3 Common-Yet-Toxic Relationship Patterns and How to Break Them
No one ever said relationships were easy. And if they did, they were horribly off-base. Indeed, many people seem to struggle through their relationships, replicating the same insidiously toxic (yet human) patterns time and again.
RELATED: 5 Signs Your New Relationship Might Become Toxic
But even for those of us who do happen to possess a dash of hard-won self-reflexivity, bridging the gap between identifying our patterns and actually changing them is no easy task, since many of our patterns stem from childhood. The good news: if you’re willing to see yourself, you’ve got the will change.
Here are 3 common toxic relationship patterns and a few tips on stepping back, regrouping, and refreshing for a different outcome.
1. Clinger & clingee
Your relationship feels imbalanced. You may’ve found yourself repeatedly on one end of the dynamic, or perhaps you’re susceptible to both roles. One person feels they can’t get enough quality time, while the other needs space. And as the intricacies of human nature would have it, there’s nothing that makes someone feel more clingy than a partner who seems to be floating away.
RELATED:How to Let Go of Someone You Love – It’s Painful, But You Can Do It
When the “clinger” tightens their grip, the “clingee” tends to run for the hills. But it bloody-well takes two to tango, and chances are you’re both hardwired. Are you used to running away from emotional bonds? Or clinging for fear of abandonment? While many find themselves overly reactionary, the best move is to stop reacting. If your partner wants alone time, let them have it. If they want more time together, plan a hangout. Relationships thrive when both try to understand the other’s needs -- no matter how outlandish they may initially seem.
2. Parent & child
If you’re sharing finances, a home, and/or children with your significant other and find their behaviour either irresponsible or overbearing, it can really put a strain on your bond. Maybe you’re in the habit of scolding them for rash spending habits or seeming unwillingness to pull their weight, and you resent them because you feel you’re being forced to act like a parent.
Or maybe you feel your partner is talking down to you and treating you like a child, causing you to act out. Either way, intimacy is usually the first thing to go. The best thing you can do is take a step back and try to foster a strong sense of equality. Rather than falling into the parent-child trap, reprogram yourself to talk to your partner as if they were your roommate. Try to avoid just taking care of a problem yourself to save time, as this only feeds the beast.
3. Codependency
Sometimes referred to as a “relationship addiction,” codependency is often characterized by one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive dynamics. While pleasing another person is not inherently bad, you may start to feel like you miss your old self, and the things that person used to care about. You may even feel like reverting to those behaviors would upset your partner or the balance of your relationship.
It’s possible your partner has also made unhealthy sacrifices. The thing is, resentment builds when you don’t recognize your own needs and wants. A great way to start taking baby steps away from this is to choose one thing a week you truly want to do and share it with your partner. Best case scenario: you rediscover yourself and your relationship in far more honest, rewarding ways.
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.