wish for intimate, loyal, supportive friends to share life’s highs and lows. However, good friends and fulfilling connections don’t exactly grow on trees. A true friend can be hard to find, and just like all relationships, it takes time and effort to build a lasting bond.Unfortunately, it’s also common to develop friendships that aren’t healthy, or those that are imbalanced or unsupportive. So-called toxic friendships are those that have a chronic, negative impact on your happiness and wellbeing. Ending such relationships isn't easy, even when it’s exactly what you need - especially with friends you’ve known for long periods of time. But in the long run, it’s essential to listen to your heart, and take action when necessary to protect the only person that truly matters - yourself.If your intuition is pointing you to red flags in some of your friendships, look no further. This article will help you build clarity around what a toxic person is so you know which behaviors are non-negotiable, and which ones can be adjusted or changed without ending the relationship. By the end of this article, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what steps to take, and how to identify a genuinely unhealthy friendship. Let’s begin.What is a toxic friendship?A toxic friendship goes far beyond everyday ups and downs. Even the healthiest friendships have periods of time where things are imbalanced, or not functioning as well as they could. We live in the age of instant gratification, where friendships can be viewed as transactional or a commodity, and a rough patch can be viewed as a reason to give up on someone.That’s an unfulfilling way to live, and without a doubt, the concept of toxic friendships has been hoovered up into this outlook. If you’re looking for relationships with no challenges and “good vibes only,” you’re more than likely sacrificing genuine connection and intimacy. Part of being human is to sometimes be down, or struggling, or need support. Part of any relationship is a risk of disagreement or conflict."Treating friends like investments or commodities is anathema to the whole idea of friendship," Ronald Sharp, a professor of English at Vassar College, told The New York Times. "It's not about what someone can do for you, it's who and what the two of you become in each other's presence."The “toxicity” comes from repeated, unhealthy behaviors or dynamics in a relationship that have an impact on your mental health. It might be a relationship that is unequal, one-sided, or even including abusive behaviors, such as passive aggression, disrespect, or verbal insults. The key is that this is part of the foundation of the friendship, not just periods or spells of difficulty.On the flip side, it helps to have a clear idea about what a healthy relationship or friendship is, to know what you’re looking for. As Sharp notes, it’s about who you become in each other’s presence. Can you be yourself? Do you feel accepted and supported in a way you can’t with other friends? Can you be playful or silly? Can you share your dreams and find your friend smiling at your enthusiasm? Generally speaking, in a toxic friendship it’s unlikely you’ll be able to feel fully comfortable to be yourself.The toxic relationship: Finding a balance between two extremesIn a culture that is quick to assign labels to people, reducing them to nothing more than that, there’s always a risk of going to one extreme. For example, making a snap judgment about a toxic friendship, completely writing the relationship off, and having a low tolerance for the full spectrum of human behavior.Just like all relationships, friendships are messy at times. Even with the best of intentions, some other person might disappoint you, let you down, say something hurtful, unload their emotions, take you for granted. And, it’s more than likely there will be times where you’re the one doing all of the above.Our world needs more tolerance, not less. Our world needs more forgiveness, less condemnation. Keep this in mind as you explore the realm of toxic friendships. And remember, any “toxicity” is down to a dynamic, not an individual. As difficult as it can be to accept, that means in any unhealthy relationship, you have a role to play, whether that’s due to a lack of boundaries, ignoring intuition, or overextending yourself emotionally, energetically, or financially.Signs of a toxic friend(Westend61 / Getty)That being said, there are some big red flags that indicate a toxic friend. These behaviors cross the line from acceptable mishaps or occasional flaws. Even the occasional display is enough to place a question mark on the health of your relationship. If these form part of habitual behaviors, you could be looking at a toxic friendship:Passive aggression: from making “jokes” at your expense, using a certain tone of voice or ridiculing you, or “silent treatment” passive aggression is a big warning sign the relationship isn’t healthy. Passive aggression is an indirect form of hostility that speaks to resentment or expectations.Extreme jealousy: it’s natural, when close to someone, to get occasional pangs of jealousy. But overall, a healthy friendship should be supportive. If a particular friend always displays a sense of being extremely jealous — from your other relationships to career success — then this is a sign something has to change.Make you feel bad for things: from judging, shaming, or minimizing your aspirations, a toxic friend can make you feel bad in numerous different ways. This includes emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or other sorts of messy dynamics.They pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do: from binge drinking to poor health decisions, a big red flag in any relationship is someone who shames you into doing things you don’t want to do. The key here is something you don’t want to do — each of us has a responsibility to say no, or express, when faced with situations or decisions we don’t want.You don’t feel comfortable around them: if you’re not consciously aware of certain behaviors or obvious reasons why a relationship is toxic, your intuition will likely be sending subtle signs. This could be as simple as feeling