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5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship, and What Steps To Take Next
Heartbreak

5 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship, and What Steps To Take Next

Out of all the areas of development, relationships are the hardest to navigate. Finding common ground with two or more people, with competing needs, perspectives, desires, cognitive distortions, fears, and anxieties, is a complex challenge. Unlike meditation, reframing thoughts, or working on limiting beliefs, another person is unpredictable, and to an extent, mysterious.RELATED: Transactional Relationships: Toxic or a Necessary Evil?Factor in unrealistic fantasies of perfection portrayed in the media, and dysfunctional dynamics that have been normalized, and knowing whether a relationship is healthy or toxic isn’t straightforward. What’s the correct balance, between unhealthy or even abusive dynamics, and a reasonable approach to healthy conflict or human imperfection? This article will explore the nature of toxic relationships, putting them in the correct context, before offering guidance on what you can do if you believe your relationship is toxic.Please note: this article will explore grey areas of human behavior without offering black-or-white conclusions. Conflict happens. People mess up. But emotional or physical abuse, the crossing of boundaries, or harmful behavior never has to be tolerated.What Is a Toxic Relationship?Toxic relationships are the result of people interacting in ways that are unhealthy or damaging. The "toxic" speaks to the unique chemistry that seems to create tension or conflict. It doesn’t mean either person is fundamentally bad or wrong (no person is “toxic”) but it explains dynamics that can cause harm. Psychologist and communication expert Lillian Glass coined the term toxic relationship in her book Toxic People, which was released in 1995. Her definition is:“Any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”Although Glass was a psychologist, "toxic relationship" is a colloquial term for unhealthy relationships. Glass’ descriptions are nuanced. But as is often the case when psychological theories become mainstream, the term has become over-simplified and overused. As a result, there’s a risk the label can cause people to jump to conclusions, or dismiss relationships just because they don’t fit a certain expectation.Is a Toxic Relationship an Abusive Relationship?Because a toxic relationship isn’t a diagnosis or “official” term, there’s room for interpretation. Many of the traits of toxic relationships qualify as abusive. But healthy conflict can be mislabelled as toxic, too. There are differences between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships. Healthy relationships include mutual respect, trust, and honesty. Unhealthy relationships include dishonesty and mistrust. Abusive relationships demonstrate controlling behavior and physical or emotional abuse.Unhealthy relationships can become healthy if you’re committed to forming a long-lasting, fulfilling relationship. Dysfunction, if acknowledged, can be overcome. Anyone has the potential to slip into “toxic” forms of behavior, and it doesn’t mean the relationship itself is doomed. It’s important to discern between moments of toxicity, or whether the relationship is incompatible at its core.A truly toxic relationship is one that is harmful, abusive, or simply unpleasant. In most cases, the solution is to end the relationship (we’ll explore this in more detail later) for the benefit of everyone involved — studies have found difficult social relationships can lead to inflammation, depression, high blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease. Traits such as passive aggression and betrayal are also linked to negative mental health.Toxic Relationships and Karmic RelationshipsMany karmic relationships have the potential for toxic behavior. That’s because these “fated” relationships bring two people together with the purpose of spiritual growth (especially twin flame relationships). These dynamics often have “compatible” patterns of behavior that, if handled consciously, can catalyze both people's development. However, for growth to occur, you must first see limiting or negative patterns or become aware of unprocessed trauma. Without conscious effort or willingness to take responsibility, these relationships can become emotionally draining. "Fate" isn't an excuse to engage in turbulent or cyclical dynamics.5 Signs You’re In a Toxic RelationshipPerhaps a more accurate description is “signs your relationship demonstrates toxic behavior” — remember, anyone can slip into this type of behavior. What matters is the willingness to look at these behaviors, and the desire to change. Approach these signs not like a checklist to affirm or deny whether your relationship is toxic, but to gauge where the relationship needs work.1. The Relationship Makes You Feel Bad ConsistentlyAfter spending time with this person consistently you feel drained, or on edge, or “off” in a way you can’t quite put your finger on. All relationships go through ups and downs. But with toxic relationships, the downs far outweigh the ups. Glass notes that when a relationship lacks joy, it’s a big indicator that it is toxic. Other indicators include regular anxiety, anger, or sadness.2. The Relationship Lacks Support Why build social bonds with people? We’re all in this together, and relationships are about mutual support. It’s unreasonable to expect unwavering support, 24/7, but toxic relationships fundamentally lack support most of the time. They may be competitive rather than collaborative. Competition isn’t always bad. If done with good intentions, it can be inspiring or supportive (for example, two work colleagues spurring each other on during a game of squash). But if the entire framework of the relationship centers around competition, it can lead to feelings of comparison, jealousy, and envy, ahead of support.3. There’s Little Authenticity or EmpathyAny relationship where you struggle to be authentic is questionable. Consider, what is it in the dynamic that causes you to hide? Are you afraid of judgment or ridicule? Toxic relationships tend to be high in judgment and low in empathy. In a healthy, supportive relationship, any decent person would want to avoid upsetting someone they care for. In toxic relationships, there’s a lack of empathy or respect for one or both people involved. That includes little attempt to understand the other, see their point of view, or accommodate their needs.4. Communication Is HostileToxic relationships are full of blame. One or both people may consistently point out flaws or faults in the other, without taking responsibility for their role or shortcomings. A lack of communication is the root of all conflict, and toxic relationships are likely built upon a foundation of suppression, avoidance, or a lack of honesty.Poor communication, a lack of boundaries, and the suppression of difficult feelings can fuel mutual feelings of resentment and bitterness in toxic relationships. That leads to passive aggression or even ridicule.5. The Relationships Is Based On Mind GamesRather than being seen as equal, toxic relationships are based on manipulative behavior, or a desire to control. This is usually a combination of the early points of blame, a lack of accountability, and poor communication. That can lead to power plays, mind games, and all sorts of unhealthy dynamics.What to Do if You’re in a Toxic RelationshipNo relationship is perfect. Relationships aren’t fixed or set in stone, they’re constantly evolving and changing, and require attention and care to improve. If you’re in a toxic relationship, you still have options. If you and your partner, or friend, are able to take accountability and express a desire to grow, then there is space to move closer and closer from unhealthy, to healthy.RELATED: Why Setting Relationship Goals Is Important – And How to Do ItBefore writing the relationship off, here are steps you can take to transform from toxic to healing. It’s crucial that both people make the effort to work on whatever the “toxic” traits are. If this relationship is one-sided, it’s less likely to succeed. But together, it can become a huge opportunity for growth.1. Acknowledge IssuesThe first step is to accept the nature of the relationship. It’s easier to live in denial, to pretend things aren’t so bad. But without seeing issues clearly, it’s difficult to find solutions. This step requires a healthy dose of compassion for both people involved. If at this point blame or judgment arises, have compassion for that, too.2. ForgiveIt’s impossible to move on and fix a toxic relationship if there isn’t some element of forgiveness. Big arguments, passive-aggressive comments, or regular heartbreak all build barriers of resentment or mistrust. Forgiveness is the antidote. Remember, this isn’t the same as condoning unhealthy behavior. But it does mean setting the intention to forgive and let go of resentments in order to heal.3. Explore Issues Through Non-Violent Communication If there are resentments and tension in the relationship, there’s a risk of blame, judgment, name-calling, or other messy forms of communication. It’s likely these dysfunctional ways of relating — even if only surfacing during stress or upset — are present and habitual. Overcoming this damaging form of communication requires the intention to be honest, open, and respectful when addressing issues.4. Set BoundariesEach of you requires clarity on what is or isn’t tolerable. You have to express this, keeping non-violent communication in mind. You may decide forms of behavior that are not tolerable, from either side. This starts the process of avoiding the normalization of unhealthy or damaging forms of communication. For example, you may agree that if either person swears or name-call, the conversation will end.This is a litmus test for the future of the relationship. If both people are able to acknowledge boundaries, it shows there is a sense of mutual respect. If someone dismisses boundaries and continues to cross them, the next step is to consider ending the relationship completely.Setting boundaries to fix a toxic relationship also involves mutually beneficial changes in the dynamic, such as agreeing to spend less time together or adjusting expectations. For example, you may notice that when both people have been drinking, the likelihood of arguing is higher, so you decide to drink less.5. Take It SlowCertain patterns of behavior may be deeply ingrained. If there’s a mutual desire to heal, patience is essential as the relationship undergoes transformation. There might be mishaps or slip-ups, but if the quality of the relationship is moving in the right direction, this can be navigated. A zero-tolerance policy will add a lot of pressure and a sense of unforgivingness. A consistent growth policy, however, will encourage both people to constantly try and do better.Naturally, if some behaviors or interactions are damaging to your mental health or well-being, you may have less space for patience, which is also okay. That’s where boundaries around tolerable or intolerable behavior will help.How To End a Toxic RelationshipWhat if there’s a lack of willingness to try? Or fixing the relationship is beyond what both of you are capable of? Glass succinctly summarizes the approach to fixing a toxic relationship. “I really am a firm believer that you have to try to work everything out and understand why the person is toxic,” Glass told Time. “You may be able to live with it — but on the other hand, you may not. [If you can’t], you’ve got to get out of it. We have to not put ourselves in that position.”It’s worthwhile to understand why the relationship is toxic. As mentioned above, putting all the focus on a “toxic person” overlooks your role. But the message remains the same. If you’ve explored the toxic elements and gained understanding and clarity, you then have a choice: fix it or leave. If you’re considering staying in the relationship, reflect on the reasons why. Is this genuine? Or motivated by a fear of uncertainty or a sense of obligation?Consider the Cost of Not LeavingA study by the University of Ontario found 18 percent of people stayed in unhealthy relationships due to fears of being single. Further research has linked low self-esteem with staying committed to unhealthy relationships, notably due to “perceiving poor alternatives.” But whatever you choose, make a commitment to either have the courage to end the relationship, or move towards a healthy way or relating. The latter isn’t easy. In Ready To Heal, psychologist Kelly McDaniel writes:“The energy it takes to endure withdrawal [to an addictive or toxic relationship] is equivalent to working a full-time job. Truthfully, this may be the hardest work you’ve ever done. In addition to support from people who understand your undertaking, you must keep the rest of your life simple. You need rest and solitude.”In ConclusionTo recap, there’s no such thing as a toxic person. Toxic relationships are a matter of dynamics, and what is more important than labeling is to discern whether the relationship is unhealthy, healthy, or abusive. From this place, it makes it easier for you to make a decision — do you want to continue, to try and heal? Or is it time to get out of the toxic relationship?In this article, we’ve covered a lot of the nuances, from the way in which labeling can be an avoidance of responsibility, to the beliefs that keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. All relationships experience conflict from time to time; it comes with the territory of having two individuals with different wants, needs, behaviors, and sensitivities.The occasional mishap is forgivable. Periods of difficulty don’t signal the end. But we all deserve supportive, respectful, loving relationships. You deserve this. So if you feel in your heart of hearts that a relationship is toxic and unhealthy, one of the best acts of self-care is to take action, face the facts, and consider if it’s time to call it quits.KEEP READING Discussion v.s Debate: The Secret of Interpersonal Communication

