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When a couple divorces, it’s because they can no longer be together romantically. But that doesn’t mean that love can’t still exist between two former partners, which this man has proved for the past 22 years.
Not everyone is able to abide by those old wedding vows, “til death do us part.” After all, life happens, and sometimes relationships fall apart. And sometimes, tragic things also happen that bring a couple’s marriage to an end. That doesn’t mean the love has disappeared, though. Or at least, it doesn’t in the case of this beautiful story of love and new beginnings.Marrying Her High School SweetheartKristen Armstrong and Brandon Smith met and fell in love when they were still in high school. They married when they were in their early twenties. Life was great for the pair… until it wasn’t. In 2008, just two years after Smith and Armstrong married, she received a phone call that changed her life: Smith had been in a terrible car accident.“They couldn’t tell me if he was alive or not,” Armstrong recalled to Today. “I remember asking my mom, ‘What will I do if Brandon is gone?’”According to the publication, Smith had been T-boned by a commercial truck while driving, and it was pretty bad. He was in the neurotrauma intensive care unit when Armstrong arrived and had suffered a traumatic brain injury. He would be forced to spend two months in a coma, and doctors didn’t have any great answers about his future.“Even though Brandon’s doctors warned me that if he did wake up, he would be forever changed because of his severe traumatic brain injury, I held onto hope that a miracle would happen and he’d be the same Brandon,” Armstrong said. “But he wasn’t.”Adjusting to Their New Lives TogetherWhen Smith woke up, he needed around-the-clock care and was moved to a facility in Texas. It was one of the most difficult times in Armstrong’s life. She was 24, and her husband was only 23, yet everything they had planned for their future together was no longer possible. Smith struggled to communicate, he needed help with basic things like eating, using the toilet, and getting dressed, and he struggled with short-term memory.“Every morning, I woke up, and I was hit by this train of sadness. He was my soulmate, my best friend,” Armstrong added. “I was grieving a living person, and that was very complicated and isolating.”Armstrong knew she would always be by her husband’s side, but she was young, and she wanted a future that involved kids. She began to see Smith as a brother figure, especially when, one day, he randomly called her “lil sis.” She made the difficult decision to get a divorce, but she also wasn’t going to give up on Brandon."I had a lot of talks with God, and I decided I was going to take care of Brandon until the day he died."Kristen ArmstrongWhen Armstrong went to file the paperwork to become Smith’s legal guardian, the judge wanted to know what would happen when Armstrong had a family of her own. Would she still be able to take care of her ex-husband? And what would that look like?“I’m not going anywhere,” Armstrong replied. The judge granted her guardianship.Meeting Someone NewEventually, Armstrong did meet someone else: a man named James Armstrong. They met online, and James thought Armstrong’s story was beautiful. He had a son from a previous relationship, and Kristen fell in love with him. Meanwhile, James fell in love with Brandon, too.“The first time James met Brandon, we went to church,” Kristen shared on TikTok. “I got up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, James’s arm was around Brandon… At that moment, I knew what my future held.”Kristen and James married in 2015 and had two little girls. In their wedding vows, James promised he would always love and care for Brandon, too. He’s stayed true to those vows, and the family regularly visits Brandon and includes him in family moments. These days, James sees the man as another son, completing this gorgeous family.“He's our family member. He's like one of our kids; we love him the same,” James said in a follow-up TikTok video. “He's a central part of our family. He's a central part of our life.”Embracing LoveLife doesn’t always work out the way we think it’s going to, and plans can change in a heartbeat. It can be jarring to pivot and find a way to work through complex life changes, especially when it comes to grief and figuring out how to embrace our lives when we’ve lost things that matter most.That’s why this story is so heartwarming. This wife was no longer able to have the future she envisioned with the man she wanted, but still, love prevailed. She found a way to keep Brandon in her life, and so did the next person she met and fell in love with.It’s such a good reminder to embrace love where we can and to appreciate the moments and people who make our lives special while we can. Above all, family isn’t always the traditional blood relations of the past — family is what you make it. One thing every family needs is love, and this crew definitely isn’t short on that.So the next time you feel low, or life doesn’t go your way, or you have no idea how you’re going to carry on, look for the love. It may take a while, but love will always guide the way to where you’re supposed to be next.More from Goalcast:Mom and Her 4 Kids Were Stuck in an Abusive Situation – So She Built Her Own House Using YouTube to EscapeWidow Remarries Years Later – Asks Her Previous Husband’s Dad Onto the Dance Floor for This ReasonCouple Has Been Divorced for 28 Years – But, Woman Notices Her Dad at Her Mom’s House for This Surprising Reason
A couple like no other in the world. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis have been divorced for over two decades, but they have done the impossible and remain as close as ever. Hollywood has seen its share of fairly ugly divorces where the private affairs of celebrities are scattered over the pages of tabloids. It’s an occupational hazard; it is not just their professional endeavors that attract media attention, it's the gossip of their private lives. However, every so often, you come across a divorce handled so thoughtfully and empathetically that you can’t help but look up to the couple. Just look at Moore and Willis: the pair tied the knot in 1987 and separated in 1998, having spent almost eleven years together as a couple. Yet, the love between them never ceased and has manifested in a multitude of ways in the years since. A Dementia Diagnosis That Could Have Shattered the FamilyThis little snippet reminds everyone how close Demi Moore has been with Bruce Willis in recent years. The two families got together to celebrate the actor's 68th birthday. The Die Hard actor retired on March 30, 2022, due to a condition recently diagnosed as frontotemporal dementia (FTD). This form of dementia is characterized by behavioral and language difficulties, gaps in expressive and receptive communication, and emotional apathy. There is no cure for the disease as of now. RELATED: These Celebrity Divorces Could Have Been Ugly — Here’s What We Can Learn From ThemThe statement announcing Willis’ diagnosis on February 16, 2023, also mentioned that Willis’ condition had “progressed,” but the family was relieved at having a “clear diagnosis.” The statement, published on The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration’s website, was intended to raise awareness about the implications of FTD and empower other people to seek out support if their loved ones were facing the same disorder. “We know in our hearts that – if [Willis] could today -- he would want to respond by bringing global attention and a connectedness with those who are also dealing with this debilitating disease,” the statement read. It was signed by all of Willis’ daughters, Emma Heming Willis (Bruce