You can never be fully certain how someone feels about you — unless you ask them. That’s a lesson Joaquin Phoenix learned first-hand after meeting Rooney Mara on the set of 2013’s Her. While the pair are now engaged and welcomed their first child in September 2020, when they first met, the Oscar-winning actor was convinced that his co-star didn’t like him all that much. Luckily, the truth (that Mara was equally smitten) eventually came out.
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Here’s what we can learn from Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara’s relationship:
Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara might never have met if Carey Mulligan (who was originally cast to play Phoenix’s ex-wife in Her) had not been forced to drop out of the Spike Jonze project due to scheduling conflicts. Rooney was then cast in the role, which brought her face-to-face with her future partner, but their connection was far from instant.
In fact, as Joaquin admitted to Vanity Fair in 2019, he was (very wrongly) convinced that the actress wasn’t into him. In fact, he thought she “despised” him. The Joker star eventually learned a valuable lesson: Never assume you know someone’s true feelings towards you. Luckily, Phoenix eventually learned that Rooney “was just shy and actually liked him too," the magazine reported.
Friendship can blossom into romance
Once Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara figured out that they did like each other, they began to build a friendship. As the Oscar-winning actor told Vanity Fair, “We were just friends, email friends,” but there was something special about Rooney. So much so that it pushed him to do a little digging.
She’s the only girl I ever looked up on the internet. I’d never done that. Never looked up a girl online.
The pair remained friendly and were eventually reunited on the set of 2018’s Mary Magdalene. As Joaquin told the New York Times in 2017, he decided to take on the role of Jesus opposite Rooney’s Mary Magdalene because he was “looking for something meaningful. I was looking for an experience,” he said, but there was also another driving force behind his decision. “I was friends with Rooney,” he added.
Filming took place in October 2016 and, unlike their first instance working together, the timing was now right for a love connection. As People confirmed, it was on the set of Mary Magdalene that their friendship turned into something more.
In May 2017, Phoenix and Mara made their awards show debut, attending the 70th Annual Cannes Film Festival's Closing Awards Ceremony as a couple. While they had yet to confirm they were dating, the attraction was clear to onlookers. A source told People, “They were talking to one another nonstop [...] then they went for their car and he’s holding her hand like it was unconscious. Like it fits," the insider noted. "They seem a totally natural and easy couple.”
They’re happiest when they’re together
When Joaquin Phoenix isn’t busy working, his life is the opposite of what you might expect it to be. As he told the New York Times in 2017, he likes being home with his partner. Confirming that the two had moved in together into a house in the Hollywood Hills, Joaquin revealed that he spends his free time doing things like meditating, reading scripts, playing with his dog — and watching Netflix with Rooney, just like any other couple. In fact, he had just finished streaming The Staircase because, as the mag put it, “Mara wanted to.”
While the pair has remained mostly tight-lipped about their relationship, it seems they’re happiest when they’re together, away from prying eyes. As one source told Us Weekly, “They don’t really like to go out. They mainly just like to be with each other as the two of them. They’re in their own bubble,” the insider said. Another friend told Page Six, “They’re meant for each other. Both [are] shy homebodies, both loathe press.”
They have a beautiful deep bond
In addition to bonding over their dislike of Hollywood, Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara also share a sense of humor and a deep love of family. In July 2019, they got engaged and, while accepting the TIFF Tribute Actor Award at the Toronto International Film Festival that September, Phoenix made a rare profession of his love — in his own cheeky way. “One last thing — somewhere here, I don’t know where, is a filthy dragon, and I want to rip its wings off and fasten a blanket and sleep with it forever,” he gushed, proclaiming, “I love you. Thank you.”
Jump to September 2020 and the talented actors took their relationship to the next level, growing their family with the arrival of their first child, a son named River. Staying true to their secretive nature, they didn’t share details about the birth, rather, it was Russian filmmaker Victor Kossakovsky who broke the news during the 2020 Zurich Film Festival. Asked about working with Joaquin (who executive-produced his documentary, Gunda), Kossakovsky revealed that “he just got a baby, by the way. A beautiful son called River.”