unsettled when you spend time with someone, seeing how they enjoy spreading secrets of others, to feeling uncomfortable, anxious, or even afraid when you’re with them. You feel drained after spending time together: perhaps the biggest indication when a person is the only friend that leaves you feeling drained of energy. That’s not to say friendships are about always being upbeat or happy, but when supporting someone in a trusting relationship, it’s unlikely to leave you deflated, but instead empathizing. When your energy is depleted, it indicates your boundaries are being crossed, you’re hiding who you truly are, or suppressing emotion.Of course, compared to the fullness of individual relationships, no checklist will give you a clear yes or no answer to whether your friendship is toxic. Using these as a guide, you might wish to write down the list of behaviors you find difficult or troublesome, along with the red flags you’ve noticed. By putting pen to paper, it may show you something you didn’t see before.The role of friendships on mental healthIt’s often said we’re living in a loneliness epidemic, which was amplified by the coronavirus pandemic. With growing numbers of people living alone, public health experts have been concerned about the impact of loneliness on mental health. Social connections are vital to thriving, for a multitude of reasons. A 2005 study discovered that those with large networks of friends lived for an average of 22 percent more than those with fewer friends.However, friendships are still about quality of quantity, something easily forgotten in an age of social media connections and followers. Humans have evolved to manage around a maximum of 150 social connections (known as Dunbar’s number), with the capacity to nourish around five high-quality relationships, according to studies by British anthropologist Robin Dunbar.Common wisdom says that the friendships you keep largely affect who you are. Multiple studies have found that friends are more likely to share similar lifestyle traits. This includes everything from self-discipline, resisting temptations, to spending habits. A study by the University of Rochester in 2015 discovered that, as people approach 30, quality of friendship becomes increasingly valuable, with emotional closeness being the most important factor.Toxic relationships score low on positive traits, and can have the reverse mental health effect of healthy relationships. Toxic friends can encourage bad habits, creating stressful environments that are superficial or untrusting. Not only that, but a study from 2014 found negative social interactions can raise blood pressure and lead to other health issues.People pleasing and toxic friendshipsAs mentioned earlier, toxic friendships are a dynamic. One of the most common reasons people continue to engage in unhealthy relationships is due to a people-pleasing tendency. If you’re afraid of upsetting people, feel guilty whenever you’re not available, or struggle to express yourself, you’re setting the context for unhealthy dynamics to form.Yes, there are people who use others or look to get what they want from relationships, rather than cultivate a healthy, even dynamic. There are people who want friends who go along with whatever they say, or friends who are there for emotional support whenever they need it. There are people who want to boost their self-esteem by putting others down.Any of these behaviors can be unconscious and, more than likely, come from low self-esteem. However, people who look for toxic relationship dynamics can only attract others who fuel and enable such behaviors. People pleasers are prime targets. A people pleaser is less likely to say no and more likely to be compliant. Consider: what things are you tolerating, due to fear of upsetting others?7 action steps to deal with toxic relationships We’ve explored the signs of toxic friendships and some of the common instigators of why those relationships form. Now, what if you’re looking to take action, and you feel you have to take some steps to address potentially toxic friends? Below are action steps that guide you through the process.1. Set boundaries(Westend61 / Getty)I sometimes feel like a broken record for how often I include boundary setting, but it shows how important it is! Many issues in relationships are solved by being clear about what you expect, what behaviors you don’t tolerate, what you’re able to offer in terms of availability or support. The best time to set boundaries is at the beginning of a relationship, the second best is now.It could be that in setting boundaries, the relationship dissolves. That’s okay. It might demonstrate that the foundation of the relationship was rotten, and that once boundaries are set, the relationship won’t be able to adapt. However, it could also be that setting boundaries alone nullify the toxic behaviors or dynamics, and the relationship can be reborn.2. See the bigger pictureIt’s easy to develop tunnel vision when someone behaves in a way you find upsetting, especially in romantic relationships. Before you know it, you might find yourself recollecting all the times a friend has demonstrated toxic behavior. You might be hyper-aware of these flaws, and overlook other qualities. It’s not an easy task, but if you’re assessing a relationship, it pays to look from as wide a perspective as possible.What behaviors are present? Are they non-negotiable? For example, if a friend is aggressive or insulting, you might decide to have zero-tolerance. However, if a friend shows jealousy, or makes occasional remarks that feel insensitive, you may decide to have a conversation, and have some tolerance towards these behaviors.Because it pays to see as much of the relationship as you can, the good, the bad, and the ugly, it takes time before making a final decision to end the relationship. Look to unearth the positive qualities of the relationship, without minimizing the negative or toxic behaviors.3. Assess your expectationsIt’s amazing how little time people spend considering what they want to cultivate in their relationships, considering how integral they are to overall wellbeing. Now it’s important to note