Willis' current wife), and Moore. Despite an Uncomfortable Marriage, They Made It Work as Co-Parents & Friends@brucewillisbw/InstagramThe way Moore rallied behind the actor in his time of need is nothing short of remarkable. Most people are not obligated to maintain a relationship with their ex-spouses, especially when they already have enough people in their lives to get them through the trying times. However, Moore has consistently defied expectations to be a pillar of comfort, care, and compassion to Willis, even when there had been friction between the two at the time of divorce. In Moore’s 2019 memoir Inside Out, the Ghost actress shared the details of her split from Willis and the incompatibility challenges they faced as a married couple. Over 12 years of marriage is not an insignificant period of time in the wacky world of showbiz, but they were not able to make their partnership work in the long run. Moore said that Willis had been “ambivalent” about her work, which she said he felt took her away from raising their daughters. Willis had also told her repeatedly that he was “unsure” about staying married to her and going the distance. RELATED: Chris Pratt’s Tragic Divorce Taught Him One Crucial Thing before Marrying Katherine SchwarzeneggerUltimately, Moore was “proud” about going through the divorce and keeping the proceedings as civil as possible. “I think Bruce was fearful at the beginning that I was going to make our split difficult, and that I would express my anger and whatever baggage that I had from our marriage by obstructing his access to the kids,” she wrote in her memoir. Thankfully, both parties kept quiet about their grievances and let the divorce unfold as smoothly as possible. Though it wasn’t easy at first, they were able to forge something new with the changing circumstances, managing to “move the heart of [their] relationship,” the same heart that fostered such a kind, loving environment for their young daughters. They came to feel “more connected than [they] did before the divorce,” the mom-of-three wrote in her memoir. Moore & Willis' Daughters Sing Their Praises & Commend Their Co-Parenting The love flowed from both sides. In a 2000 interview with Rolling Stone, shortly after their divorce, Wilis said that he still “loves” Moore and that they strive to work closely to co-parent their children and fulfill their “lifelong commitment” of parenthood. “Our friendship continues. The institution has been set aside,” he added. This was confirmed by their eldest daughter, Rumer, in 2015, when she said that she had a wonderful childhood and that there wasn’t any deficiency in how she and her siblings were brought up by Willis and Moore. “They always made an effort to do all of the family events still together and made such an effort to still have our family be as one unit, as opposed to two separate things, which I think really made an impact,” she told Larry King. RELATED: What Happened to Anna Marie Tendler After Her Divorce from John Mulaney?Even when Willis remarried, Moore continued to be by his side, going so far as to attend his wedding to Heming Willis. At the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, Willis and Moore decided to quarantine together with their three daughters at the family's home in Hailey, Idaho. Rumer even posted a clip of the two dancing with each other, bobbing to a rhythm and laughing alongside their daughters. Scout Willis said about the social distancing arrangement, “It’s been really funny to have both of my parents in the house where they raised us, which has been really cute.”What Their Bond Teaches Us About Different Forms of Love@brucewillisbw/InstagramDemi Moore and Bruce Willis have set a shining example of how we can sensitively handle divorces and other taxing challenges in our lives. Those experiences are not always going to be pleasant, and they’re likely to dredge up all kinds of resentment, drama, and animosity. But if you take a moment to see the bigger picture and truly make an effort, you will be able to weather the storm. Love, respect, admiration, and care don’t have to come to an end after divorce.Moore and Willis prove that it's not just possible but rewarding for divorced couples to maintain a loving and caring relationship post-divorce. You might even find your love deepening after divorce, as you gain a new perspective and appreciation for your former partner.
Shakira is unearthing the “darkest” chapter of her life thus far. The Colombian native is widely regarded as one of the most talented and influential performers of our time, and her relationship with soccer star Gerard Pique was often described as a paragon of modern, groundbreaking love. The two couldn’t be more different in terms of age, profession, and origin but still, the wild universe threw them together in the most unexpected of places, and the rest was history. RELATED: The Real Reason Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson Split – Are Public Relationships a Good Thing?However, by the spring of 2022, there was trouble in paradise, and speculation had risen over Pique’s alleged infidelities. Finally, on June 4, 2022, Shakira and Pique confirmed via representatives that they were going their separate ways. They stated that their sons, Sasha and Milan, are their “highest priority” and asked the media to grant them privacy during this difficult time.Going through any breakup is painful enough, but when you’ve been with someone for nearly 12 years, share two children, and both wildly famous figures who can’t seem to escape the tabloids, it can seem near unimaginable. It’s a trauma that sets in, threatening to ravage you and your sanity bit by bit. Shakira lays bare the realities of going through such a separation and what she’s taken away from this ordeal. Shakira On Gerard Pique Separation: "This Is All A Bad Dream"In a candid interview with Elle, the singer delved into the challenges she’s been facing behind closed doors, as well as those that have been laid out in the open without her consent. “I’ve remained quiet and just tried to process it all,” she told the mag. Stating it’s hard to discuss details as she and Pique still determine the terms of their new arrangement. The two still haven’t decided on permanent custody, while rumors abound in Spain over whether or not the two are headed to court. However, the true victims of the unrest are their children, who not only have to adjust to a dramatic transition at home but have to do so in the spotlight. “And so it’s been tough not only for me but also for my kids. Incredibly difficult,” the 45-year-old noted sympathetically. There are paparazzi camped outside their house 24/7, they can’t leave their property without being ambushed by an army of cameras and reporters, and if they want to take a walk in the park or get ice cream, they’ll have to risk sending the media into a frenzy. RELATED: The Experience That Made Shakira Want To SucceedAs much as Shakira tries to conceal the situation, the kids can’t help but overhear details about the case from their classmates or next-door neighbors. “It’s upsetting for two kids trying to process their parents’ separation,” she said. As for the singer herself? It’s been the most agonizing, draining period of her life. “I just feel like this is all a bad dream and that I’m going to wake up at some point,” she said. She’s seeing firsthand how the media exploits and cheapens human relationships for the sake of profit. She thought she had something special with Pique, and indeed it had to have been exceptional and fulfilling to have persisted for nearly 12 years, but now it feels like fodder for the masses.What’s worse, Shakira’s father has been having a medical crisis for a few months and has spent time in the ICU. He had flown over to Spain to provide support