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One of Hollywood’s longest lasting relationships has come to an end, prompting important questions about the nature of breakups.

Everyone’s freaking out about Lisa Bonet and Jason Momoa’s recent split, or what Vulture calls their “cosmic conscious uncoupling,” and who can blame them? Sixteen years—including 4 years of marriage and two gorgeous kids—is nothing to sneeze at in Hollywood. Hell, it’s nothing to sneeze at outside of Hollywood either. The end of their relationship is a blow to anyone who wants to believe in everlasting love. However, we may need to reconsider how we think about breakups.

First, let us acknowledge their epic romance

Credit:
Alexandra Wyman / Staff via Getty

There was something so decidedly un-Hollywood about Lisa and Jason, and that was one of the main reasons for their compelling popularity as a pair. Their sense of social justice, for instance, and their joint expressions of off-the-beaten-path spirituality and oneness with nature which seemed to transcend all the usual stereotypes. 

Plus, let’s face it: the mere fact that Lisa is 12 years older than Jason is, sadly, a rarity in showbiz (and in life). We all know that the typical hetero celeb duo is made up of a man 20-30 years older than his counterpart. Then you have their downright poetic commitment to one another. He was in love with her as a kid in the 1980s watching the Cosby show, for God’s sake. He vowed that he would make her his, and he did.

When they finally met in 2005, all bets were off—even though he was broke and homeless, and living at a hotel. Lisa didn’t care. “We had Guinness and grits and the rest is history,” Momoa has recounted many a time, grinning no doubt. Now what’s more romantic than that? 

This ending is sad—there’s no doubt about it.

What we know about the split

(Credit:
Neilson Barnard / Staff via Getty)

In their joint statement on Instagram, Jason and Lisa write:

“We have all felt the squeeze and changes of these transformational times. A revolution is unfolding ~and our family is of no exception… feeling and growing from the seismic shifts occurring.” 

They pair explained that they are “parting ways in marriage” and sharing the news “not because we think it’s newsworthy” but so that, “as we go about our lives we may do so with dignity and honesty.”

They further explained that the “love between us carries on, evolving in ways it wishes to be known and lived,” saying that they wanted to “free each other” in order to “be who we are learning to become.” 

“Our devotion [is] unwavering to this sacred life & our Children,” they write, ending with, “May Love Prevail.”

Previous to this, in a recent interview with Marisa Tomei, when asked what was calling her, Bonet said, “Definitely learning how to be authentically me, learning to be new, and following this invitation from the universe to step into this river of uncertainty. We’ve eliminated all this extra noise, and now it’s time to grow our roots deeper into our own values.” 

In spite of the noise, love can prevail

Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz (Credit:
C Flanigan / Contributor via Getty)

Unsurprisingly, fans have come up with all kinds of theories as to why Jason and Lisa decided to call it quits. Rumors about Jason possibly cheating on Lisa with his co-stars Emilia Clarke and Amber Heard abound. There’s also plenty of chatter about how maybe Lisa just needed to move on and that her interview with Tomei was her way of foreshadowing this. 

But—rumors aside, everyone, facts are facts: Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet lived a beautifully unique romance together for many years, and whatever the reasons behind their split are, they chose to tell the world as a unified front. They move forward with respect and love for one another, their family unit, and yes, even with respect for anyone they may choose to date in the future.

One need only have a gander at the blended Kravitz/Momoa/Bonet family to understand the potential of amicable breakups. In spite of her previous six-year romance with Lenny Kravitz in the 1980s and 90s (and the daughter Zoë they share), Jason and Lenny and Lisa have been all buddy-buddy for years now. Lenny has called Momoa his “brother” more than once. Hell, in 2018, Momoa actually had matching rings made for himself and Lenny to showcase their bond.

And for anyone who thinks this is primarily some over-compensating bro-bond, Lisa and Lenny are actually the best of friends too. “Zoë’s mom and I now are best friends,” shared Lenny on Oprah’s Master Class a few years ago. “When we’re all together now — her man, her kids, Zoë, me — we’re all together and we’re one big, happy family. It’s beautiful and it just shows you what can be done.”

Something beautiful still grows

Given the way Jason and Lisa chose to break their (admittedly sad) news to the world, and given Lisa’s track record with allowing romance to evolve into wide-open friendships, those of us going through breakups right about now should take heart. 

Here’s the thing: whether your relationship struck as positive a tone as Jason and Lisa’s did, or it was downright toxic from start to finish (it happens), know this: your relationship was not a failure. Bad relationships are not failures, and breakups are not failures either. We can all learn a little something from Jason and Lisa here: if we treat our relationships as beautiful (albeit sometimes painful) opportunities for learning on the road to becoming our best selves, we’re sure to wind up wherever it is we’re going. 

Some relationships require a lifetime to teach us their lessons, and others end with time to spare. But there is no value judgment here. Sometimes your relationship with your ex can flower into something extra beautiful down the line—something you can’t imagine just yet. And sometimes there’s no room for them in your life anymore. Understanding that is equally beautiful. Why? Because you’re an ever-evolving human. Bonet and Momoa teach us that our evolution as human beings is not linear, and that every ending is followed by a new beginning—regardless of what that looks like. All you need to do is be open to it.

Choose love
Relationships come to an end but you can still choose to move forward with love and empathy for each other.