that, occasionally, the way we perceive friendships is largely through our expectations of what friendships are. There’s a balance to be found between healthy expectations and standards.If you expect a friend to be available 24/7, never in a low mood, and always perfect… then you’ll likely be disappointed. That means bringing your expectations to light, and having a realistic view of what to expect, is a vital step. Equally, standards are different; they’re non-negotiables, the core essentials you expect in all of your relationships.In assessing expectations, you might also consider how you frame the relationship. It could be that the truth of some relationships don’t match your concept of the relationship. Even re-framing the story around the relationship can reduce expectations and better inform the way to act and how much to invest in this particular relationship. A friendship where you meet for coffee every two weeks and talk about what you’ve watched on Netflix is all well and good, when you know and accept that’s the dynamic you’re both happy with. However, if you frame this person as a “close friend” and expect emotional support, the same routine or dynamic might feel unfulfilling.4. Be aware of the concept of loyaltyAll values have their qualities, but have a shadow, too. This shadow is typically a conceptual belief based on a particular value. When it comes to toxic friendships, one of the big traps to be aware of is the concept of loyalty. When heartfelt and genuine, loyalty is a beautiful trait. It’s something almost everyone would look for in a friendship. A loyal friend is by your side through ups and downs, accepts you for your flaws, and has your back. However, if you internalize the belief, I am a loyal friend, you can find yourself in a situation where you hold onto relationships that are no longer authentically aligned. The notion of friends for life is well-intentioned, but sometimes, friendships drift. Sometimes, blind loyalty to a relationship causes more harm than good.If you have a friendship that feels mostly like an obligation, it’s a big sign you may be holding on when the best decision would be to let go and allow space for new relationships to form.5. Get clear on the issueIf the toxic behavior in your friendship isn’t obvious, it might take some digging to understand what your intuition is trying to convey. This is especially important if you feel uncomfortable around someone, but you’re not entirely sure why. One way to do this is to take the time to reflect, free from making any quick conclusions. It’s not always the case that a feeling of discomfort means there’s something toxic or “wrong” with a friend. It could also point to inner-work.For example, let’s say you have a particular friend that you don’t feel you can fully settle around. As you investigate, you start to think about how often this friend moans, complains or judges other people to you. Digging a little deeper, you then realize that your anxiety is around a fear: if they talk about others like this, do they do the same with me? A friend who always complains or judges others is difficult to fully trust for this very reason.Maybe the reason is related to a single incident. Your friend might have made a hurtful comment that has gone unacknowledged, and now you feel tense around them because it hasn’t been expressed. Communication is often the solution; an apology, or an honest conversation, can re-open the heart and create deeper intimacy.6. Explore patterns in relationshipsPatterns are helpful guides towards insights and truth. When it comes to relationships, you can build clarity by looking at patterns across a number of relationships. Is it that you only have this issue with one particular friend? If so, what are their other relationships like? Or are you noticing this pattern repeat across multiple friendships?It’s common, when assessing relationships, to self-blame or doubt. Talking to others in confidence is one way of building clarity. For example, if you have another friend you trust, you might ask them if they’ve experienced similar behaviors, or even noticed your toxic friend displaying those behaviors towards you.Equally, it can be tempting to immediately blame others for their toxicity, without an honest reflection on the ways you’re contributing to unhealthy dynamics. For example, if you have a number of relationships where people come to you to share their problems, but have little time or space when you need them, this indicates a lack of boundaries, and cultivating relationships that are uneven, possible due to people-pleasing and guilt.7. The three routes to resolutionOnce you’re at the point where you’re clear on the issue, and you know action has to be taken, it’s time to consider what I call the three routes to resolution: I change, the behavior changes, or the relationship changes. In other words, if there’s a repeated issue, the choice is to explore why it’s troublesome and to consider changing your relationship to the behavior. If you feel the behavior itself crosses a boundary, then you need a conversation to explain why this behavior isn’t okay. The hope is that, through communication, your friend will acknowledge why the behavior isn’t okay, and set the intention to change. In these situations, someone taking responsibility is a big green flag that the relationship can work through such issues.(Getty)Lastly, if you feel that changing your relationship to the behavior isn’t the right approach, and if your friend is unwilling to acknowledge or change their behavior, then you have to consider changing the relationship. That includes changing the structure, such as seeing that person less, hanging out only in certain contexts, or ending the relationship completely.A final noteYou never have to justify ending any relationship. It’s best to do so openly, honestly, and with compassion. But ultimately, as an adult, you don’t have to explain yourself, especially if the dynamic is toxic or damaging to your mental health. And, remember, the time you save investing in unhealthy friendships is time you can spend nourishing others. Your hours are valuable and you deserve to spend them however you see fit!