to his daughter, but during his stay, he “fell and had a subdural hematoma,” A week after his brain surgery, he fell again and broke numerous bones in his face. As a result, Shakira, who’s been tending to her children’s needs and negotiating with her ex-partner, has also been taking care of her sick father and nursing him back to health. Therefore, it’s no surprise that these pressures have caught up to her and have taken a toll on her mental health. “Like I said, this is probably the darkest hour of my life,” she said. Shakira Reveals Making Huge Sacrifices For Gerard PiqueSo the question on everyone’s mind has been: why did Shakira and Gerard Pique call it quits? The Spanish newspapers have identified Gerard’s alleged unfaithfulness as the primary catalyst. Of course, it didn’t help that he was spotted getting intimate with 23-year-old student Clara Chia Marti only weeks after the separation was announced. There is no way to properly verify these reports, but Shakira told the outlet that she did put her heart and soul into the relationship and perhaps didn’t receive the same from her ex-partner. “I can only say that I put everything I had into this relationship and my family,” she said. RELATED: Miley Cyrus’ Split From Liam Hemsworth is a Lesson About Outgrowing LoveTo begin with, when Milan began school, Shakira decided to move permanently to Spain and provide the family with stability. Pique’s career was in Barcelona, where he continues to serve the FC Barcelona soccer team; therefore, the two had to decide where they would be based. Shakira decided to be the one to sacrifice her earning potential and quit the ‘nomadic’ lifestyle of the artist. “Either he would stop his contract with Barcelona and move to the U.S. with me, where my career is, or I would have to do that instead,” she said. The ‘Hips Don’t Lie’ singer happily made the compromise and moved halfway across the world for her partner and growing family. Her career was relegated to “second gear,” but she didn’t mind either way: Gerard was able to stay on his team and win titles one after the other, while her kids had a “present mom.” This is why she shares a wonderful, intuitive bond with them to this date — something that might not have been possible had she continued touring and shifting from one location to another. “It was a sacrifice of love,” she said. Shakira's Comments On the SplitShakira declined to comment further about the dissolution of her relationship but reiterated that no matter where she and Pique stand, their total focus is on the well-being of their family. “We have a job to do for these two incredible boys, and I have faith that we will figure out what is best for their future, their own dreams in life, and what is a fair solution for everyone involved,” she said. RELATED: How Brad Pitt Focused on Sobriety and Self-Improvement After Split From Angelina JolieIt’s unclear how Shakira and Pique are going to move forward, but the Grammy-winning artist is decisive about the direction of her artistry. She’s been working on new music and is excited to release her first album in five years. “I think that music is a life raft. There have been days when I had to pick up the pieces of me from the floor. And the only way to do that, to actually do that, has been through music,” she said. Shakira’s Separation Teaches Us About SurvivalIs there always light at the end of the tunnel? We can’t say for sure, but even the most brutal of circumstances have an ending. “I think that even when you feel like you’re falling down an abyss and there’s no end to that abyss, there’s always a certain safety net at the bottom,” as Shakira herself puts it. RELATED: What Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet’s Split Really Tells Us About The End of RomanceSometimes, the wait is longer than we’d like, but, at the end of the day, you have the strength in you to pull yourself up. In Shakira’s case, she was fortunate enough to have a robust support system around her to remind her to take care of herself. We, too, are surrounded by love and friendship, and companionship, so when the going gets tough, look to those who can bring you moments of comfort. KEEP READING: Why Shakira and Gerard Piqué Are Proud To Be An Unconventional Couple
We live in an age of great change. Conventional structures, rituals, and beliefs seem to be dissolving everywhere you look, replaced with new paradigms and approaches. This is most obvious in relationships; younger generations have an almost entirely different view on marriage, love, and what makes a healthy relationship compared to their parents or grandparents.There are explorations around monogamy, gender roles, and healthy communication. Many habits or behaviors once normalized as “just the way it is,” are questioned. The positive side of this curiosity is that it allows people to find what works for them. It gives couples a blank slate to build a relationship from the ground up.Sleep divorces are one particular rising trend in relationships. Despite the word “divorce” bringing to mind break-ups, this revolutionized approach to sleep habits could be a savior for many relationships. Is a sleep divorce what your relationship needs? Read on to find out everything you need to know about sleep disorders like sleep apnea, sleeping in separate rooms, and how to get a good night’s sleep while still staying in love.Sleeping in separate beds? Put simply, a sleep divorce is the decision between a couple to stop sleeping in the same bed. That might mean having a separate bed in the same room, or sleeping in a different room altogether. In years gone by, the idea of a married couple sleeping separately was unheard of — yet a survey by the National Sleep Foundation found that a quarter of couples already choose to sleep apart. And, in a recent survey of 3,000 Americans, a third said they’re considering trying to sleep separately.There are a number of reasons to consider a sleep separation. Whether it’s loud snoring (sleep apnea), a craving for personal space, or conflicting schedules, whatever results in insufficient sleep is a potential recipe for disaster. My partner and I have already agreed that, should we move in together, we’d make sure to have a spare room. There’s something liberating in accepting that, as nice as a cozy snuggle can be, sometimes an option to sleep alone is best.(Prostock-Studio / Getty)According to the expertsWendy M. Troxel Ph.D., a sleep specialist, explained the conflict between social conditioning and sleeping with a partner. Although many couples much prefer sleeping together, is it always optimal for sleep hygiene?“When sleep is measured objectively, people actually sleep worse with a partner. In fact, if you sleep with someone who snores, you can blame them for up to 50 percent of your sleep disruptions. But when you ask those disrupted sleepers ‘Do you prefer to sleep with your partner or do you prefer to sleep alone?’ Most say that they prefer to sleep with their partner. This suggests that our social brain is prioritizing our need for closeness and security at night — even when it comes at a cost to our sleep.”There is no one-size-fits-all solution, and there are benefits of sleeping together or choosing a sleep divorce. The decision to try a sleep divorce depends on considering the pros and cons and assessing whether it’s the right decision for your relationship, away from expectations or social conditioning.The downsides: cons of a sleep divorceThere are different approaches to sleep issues in a relationship. A couple who end up sleeping separately due to an increased lack of connection, or building resentment, for example, will differ from a couple who share a deep loving connection and choose to have separate spaces to feel fully rested and retain individuality. For a sleep divorce to be healthy and beneficial, there has to be a desire to maintain intimacy. As the day winds down, or before competing demands of schedules and obligations begin, there’s an opportunity to connect with your partner. That can be difficult with a sleep divorce as often the time before falling asleep, and the time spent cuddling when waking up, is crucial for a sense of togetherness. A potential drawback of a sleep divorce is that those moments become less frequent. But creative solutions can always be found. “If you’re an owl and your partner’s a lark, you could share some time together in bed before he falls asleep; when he does, you can quietly leave the room and then return at your natural bedtime,” Troxel writes. “Or, when your partner wakes up before you, he could start his early-bird day and return to you later to wish you good morning — ideally, with coffee in hand.”It’s vital you and your partner are on the same page if considering a sleep divorce. What will the arrangement look like? Will it be every night? Be aware that a sleep divorce has the potential of being an excuse to avoid deeper relationship problems. Honesty around your motivations in suggesting a sleep divorce is crucial.The pros of sleeping separatelyAs science suggests, it could be that most of us would get a better night’s sleep if alone. Sleep is crucial in maintaining mood and for overall well-being. And, when it comes to relationship quality, sleep deprivation can lead to a reduced sex drive and actually create more of a division in the relationship — especially if one person blames poor sleep on their partner.(NonChanon / Getty)There’s no need to suffer through snoring or attempt to match sleep schedules if it doesn’t feel right. The extra space in bed, along with a good night’s rest, could have a significant positive impact on the relationship. The biggest benefit of a sleep divorce is having the freedom and creativity to find a solution that works best for everyone involved. Does your marriage need a sleep divorce?Discerning if your marriage needs a sleep divorce is unique to every couple. It takes a level of honesty and openness in discussing the possibility, and making sure you’re both doing it for the right reasons. Like everything in relationships, it’s also not always the case that you’ll both be on the same page. Maybe one of you sleeps better than the other. Finding a middle groundThe main thing is to find a compromise, and be clear that the desire is to improve the relationship. Are you regularly struggling to sleep well? Do you or your partner snore, to the extent it disrupts sleep? Is it practical to look into options of sleeping apart? Are there other issues around intimacy or connection that have to be addressed?An element of maturity is required to navigate any conversations around a sleep divorce. It can be easy to take things personally or to jump to conclusions. (SDI Productions / Getty)When having conversations around the possibility of sleeping in separate beds, keep in mind it’s natural for anxiety or concerns that this means there’s something wrong with the relationship. Understanding that a sleep divorce is often a positive decision can help mitigate those initial fears.How to stay connected through a sleep divorce?Creativity is key to staying connected through a sleep divorce. Knowing the emotional and physical intimacy are vital in healthy relationships, it pays to think of creative solutions to maintain that connection, even if sleeping apart. Can you make time earlier in the evening for physical closeness? As Troxel suggests, if your sleep schedules are different, can you pay a visit either before sleep or in the morning?Different strokes for different folksMy partner and I have experimented with different approaches. Although we don’t live together we sleep together frequently. I’m more of a morning person than she is, so occasionally she’ll stay up reading or watching TV, as I fall asleep. Then, in the morning, I’ll wake up earlier, write, and join her for coffee.In other words, these decisions can be based on love and togetherness. I’ve had to learn that, though — initially I was concerned our lack of sleep compatibility was a problem. But there are always solutions.Ultimately, a loving relationship transcends sleeping habits. Although it’s tempting to indulge in the romantic idea that true love means sleeping peacefully and contently in the arms of your lover… that’s not always the case!Having the courage to consider making a decision that goes against convention, in order to better serve both people, and the relationship, is a sign of consideration and love. This should be one of the most important goals in a relationship!And a sleep divorce doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice snuggles, either. (Witthaya Prasongsin / Getty)Like what you’re reading, but need some different sleep advice? Check out our article on how to go to sleep quickly.
In our modern times, divorce has become as commonplace as breathing. It’s a near-guarantee for nearly half the couples that get married. If there’s a 50% chance your marriage won’t make the distance, would you still walk down the aisle?Some of our dearest celebrities have been through the painful process and are opening up about the toll it takes on your mental health, self-esteem, and general ability to function in society. Drew Barrymore has been around the block a few times; as a result, she is constantly reflecting on her choices and trying to figure out where each of her unions went oh-so-wrong. As a woman in her forties with three marriages under her belt, she is all too familiar with the stigma surrounding the very act of getting a divorce and how it severely impacts how you’re perceived in your community or within your circle. People won’t offer a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on, but they’ll be sure to judge you like there’s no tomorrow. Here’s what we can take away from Drew Barrymore’s disheartening experience of “divorce shame”: Drew felt like the ultimate “failure” for getting divorcedIn an interview with Chelsea Handler, Drew describes divorce as significantly worse than a breakup. Outside of the complicated litigation, it proves that you made a severe misjudgment with regard to your personal life. You couldn’t find a happily-ever-after with your spouse, and so you’re essentially reneging on the vows you made so assuredly in your wedding ceremony. In short, it’s typical to feel like a “failure.” Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman When you get divorced, you're like, 'I'm the biggest failure. This is the biggest failure.' It's so shameful and hard to actually go through that, even privately. Drew Barrymore on ChelseaDrew addressed the stigma in the initial divorce announcement itself. “Divorce might make one feel like a failure, but eventually you start to find grace in the idea that life goes on,” the statement read. The Never Been Kissed actor later explained to Chelsea she intended to use the word “failure” to accurately detail her frame of mind following the separation. Everything she’d built with her ex, Will Kopelman, was in jeopardy, and she told herself repeatedly she could have done better. It’s only natural to feel as though you’ve failed your loved ones by not trying hard enough. Drew Barrymore and her second husband Tom GreenIt’s like, I don’t think I’ve recovered from that. I don’t know how to open that up again. It’s like something closed, and it stayed closed. Drew Barrymore on Sunday TodayAt first, she couldn’t even process the development. “I took it really hard,” she told Sunday Today. She didn’t for a second believe the marriage wouldn’t be “forever.” That’s the expectation you carry as you tie the knot with your partner — you hope to be with them until the end of