Aaliyah’s Tragic Love Story With Damon Dash Will Teach You To Take Chances
Dating

Aaliyah’s Tragic Love Story With Damon Dash Will Teach You To Take Chances

Aaliyah’s been gone twenty years, but the footprint she’s left behind is unmistakable. The Princess of R&B, along with eight others, tragically passed away in an airplane crash over the Bahamas on August 25, 2001. It’s the kind of death that’s capable of decimating and devastating an entire culture, where no one recovers from the sudden loss of potential; where no one can process how a universally beloved figure, with countless media appearances to her name, can just cease to exist in a matter of few minutes. There’s something eerily personal about a celebrity’s passing. They might be dead, but their artistry still shines through, their work is still available to be cherished and adapted and celebrated an infinite number of times over. Similarly, Aaliyah’s death continues to draw out heartfelt tributes and nostalgic reactions, revealing bit by bit the woman who lived beneath the glamor and the chaos. To give an example: on the occasion of Aaliyah’s 20th death anniversary, her boyfriend at the time, Damon Dash, opened up about their unique love story, and in doing so, unearthed yet another magical piece about the artist. Aaliyah's boyfriend opens up about their relationshipDamon Dash, a media tycoon, entrepreneur, film producer, and co-founder of Roc-A-Fella with Jay-Z and Kareem Burke, had been dating Aaliyah for about a year before she was killed in the airline accident.They met at a basketball game in the summer of 2000 before being introduced by their mutual accountant, Barry Klarberg.Though they took a liking to each other nearly immediately, they intended to maintain a friendship and nothing else. In an interview with Entertainment Tonight, Damon delves into their beginnings as a couple and excavates a side of Aaliyah many might not recall. At first, he and Aaliyah bonded over a book, Gary Zukav’s The Seat of the Soul, which they started reading together. The intellectual, thought-provoking conversions that emerged, as a result, solidified their connection for good. “From then on, we were sort of inseparable,” he told the outlet. Soon enough, sparks began to fly, and they decided they would give their budding romance a serious chance.Our intention at first wasn’t even to be in love. We were just really good friends and we fell for real. It was almost an accident. Damon Dash on Entertainment TonightDamon couldn’t be more thankful about how they were able to forge an intimate and memorable relationship away from the prying eyes of the public. The 50-year-old also revealed they wanted to marry each other at one point but didn’t want to make the grave mistake of rushing down the aisle. That’s why they agreed upon a plan: they would cohabit for six months straight, “see if we can tolerate being around each other with no distractions,” and if they still loved each other at the end of the period, they would make it official. Unfortunately, the plan never came to fruition, and they weren’t able to tie the knot. He says she taught him how to loveTwenty years on, Damon has a number of regrets about his time with Aaliyah, one of which was that he didn’t get to make enough memories with her. They were both busy, ambitious people mired in a series of projects, so they didn’t have a lot of time to give to each other. She would be shooting a film in Australia, and he would be occupied with “companies to run” — their schedules kept clashing every step of the way. Nevertheless, Damon said, “We would have such a good time when we saw each other, it just always felt fresh.”Of course, the moments they shared were irrevocably special, and he’ll always be in awe of the woman who changed his life. But, at the end of the day, when the love of your life is gone, nothing is enough, and you are left longing for their warm company every second. Aaliyah taught Damon how to love, how to live every day with passion, interest, and unending appreciation. Had it not been for her, he wouldn’t know how to acknowledge or recognize love in himself or others. I didn’t know what being in love was. I didn’t even understand what that feeling is and I was able to really achieve that with her. Now I know what it feels like, so I was able to identify it when it happened again. Damon Dash on Entertainment Tonight As a tribute to Aaliyah or a result of her impact on him, he makes sure to spend every waking moment with people he genuinely loves. “I would only be around people I love,” he said. He doesn’t care to surround himself with people who don’t treasure him. He’s also begun to take account of his own feelings to the point it’s become the sole “currency” in how he navigates through this world. Damon also takes pleasure in the fact that he was the one who dated her until the very end. If someone else had been in his position, he would have been seething in envy, so he allows himself to feel grateful for the part he played in her life, and vice versa. “It's almost amazing to me that I was the guy who was with Aaliyah. Like, I am almost a fan of myself,” he said. It’s ultimately an unfortunate situation, but this part does enable him to reflect on the past with a fresh perspective. Grief is a transformative process at its essence, so every person will come to grips with reality at their own pace, in their own time. For Damon, it comforts him to picture Aaliyah as an angel, someone watching over her loved ones in fierce protection and dedication. “They're signs to me, it means she's talking to me,” he said. Dare to take chances and fall in loveNobody really knows what will occur in the future, but if you want to keep the regrets as minimal as possible, don’t be afraid to take chances. There are a hundred ways you could get hurt, but at least you can tell yourself you showed up, you fell in love, and you risked your heart. There’s no bigger failure than not trying at all, so if you decide to take a chance, you’re opening yourself up to a world of possibilities. You never know if the person you share a profound connection with disappears the following day, so all you can do is give your everything, live in the moment, and follow your heart. More inspiring stories: Aaliyah’s Forgotten Light: Her Powerful Legacy Beyond Death — and R. KellyTina Turner Beat the Odds by Leaving Ike– and She’s Still Shining at Age 80Inside Missy Elliott’s Secret Illness and Triumphant ComebackLizzo’s Journey From Rock Bottom to Radical Positivity

Why Drew Barrymore's Raw Revelation About Divorce Shaming Will Empower You
Heartbreak