Woman's Toxic Ex Returns Only To Ghost Her Again - And It's A Lesson For All
Dating

Woman's Toxic Ex Returns Only To Ghost Her Again - And It's A Lesson For All

One broken-hearted Redditor posted a sad tale in the relationship advice subreddit. Her story started two years after her ex had left her for another woman, completely blocking her.He reemerged when they matched on dating app Hinge and put on the charm offensive. “He was saying things to me like ‘I love you and I’ll never leave you again’, ‘we’re gonna move in together’, and even jokingly proposed to me.”While the words were nice to hear, she had her doubts. "It made me feel weird because I don’t know how he could feel/say those things to me after years of not talking (especially after leaving me for another girl). I don’t know why he said those things and I’m thinking that it was just to bait me to get me into bed."- Reddit author Regardless, she then revealed that, shortly after, she went to his house and they hooked up. She added that "overall it was a good time and I was excited for him to be back in my life." The two exchanged sweet and promising texts.Gone ghostUnfortunately, the sparks were short-lived. The woman said that after their second meeting, he went ghost and stopped replying to her texts.It left her hurt and wanting answers. "I ended up asking him if I did something to upset him. He responded to that saying that he didn’t want anything serious with me and said he 'thought' he made it clear??, but wanted to still hook up with up me. "She didn't want that but yet still she suggested they stay friends. He never replied. As if that wasn't bad enough, he also gaslit her."He ended up calling me last night and I missed it and called him back. He hung up the call and texted me that he accidentally called me. This obviously upset me because I thought he actually wanted to talk to me."With that, two years of rebuilding her life came crashing down. "I had to put work into my mental health to get myself better, and now I feel as if it’s all in the trash, all the work I’ve done. I feel just as I did 2 years ago hurt, upset, and confused."- Reddit author Redditors respond with tough loveComments flooded in from Redditors, both supporting the woman, but also delivering a strong dose of tough love. As the brutal honesty continued, the woman realized it was just what she needed to hear. Never sell yourself shortFirst things first: The man's sleazy and manipulative actions deserve to be rightfully called out for what they are. However, the biggest disrespect in this story wasn't from the man but from the woman...to herself.She lost control the moment she made her happiness dependant on someone else's words and whims.While it's a painful way to learn, there's no more valuable lesson than loving yourself with all your heart before giving it to someone else.More uplifting stories:Boyfriend Calls Girlfriend ‘Naïve Karen’ For Out-Earning Him, Internet Has Best ResponseWoman Unceremoniously Dumps Toxic Boyfriend After Constant Body ShamingWoman Too Heavy For Her Scale Has Major Wake-Up Call And Loses Over 200 Lbs In 1 YearMen Get Caught Harassing McDonald’s Worker, Sparking Outrage About A Harsh Reality

Woman Gets Invited To Wedding, Finds Out They Want To Use Her For Free Makeup
Uplifting News