the road. You can’t imagine a single day where they’re not your husband or wife, so when it emerges that the relationship isn’t sustainable in its current form anymore, the revelation hits you like a ton of bricks. In fact, Drew Barrymore said there’s a part of her that’s still in shock and will not recover for a long time. When it’s your third time dissolving a marriage, and you still have to ensure you can successfully co-parent with your ex-husband, it’s going to be a steep learning curve. Divorce is a laborious set of circumstances through and through; it will, in most cases, trigger a sense of shame and self-loathing in you, and you’ll have to be patient to overcome the negativity. It took her five long years to recover and gain an appreciation for her marriageThink about it: you showcased your love before the entire world, made these sweeping promises, and put everything on paper. This person was supposed to be The One, so you can’t help but ask yourself what you could have done better to improve the situation. The entire ordeal has sowed seeds of doubt in your mind about whether or not you deserve love in the first place. Do you automatically start believing you’ll screw up every single romantic commitment in the future?When it’s just your run-of-the-mill breakup, it hurts, but you tell yourself there’s plenty of other fish in the sea. As Drew put it, you simply say, “yeah, that didn't work,” and can move on with relatively little damage or consequence. A breakup is seen as an ordinary, if not necessary, part of your evolution — you’ll come across someone, fall in love, the connection will fade, and you'll just meet someone new. The world will keep spinning.Drew Barrymore and her first husband Jeremy ThomasIt took me five years to be able to speak with strength, articulation, perspective, hindsight, and see everything we did right. Because when we were getting divorced, it felt like everything was just wrong.Drew Barrymore to Sunday TodayHowever, divorce is an exponentially bigger deal because marriage is an exponentially bigger deal. You’re signing a legal contract with your partner, so when the agreement gets violated, it’s only instinctive to feel as though you’re doing not only amoral but also straight-up unlawful. Not to mention women face the brunt of the judgment when a relationship falls apart. Everyone jumps in to applaud and sympathize with the man, whereas the women are made to feel like they’ve defied their purpose on earth. If you can’t be a suitable wife, what else are you good for?Drew said it took her five long years to get to a point where she could discuss her divorce from a healthy standpoint. In her case, she had to undergo the five stages of grief systematically to reclaim some sense of self-belief. As a child of divorce, she was determined not to repeat her parents’ mistakes and wanted to ensure her daughters were raised in a stable environment, complete with a mom and dad who loved each other to death. When she discovered she had reached the same juncture her parents had over three decades ago, she didn’t know how to make sense of the moment. It felt like an immeasurable tragedy from her perspective. Marriage will test you every step of the way At the end of the day, a marriage that both lasts long and keeps the parties fulfilled is nothing short of a miracle. If you realize your marriage is better off not existing, keep in mind you’re not a failure. You’re one of the millions of people who decide to go through the arduous journey, so as long as you do what’s right for your heart and your loved ones, you’ll be okay. Before you pursue a long-term relationship and consider getting married, ask yourself whether you and your partner are truly ready. You might be mature enough, you might have financial stability, you both love and trust each other immensely, but you could still be woefully ill-equipped. Marriage is a whole different ballgame that’s going to test you every step of the way, but if you’re actually prepared, it will be the most rewarding choice of your life. More inspiring stories: How Adam Sandler Saved Drew Barrymore AgainHow Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore Managed To Maintain A 30-Year FriendshipDrew Barrymore’s Reaction to Being Cheated On Will Empower You5 Daily Habits to Steal from Drew Barrymore, Including Her Glass-Half-Full Attitude
Divorce is a messy enough affair as it is, but when you add celebrities to the mix, it becomes a sordid public debacle with the potential for immense emotional and financial devastation. Look no further than Kelly Clarkson. Described in certain circles as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ the American Idol winner is garnering acclaim across the board for her charming, albeit surprising, work on The Kelly Clarkson Show. Though she’s been putting forth a hopeful, compassionate persona on-screen, the singer’s been fighting a rather dreadful battle behind the scenes. It’s a testament to her resilient spirit that she’s been able to unite the country in kindness despite going through a nasty divorce litigation process with ex Brandon Blackstock. July 27 marked a significant development in the proceedings when The Blast reported that Kelly had been ordered to pay $200,000 per month to Brandon in spousal and child support. Divorce settlements don’t always make headlines, so why did this particular announcement trigger a heated discourse through social media? Additionally, what does it say about the double standards that exist around divorce?These questions merit a dissection of the whole situation.Is Kelly’s alimony amount justified? Or is her ex-husband being greedy?There is plenty of speculation about how the couple separated as well as the terms and conditions up for dispute. It’s meaningless to deep dive into each claim as there is no way to authenticate them properly. Unfortunately, this doesn’t apply to the audiences closely following the story, who’ve decided to draw their own conclusions based on little to no evidence. What can be confirmed is the numerical amount Kelly is supposed to give her ex-husband in alimony. As confirmed by multiple publications, a Los Angeles County judge ruled that Kelly is to pay her former husband and manager $195,601 every month. This includes $150,000 for spousal support and $45,601 for child support, bringing the annual number to a whopping $2.4 million. Kelly is also required to shell out an additional $1.25 million for Brandon’s legal fees. Kelly Clarkson is a hugely successful singer, producer, and talk show host; she likely wouldn’t need to cry bankruptcy over the settlement. Yet, many on the internet perceive this arrangement as a colossal win for Brandon, and by default, men in general. Divorce payments have been a thorn in the side for men for as long as the institution has existed; there is widespread resentment for how men are apparently forced to hand over large sums of money to their wives. So when the tables turn, and a woman is being made to do the same, we’re supposed to see this as a groundbreaking victory for masculinity, some sort of long-awaited tipping of scales representing justice and equality. It’s critical at this point to stop for a second and actually consider the magnitude of what’s being asked of the 39-year-old celebrity. $200,000 per month is an astronomical value, even for a multimillion-dollar artist like Kelly Clarkson. She would have to significantly adjust her financials to make the deposits. The allowance itself is a bit nonsensical, given Brandon’s wealthy background and his profitable career in talent management. It’s not like the children wouldn’t be able to maintain their standard of life with his money alone, so it is unnecessary to have Kelly pay such a monumental amount in the name of spousal support. What’s perhaps