Why Drew Barrymore's Raw Revelation About Divorce Shaming Will Empower You

In our modern times, divorce has become as commonplace as breathing. It’s a near-guarantee for nearly half the couples that get married. If there’s a 50% chance your marriage won’t make the distance, would you still walk down the aisle?Some of our dearest celebrities have been through the painful process and are opening up about the toll it takes on your mental health, self-esteem, and general ability to function in society. Drew Barrymore has been around the block a few times; as a result, she is constantly reflecting on her choices and trying to figure out where each of her unions went oh-so-wrong. As a woman in her forties with three marriages under her belt, she is all too familiar with the stigma surrounding the very act of getting a divorce and how it severely impacts how you’re perceived in your community or within your circle. People won’t offer a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, but they’ll be sure to judge you like there’s no tomorrow. Here’s what we can take away from Drew Barrymore’s disheartening experience of “divorce shame”: Drew felt like the ultimate “failure” for getting divorcedIn an interview with Chelsea Handler, Drew describes divorce as significantly worse than a breakup. Outside of the complicated litigation, it proves that you made a severe misjudgment with regard to your personal life. You couldn’t find a happily-ever-after with your spouse, and so you’re essentially reneging on the vows you made so assuredly in your wedding ceremony. In short, it’s typical to feel like a “failure.” Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman When you get divorced, you're like, 'I'm the biggest failure. This is the biggest failure.' It's so shameful and hard to actually go through that, even privately. Drew Barrymore on ChelseaDrew addressed the stigma in the initial divorce announcement itself. “Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on,” the statement read. The Never Been Kissed actor later explained to Chelsea she intended to use the word “failure” to accurately detail her frame of mind following the separation. Everything she’d built with her ex, Will Kopelman, was in jeopardy, and she told herself repeatedly she could have done better. It’s only natural to feel as though you’ve failed your loved ones by not trying hard enough. Drew Barrymore and her second husband Tom GreenIt’s like, I don’t think I’ve recovered from that. I don’t know how to open that up again. It’s like something closed, and it stayed closed. Drew Barrymore on Sunday TodayAt first, she couldn’t even process the development. “I took it really hard,” she told Sunday Today. She didn’t for a second believe the marriage wouldn’t be “forever.” That’s the expectation you carry as you tie the knot with your partner — you hope to be with them until the end of the road. You can’t imagine a single day where they’re not your husband or wife, so when it emerges that the relationship isn’t sustainable in its current form anymore, the revelation hits you like a ton of bricks. In fact, Drew Barrymore said there’s a part of her that’s still in shock and will not recover for a long time. When it’s your third time dissolving a marriage, and you still have to ensure you can successfully co-parent with your ex-husband, it’s going to be a steep learning curve. Divorce is a laborious set of circumstances through and through; it will, in most cases, trigger a sense of shame and self-loathing in you, and you’ll have to be patient to overcome the negativity. It took her five long years to recover and gain an appreciation for her marriageThink about it: you showcased your love before the entire world, made these sweeping promises, and put everything on paper. This person was supposed to be The One, so you can’t help but ask yourself what you could have done better to improve the situation. The entire ordeal has sowed seeds of doubt in your mind about whether or not you deserve love in the first place. Do you automatically start believing you’ll screw up every single romantic commitment in the future?When it’s just your run-of-the-mill breakup, it hurts, but you tell yourself there’s plenty of other fish in the sea. As Drew put it, you simply say, “yeah, that didn't work,” and can move on with relatively little damage or consequence. A breakup is seen as an ordinary, if not necessary, part of your evolution — you’ll come across someone, fall in love, the connection will fade, and you'll just meet someone new. The world will keep spinning.Drew Barrymore and her first husband Jeremy ThomasIt took me five years to be able to speak with strength, articulation, perspective, hindsight, and see everything we did right. Because when we were getting divorced, it felt like everything was just wrong.Drew Barrymore to Sunday TodayHowever, divorce is an exponentially bigger deal because marriage is an exponentially bigger deal. You’re signing a legal contract with your partner, so when the agreement gets violated, it’s only instinctive to feel as though you’re doing not only amoral but also straight-up unlawful. Not to mention women face the brunt of the judgment when a relationship falls apart. Everyone jumps in to applaud and sympathize with the man, whereas the women are made to feel like they’ve defied their purpose on earth. If you can’t be a suitable wife, what else are you good for?Drew said it took her five long years to get to a point where she could discuss her divorce from a healthy standpoint. In her case, she had to undergo the five stages of grief systematically to reclaim some sense of self-belief. As a child of divorce, she was determined not to repeat her parents’ mistakes and wanted to ensure her daughters were raised in a stable environment, complete with a mom and dad who loved each other to death. When she discovered she had reached the same juncture her parents had over three decades ago, she didn’t know how to make sense of the moment. It felt like an immeasurable tragedy from her perspective. Marriage will test you every step of the way At the end of the day, a marriage that both lasts long and keeps the parties fulfilled is nothing short of a miracle. If you realize your marriage is better off not existing, keep in mind you’re not a failure. You’re one of the millions of people who decide to go through the arduous journey, so as long as you do what’s right for your heart and your loved ones, you’ll be okay. Before you pursue a long-term relationship and consider getting married, ask yourself whether you and your partner are truly ready. You might be mature enough, you might have financial stability, you both love and trust each other immensely, but you could still be woefully ill-equipped. Marriage is a whole different ballgame that’s going to test you every step of the way, but if you’re actually prepared, it will be the most rewarding choice of your life. More inspiring stories: How Adam Sandler Saved Drew Barrymore AgainHow Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore Managed To Maintain A 30-Year FriendshipDrew Barrymore’s Reaction to Being Cheated On Will Empower You5 Daily Habits to Steal from Drew Barrymore, Including Her Glass-Half-Full Attitude

Jennifer Aniston, Kids, and Marriage: How Jen’s Choice To Not Have Children With Brad Pitt Is Not The Reason Their Marriage Failed
Family

Jennifer Aniston, Kids, and Marriage: How Jen’s Choice To Not Have Children With Brad Pitt Is Not The Reason Their Marriage Failed