Woman Gets Invited To Wedding, Finds Out They Want To Use Her For Free Makeup

Whittling down the guest list is easily one of the most difficult parts of any wedding — no wonder people elope! But in an attempt to cut down the number of people at the wedding while saving a dime, a maid of honor invited a woman just to do makeup for the bridal party without even offering her a dinner plate. Unexpected invitationIn a since-deleted Reddit post, u/heatherborne recounted a cringe-worthy situation about an invite to her husband's cousin's wedding. In the post, she explained that her husband got an invite, but she didn't, which wasn't really a big deal."Honestly, don't care. There's a pandemic, they might have a severely restricted guest list, I don't know them," she said, according to Bored Panda.Besides, the cousins weren't invited to the Redditor's wedding as there were just six people including the bride and groom."But then I got an email from the maid of honor asking me if I'm working that day, it's a Saturday so I'm not and then she asked me to come," she wrote. "Of course, I'd be happy to!"Unpaid staffIt turns out she wasn't technically invited. They wanted her to arrive at 7 AM to do the bride and bridal party's makeup (a total of 8 people) — and then stay for touch-ups throughout the day.And get this — she isn't even a working makeup artist. "I haven't worked as a makeup artist in a long time. I'm a corporate executive for a makeup brand, I started my career at a counter when I was in college but I'm not a working makeup artist anymore," she said. "When I explained this she asked 'but you still know how and have the stuff?' -Well, yes but... 'then I don't see what your point is, I'll send you an email with all the info."The Redditor doesn't have a makeup kit, but the maid of honor didn't believe her because she works for a brand and should get plenty of samples for free. Oh, and she needed to bring individual lipsticks for each member of the bridal party in the same color.But this has to be the worst part: "I am to stay the whole day but not as a guest since they didn't pay for a plate for me. I can set up in the back and be ready when the bridal party needs touchups," she wroteFor some weddings, guests contribute as their gift — but not this one. The Redditor was expected to also give a gift with her husband because "we are family and everyone is pitching in."She didn't let them take advantage of herAs to be expected, the woman declined the invitation."No I'm not doing it. I was never going to, I thought that was very obvious but I clearly did a very bad job communicating that, sorry," she wrote.In the comments, users said they did the right thing by not accepting and should enjoy her Saturday at home."I wouldn't go out of pride. They only wanted you there when they needed you? They can screw right off then," said one comment, according to Bored Panda."That's a summons, not an invite. Glad to see you'll treat it accordingly." Respect yourself, and your timeSome people actually have no shame — and unfortunately, many respond by doing what those kinds of people want. But not this woman. She respected herself and her time and wouldn't be taken advantage of. Keep that in mind the next time someone — even family — treats you and your time unfairly.More uplifting stories:They Were Torn Apart By Distance – 70 Years Later, They Reconnect And Get MarriedWidowed Dad Raises 8 Kids Following 15 Rules Late Wife Left For HimDomestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her LifeHer Husband Cheated on Her – So She Lost a 100 Lbs and Turned Her Life Around

Men Share The Moment They Realized They Were Being Creepy Towards Women
Uplifting News

Men Share The Moment They Realized They Were Being Creepy Towards Women

Upon careful self-reflection, these men realized they weren't being fair to women and decided to change.Steps in the right directionReddit user rocketbot99 posed a question on r/AskReddit that launched into a particularly thought-provoking conversation about self-awareness. The question was: "For men who used to be 'creepy' towards women and have since stopped, what was it that made you realize you were creepy that prompted you to change?"These men's responses show how society is changing and, most importantly, how self-awareness can help us all become better human beings.Catcalling is unacceptableFor instance, Barfignugen wrote about how calling out his friend for catcalling ended up influencing him to change. Lockboy28 came to a similar conclusion about catcalling. Learning to be respectfulCrushHazard was able to think differently about how his behavior impacted women when he heard someone share an adage.Despite the childish username, this Redditor got a taste of the fear women feel every day.Esosorum learned that women can feel intimidated by men, regardless of their sexual orientation.Weird_Mood_6790 learned that social awkwardness is no excuse for manipulating women.And Ghetto_Pinocchio came to terms with his abusive behavior after a lot of internal work with the help of a therapist.Change is possibleIs it sad that many men grew up without realizing how hurtful and creepy they were being towards women? Of course. As a man myself, knowing that there are still men out there who don't know catcalling is wrong is truly embarrassing. But what these responses show is that with careful reflection, education, and even therapy if necessary, change is possible. And that's unquestionably a positive step in the right direction. More uplifting stories:4 Years Ago, He Was Homeless–Today, He Bought His First HousePoor Man Who Missed Job Interview To Save A Life Had Employers Lining Up To Hire HimDomestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her LifeBrooklyn Landlord Cancels Rent For Hundreds Of Tenants, Setting An Unprecedented Example For Others

After Years Of Trauma, Halsey Is In Love And Pregnant With Rainbow Baby
Heartbreak

