Of course, reality doesn’t often pan out the way you hoped. The Detroit rapper had to stand up and address his failures head-on. Through this journey, he could rediscover his relationship with his mother, and the place she occupies in his life.
What Happened With Eminem's Mom?
Debbie was only 18 years old when she gave birth to Marshall Bruce Mathers III. Eminem’s father, Marshall Bruce Mathers Jr., abandoned them as soon as his son was born, leaving the young mother to raise their child alone.
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The mother-and-son duo faced destitution and eviction at every turn, and moved frequently, in search of financial stability. Debbie was in no position to shoulder the responsibilities of parenthood. However, Eminem's mother worked hard to make ends meet, even if the outcomes weren’t always satisfactory.
Unfortunately, her childcare abilities weren’t up to her son’s liking. As is his modus operandi, Eminem badmouthed Debbie in the charged lyrics to "My Name Is," the opening track of his 1999 album The Slim Shady LP. In the song, he claims his mother did “more dope than” he did: “I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper / Make a record about doin' drugs and name it after her.”
Debbie Mathers Sues Eminem Over 'My Name Is' Lyrics
Debbie Mathers Briggs (her current husband, John Briggs, is her fourth) was blindsided by the admission. Shortly after the release of "My Name Is," she sued her son for $11 million, claiming defamation of character. Eminem’s team responded by saying his music only reflected the truth. His lawyer also said the lawsuit was a “result of a lifelong strained relationship between [Eminem] and mother,” and that it was pretty “painful” to be sued by your own mother.
Debbie was awarded a $25,000 settlement in 2001, but $23,354.25 of that went to her attorney.
The animosity between Eminem and his mother didn’t subside, however. In 2002, Eminem released "Cleanin' Out My Closet," in which he accused her of suffering from Münchausen syndrome by proxy, a disorder in which a caregiver makes up an illness or injury in a person under their care.
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As if that weren't enough, he made more references to her substance abuse in the song "My Mom": “My mom loved Valium and lots of drugs /That's why I am like I am 'cause I'm like her.” He also wrote how she added Valium in his food multiple times. and would threaten to throw him in the basement if he didn’t eat his meal.
My mom/ There's no one else quite like my mom /I know I should let bygones be bygones/ But she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on
Eminem, "My Mom"
Why Did Eminem Apologize To His Mom?
It’s difficult to distinguish who’s telling the truth when the atmosphere is so incendiary. However, Debbie did try to provide a context in her 2008 memoir My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
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“At first I went along with it for Marshall's sake -- if I made one mistake as a mother, it was giving in to my eldest son's every whim,” she wrote, alluding to how she may have added Valium to his food. but only at his insistence. She also insisted that it was an uphill battle to care for her son, given her wretched circumstances. Just because she made some terrible decisions of her own doesn’t mean Eminem should have taken the liberty to defame her at every opportunity.
He never knew his father, and I did all I could to make up for it. I wasn't happy when he made up a whole new life for himself - what mother wants to be known as a pill-popping alcoholic who lives on welfare?
Debbie Nelson on My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem.
With time, Eminem forgave his mother and apologized to her. There’s only so much room for hatred and anger, and when the years weigh down on you, you begin to realize how everyone goes through a hard time.
Who Was Eminem's Father?
In his 2013 song "Headlights," Eminem discussed forgiving his mother, questioning if he had taken his resentment “too far.” He also shed light on the role of his father, Marshall Bruce Mathers, Jr. — or lack thereof — in exacerbating tensions between himself and his mother. If he hadn’t abandoned the family at such a critical juncture, mother and son wouldn’t have had to endure so much hardship.
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At the end of the day, the 50-year-old “loves” his mother, and says she’s “still beautiful” to him. She “did her best” to raise him and his younger half-brother, Nate, even though the “cross” she bore was the heaviest of all.
But regardless, I don't hate you 'cause, Ma / You're still beautiful to me, 'cause you're my Ma [...] All you did, all you said, you did your best to raise us both /Foster care, that cross you bear, few may be as heavy as yours.
Eminem, "Headlights"
Eminem opened Mom's Spaghetti restaurant in Detroit in 2021. However, it's not a sign that he's mended fences with mother Debbie (by all accounts, their relationship remains strained). Instead, it's a reference to his song "Lose Yourself," from the soundtrack to his 2002 acting debut, 8 Mile. The menu includes vegan meatballs, and a spaghetti sandwich (Eminem's favorite).