Jennifer Aniston was born on February 11, 1969, in Sherman Oaks, Los Angeles. Her family members include her famous father and soap opera star, John Aniston, actress mother Nancy Dow, and half-brothers, John T. Melick and Alexander John Aniston. Being the celebrity she is, Jennifer Aniston has had her fair share of media attention. She’s been interviewed by various outlets; from TV shows like Jimmy Kimmel Live to magazines like Marie Claire orVanity Fair. Jennifer Aniston has been known to be a kind person with a great sense of humor. Aside from her roles in comedies, we got a taste of her humor when she pranked BBC Radio 1 host, Chris Stark, during an interview. When he asked her about making “the first move” on a man, Jennifer told the radio host she was offended by his line of questioning and that it was inappropriate given that she was in a relationship with Justin Theroux at the time. DJ Scott Mills, the show’s co-host and one who orchestrated the prank, eventually walks in and they explain it was all in good fun, but this wasn’t before Chris Stark ended up with tears in his eyes over the exchange.It’s been over fifteen years, and audiences are still trying to decipher the Jennifer Aniston-Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie debacle. The consensus is that Brad Pitt couldn’t resist Angelina Jolie’s feminine wiles on the set of their 2005 film Mr. and Mrs. Smith, so he quickly abandoned Aniston for Angelina Jolie. Underpinning this theory is the widespread belief that Angelina offered something Jennifer didn’t: the opportunity to have children. None of the parties have confirmed anything, but because Jennifer Aniston is a 40+ year old actress without a child, people have shamelessly peddled rumors about her desire to become a mother and how this may have essentially splintered her five-year marriage with Brad. Never mind that Brad is universally believed to have had an extramarital affair with Angelina, the controversy was centered around a woman’s choice, or supposed lack thereof, of building a family — even though there is no proof supporting this conjecture. It’s high time we break down this commonly held assumption and dig deeper into Brad and Jennifer’s attitudes regarding parenting. Jennifer Has Always Wanted to Be a Mother: “I Did, and I Do and I Will!”For starters, Jennifer Aniston has never been opposed to having children, so the public running away with this narrative is nothing short of devious. In a revealing profile inVanity Fair a year after her divorce, Jennifer reaffirmed her yearning to experience motherhood. I’ve never in my life said I didn’t want to have children. I did and I do and I will!Jennifer Aniston to Vanity FairThe Friends star outlined the double standard associated with singling out her childless status to perpetuate a myth. She was only in her mid-thirties at the time, so it seems even more bizarre in hindsight that the public would lambast their beloved Rachel for focusing on her profession. “A man divorcing would never be accused of choosing career over children,” she said. She added how she’s always modeled her life on women who can balance their work with family, those who can seemingly “have it all.” She doesn’t want to limit herself in the least and would “never give up” her family for a career. Nonetheless, she ended up on the receiving end of a ferocious rumor mill. The public was desperate to identify an inciting cause to the split, so they chose to pile on her without fear of consequence. Nobody asked whether Brad wanted children or if the couple were emotionally ready for the responsibility. RELATED: As A Single Mother, Angelina Jolie Defies The Odd Of Her Broken FamilyIn fact, a mutual friend told Vanity Fair that Brad, not Jennifer, was the one uncertain about parenthood. “When Brad and Jen were in the marriage, having a baby was not his priority—ever,” they told the mag. It was more of an “abstract desire” for him but an “immediate” concern for Jennifer. The actress, upon completing the final season of Friends in 2004, even told The Guardian she’s ready to explore maternity quite soon. “It's time. You know, I think you can work with a baby” she said at the time. “So I'm just truly looking forward to slowing down."So Why Did Brad Leave Jennifer to Raise a Family With Angelina?If Brad was so hesitant at the time, why did he pursue the strenuous task of raising six children with Angelina Jolie?According to sources, his journey into being a dad wasn’t so much an active decision but a natural byproduct of being in a relationship with Angelina. She’d been a single mother to son Maddox and was in the process of adopting her second child when she fell in love with Brad. That’s why he instinctively decided to step up to the plate and undertake the responsibilities of a father. If you’re dating a single parent, you’ll realize it’s next to impossible not to get attached to their child. They quickly become your family, and you can’t help but become a hands-on figure in the children's lives. If that’s what truly happened with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, it’s no surprise why he decided to embrace the parenting adventure with arms wide open.RELATED: Jennifer Aniston’s Biggest Regret From Her Marriage to Brad Pitt Is a Lesson for Us AllObviously, we can’t confirm if this is what occurred, but looping back to Jennifer, this alleged account does explain why Brad seemed so willing to devote himself to parenthood with Angelina but not Jennifer. Nevertheless, it doesn’t explain why Jennifer Aniston faced the brunt of the abuse in the wake of the divorce announcement. There is a pressure on women to be mothers, and if they are not, then they’re deemed damaged goods. Maybe my purpose on this planet isn’t to procreate. Maybe I have other things I’m supposed to do?Jennifer Aniston to InStyleShe and Brad made a wonderful pair and undoubtedly bonded over a number of interests and passions, so does she automatically become a bad wife if she doesn’t have a child as quickly as she can? Is her entire worth based on her decision to bring life into this world?Of course not. And while a man whose partner decides they don't want children – whether at all or later – will inevitably be forced to make a decision about staying in the relationship or not. Not because this partner is no longer loveable or worthy, but because their desires in life no longer align. Unfortunately, Jennifer has been positioned over the last sixteen years as the villain in this situation. Her choosing not to prioritize pregnancy has been cited as the number-one reason as to why their marriage failed. RELATED: What We Can Learn From Jennifer Aniston And Brad Pitt’s Final Vacation PicturesBrad did the whole song and dance with Angelina: they welcomed six children — three adopted, three biological — they walked down the aisle, and she changed her last name. They did everything a traditional couple would, but did it protect their marriage? Not at all; instead, they’ve gone through a nasty custody battle that’s exposing the worst of a 12-year partnership. Having a baby isn’t going to “save” your relationship. Sure, it can enrich your relationship and enable you and your partner to take upon new challenges, but it's not a guarantee to make you happy.What Jennifer Aniston Has to Say About All the Pregnancy RumorsThe Morning Show star has tried to keep as much of her personal life as private as possible, but unfortunately, that’s easier said than done. This is especially true when the whole world is seemingly obsessed with whether or not she’ll ever have kids. Despite her light-heartedness and easy-going nature, Jennifer Aniston has been vocal about her feelings surrounding the world’s obsession with her personal choices. In 2016, Jennifer Aniston wrote a powerful essay for The Huffington Post about this very subject. Evidently and understandably, Jen wrote, “I am not pregnant. What I am is fed up.”Then in 2021, Jennifer Aniston opened to The Hollywood Reporter about the subject again, explaining how “hurtful” and “nasty” it was for her to go all these years trying to ignore all the pregnancy rumors. The media immediately painted her as the villain in her divorce with Brad Pitt, saying that he had no choice but to leave her as she refused to have kids. "I used to take it all very personally. And the whole 'Oh, she chose career over kids' assumption." You have no clue what’s going with me personally, medically, why I can’t… can I have kids? They don’t know anything, and it was really hurtful and just nasty.Jennifer Aniston to The Hollywood Reporter“Now you’ve got social media. It’s almost like the media handed over the sword to any Joe Schmo sitting behind a computer screen to be a troll or whatever they call them and bully people in comment sections,” she explained, adding that there’s “such a cruel streak in society.” “What the tabloids and the media did to people’s personal lives back then, regular people are doing now,” she said. “Although I haven’t seen a tabloid in so long. Am I still having twins? Am I going to be the miracle mother at 52?” She also compared her experience with that of Dolly Parton, saying how unfortunate it is that although Dolly Parton never had kids, people aren't condemning her for it or trying to "put her in a white picket fence."There’s More to Love Than Raising a FamilyJennifer has been unjustifiably maligned in the lengthy Jen-Brad-Ang saga. Just because she dares to live as a childless, husband-less woman in her fifties, she’s immediately characterized as a mean spinster who’s never going to find someone to settle down with. The truth of the matter is that you shouldn’t pursue a relationship seriously if you aren't on the same page regarding children. This decision can be a dealbreaker, so if you and your partner are of two minds about this, it’s better to go your separate ways — as tough as it may sound. There’s no confirming what transcended between Jennifer and Brad — who wanted kids, who didn’t want kids, why did they wait so long — but she shouldn’t be deemed an unsuitable wife under any circumstance. Just because she didn’t pop out a few babies for Brad doesn’t mean her personality and companionship weren’t enough to sustain their marriage. Marriage and parenthood are two disparate entities, and you shouldn’t make the mistake of conflating them. Being a good wife is not synonymous with being a good mother, and vice versa. You are more than your ability to reproduce; before you venture into parenthood, consider your other qualities and ask yourself whether you need to work on yourself before devoting yourself to such an ordeal. If you believe you don’t need to add a few young ones to feel worthy, that’s a fair choice. KEEP READING:How Brad Pitt Focused on Sobriety and Self-Improvement After Split From Angelina Jolie

Billie Eilish's Realization About Love Will Make You Re-Think Your Worth
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Billie Eilish's Realization About Love Will Make You Re-Think Your Worth

Billie Eilish might only be nineteen, but her perspective will resonate far and wide. As a young, celebrated female artist on the scene, there is considerable, continuous speculation regarding Billie’s love life. You’d expect an adolescent like her to be a diehard romantic, someone with naïve ideas about human connection, commitment, and attraction; someone a little dramatic, a little sentimental, and far too hasty. This is the time when you sow your wild oats, of course, so why should her experience matter other than for her own development and clarity?Billie’s candid interview with GQ underlines how she possesses wisdom beyond her years. Behind the dyed hair, baggy clothes, and mumblecore vocals exists a woman who knows herself and can recognize her emotions, even as they feel irrational or painful. There is still a world yet for her to explore, but her take on intimacy and modern-day relationships carries a profound lesson for everyone. It also explains why she continues to be single while all her contemporaries go through the flirtation process:Billie said she couldn’t “visualize” herself being in a relationshipIn the past, Billie’s dated rapper Brandon Quentin Adams, also known as Q, and went out on a date with a young man named Henry Whitford, who not only was her first kiss but is said to have inspired her hit song ‘Bad Guy.’ There was also a deep-rooted obsession with Justin Bieber, which Billie claimed often bordered on mental instability. Most recently, she has been linked to actor Matthew Tyler Vorce.She hasn’t been romantically involved with anyone else to the public’s knowledge, but keep in mind, she’s only nineteen, and that’s still a more comprehensive list than many of us had compiled by our early twenties. I know I will find someone eventually, but at the moment I can’t visualise it. I feel like I am a totally different person when I am with someone else. People just don’t do it for me. It’s weird.Billie Eilish to GQAt the time of the 2020 interview, Billie Eilish said she was single but also added she was not looking to jump back into the dating pool anytime soon. It’s not that she had forsaken the concept of finding love altogether but that she was having a hard time connecting with someone and finding them attractive on a personal level. “It is so weird, but I don’t see it for myself,” she responded when asked if she has room for a more amorous companionship. The California native doesn’t necessarily think she is doomed to be single for eternity, but only, romance was just not her concern at the time, and that she would prefer to stay focused on other initiatives. Just because she might be seeing someone new in the present day doesn’t mean her prior statements on self-love and passion are any less valid. In fact, she even mentioned she’s not closing the door on meeting someone and forging an incredible, intimate connection with them; she trusts it will happen “eventually,” just not at the time. “People just don’t do it for me. It’s weird,” she told the magazine. She also admitted she’s a completely “different person” when she’s entangled with someone; she can’t identify herself and doesn’t understand how to deal with her rapidly transforming self. She’s never felt “powerful” in a relationship but admits she’s messed up tooIt’s critical to consider Billie’s brief, albeit tumultuous, dating history and how it shapes her approach. Though she didn’t name any of her ex-lovers, Billie said she’d had her “heart broken” before, which certainly molds her point-of-view to an extent, but moreover, she’s never felt “powerful” with anyone before. People have taken advantage of her, hurt her deeply, and essentially lowered her self-esteem to the point she felt inauthentic and pretentious. People have done some terrible s**t to me [...] I have never felt powerful in a relationship. I did once and, guess what, I took advantage of that person’s kindness. Billie Eilish to GQShe also discussed how she’s never felt “desired” by an ex, and it’s become somewhat of a priority for her. Female sexuality is still a challenging subject for many in society, especially when talking about a nineteen-year-old. But there is something empowering about a woman countering objectification —which is otherwise widespread in the industry — and asserting her agency in such a startlingly honest way. As far as love goes, it’s not too surprising she’d want to cool off for a little bit and regain awareness about herself and the world before she decided to pursue something real. When older people say, ‘What do you know about things like love?’ I know more about it than you do because I’m feeling it for the first time right now, whereas you haven’t felt that for a long time. That doesn’t mean it is any less powerful, but is definitely a different feeling.Billie Eilish to NMEThe Happier Than Ever artist also acknowledged that she hadn’t been the ideal girlfriend on many occasions, either. In the one time she did feel “powerful,” she exploited this status change and ended up exploiting the other person’s “kindness.” Billie didn’t offer any contextual information, but it’s safe to say her romances so far have been lacking for one reason or the other. It’s not so much about blaming someone else for your failures but accepting the difficulties and flaws within yourself. If you nor the other person are capable of being kind, fair, and empathetic to each other, it’s best to call it off. It’s all too easy to dismiss Billie’s opinion out of hand as the ramblings of an immature, entitled teen idol. However, the closer you look, the more profound her outlook becomes. Interestingly, Billie herself has countered the ageist judgment by asserting that her youth uniquely positions her during conversations about life, love, and everything in between. As opposed to people who’ve been through the cycle a few times over, Billie is experiencing every milestone for the first time; she’s able to unearth these wonderful, intriguing, sometimes destructive facets of love that we can’t begin to recollect. Approach your relationship with care and cautionUltimately, it’s worth taking a moment and absorbing Billie’s ideas. For the most part, millennials and the older generations are socialized to despise their ‘singleness’ and to spend every waking moment finding a partner they could marry and do the whole white-picket-fence dance with. This doesn’t mean Billie doesn’t want to pursue the same ideal — who knows what might happen in the future, and the changes our young musicians might undergo. But it does tell us we should exercise more caution and care when dating someone; we have to be conscious of the power we both surrender and wield, and we have to take action the minute we realize it’s not working or that if we’re pushing ourselves through something that feels bleak and disheartening. Love is hard work, but it’s also consuming, painful, and draining, so if you don’t feel like you’re 100% up for it, make the change. More inspiring stories:Behind Justin Bieber’s ‘Protective’ Relationship With Billie EilishThe Inspiring Reason Why Lady Gaga Reached Out To Billie EilishAt Only 18, Billie Eilish Takes A Powerful Stance For WomenWhen Billie Eilish’s Tourette Syndrome Was Revealed by Fans, She Took Control of Her Own Story