more shocking is the initial dues demanded by Brandon’s legal team were around $436,000 per month ($301,000 in spousal support and $135,000 in child support). That’s nearly half a million dollars a month to raise two children, in addition to the sizeable salaries Brandon continues to bring in through his employment and investments. It’s a ridiculous fee whichever way you look at it, and the internet is in the right for reacting so strongly. Is there a double standard surrounding this settlement?On the other hand, we need to acknowledge the complexities surrounding divorce litigation; there’s a lot we have yet to learn about spousal financials, settlement clauses, income estimations, so on and so forth. That’s why these famous people build extensive legal teams to navigate through the mess. In fact, sometimes the outcome is completely dependent on your lawyer's strategy and approach, and whether the judge is in a favorable mood. It may have nothing to do with gender, income, or morality. There is no denying some of these alimony figures are ludicrously steep — regardless of gender. So many men pay an arm and a leg to meet these stipulations and end up in horrendous trouble as a result. It’s also accurate to say a few of the women on the receiving end don’t ‘deserve’ these handouts and are perhaps taking advantage of a system that traditionally favors them. via TwitterYet, there is a certain kind of double standard that comes into play when you denigrate women as ‘golddiggers’ for accepting these payments but hail men as heroes for securing them. The whole concept of alimony is founded upon women’s lack of means outside of marriage, so if the union ends on the part of the husband’s misconduct, she should still be able to access the money she’s essentially entitled to as the wife. While some celebrities reverse the gender stereotype, as is the case with Kelly and Brandon, our society is still brimming with income inequality and cases where wives depend on their husbands for financial security. Ultimately, divorce equity needs to be established through income analysis of both parties and not according to gender. For example, Dr. Dre was ordered to pay a monthly sum of $293,306 as spousal support to his ex-wife Nicole Young in a recent ruling; this valuation isn’t much higher than Kelly’s, but his net worth is 20x more. He’s worth $800 million, if not more, where she stands at a relatively measly $50 million. When you’re practically punishing a woman for daring to be richer than her husband, you’re only worsening the injustice; the income inequality will continue to persist through these legal obligations. Mathematically, Kelly will be losing way more of her holdings than Dr. Dre, and it’s going to impact her career exponentially more, too. Bring down the systems, not the peopleThe way to topple gender inequality isn’t to subject women to the same ordeals men have been facing for over 100 years; it’s to systematically break down the controls that have been instituting these injustices in the first place. No man or woman should be forced to cough up a number beyond their means, and similarly, no man or woman should be entitled to a gigantic sum unless there is a need. The only way to ensure fairness is to build an entirely new framework for these arrangements, ones that are equitable and not just equal; terms and conditions that represent each individual proportionally and uniquely. Historical circumstances shouldn’t play a role in the least. Singling out celebrities in nightmare divorce scenarios doesn’t further the cause as effectively as you might think. It just demonstrates there’s a lot of work to be done in how women not only receive their share but how they distribute their wealth. As for these tricky and unpleasant proceedings, there should be a degree of respect and understanding grounding these negotiations. Because if you lose sight of the big picture, why are you doing this in the first place? More inspiring stories:Why Scarlett Johansson Refuses To Open Up About Her Divorce From Ryan ReynoldsHow Tiger Woods’ Ex-Wife Is Doing, 11 Years After Their Scandalous DivorceAvril Lavigne Shows Us How To Do Divorce The Right WayBill and Melinda Gates’ Divorce Shows Us The Powerful Truth About Quarantine Breakups
Hollywood is an island, and everyone is related to each other in some way or the other. A case in point: Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds. They’re considered to be two of the most endearing, charming cinematic personalities of our times. Yet, many still don’t know that they’d been married to each other for three years prior to reaching the sensational heights that they revel in today. Given their monumental fame, there’s a lot of mystique surrounding their marriage and what exactly triggered its dissolution. The intrigue is exacerbated by both Ryan and Scarlett’s persistent refusal to discuss their relationship in public, which subsequently leads to an explosion of speculation and allegations. With Scarlett and her current husband, Colin Jost, expecting their first baby, it’s a good time to reflect on her doomed romance with Ryan Reynolds and the reason why she’s been keeping mum about her divorce for nearly ten years:Insiders have different opinions as to why the marriage didn’t work The element uniting their marriage and divorce is the near-religious adherence to privacy. Neither Scarlett nor Ryan were particularly fond of flaunting their love to the rest of the world. They issued a public statement at the time of their engagement in May 2008, and that was mostly it. Over the next few years of marriage, they provided little to no insight into their partnership and only opened up about it in the context of how it affected their personal development. For example, Scarlett told a magazine in September 2009 that she’d never imagined she’d get married so quickly. “It just happened,” she said, adding that she hopes that a relationship “makes you better” and that it leads to learning new things about you. Though she didn’t name Ryan by name, she said their commitment makes her more confident to “explore things within [herself] that [she] hadn't thought about in the past.”By early 2010, the cracks in their marriage were ever so slowly starting to show. Scarlett elaborated on the pitfalls of being with an “in-demand actor.” It’s a herculean task to coordinate their schedules, avoid the paparazzi, and still preserve a steadfast level of desire and affection for each other. “We work and then go home and--I, anyway--just stare at the wall for a few hours before I go to sleep...Like in any profession, it's difficult,” she said. We work and then go home and--I, anyway--just stare at the wall for a few hours before I go to sleep...Like in any profession, it's difficult.Scarlett Johansson The tabloids started chiming in with rumors of marital strife, which the couple promptly denied. However, it was evident something was not right, and by December 2010, the couple announced their separation, saying that they leave the marriage with as much “love and kindness” as when they decided to tie the knot. The press, of course, spared no time in psyching out about their divorce and tossing a wide range of theories in the air, none of which were ever confirmed by the individuals in question or even their friends or family. InTouch magazine alleged that they were incompatible to the nth degree, with an insider saying, “He's more traditional, and she's more independent.” The same source said that there was a “lack of warmth” between them and that they heard Scarlett screaming at Ryan in his trailer in full force during the filming of The Proposal, essentially “going nuts.”When it wasn’t a personality clash, it was competitiveness. Some people believe that jealousy over each other’s thriving careers may