A Collection Of Tips To Learn How To Let Go
It’s time to bring our focus to the present moment.
Holding on to things we can’t control can cause us a great deal of stress and unhappiness. It also keeps us stuck in the past, and keeps us from growing and living our lives freely. If we want to be happy and free, then we need to learn to let go. Trauma occurs in the nervous system, when an event happens and our systems freeze in place. In order to let go of that stress, we have to reset our nervous system.
Attachment is mental and emotional fixation on something we think we need or want. We get attached to things like people, views, outcomes, or material possessions. Many of us walk around with fear of abandonment and other trauma attached to our experiences growing up. These fixations and obsessions create irrational fears and thought patterns within our minds.
Many of us confuse the feeling of pleasure or emotional gratification, with happiness. Happiness is both a passing emotion and overall state of being. You don’t have to be happy in the moment to be happy overall. True happiness comes from freedom from suffering, not emotional pleasure. Yet our society teaches us that if we achieve or acquire things that bring us pleasure, then we’ll be happy. Happiness takes work and an understanding of the different energies within our body and surrounding us everyday.
Holding on is also a habit. Our behaviors are so deeply ingrained in us that we just hold on to things without even realizing it. In addition, we’re afraid to look at ourselves because we may not like what we see.
The Benefits of Letting Go
It’s easy to hang on to things that are no longer serving us, such as unhealthy relationships, habits, and thoughts that maybe once offered something of importance to us, but not longer do. A part of the growth process is to grow apart, move on and evolve, and in many different forms.
In terms of relationships, it’s important to not hold on too tightly to your partner. Independence and freedom are critical to healthy growth and interaction. Without it, couples begin to mold into each other and lose the passion that once made the relationship so fun and interesting. Without being challenged, we aren’t able to let go of the comfortable but toxic habits we’ve built up. We end up carrying that around with no true way to express it.
When you learn to let go, you’ll attract healthier people in your life. Energy is real and the feeling you put out into the world will be received and reciprocated. Moving with a free and open energy will attract that same energy into your life. You’ll inspire people to also let go and be open.
If we hold on to something, we can’t move forward. We cannot grow emotionally if we hold on to something we think brings us happiness. If you keep holding on to things around you, then you will remain stuck in the past because things are always changing.
As you learn to let go, your self-esteem and self-confidence will grow. When you realize that you won’t die from letting go of things you thought you needed, you will be able to pursue things that are healthier for you.
Tips on Lettings Go
Mantras can be an extremely helpful way to help you let go of things you’ve been holding on to for too long. How you talk to yourself can either move you forward in life or keep you stuck in the same old habits. Often, having a mantra that you tell yourself in times of emotional pain can help you reframe your thoughts, calm your nervous system and stay in control. It can help you prevent that trauma from setting in the first place.
Clinical psychologist Carla Manly explains,, instead of utlising terms and phrases like, “I can’t believe this happened to me!” try a positive mantra such as, “I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life — one that is good for me.”
It’s not uncommon to hear someone say that you should distance yourself from the person or situation that is causing you to be upset. According to clinical psychologist Ramani Durvasula, that’s always a good idea. “Creating physical or psychological distance between ourselves and the person or situation can help with letting go for the simple reason that we are not having to think about it, process it, or being reminded of it as much.”
Sometimes distance is the necessary step in letting go and moving on. It takes discipline and can be extremely tough, however in a sense, we can be addicted to people and thoughts just as we are to other things. Distance is a key factor in letting go and moving on.
Focusing on yourself is also of the highest importance. You have to clearly address the hurt that you’ve experienced. Working through your feelings will help you rationalize, digest and come to powerful conclusions about your situation. Taking the time to take care of yourself outside of your experience is also important. Go to the gym, eat healthy, practice self-care and self-love. Each day lay a brick in the foundation of a healthy mental model. It will make a world of difference.
The more we can bring our focus to the present moment, says Lisa Olivera, a licensed family therapist, and the less impact our past or future has on us. “When we start practicing being present, our hurts have less control over us, and we have more freedom to choose how we want to respond to our lives.”
By building an ecosystem around ourselves and our daily habits that promote letting go and forgiveness, we will ultimately lead healthier and happier lives. Having engrained actions that allow us to calm our nervous systems, unload stress throughout the day, and remove projected emotions away from our partners and relationships, and out into the world, gives us the opportunity to experience our present more clearly and openly than ever before.