Why We Need To Talk About The Jennifer Lopez vs Jennifer Garner Conversation
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Why We Need To Talk About The Jennifer Lopez vs Jennifer Garner Conversation

When you wage a battle between the two Jennifers, it’s only women that end up on the losing side. Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Garner are two of the most beloved, accomplished, and charming personalities of our time, with each boasting monumental accolades in film, television, and music. Yet, what unites them is not their triumphant careers or their ubiquitous first name — it’s the man they’ve both been romantically associated with at different points of their lives: Ben Affleck. The comparison between the two Jennifers is unfair and sexistAs the wildly astonishing reunion of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez soars and flourishes before the frenzied paparazzi, a lot of questions have been raised about Jennifer Garner and the role she’s played in her ex-husband’s life over the years, including whether she’s indirectly driven him into the arms of J-Lo. Of course, these questions inevitably lead to baseless comparisons between the two women that not only erase their individuality but also disparage the man at the center of it all. Here’s why the phenomenon needs to be closely examined.As soon as it emerged that Bennifer, the iconic portmanteau referring to the coupledom of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez, had resumed their relationship following a 17-year break, the press went into overdrive. Their initial romance was so widely covered and so obsessively monitored that it essentially epitomized, if not coined, the term ‘power couple.’ To no one’s surprise, the second iteration has been receiving as much, if not more, attention among the public. What’s problematic is when the collective fixation on the pairing also ropes in other individuals that don’t want to be part of the conversation. For example, when J-Lo went Instagram-official with Ben via a PDA-filled photo on her 52nd birthday, a peculiar phrase started trending on the internet. Not ‘Bennifer’ or ‘J-Lo’ or ‘Ben Affleck.’ It was ‘Jennifer Garner vs. Jennifer Lopez.’ All of a sudden, the masses wanted to compare the two women and investigate Ben’s alleged preference for one over the other, as if it was the primary factor that led to the dissolution of Ben and Jennifer Garner’s marriage. The discourse was unnecessary from the get-go and only served to strengthen the tabloid-oriented culture of pitting women against each other. Some publications went so far as to juxtapose photos of Jennifer Garner running around in ordinary clothing with those of J-Lo posing glamorously in her designer bikinis — indicating that there must be an issue with Jennifer Garner’s attractiveness, something so horrific that alienated Ben and triggered the split. Activist and actress Jameela Jamil spoke out about the sheer malice involved in setting these women in opposition to each other. “ This bulls-t comes from patriarchy and is repeatedly infused into our psyche via the mostly but not only tabloid media. Let the Jens live. Let women live. Let girls live. Stop the rot,” she wrote in an Instagram post. It also doesn’t address the complete picture and has no basisThere are a number of concerns with such a compare/contrast mindset. For starters, there’s very little achieved in the way of empowerment if you begin to measure women based on how desirable they appear to the opposite sex. You’re reducing their worth to how a man might perceive them, and if the man in question selects one and ‘rejects’ the other, it must mean there’s a clear winner and that the other woman is as good as useless as far as anyone is concerned. In reality, you can’t determine love and marriage like it’s an athletic race; these women aren’t gold, silver, or bronze medals where one is clearly superior to the other. Determining their value solely on whether they can land a particular man is not sustainable in the least; it means that a women’s ‘worth’ fluctuates with the whims of her lover. If he finds her desirable, she indeed must be beautiful; if he leaves for another woman, well, there is something wrong about her, isn’t it? This sort of framework only breeds hostility among the women, who might find themselves seething with jealousy over being jilted by their partner in favor of another woman. Jealousy leads to judgment, which can incite harmful manifestations of aggression and self-loathing.The Lopez vs. Garner debate is specifically nonsensical because it’s not like Ben Affleck left Jennifer Garner to hook up with J-Lo. He’s dated quite a few women since his separation from Jennifer Garner. He isn’t some naïve dog who couldn’t resist J-Lo’s hotness, choosing to abandon his family to have a go with his ex. Ben is an adult who understands his priorities and has sight of the bigger picture. If he was really going for sexy women, he could have opted for just about anyone in Hollywood. Clearly, there’s something else about J-Lo that draws him to her. Besides, if rumors are anything to go by, Ben’s split from Jennifer Garner is said to have been caused by his relapse into alcoholism and a potential nanny affair, not by J-Lo’s arrival as she’d been dating Alex Rodriguez until April 2021. It also debunks the assumption that Jennifer Garner must be heartbroken at seeing her ex rekindle the passion with his ex. Why are we just presuming Jennifer Garner is pining over him when she’s the one who likely decided to end the marriage? Ben called the split “the biggest regret of [his] life,” so there’s no rhyme or reason to portraying Jennifer Garner as the pathetic sadsack in this scenario. In fact, sources say Jennifer Garner is “supportive” about Bennifer’s reunion, adding that she just wants what’s best for her ex-husband and her family.Let women thrive As Jameela Jamil said about the matter, “let women live.” Don’t stir up controversy where it’s not warranted. Don’t manufacture drama only because it’s entertaining to you, and the chaos seems worthwhile. Most women grow up feeling severely inadequate and insecure, slipping into shame spirals that eat away at their sense of self. They blame themselves for occurrences outside of their control and will develop intense emotions of resentment and anger for women they deem as enemies. It doesn’t mean that women aren’t allowed to hate other women or that they aren’t supposed to have personal or professional rivalries. They can very well take place in your life, and you’ll have to learn how to deal with them without losing your sanity. What’s worse is when it’s not two women fighting but the rest of the world conspiring to create animosity out of thin air. You have to remember that it’s always best to leave women up to their devices and keep these comparisons at bay. They don’t matter, they don’t make sense, and they don’t do justice to the women working hard to preserve their self-esteem and sense of agency. More inspiring stories:What Convinced Jennifer Lopez She Had To Break Things Off With DiddyHow Jennifer Lopez’s Breakup With Alex Rodriguez Exposes Double StandardsBen Affleck’s Accountability Journey Starts With Acknowledging The Women In His PastWhat Jennifer Garner Learned From The Horror Show Of A Divorce From Ben Affleck

What Is Ghosting, and How to Respond to It
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What Is Ghosting, and How to Respond to It