have widened the gap between the two. This assumption is based on an interview in which Scarlett hints that being romantically involved with an actor, especially one who is your contemporary in many ways, is “hard work.” If one person is more successful than the other, there may be a “competitive thing,” in her words. She said in 2016 that she prefers men who are not in her field; after all, it’s rare to find a man who’s not “only confident in the love that you have for one another, but confident in what he has going on in his own career.”Scarlett isn't in the business of listening to unsolicited marriage adviceUltimately, it’s a futile exercise to pore over why Scarlett and Ryan’s marriage deteriorated. They’re happily in love with other people and are well aware of the struggles they’ve faced through their engagements, marriages, and divorces. They do not need to dignify the claims with their response, and if they do choose to speak out about it, it’ll be on their own terms. For instance, the Black Widow star commented on marriage with Ryan in an interview with Vanity Fair, saying that she’d only been 23 when she decided to step into this hugely consequential undertaking and that she didn’t have a firm understanding of what the commitment required of her. I didn’t really have an understanding of marriage. Maybe I kind of romanticized it, I think, in a way. It’s a different part of my life now. I feel like I’m in a place in my life, I feel I’m able to make more active choices. Scarlett Johansson to Vanity FairScarlett finally clued the public in as to why she continues to be reserved about their marriage — she simply doesn’t feel like it’s anyone’s right to ask if they don’t know the people very well. It’s a matter of questioning your own behaviour in a public setting and asking yourself whether it’s appropriate or necessary to talk about marriage at work, or during a chat show, or with a tabloid. As one of the most successful actresses on the planet, Scarlett knows a thing or two about maintaining professional and personal boundaries — even when it’s so easy to erupt and unleash your raw emotions. While referring to an interview Ryan did at The Late Show With David Letterman — which involved some unsolicited relationship advice on David’s part — Scarlett not only expressed disappointment at Ryan speaking about their marriage but admonished people who go around offering marital counsel to just about anyone. It’s not their place, and one shouldn’t think of themselves as such an expert. I would never ask somebody about their marriage if I didn't know them. I don't profess to know anything about marriage that anybody else doesn't know, or how to make it right. I don't want to read about somebody who's giving me relationship advice. So I try to keep some things for myself, to have a private life.Scarlett Johansson to GlamourIt’s not fair to deliberate how their marriage ended if the parties themselves are insistent on retaining their privacy. It’s not just Scarlett, either. Ryan holds up his end of the bargain and deliberately keeps quiet on the ins and outs of his previous relationships. “I'm a little more guarded, I think. I'm just a little bit more wary of having my relationship turning into a soap opera. I've unilaterally not addressed it,” he told GQ. Draw boundaries where you mustJust because Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds are public figures doesn’t mean we’re entitled to every single tidbit of their domestic life. It’s a boundary they’re intentionally drawing to uphold some type of structure in their lives. Furthermore, divorce is a messy, trying situation where very rarely does one person come out looking better than the other. If you have a minimal amount of respect for the other person, ask yourself whether it’s worth tainting their reputation and the memories you’ve made. On the contrary, just because we’ve experienced a taxing ordeal ourselves doesn’t mean we’re any more qualified to probe others about the state of their relationship or career. The boundaries don’t just need to be set and defined for our sake; they hold enormous value in the type of friendships and relationships we can pursue with other people. More inspiring stories:Ryan Reynolds’ Viral Match Ad Is A Subtle Masterclass In Finding True LoveRyan Reynolds Comforts Fan After Girlfriend Breaks Up with Him on His BirthdayReese Witherspoon and Jim Toth Prove a Whirlwind Romance Can Be EverlastingAmy Schumer and Chris Fischer’s Marriage Blossomed From Their Idiosyncrasies
Where did it go wrong for Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt?It’s a question that will continue to puzzle the masses for a long time. For better or for worse, the end of Brad and Jennifer’s marriage marked a turning point for celebrity culture. Prior to this development, we’d think about famous figures only when we were watching them on-screen, or if we happened to read about them in a magazine or a newspaper. They were but an inconsequential part of our lives that we hardly paid heed to.Upon the dissolution of Jennifer and Brad’s beloved, high-profile marriage, however, the public collectively realized that somewhere along the way, they’d build a parasocial bond with the couple. They were already familiar with Jennifer as Rachel from Friends, and Brad had strikingly established himself as one of the most charismatic, talented actors of his generation. It was perhaps inevitable that their following would evolve into a beast of its own, a personal obsession that we’re still unpacking fifteen years later. There is a whole array of factors that triggered their scandalous split, some of which will never see the light of day, and Jennifer Aniston isn’t hesitant about expressing a few regrets. They don’t tell us the whole story, but they do shed a little light on what occurred between the two.Jennifer reveals her one regretIn a startlingly candid interview with Vanity Fair just a year after separating from Brad, Jennifer laid out everything she could find within herself to share. A number of heartbreaking truths were disclosed, yet the actress made sure not to disparage her ex-husband and exacerbate an already toxic situation. The wounds were still fresh, so one would have exactly blamed her if she decided to go the other route and tear into Brad. Jennifer revealed that she’d been just as blown over by the divorce announcement as the rest of us. “The world was shocked, and I was shocked,” she told the outlet. Yet, she and Brad worked together to create and deliver a statement that represented a calm, cordial front. It was necessary for Jennifer that they “exited this relationship as beautifully as [they] entered it.”Jen experienced a whirlpool of emotions in the days, weeks, and months that followed. Brad jumped into a flagrant, oft-photographed romance with Angelina. Jennifer, on the other hand, underwent the usual stages of grief and struggled to process how her world shattered in a matter of months. She was confused, she was lonely, she was angry, but she persevered to focus on herself and wholeheartedly embrace this journey of self-discovery. Through this trying time, Jennifer experienced a number of profound realizations that up until then had been embedded deep within her heart. Speaking about her regrets about the marriage, Jennifer said that she wished she didn’t “give over so much” of herself to the relationship, that she’d been able to hold her ground in certain circumstances and prioritize her own wellbeing. I wouldn’t give over so much of myself, which I did at times. It was that thing about being a nurturer; I love taking care of people, and I definitely put his needs before mine sometimes.Jennifer Aniston to Vanity FairThe Morning Show actress revealed that she couldn’t help but lose herself in the process. If you don’t