The moniker is a touching tribute to Joaquin’s late older brother, actor River Phoenix, who died of a drug overdose in 1993 at the age of 23. Joaquin was with him at the time of his passing and the loss has shadowed him throughout his life. As he told 60 Minutes in 2020, “I feel like in virtually every movie that I made, there was a connection to River in some way. And I think that we’ve all felt his presence and guidance in our lives in numerous ways,” he revealed. The couple's decision to name their son after River is not only a beautiful choice, it also shows just how deep and genuine their bond is.
When you first meet someone, you can never be sure how your relationship will evolve. What is certain is that you'll be doing yourself a great disservice by assuming you know how the other person feels about you. Sometimes, things like shyness, fear, or self-doubt can cause people to act in a way that doesn't truly reflect their feelings. Just look at Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara: If Phoenix had hung on to his preconceived notion that his co-star hated him, he would have never experienced the genuine love and beautiful family he has today.
More inspiring relationships:
- Macaulay Culkin Was Fighting Major Trust Issues Before He Met Brenda Song
- How Jenna Dewan’s Chance Encounter With Steve Kazee Led to Love… 7 Years Later
- Peter Dinklage and Erica Schmidt Show Us What It Means to Feel Secure in Your Love
- Jamie Dornan and Amelia Warner’s Marriage Epitomizes Unconditional Love
Military Dad Defends His 4 Little Daughters When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Military Dad of 4 Daughters Defends His Girls When Strangers Make This Rude Remark
Austin von Letkemann is the military officer strangers feel "sorry" for — and the reason is infuriating.
Whenever the devoted father leaves the house with his four children, strangers can't help but notice the officer in uniform is holding hands with 4 adorable little girls. They will tell the traditionally "masculine" and "all American" dad they feel sorry for him, because he has no sons. This dad makes one thing very clear: They are his daughters, they aren't a burden.
In a passionate video, von Letkemann took to Instagram to share with his followers that the only thing that's "difficult" about being a girl dad — is clapping back to these sexist remarks over and over again.
They Mock His Daughters To Their Face
When strangers approach Austin von Letkemann and his four daughters, they don't always realize that their comments are being overheard. They seem oblivious to the fact that his girls understand every word. Von Letkemann describes how people will approach him and, without thinking, make remarks like "I'm sorry" or even joke about his lack of sons. What they don't realize is that these comments, intended to be light-hearted or humorous, can be deeply hurtful to his daughters. These strangers are not just disrespecting von Letkemann's choices as a father; they're also sending a message to his daughters that their presence is something to be pitied. It’s a message that von Letkemann won't stand for, and he's speaking out to defend his girls from these insensitive remarksSaying "Get Your Shotgun" Isn't Funny — It's Sexist
Another common comment that Austin von Letkemann encounters is the old "better get your shotgun ready" trope, often delivered with a smirk or a wink. This line is typically intended to suggest that a father with daughters should be on high alert to protect them from potential "suitors," implying that they are objects to be guarded rather than individuals with agency.
Von Letkemann finds this line of thinking outdated and sexist. In his viral Instagram video, he points out that these jokes are not just stale — they're damaging.
By suggesting that his daughters require armed protection, the joke reinforces the idea that women are inherently vulnerable and need to be shielded from men. Von Letkemann argues that instead of promoting this narrative, society should focus on teaching respect and consent, challenging these sexist tropes at their source.
Watch Austin von Letkemann's Video:
"If I Had A Fifth Child, I'd HOPE It Was A Girl" — One Dad's Message For Other Parents
Despite the constant remarks about his lack of sons, Austin von Letkemann is clear: He wouldn't trade his daughters for anything.
In fact, he told his Instagram followers that if he were to have a fifth child, he would hope for another girl. This declaration isn't just about doubling down on his pride in his family — it's a pointed response to those who see fathering daughters as a misfortune.
Von Letkemann's stance is a powerful one, rejecting the notion that a family is incomplete without sons. He encourages others to question the assumptions behind these comments and to appreciate the joy and fulfillment that his daughters bring. By sharing his story, von Letkemann hopes to create a more inclusive perspective on fatherhood, one that values daughters just as much as sons.