So you've been pursuing a new romantic relationship, and things have been going well so far? Great! Whether you met them through mutual social connections, found them online or ran into them on the street and exchanged numbers, a new relationship - whether personal, romantic or professional - it’s always great to make a new connection. However, sometimes out of the blue, this other person ceases all contact with you. Texts go unanswered. Calls aren't returned. If you're connected on social media, your DMs are left on read. What happened, and what did you do to deserve this kind of emotional cruelty? If this experience sounds familiar, you may be a victim of a trend called "ghosting." Psychology Today defines ghosting as “abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation,” a situation in which the person you'd been dating vanishes into thin air (hence the spooky name). Though the term ghosting is mainly used in the context of romantic relationships, it can also apply to other personal relationships, including those at work. Either way, it’s not only a demonstration of a lack of communication skills, but sometimes downright rude. Unfortunately, having a name associated with this kind of behavior doesn't make it any easier to process. In this article, we'll take a look at what ghosting means and how to avoid it, how to respond to ghosting, and what to do if you've been ghosted.Ghosting – What It Means and How to Avoid the Emotional Discomfort What is ghosting someone? Though people have dropped off the radar long before this term was officially coined, the rise of dating apps and textual communication has made disappearing from someone's life without any further contact easier to do than ever before, and is more prevalent than ever over the last decade. There are many articles on the concept, and the term ghosting was officially added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017. Since then, ghosting has become a widely used phrase throughout pop culture. In a survey on ghosting, 30% of participants reported being ghosted by a friend or romantic partner. The trend of ghosting has even extended to the workplace, with workers reporting they've blown off interviews and even quit jobs by simply not showing up to the office. That sure is one way to avoid confrontation at the office!While there are no hard, fast indicators that can absolutely determine whether or not a person will ghost you, research published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships did glean some interesting insights. In the study, participants were divided into two groups - those who believe in destiny when it comes to a relationship and those who think relationships take work. Interestingly, the group that believed in relationships as something that fate controls were more likely to say that ghosting was acceptable behavior. However, those who viewed relationships as something to work and grow at were more likely to say that ghosting was not an okay method for ending a relationship. So, before getting serious with someone in the future, you might be able to get a sense of their position on ghosting by asking them whether or not they believe relationships are determined by fate or hard work in an early conversation. Otherwise, it could lead the door open to some difficult emotions, and even some tears. Can Ghosting Apply to Texting?One of the most common forms of ghosting occurs when a romantic partner or friend decides to stop texting back. (ljubaphoto / Getty)While it's not necessarily as troubling to have someone you've matched with on a dating app suddenly stop communicating after a few text exchanges, not receiving communication from someone you have a more established relationship with can be distressing, and even lead to low self esteem or severely hurt feelings. It doesn’t take much to show a little bit of basic respect, after all. Why Do People Ghost Others? Though this can be hard to believe when you're the one being ghosted, the reason people ghost usually has nothing to do with the person they're ghosting. The person doing the ghosting may decide that cutting off further chats is easier for them to do. Or, they may feel that the emotional discomfort of telling someone that they're no longer interested in is not something they want to experience. In other words, instead of telling the ghosted person that this is the case, they decide to take the easy way out and ghost.At the same time, at least in the context of dating apps, decision fatigue often comes into play. The plethora of options available can make the act of ghosting feel insignificant to one person or the other. With so many other fish in the sea, what's the big deal about moving on to the next one without a proper debrief, right? However, though the ghost may have succeeded in avoiding a potentially uncomfortable situation, avoiding conversations about what they're looking for in a relationship and being able to communicate this clearly to others is a necessary skill when it comes to dating – one that serial ghosters miss out on cultivating. Why make another person feel bad when you can quickly and easily give them a little bit of notice?How to Respond to Ghosting in Personal Relationships & Romantic Relationships Being ghosted often comes with a range of emotional responses by the person it's happening to. If the relationship was relatively new – a new match on a dating app or a first date, for example - it can seem like an annoyance more than anything. For those who experience ghosting from someone they've had a more long-term relationship with, initial reactions can start with worry, then quickly turn to anger and despair. It can be tempting to try and get a response out of your ghoster once you realize what's happening. But once a person has decided to end a relationship this way, trying to get a rise or response out of them through text messages, voicemails or even an in-person ambush isn't likely going to end well. Instead, more people feel that choosing to focus on what you can control in this situation – namely, how you move on from here, can make all the difference when it comes to getting over your ghost. It certainly is less painful, and can generally make things easier to accept.If you don't feel you can move on without having the last word, it's okay to send a text that gives you the closure you did not receive from the person who ghosted you. Something that communicates you're no longer interested in this relationship, that you want to be with someone who values your time and that the door is no longer open for communication between the two of you in the future are strong components to include. You will likely not get a response from the person ghosting, but sending a response like this puts the power and decision back in your hands. You've Been Ghosted...Now What?Having someone remove us from their lives by doing nothing inevitably makes us want to do something about it. But instead of trying to sway the ghoster's decision or get closure out of them through a text or phone call, your best move after being ghosted is to focus on moving on from the relationship. Not sure where to start? Here are a few tips to consider.Don't blame yourself It's tempting to look back on your text messages, photos and social media interactions and try to identify where it all went wrong. Was there something you could have done differently that would have made them stay? (Kilito Chan / Getty)Feeling this way is a perfectly normal reaction to have. After all, you've been left without any answers or closure – so piecing things together by replaying certain moments of your relationship and trying to analyze them may seem like a perfectly good way to spend your time. This can be hard to step away from, but knowing that your ghoster's reaction is more about how they feel about themselves than about you can be a starting point. Do not blame yourself for getting ghosted. Spend time with friends or family Spending time with the people in your life who appreciate you and see you for the terrific person you are can help start to heal the wound ghosting leaves. Particularly where friends are concerned, spending time with others who have chosen to keep you as a valuable part of their life can be validating after a ghosting experience and can start to help you see all the good qualities you possess in a new light. Avoid memories of your ghostDepending on how much time the two of you spent together, this can be a difficult task to take on. However, the age-old saying 'out of sight, out of mind' can go a long way in moving on from being ghosted. If you're still connected with this person on social media, consider removing or, at the very least, muting them. Hide or delete photos of the two of you from your phone. While there are likely to be still things that remind you of your ghost, controlling what you can as far as their visibility in your life can go a long way. Evaluate what you truly want in your next relationship Experiencing things you don't want in a relationship (read: lack of accountability and communication) is a great way to determine what's really important to you when you think about meeting someone new. You may not be ready to move on and get back out there right away – and that's perfectly okay.While you're taking the time to heal and recharge, consider making a list of important attributes in your next relationship to help you get clear on what you truly want in a partner. Making a list of questions to ask in your new relationship can help you identify the right person for you sooner than later in the process. Is Ghosting Ever Okay?In one well-known Reddit thread, one woman's story of ghosting her boyfriend of five years was praised by Reddit users. After finding her boyfriend asleep in bed with another woman, she slipped out of his apartment, packed up her things, changed her job, deleted her social media and effectively disappeared from his radar forever.While this example is extreme, ghosting someone who has wronged you in a way that does not deserve closure (read: finding out the person you've been dating is married or has a family, or walking away from an abusive relationship) have been deemed by most as acceptable reasons for ending a relationship by ghosting. In ConclusionGhosting someone has become a popular way for people to end relationships with one another, mainly due to the nature of online dating, with most of our communication taking place virtually through text. However, just because something has become a shared experience doesn't mean it's the right way to end a relationship. Ghosting is hard for the person it's happening to and doesn't do any favors for the person ghosting in the long run, either. Your best defense against ghosting is being able to recognize that someone who would choose to end communication with you through ghosting is not someone who deserves to be with you in the long run -- and learning how to move on. You’re gonna get through this!

Kaley Cuoco Shows Us the Emotional Reality of Finding Love After Divorce
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Kaley Cuoco Shows Us the Emotional Reality of Finding Love After Divorce