After Years Of Trauma, Halsey Is In Love And Pregnant With Rainbow Baby

Singer Halsey’s life has had its share of ups and downs in recent years, from an unhealthy relationship to the shattering loss of a pregnancy. But now the year is starting bold and positive with a new love, and a new baby. Sharing her baby newsThe songstress debuted her baby bump earlier this week in an Instagram post, announcing that her rainbow baby is on the way.Her boyfriend Alev Aydin quickly responded: "Heart so full, I love you, sweetness." Halsey returned: "I love you!!!!! And I love this mini human already!" she posted.Halsey has been open and honest about her journey, even sharing in 2016 in a Rolling Stone interview that she had recently miscarried – and then had to carry on with a show right after.A long way from her lowest point"It's the angriest performance that I've ever done in my life," she said. "That was the moment of my life where I thought to myself, 'I don't feel like a f------ human being anymore.' This thing, this music, Halsey, whatever it is that I'm doing, took precedence and priority over every decision that I made regarding this entire situation from the moment I found out until the moment it went wrong. I walked offstage and went into the parking lot and just started throwing up."Carrying on through difficult times and finding light But going through loss or pain and then carrying on is what Halsey does, and after she was diagnosed with endometriosis, she underwent the surgeries that involved – and then shared her experiences with her audience as well. She also has gone through love and loss in the public eye, as she was in an on-again, off-again relationship with G-Eazy until 2018.How fitting that love and happiness – and stability – comes at the same time as a beautiful baby. And what an inspiration for all of us going through rough times: Hope and perseverance can make even what seems impossible at the time come to light in a beautiful way.More inspiring celebrities:Adele Has Always Been A Champion Of Self-Love, Both Before And After The Weight LossSharon Stone’s Deadly Wake-Up Call Taught Her To Love AgingAt 50, Jennifer Lopez Proves That Women Can Age and Continue to ThriveAfter Surviving Abuse Twice, Rihanna Is Ready To Have Kids With Or Without A Man

How To Tell Someone Should Be In Your Life In Only 5 Minutes
Friends

How To Tell Someone Should Be In Your Life In Only 5 Minutes

Looking at someone’s Facebook wall on their birthday, it may seem like they have hundreds of friends – but is knowing people the same thing as having a true relationship? And how do you know how you truly feel about someone outside of politeness and people-pleasing? It turns out there is a fast way to figure that out. Author Ross McCammon has a test regarding level of comfort he feels about someone, which he calls the "Two Beers and a Puppy Test."Friends or acquaintances?A recent study by The New York Times revealed that while the average American may know around 600 people, that doesn’t mean they have 600 friends. And some of their social media connections may not even be people they actually know. This ties into another study that concluded the average American adult has a much more manageable 16 friends in real life. This breaks down into: "Three friends for life, five people they really like and would hang out with one-on-one, and eight people they like but don't spend time with one-on-one or seek out."Of course, it’s absolutely true that friendships do fall in various categories – while there’s people we may talk to daily or weekly, there’s others we may only check in with occasionally or chat with when we run into them.Ultimately, the barometer of how close you are to someone isn’t even how often you see each other or talk, but how comfortable you feel around them when your paths do cross. It boils down to two factors: How much time you spend together and whether the person can be trusted. And here's where McCammon's test comes into play. Two beers and a puppy According to this test, to find out how you actually feel about someone, ask yourself: "Would I have two beers with this person?" And: "Would I allow this person to look after my puppy over a weekend?"If someone is no and no, then this is someone to avoid. If they are a yes and no, then you can maybe trust them – but with caution.The people who are yes and yes are the ones you trust and cherish, and need to spend more time with in your life.Ditch toxic friends and surround yourself with the right peopleWhile this is a great way to evaluate people in your life, it’s also an important test to use to look inward. Are you the type of person to be trusted and cherished as a friend? If not, work on becoming a better friend.As Oscar Wilde once said, "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." If they make you laugh and are a good time, that’s fantastic – but if they are always negative and complaining and bringing you down – you might not want to keep them in your life. Ultimately it boils down to asking yourself whether the people in your life truly add to your happiness. More uplifting stories:4 Years Ago, He Was Homeless–Today, He Bought His First HousePoor Man Who Missed Job Interview To Save A Life Had Employers Lining Up To Hire HimDomestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her LifeBrooklyn Landlord Cancels Rent For Hundreds Of Tenants, Setting An Unprecedented Example For Others

Man Shows Woman Difference Between Healthy And Toxic Relationship In One Message
Motivation