Let Go of Bitterness
Eminem clung onto so much rage in the first 40 years of his life that he and his mother still remain a little “estranged." It’s OK to feel a grudge, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t call out people for their dangerous behavior.
However, as you grow older, consider whether the antagonism is worth your time. Our priorities shift, we become wiser, and we tend to forgive ourselves and each other for the past. The bitterness will only deter you in your journey, haunting you every step of the way till you’re ready to combust. Instead, free yourself. It feels good to look forward to the future and not have any regrets about the past. So if you have the opportunity to rid yourself of the bitterness, take it.
4 Important Things Rehab Taught Me About Forgiveness
When I was first admitted into rehab in 2012, I quickly had to come to terms with a lot of brand new concepts that were very foreign to me. I learned about the causes of my addiction in the first place, and also how to overcome cravings and prevent relapses.
While I learned a lot from all of these, one thing that really helped me to avoid relapsing (again), and to instead focus on creating a brighter future for my life, was learning to forgive.
There were many people in my life who I was secretly wishing I could say "I’m sorry for everything" to, or who I wanted to forgive for doing wrong by me, but I was way too scared to think about doing that.
Today, I would love to share four important things about forgiveness that I learned while I was in recovery.
4 Important Things Rehab Taught Me About Forgiveness
Why is it important to forgive?
During your addiction, there were likely many things that you said and did that you now regret. The feelings of remorse are huge, and they're always there at the back of your mind, eating away at you from the inside.
You might have strained a relationship that had a lot of meaning for you, with your family, friends, or a special loved one. You might have lost track of who you were, or sabotaged your career and financial stability. No matter what it is, it’s unhealthy to be walking around in life holding a grudge against yourself and others. In order to successfully approach recovery, it’s essential to let go of all the baggage that’s holding you back.
How can I forgive?
As a recovering addict, I shared my addiction recovery treatment with many people, mainly the 12-step program. Forgiveness is deeply rooted in this program, as its aim is to bring you a lasting recovery. Learning how to ask for forgiveness, how to seek it, and how to forgive yourself is vital to each process as demonstrated with the 12-step group.
Forgiving is easier said than done for people like me, and it was very hard to wrap my head around the idea. Even after I had accepted it as an important step towards my recovery, I still didn’t know how to go about it.
I can’t turn back time and change the mistakes I made, and there were a lot of people from my past who I was just too scared to approach again. I can’t just show up on the doorsteps of those I hurt and ask them for forgiveness. I lost that chance years ago.
This is when I discovered that I could forgive anonymously. I decided to write letters and anonymously post them to their door. Not only was it therapeutic to put all my thoughts down on paper, it also helped me to fully understand that I truly meant every word I wrote.
If you don’t want to approach anonymously, you can always keep it private. It’s no one’s business but yours. You can also create a list of what you regret and how you can learn to make peace with it.
The best part about forgiving is that once it’s done, it’s over. Letting go is such an amazing feeling. Your spirits will become lighter as you finally lose the weight of all the guilt and negativity you’ve been carrying with you. The intense relief that comes with it is better than any high I ever had.
Let go of your mistakes
We are our best and worst critics. When I was at my worst during my addiction days, I was always keeping a record of every bad thing I did. This only made me feel worse though, so I drank or used more to numb the feeling. Keeping tabs on every mistake I made was so counter-productive, and it held me back from getting the help I needed.
After I began the 12-steps program and learned the importance of forgiveness, I soon discovered that I was slowly letting go of that record-keeping habit. I swapped it with keeping a record of all the achievements and milestones that made me proud -- like when I reached ten days sober, six months sober, one year sober, and when I got a job again and patched up my damaged relationships with people I cared a lot for.
Switching out of my negative mindset and to a positive attitude really did a lot for me both mentally and physically.
Embrace your future
Once you’ve forgiven yourself and others, and moved past the stage where you need to hear the words, “I forgive you,” what’s left for you to do? Well, the simple answer to that question is to embrace all the incredible opportunities that are available to you now that you are sober.
Go out and approach your future goals with motivation, optimism, and excitement. The best things happen when you are least expecting them to. Everyone has a different experience when they are recovering, but everyone has the same goals: to not let your addiction control you anymore.
Accept that you are human, and no one is perfect. Only you can control the bright future that you have ahead of you, and that is the true magic and power of forgiveness during your recovery.
And what about you? Do you have your own tip about addiction and recovery that you have learned personally and would like to to share? Leave a comment below. We’d love to hear it!