In June 2021, Kaley Cuoco celebrated five years of knowing Karl Cook and three years of being married to him by joking on Instagram, “Why have you stayed married to me for so long?! I’m sincerely impressed,” she quipped, adding, “I love you oh so much you have no idea.” Cook responded with his own sweet post, writing, “I am just as amazed it’s been three years, feel like just a flash. I love you so much and I can’t wait for a million more years!!” In fact, it’s no surprise at all that the pair hit the three-year mark, even if Cuoco was convinced she’d never walk down the aisle again after her whirlwind marriage to Ryan Sweeting ended in divorce before they ever celebrated their two-year anniversary. Since then, the actress has spoken candidly about the difficulties of working through the end of a marriage, as well as the importance of coming to terms with it — because everything happens for a reason. Here’s what Kaley Cuoco can teach us about finding love post-divorce:Kaley Cuoco rushed into marriage, but couldn’t rush healing Kaley Cuoco and tennis player Ryan Sweeting had only been dating for three short months when they announced their engagement in September 2013. Sticking to their fast pace, they tied the knot just three months after that, saying “I do” on New Year’s Eve. The actress acknowledged that their speedy timeline wasn’t for everyone, but assured fans that it made sense for her and Sweeting. “I know that it seems a little crazy on paper but it works for us,” she said, adding, “From day one, I just knew immediately and it’s been magic.” Sadly, their whirlwind romance didn’t make it in the long run and, in September 2015, the couple announced that they had “mutually decided to end their marriage” after just 21 months. As the actress told Cosmopolitan in 2016, she wanted her marriage “to work so badly, more than anything, and tried harder than anyone could have tried,” but there were “circumstances I couldn’t get past.” At the time, she didn’t elaborate on what those circumstances were, but in 2018, she told Cosmopolitan that a major reason behind her divorce was that she didn’t fully know her partner. “I married someone the first time who completely changed,” she revealed, explaining, “The person I ended up with was not the person I originally met. And that wasn’t my fault — that was his,” she continued, noting she decided to file for divorce because she knew she deserved more. “I knew how much I had to give and how much I wanted to receive,” she told the outlet. The Big Bang Theory alum also acknowledged to Variety that she and Sweeting didn’t take enough time to learn about each other, quipping, “We got married in, like, six seconds.” Kaley Cuoco and ex husband Ryan Sweeting The person I ended up with was not the person I originally met. And that wasn’t my fault — that was his.Kaley CuocoBut while getting married was fast, recovering from divorce was anything but. Shortly after her split, Cuoco admitted to Cosmopolitan that she initially felt numb and tried to push down her feelings, until she began having panic attacks and crying without warning. That’s when she realized she needed to face her pain head-on, grieve properly, and “really go through this.” As she learned, a breakup “is like losing someone” and can feel like “a loss of hope,” so a proper mourning period is essential. It wasn’t easy, however. Cuoco recalled how sadness would hit her “out of nowhere,” especially when she thought about her life plans crumbling around her. “I thought I’d have a baby by now!” she said. “You see your life going one way, and then it’s the direct opposite way. I’m waking up going, ‘Oh my god, my life just flipped upside down,’” she confessed. But she was determined to work through it and that’s exactly what she did. As “The Flight Attendant” star told the mag, she listened to Adele’s “Hello” 75 times in a row and cried; she deleted Instagram photos of her wedding; she redecorated the house she had shared with her ex; and she dedicated more time to things that made her happy, like riding horses. Basically, anything and everything that would help her heart heal. Kaley Cuoco’s divorce made her question the importance of marriage As Kaley Cuoco worked hard to mend her heart and slowly became open to the idea of loving again, her shattered view of marriage seemed irreparable. “[What happened] changed the way I look at marriage, and that makes me sad,” Kaley Cuoco told Cosmopolitan in 2016, but clarified, “It does not change the way that I look at love. I cannot wait to be in love again,” she enthused. That being said, her split from Ryan Sweeting taught her the importance of taking your time and she wasn’t going to rush into anything. “I don’t feel like I am ready yet. I realized that recently actually, I was like, ‘Oh, I’m not ready,’ which is so different for me,” she told the mag, admitting that was very different from her usual approach to love. “I dive into everything,” she conceded. “I close doors and I’m immediately into the next open door, and this surprised me. My friends and I talk about this a lot, and I said, ‘I’m really not quite ready,’ and they go, ‘We’re glad to hear you say that!’” she shared. [What happened] changed the way I look at marriage, and that makes me sad...it does not change the way I look at love. I cannot wait to be in love again.Kaley CuocoIn taking her time and working through her emotions in an honest way, she also came to terms with her split. Rather than holding onto any regrets, Cuoco told CBS This Morning (via Us Weekly) that she chose to use the divorce as a stepping stone and a learning experience. “You know what, I’m not ashamed of anything that happened,” she began. “I fall in love really hard, I do. I go deep,” she said, noting, “[I] wouldn’t call it a mistake, it just is what happened in my life, so I’m excited to see what the future holds. It happened, and now I have to say I’m happier than I’ve ever been.” As she told The Talk (via People), “It’s like I saw the light somehow.” Kaley Cuoco is now enjoying marriage on her terms Kaley Cuoco may have waited for the right time to put her heart out there once more, but she never doubted that she would one day find the right match for her. As she confessed on The Talk (via People) in 2016, she knew “deep down” that her marriage to Ryan Sweeting was “just not the right thing,” but she was confident that “the right thing is coming for me.” And she was right. In March 2016, Cuoco went Instagram official with professional equestrian Karl Cook whom she met at a horse show. They instantly bonded over their shared “passion for horses and dogs” and, as she told The Talk, it was just what she had been waiting for. “I’m so happy,” she gushed. “I can’t stop smiling. Life is so so good. I finally found my horse guy!” she joked, adding, “It was very meant to be” and calling Cook “a great human.”The Emmy nominee shared a similar sentiment with Us Weekly in 2017, telling the outlet, “I feel very, very lucky that I found someone like him.” Asked why they’re such a good match, she joked, “I like to torture him and he doesn’t get mad at me. He just let’s me do it!” But there’s more to their bond than him having “such a great sense of humor.” As Cuoco gushed, Cook is “a real person and I think the big deal was knowing how much he loves dogs and horses — that’s always on my checklist. ‘Must love dogs’ is number one and he checked that off quite quickly and I fell very hard.”So hard that she even changed her stance about marriage. As she told Cosmopolitan in 2018, “I honestly thought I wouldn’t get married again. My ex ruined that word for me,” but then Cook came along. They tied the knot in June 2018 after nearly two years of dating and in August 2019, Cuoco revealed how they were doing marriage on their terms. “We have a very unconventional marriage,” she shared, admitting they still weren’t living together. “We’re not together every single day and I think, personally, it’s important, it works well for us,” she explained, adding, “It just makes life really fun.” She also enthused about their setup on The View, saying (via Architectural Digest), “It’s been working great and we love it. We love it, so I don’t know why people have such an issue.” In the end, it was the pandemic that forced them to finally move in under one roof and, luckily, “it's been great for our relationship,” Cuoco told Jimmy Kimmel, joking, “And we like each other, we realized, which is even better.” Just don’t expect them to permanently change their setup. “We do both travel a lot, which I think is very healthy,” she told Us Weekly, adding, “Our time at home is minimal, which makes us super appreciate it.” Kaley Cuoco can teach us all an important lesson about breakups: healing is key. Rather than pushing aside your emotions, you need to face them head-on and, as hard as it may be at the beginning, use them as a learning experience. The actress shows us that it’s imperative to embrace both life’s ups and downs because you can’t have one without the other. As she herself realized, everything she went through in her first marriage was worthwhile because, in the end, “it brought me to Karl.”More inspiring stories:Friendship Goals: Kaley Cuoco and Johnny Galecki Bonded After Their BreakupEminem Reveals The Real Reason Why He’s Still Single After DivorceWhy We Need To Talk About Kelly Clarkson’s Shocking Divorce SettlementWhy Scarlett Johansson Refuses To Open Up About Her Divorce From Ryan Reynolds