Man Shows Woman Difference Between Healthy And Toxic Relationship In One Message

One of the biggest keys to any relationship is trust. Another is communication. With communication and trust we allow our partner to feel supported and, ideally, loved.Twitter user May Larsen knows this well. She shared two screenshots of two different men she dated in a post that has since gone viral. In one, the man demonstrates a lack of trust and is clearly toxic. The other is trusting, which showed Larsen what a healthy relationship can really look like.A clear example of a toxic relationshipLarsen was out one day with some friends when the guy she was dating asked where she was. When she responded, he absolutely lost it and told her not to cheat."Wow, well have fun," he wrote. "Thanks so much for just now letting me know. Try not to cheat on me. Night."After she questioned this, he aggressively wrote: "I said night."'Difference between a boy and a man'Fast forward and Larsen was seeing a different guy.Yet again, Larsen was out and about -- at a party this time -- and didn't tell the guy. Instead of being upset that she didn't tell him where she was, the new guy had a very mature response that made the previous boyfriend seem truly toxic."[T]hen you can just call me and talk later okay," he wrote."Are you sure?" she responded."Of course, have fun and let me know when you're home safe, I love you," he said with a heart emoji to polish it off.Larsen shared both text message conversations in a Twitter thread that has been liked more than 65,000 times. Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust and respectIt's a no-brainer to see who here demonstrates alarming red flags and who shows signs of healthy attachment. The new guy showed that if you aren't overly controlling, and if you show trust, your partner will appreciate it. And if they don't and cheat anyways, well, perhaps they were the problem to begin with.More uplifting stories:4 Years Ago, He Was Homeless–Today, He Bought His First HousePoor Man Who Missed Job Interview To Save A Life Had Employers Lining Up To Hire HimDomestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her LifeBrooklyn Landlord Cancels Rent For Hundreds Of Tenants, Setting An Unprecedented Example For Others

How Denise Richards Survived Her Toxic Divorce From Charlie Sheen
Heartbreak

How Denise Richards Survived Her Toxic Divorce From Charlie Sheen

It was a split so nuclear it cracked lists of the messiest celebrity divorces of all time. Many associate Denise Richard's divorce from Charlie Sheen in the early '00's with #Tigerblood, dentist attacks, fake weddings with adult entertainers or any other of Sheen's antics during that time. While some call it good entertainment, Richards calls it an unintended nightmare that she's just beginning to wake up from.In a recent interview with People, Richards talks about the toll it's taken on her as well as fears of how it will impact her daughters.Her post-divorce struggle is ongoing, yet her shift in mindset over time has helped her weather the storm.Sparks flew Richards met Sheen on set in '00. When the two worked together again the following year on Sheen's sitcom, they bonded, and, the next year, they got married. Not so happily.That's because Sheen was in the midst of a drug and alcohol relapse, a period Richards called "a very dark time, very toxic". As the situation worsened, Richards -- six months pregnant at the time -- filed for a divorce, barely three years into the marriage. It became so dangerous that she filed for a restraining order against Sheen for alleged death threats.It might seem naive now, but at the time Richards truly believed that her personal life would remain just that, personal. She quickly found out how public personal got. It's not something you can really prepare someone forDenise RichardsDirty laundry on display(Photo by Ron Galella/Ron Galella Collection via Getty Images)Curt papers turned into headlines and not much was kept behind closed doors. Publicized court papers of a child custody battle revealed Richards' "explosive accusations" of Sheen's "inappropriate behavior" including late-night romps with younger women. Even Richards' Nanny Diana Alvarez chimed, shared details about Sheen yelling and routinely cursing in front of the children.The leaked documents prompted Sheen to fire back and say Richards "behaves as though she OWNS our children", promising that a "day of legal reckoning for her was fast approaching."It caught everyone -- Richards, Sheen, lawyers, family, friends -- in a continuous gossip mill and wore down Richards. I didn’t understand it at that time because I thought, ‘How come? That’s my private life. It shouldn’t affect my work.’ But it didDenise RichardsRichards calls the period after her split with Sheen one of the hardest of her life. Although she's a professional, she's also human. She said that working while every intimate detail around her divorce was made public was a "hard thing for me to go through and deal with."The rumor mill followed her even in her new life with wellness practitioner Aaron Phypers, who she married in 2018. Reports popped up earlier this year that they were headed towards a divorce amidst rumors that Richards cheated on him with fellow Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Brandi Glanville, which came from Glanville herself. Richards denies it all.With her entire life -- the good, bad, ugly and untrue -- public record, Richards worries for her girls Sam and Lola, who are all grown up and can easily read all the gossip.My older daughters, they're teenagers now and I can't keep stuff away from them at all. They will hear everything. I miss the time when I was able to shelter them from the negative publicity around our family quite franklyDenise RichardsStaying positive regardless(Photo Credit: Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images)Over time, Richards has learned to block out the noise and enjoy life, and there's plenty to enjoy. Despite the rumors, she remains married to Phypers, with whom she's adopted nine-year-old Eloise, their third daughter.Richard is also grateful to be working -- on CBS's The Bold and Beautiful -- at a time when so many artists are out of work due to COVID. Also, in an example of art imitating life, Phypers stands in during love scenes with Richards in order to meet on-set COVID safety standards. Focus on what you can controlAlthough things are often rocky, Richards has even kept a positive outlook on ex-husband Sheen. No matter what happens, Charlie can call me at any point. I don’t see our relationship as a failure. It’s a journey. It went a different way than we anticipated, but that’s okay. And I will always be a good friend to him.Denise RichardsThere is often little to prepare someone for their greatest struggles becoming a public spectacle, even if they are used to the limelight. As Richards has shown, it's difficult to just get into character and push forward. Her story shows that celebrities aren't immune to gossip.It's taken time, but at age 49, Richards has realized that others will talk, private can become public, and dreams can deflate.However, by focusing on the now and looking more kindly on the past, she can move forward confidently. With that mindset, we all can.Going through everything, it changed me. But I love life and I’m a glass-half-full kind of person. And I did my best to rise aboveDenise RichardsMore inspiring celebrities:Why We Need To Talk About Keanu Reeves’ Girlfriend Alexandra GrantWhat Finally Convinced Jennifer Lopez That She Needed A Divorce From Marc AnthonyWhy Shakira and Gerard Piqué Are Proud To Be An Unconventional CoupleHow Hailey Baldwin Dealt With Being In A Love Triangle Involving Selena Gomez