have a solid grasp of your identity and find yourself bending to someone else’s will frequently, it’s all too easy, unfortunately, to get wrapped up in the other person’s whims and forget about your passions and dreams. This is not dissimilar to what had occurred with Brad, and perhaps it may have played a part in alienating the two individuals from one another. She still feels "lucky" to have been married to him, and doesn't "regret any of it"Jennifer added among her list of regrets that she would have taken more time off work, gone on vacations, gotten away from the hustle and bustle, and given herself the time and space to truly unwind. In their five-year marriage, either she or Brad were always working, leaving them with hardly any time to embark on getaways together. This regret stands in stark contrast to the assumption, and later, vilification of Jennifer’s character as a ‘career-obsessed’ woman who didn’t want kids. In the Vanity Fair article itself, Jennifer said this was nothing but a misogynistic attempt to debase her and portray her as the bad guy in the fiasco. For all the hurt that was inflicted on her through the separation and divorce proceedings, Jennifer made good on her promise to keep Brad in her heart forever. It’s incredibly resilient of her to keep the bad vibes away from the interview and direct her attention to the brilliant memories that she’d made with Brad over the course of seven years. She said she felt “lucky” to have had a lovely marriage with him for the most part, and that she’s always going to value the moments they shared and the lessons he’d taught her. I will love him for the rest of my life. He’s a fantastic man. I don’t regret any of it, and I’m not going to beat myself up about it. We spent seven very intense years together; we taught each other a lot—about healing, and about fun.Jennifer Aniston to Vanity FairIt’s no surprise that Brad and Jen are still friendly with each other and aren’t shy to be publicly affectionate — despite the tabloids posting outrageous theories and rumors in response. We don’t know if they have closure, but one could hazard a guess that they are at a good place and have established a good friendship, which is more than what you can ask for in such an absurd state of affairs. More importantly, Jennifer’s discoveries about self-love still hold true today. How common is it to start letting your natural identity fade as you’re trying to appease your partner and adapt to their needs and desires? It’s an “insidious” process, as Jennifer puts it. One moment you’re self-assured about your identity and what it means to you; the next moment, you’re breaking your back trying to define yourself in the most simple terms. I feel like I’ve broken the pattern now. I’ll never let myself down like that again. I feel like my sense of self is being strengthened because of it. Jennifer Aniston to Vanity FairNever lose sight of who you are It’s normal, if not encouraged, to prioritize the other person when you made a serious commitment to someone. You want to make them smile, you want to compromise to make their day just a little better, you’re willing to neglect your wants to suit theirs, but there’s a fine line between giving yourself over to the other person entirely and simply adjusting to their style. There’s value in holding back, in being more reserved with your partner. It’s not that you shouldn’t reveal all your cards; it’s about protecting your heart and putting yourself first. You’re the only one who has to live with the good, the bad, the ugly. If you can hold your head high and tell yourself that you deserve to be at the top of your priority list, you won’t be left feeling like a fool should something go wrong. Compromises come with the territory, but the most sustainable relationships are powered by a whole lot of self-love. More inspiring stories:What We Can Learn From Jennifer Aniston And Brad Pitt’s Final Vacation PicturesJennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt’s Reunion Has People Talking but for the Wrong ReasonHow Brad Pitt Focused on Sobriety and Self-Improvement After Split From Angelina JolieHere’s what Jennifer Aniston Did When Her Ex John Mayer Attacked Her
A father's stand-up deed at his daughter's wedding has gone viral, proving that it's more than possible to handle divorce with maturity and respect.They walked the bride down the aisle togetherTodd Cendrosky, step dad of bride Brittany Peck, had no idea what was coming. After walking his wife down the aisle, Cendrosky looked on as another Todd (Bachman), Peck's biological father, walked her down the aisle.“What dad doesn’t want to walk his daughter down the aisle?” Cendrosky told The New York Times. “So yes, I was disappointed.”An added weight on Cendrosky's shoulders was that he'd been diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, which causes loss of mobility in the spine, along with Crohn’s disease and lupus, so he feared he'd be in a wheelchair when it came time for his other daughter's wedding.But then the unexpected happened. Bachman walked up to Cendrosky, reached out his hand, and invited the step dad to walk their daughter down the aisle together.“He came and grabbed my hand, and said: ‘You worked as hard as I have. You’ll help us walk our daughter down the aisle,’ ” Mr. Cendrosky told WKYC in 2015. “I got weak in the knees and lost it. Nothing better in my life. The most impactful moment in my life.”It took 2 dads to raise this daughterThe wedding photographs of the moment the two dads walked down the aisle went viral, earning over a million likes on Facebook and being shared by the likes of actor Ashton Kutcher (the photos have since been taken down). “When Todd Bachman grabbed my husband’s arm, it really meant a lot to me,” said the mother of the bride, Candace Cendrosky, to The New York Times. “That was an awesome moment, it was magical, it was an outstanding thing to do. He made my husband’s world, he really did. And that makes me feel great. Deep down I really do believe he did this for Brittany.”Bachman said he planned to invite Cendrosky up ahead of time, warning his daughter, though not his ex-wife.“For me to thank him for all the years of helping raise our daughter wouldn’t be enough,” Mr. Bachman told WKYC. “There is no better way to thank somebody than to assist me walking her down the aisle.”“Todd Cendrosky has been to the softball games, the choir concerts, he’s been a big part of her life,” Bachman said later to The Times. “It’s not about me. It’s not about him. It’s about her. We’ve worked so hard to get to this point. The dark days are long behind us.”Todd BachmanAfter the momentous event, the bride danced with both dads — the song playing for her biological father was Brad Paisley's version of “I Loved Her First,” and for her stepfather it was Mariah Carey’s “Hero.”“They were both there for me — they raised me,” Peck said. “A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders that day."If you can't forgive, respect For millions of people, divorce in the family can hang over their entire lives, complicating holidays, gatherings, and certainly weddings. But it doesn't have to be that way. Bachman's gesture showed that what happened in the past can stay in the past, and he wasn't going to let any of his personal feelings get in the way of his daughter's big day. Surely many have been inspired by Bachman's impeccable display of respect, and perhaps have even follow his example in their own complicated families.More uplifting stories:Outraged Dad Stands Up For Daughter Sent Home From School For Her OutfitTarget Employee Receives $30K Of Donations After Public Shaming By CustomerDad Salts Road At His 38-Year-Old Daughter’s Workplace So She Doesn’t FallSingle Man Adopts 5 Special Needs Kids To Offer Them The Care They Deserve