Eminem Reveals The Real Reason Why He's Still Single After Divorce
Dating

Eminem Reveals The Real Reason Why He's Still Single After Divorce

Who would want to take relationship advice from Eminem?The rapper has a history of bad behavior and poor decision-making, not to mention emotional and physical abuse, so you’d be forgiven for disregarding his opinions on modern romance and human connection. With that being said, it’s also crucial to acknowledge the measures he’s undertaken over the years to acknowledge his wrongdoings and make amends with the people he’s hurt. His ex-wife Kimberly Anne Scott suffered plenty, having been explicitly referenced in the majority of Eminem’s tunes, which generally lean on the side of crass and insensitive. Yet, outside of this one high school sweetheart, Eminem hasn’t been romantically involved with anyone in a long time — at least not to the public’s knowledge. As a matter of act, his domestic affairs are completely surrounded by a shroud of secrecy, and unless he deliberately chooses to clue us in through a musical verse, we’ll remain none the wiser. The man has mastered the art of tactfully separating his public and private identities, but on the rare occasion that he does open up, there’s value in taking note of his perspective and seeing how it can apply in our own lives. Eminem shares his views on dating and why it's not for him at the momentIn an interview with Vulture, Eminem reveals the pitfalls of dating post-divorce and why it’s particularly challenging to pursue love with his level of celebrity. Not only does he have to convince every woman he is a changed man, but he also has to ensure the public doesn’t catch wind of the potential romance. He’s in his late forties, notoriously aggressive, has a tumultuous past that you can’t really justify, and is routinely feuding with many of his peers in the hip-hop space, sometimes all at once. There’s a lot you would have to overcome if you want to give Eminem a shot, and so there’s an added layer of hardship on his end to navigating this convoluted, ever-fluctuating social scene. Since my divorce I’ve had a few dates and nothing’s panned out in a way that I wanted to make it public [...] Dating’s just not where I’m at lately.Eminem to VultureEminem shared he’s tried his hand at meeting women and establishing an intimate connection with them, but nothing’s worked out in his favor. As a result, it’s impacted his desire to put himself out there in the first place, and he doesn’t think it’s worthwhile at this point to dedicate his energy to these endeavors. He downloaded Tinder, gone to strip clubs, took part in setups, but if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. “It was an interesting time for me,” he said. When asked if he feels lonely, he laughs off the question and says, “Am I lonely? No, I’m good. Thanks for asking though.”Eminem’s plight is relatable in that it’s all too easy to get discouraged by dating prospects. We’ve all been here: if you have a couple of bad encounters, you might be inclined to revert to your comfort zone immediately. It becomes more of an uphill battle as you get older: your patience wears thin, you’re not looking to experiment as much, and you just want someone to understand you and where you’re coming from. You expect a certain level of maturity from the other person, and if they can’t deliver a precise configuration of kindness, love, and respect, why even bother?He reveals the real reason why he prefers to remain singleThere’s something to be said about a man who is able to maintain such a high standard of privacy in this day and age. Yes, he’s said and done some truly horrendous things, some that don’t inspire the slightest bit of confidence in his ability to be a good partner, but he’s also at a different phase of his life, a critical juncture that could make or break his legacy. Even his most zealous supporters wonder why Marshall Mathers is so secretive about his romantic side. Surely, it exists, so why has he been so resistant about disclosing any information to the public, especially if it could subvert expectations and portray him in a more sympathetic light? There has been longstanding speculation about his sexuality or lack thereof, whereas others assume he’s still pining for Kim. Eminem says it’s because he has deep-rooted trust issues and therefore isn’t fond of placing confidence in someone who could potentially hurt him or exploit his influence. He has a hard time distinguishing those whose motives are nefarious and those who are genuinely well-intentioned. He doesn’t want to give his everything to a woman, only to have her take advantage of his vulnerability and make off with a portion of his wealth. I have trust issues. With women, friends, whatever. You always wonder what their real motives are. Eminem to Rolling StoneBesides, it’s too much of a gamble to take the woman out in public and attract a horde of paparazzi, capturing every moment of the date. “Going out in public is too crazy,” shared the father-of-three. We, as ordinary people, take these experiences for granted: going out to see the movies, dining out at a fancy restaurant, going to the amusement park. We’re able to soak up the moment without feeling threatened by scrutiny or judgment. When you’re Eminem, however, you have to be careful about each and every move. Despite his misgivings about dating post-divorce, he hasn’t totally given up on the idea of finding the special person. “I mean, I'd like to be in a relationship again someday. Who doesn't? It's just hard to meet new people, in my position,” he told Rolling Stone. But he has to account for the numerous traps laid out in his path. If your heart is not in it and if you don’t think it’s worth your time, what more can you do? Yet, the beautiful thing about growing older is becoming attuned to your own preferences and desires, so you’ll have an easier time identifying the bad apples. Also, it’s about longevity at this point, so you’re less focused on the vain, material pleasures that might have dominated your youth and more concerned about the quality and the integrity of the person you’re seeing. Don’t push yourself for something unless you’re readyEminem’s familiar case reminds us it’s never worth it to push yourself towards a new chapter unless you’re well and truly ready for the change. Yes, it’s never too late to undertake new responsibilities and discover new adventures, but you also have to be in the right mindset. Dating will seem impossibly strenuous at times, and you’ll likely consider quitting the whole song and dance. Yet, instead of shutting the door on romance for good, you can just press pause and take a step back. Gain a fresh perspective, prioritize other areas of your life, and come back to the same point when you’re ready. As mentioned, it’s never too late, so you shouldn’t worry about some imaginary clock. More inspiring stories:Why We Need To Talk About Eminem Getting “Canceled” on TikTokWhy Eminem’s Long-Awaited Apology To Rihanna About Her Assault Still MattersThe Story Behind Eminem’s Two Adoptive Daughters Will Change How You See HimEminem’s Daughter Is Nothing Like Him–And He Couldn’t Be More Proud

Drew Barrymore's Reaction to Being Cheated On Will Empower You
Heartbreak

Drew Barrymore's Reaction to Being Cheated On Will Empower You

The phenomenon of cheating is as old as time itself, yet humanity still hasn’t cracked the code on preventing or coping with it. It can topple the most sweeping of love stories, threaten the most indestructible of ties, and jeopardize the most stable of families. You’d think we’d have developed a better mechanism to subdue its ramifications or identify it from the jump, yet the optimist in us prefers to turn blind to its most apparent indications. We’d rather stay in the dark than confront the betrayal and upend our entire world. Adultery is particularly challenging for the youth, who don’t have the necessary wisdom to process the experience in a healthy way. Not that adults are shining examples of showing sensibility during trying circumstances, but at least most of them have an adequate enough sense of self to help them move past the shock. Drew Barrymore, for example, has spoken out about how being cheated on shattered her world as a teenager. It took her a while to make peace with it, but when the moment arrived, she wouldn’t dare let it go. Here’s how we can follow her path:Drew felt she wasn't "good enough" for a man after getting cheated onThere’s no doubt Drew was one of the wildest teenagers Hollywood has ever seen in its 100-year history, but there lay a deep vulnerability behind her poor decision-making. As an impulsive but naïve young actress, she felt each and every emotion far more acutely than her adult peers. Every single occasion is a rollercoaster, every single relationship is ride-or-die, a breakup can be cause for severe depression, and if you don’t get what you want, you’re going to do everything in your power to reverse course. So what happens when you find out that the love of your life has been unfaithful to you? Drew told Elle she couldn’t withstand the heartbreak and therefore turned to self-loathing as a way to make sense of the shocking discovery. This particular boyfriend who she’d been with as a late teenager sent her down a spiral of shame and guilt as if it was her fault for pushing him into the arms of another woman. I remember feeling so bad about myself and I felt shame. I asked myself why I wasn't good enough and I thought the other girl must've been so great. And then I thought, what if I decided to never think this way again?Drew Barrymore to ElleThe Never Been Kissed actress blamed herself for not being “good enough” for lacking the qualities that the other woman seemingly had in spades. This type of thought process isn’t an anomaly among women; we’re conditioned to think securing a man is life’s ultimate goal. So if we fail at this purpose and let someone else walk away with our ‘prize,’ we’ll quickly be singled out in society as pariahs, some sort of disappointments who couldn’t excel at the only job assigned to us. That’s when Drew decided she needed to reframe her mindset and approach her future with a completely fresh perspective. She couldn’t afford to beat herself over someone else’s horrifying actions or absorb their guilty conscience by default. As women, it’s up to us to oust the mentality of carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, so as Drew went through the years and celebrated the milestones, she decided to transform her outlook. She decided "insecurities" weren't an option and that it's worth waiting for the right personA huge motivation for the Charlie’s Angels star was becoming a mother to her two daughters, Olive and Frankie. She doesn’t want her daughters to ever go through the same humiliating cycles of distress and self-hatred as she had in her notorious teenage years. Some level of insecurity is intrinsic to the adolescent experience —there’s no way you’ll be able to eradicate these doubts at the click of a finger, but at least Drew is trying her best to carve a path her daughters could potentially follow. Drew Barrymore with her ex-husband William KopelmanI will literally kill myself to make them learn the lesson I've learned about how insecurity is not an option [...] Instead of being insecure and jealous and suspicious and wonder if every guy is going to cheat on me again, I decided to say, "Nope. This will be totally enough for somebody one day.” Drew Barrymore to Elle You shouldn’t have to be anyone other than yourself to please a guy. In fact, if anyone requires you to change everything about yourself to fit his definition of acceptable, chances are they’ll only keep raising their demands until you crumble. It shouldn’t be your responsibility to prevent your partner from cheating on you; if they make a choice, they’re doing so of their volition. They’re aware it’s the amoral road, and the onus should be on them to explain their move and seek your forgiveness. Of course, it’s pretty natural to feel devastated. Perhaps you could have anticipated the two-timing; perhaps if you had worked hard on the relationship, it could have been strong enough to thwart off those impulses. Yet, it doesn’t matter - cheating isn’t the automatic solution to those issues. Therefore, as Drew puts it, insecurity isn’t the answer. You are who you are, and someday you’ll meet someone who’ll value and appreciate you for who you are. It doesn’t mean change is completely off the table, but it’s something the two of you must decide on mutually rather than parlay it as a requirement for the relationship. “What if I didn't try to warp myself into this phantom standard that I didn't even know?” she said. Instead, she prefers to wait to find the person who thinks she, Drew Barrymore, is “enough” for. No unattainable standards to meet, no back-breaking exercises to follow, no sad justifications for the infidelities, just self-confidence at its finest. You are enough Drew Barrymore’s insistence at wiping out your “insecurities” is a reminder to everyone: you don’t have to blame yourself for how others treat you. This goes beyond romantic relationships; everyone who dares to blame or shame you for something beyond your control doesn’t deserve your time. You need to feel assured about your own self; of course, you’re not perfect, and you understand what you need to do to improve specific aspects of your life, but it doesn’t give anyone the right to make you feel any less worthy. Cheating, in particular, has traditionally been used as a tool to subdue women and make them question their place in society. The consequences are never as bad for men as they are for women, so keeping this in mind, you shouldn’t let anyone take control of your self-esteem. You have been wronged, and it’s not your fault in the least. More inspiring stories:How Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore Managed To Maintain A 30-Year Friendship5 Daily Habits to Steal from Drew Barrymore, Including Her Glass-Half-Full AttitudeRobert Pattinson Handled Being Cheated On In A Surprisingly Mature WayWhen Kelly Osbourne Was Cheated On, She Made An Unlikely Friend