How To Tell If Someone Has A Truly Toxic Personality, According To Science
Dating

How To Tell If Someone Has A Truly Toxic Personality, According To Science

Your friend or someone you know has gotten fired from every job they've ever had. Their dates always flake on them and their friends always betray them. The common theme: it's never their fault and if you press them on it you're the one to blame.According to a team of psychologists in Israel, these types of people may have a toxic personality disorder called "tendency for interpersonal victimhood" (TIV), which they describe as “an ongoing feeling that the self is a victim, which is generalized across many kinds of relationships."People with TIV wholly and truly believe they are never wrong and that their victimhood is a core part of their identity. How to tell if someone 'plays the victim?'Not everyone who feels victimized is toxic. Bad things do happen and it's okay to be upset about it.Rather, TIV occurs when someone constantly feels like a victim and they bring others down with them.Rahav Gabay and her colleagues determined that people with TIV tend to have four dimensions:Constantly seeking recognitionOf all the allegedly horrible things that happen to someone with TIV, people never apologize to them. Worse, they don't even acknowledge their wrongdoing.While apologies can be hard to come by, this only becomes an issue when the person who plays the victim is in desperate search of recognition for the supposed bad things that are done to them.A sense of moral elitismPeople with TIV are never wrong. In fact, their moral compass is better than everyone else's and they use this assumption to manipulate others into their own perspective.This behavior may be a defense mechanism as a way to maintain a positive self-image.Lack of empathy for othersEverything that happens to TIV people is the absolute worst and no one else's pain or suffering matters, or so they think. This can especially be toxic in a relationship as TIV people only care about their own problems, never others'. The route of this behavior can be that since the person believes they have suffered so much, they don't think anyone else deserves empathy for their suffering. This lack of empathy can also show up in a group or national level in the form of "competitive victimhood" or an “egoism of victimhood" where members of a group cannot see things from another group's perspective.Rumination about past victimizationSince romantic relationships never worked out in the past for TIV people, there's no chance they'll work in the future. This is a fallacy as the past doesn't dictate the future, but it's a core belief of people who always play the victim.Always ruminating about past grievances and thinking it reflects the future is something perpetual victims tend to do.Why TIV is toxicPeople who always play the victim are extremely difficult to deal with because they're selfish and never wrong. They're also obsessed with seeking revenge for those who've wronged them and may punish others who had nothing to do with it just because they've been wronged before. Forgiving is part of growthWe all play the victim from time to time. Sometimes bad things really do happen to us and it makes us sour.The problem is when the victimhood because constant and when the person never learns from their mistakes. It's also problematic when they never forgive others – you don't know what everyone is going through and nobody's perfect.Ultimately, the problem with playing the victim is it doesn't allow you to learn or grow from the past. If you don't acknowledge your faults, how can you make adjustments for the future?If you know someone who's always playing a victim, it might be time to reduce your relationship with them or have a frank discussion about it. Life is too short to be surrounded by toxic people. More uplifting stories:4 Years Ago, He Was Homeless–Today, He Bought His First HousePoor Man Who Missed Job Interview To Save A Life Had Employers Lining Up To Hire HimDomestic Abuse Survivor Marries The First Responder Who Saved Her LifeBrooklyn Landlord Cancels Rent For Hundreds Of Tenants, Setting An Unprecedented Example For Others