What Justin and Hailey Bieber’s Unconventional Relationship Teaches Us About Love
“Hailey provides me with structure amidst the uncertainty,” said Justin Bieber, whose entire life so far had been spent in chaos.
They’ve always seemed more than willing to disclose the inner workings of their marriage and the challenges that arise from their wildly different personalities. Yet, instead of letting these petty discrepancies bring about their downfall, they celebrate each other with the utmost empathy and respect. Moreover, they prefer to wear their hearts on their sleeves, serving as an inspiration to millions of couples across the world hoping to build their own happily-ever-afters.
To many, they appear as a picture-perfect pair, a paradigm of young, passionate love that everyone aspires to as a child. Yet, in the real world, it’s not half as easy as it looks. You can’t just hope to find the right person and call it a day; you need to actively work with them to establish a well-rounded partnership that favors both parties and balances your deepest insecurities.
Here’s what we can take away from Justin and Hailey’s rather prudent approach:
Justin says Hailey’s “logical and structured” personality helps provide security in his life
In a revealing Vogue profile, Justin admitted he and Hailey are as different as chalk and cheese. Everyone thought they were too impulsive and short-sighted to get married at a Manhattan courthouse in late 2018. The whirlwind courtship, as well as Justin’s problematic history, sowed doubt among the public about whether they’d be able to overcome the obstacles in their way to become the rare Hollywood success story.
Thankfully, it’s been three years, and they’re still going strong. However, they’ll be the first to tell you it’s been an uphill battle reaching this milestone, and they wouldn’t have been able to do without an excruciating battle behind the scenes. It takes an enormous level of dedication and patience to make a marriage stick, more so when you’ve had very little time acclimating to each other’s temperaments.
Hailey’s very logical and structured, which I need. I’ve always wanted security—with my dad being gone sometimes when I was a kid, with being on the road.Justin Bieber to Vogue
For example, Justin realized early on he’s a man of raging emotions. “I’m the emotionally unstable one,” he told the magazine. He’s constantly bouncing off the walls and doesn’t make room for foresight or discretion. Every action, every feeling, every motion is bursting with an odd intensity that he can’t often control or recognize. He admitted he struggles with “finding peace” amidst the chaos and can therefore be prone to poor decision-making, as the rest of the world can attest to. Hailey, on the other hand, is the exact opposite, the yang to his yin, an embodiment of calmness and order that soothes his tumultuous mind at every turn.
Having been thrust into the spotlight at a terrifyingly young age, Justin craves stability more than anything else. He grew up in a broken home with both his mom and dad suffering from various mental health issues; there is a veritable fear of inheriting their worst impulses and letting them take control of his future. If left to his own devices, Justin said, he would just relapse into self-destruction behavior. Recalling his string of offenses from 2014-2015, the 27-year-old said he fully bought into the hype of Justin Bieber, the teen idol superstar, and developed an oversized ego. “People love me, I’m the s**t—that’s honestly what I thought. I got very arrogant and cocky,” he said.”
By contrast, Hailey’s mindful, responsible nature brings something distinct to the table; she helps him rein in his disruptive spirit and provides structure amidst the uncertainty.
In contrast, Justin helps Hailey get “in touch” with her emotions
Though Hailey has proved to be a beacon of strength in Justin’s view, it’s not just a one-sided transaction.
The 24-year-old model said in the same Vogue interview that Justin too empowers her to perceive herself and her surroundings more thoughtfully. His powerful, emotionally rich character, which he sees as a negative, has been a force of positivity in Hailey’s life. Whereas she struggles to “be in touch” with her inner self, “he gets there immediately.”
He’ll say, ‘I feel,’ and I’ll say, ‘I think.’Hailey Bieber to Vogue
Growing up, Hailey had always erred on the side of caution. As a member of the Baldwin clan, she’s well-aware of the perils associated with fame and how it can bring out the worst in some people. But she hadn’t been famous enough to experience the consequences firsthand. Instead, she pursued ballet – a dance form that requires the individual to adhere to rigid rules and lead their life with a cold, passive discipline. There’s no room for error, no room for out-of-control behavior, no room for the slightest deviation from the standard.
As such, it’s been tough for Hailey to break out of the bold and explore a more sensitive, relaxed side of herself. Justin, in this case, represents liberation and endless passion. His free spirit enables her to look within and cherish every feeling that bubbles up, whether good or bad.
We’re two young people who are learning as we go. I’m not going to sit here and lie and say it’s all a magical fantasy. It’s always going to be hard.Hailey Bieber to Vogue
It’s hardly a walk in the park, though. Their disparate identities clash with each other quite frequently, and they both have to persevere to ensure it doesn’t break up their marriage. “Fighting is good,” said Justin. “We don’t want to lose each other.” A heated argument is better than two people suppressing how they genuinely feel about each other. It’s better to get everything out in the open and deal with it systematically. Only, Justin has to be painstakingly careful about “not saying the wrong thing,” and Hailey has to muster up the courage to say something at all.
At the end of the day, marriage is hard work, and it’s always going to be a work-in-progress. Very few people magically end up with a perfectly complete union and have nothing to improve on. Most people have to put in a shift and reevaluate their behavior in relation to that of their spouse. The fact that Hailey and Justin Bieber have managed to stay married for three years despite everything going against them is nothing short of remarkable.
Embrace your differences
Everyone maintains some sort of a checklist when looking for a life partner. Sometimes you come across a suitor and wonder how in the world would you ever be able to make it work — you’re so different! Yet, there is a phenomenon of having too much in common with your partner. You could become bored, there’s no one to push back on your choices, and you might just not learn or grow together as much.
The key is to have enough differences with your partner so that you always have something new to learn from them and that their behavior can complement yours in the best way possible. You’ll never run out of things to talk about, you can fill a gap in each other’s lives, and you’ll challenge each other if need be. Obviously, there is an issue with being too different from your husband or wife, but as long as you’re able to respect each other and can work your dissimilarities to your advantage, you might just make it work.