No matter how good your sex life is, you might wonder if it can get even better. The answer to that question is likely yes—and tantric sex can help you get there. This ancient spiritual and sexual practice is all about sensuality, intimacy, physical connection and awareness, and a deepening of pleasure. Even if you regularly have enjoyable sex, there are invariably ways to heighten pleasure, new things to discover, and levels of connection with yourself and your partner that you never dreamed of. This is the goal of practicing tantric sex. But is it for real? And can anyone do it?
The good news is that the promise of tantric sex is accessible and available to all who wish to explore it—and that includes you. Trying tantric sex can sound intimidating, but once you try it, you’ll likely be hooked. Even better, tantric sex techniques can be practiced alone and with a partner. So, if you’re single or your significant other isn’t excited about pursuing tantric sexuality or you just want to explore a bit before sharing tantric sex with your special someone, you can try this sexual practice on your own.
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So, don’t wait to practice tantric sex. In this comprehensive guide, learn what tantric sex is, what it is not, how to practice it, and tips for beginners. Then, have fun practicing the exciting, fulfilling spiritual and sensual art.
Sex is a journey. It’s about the destination, sure, but also the adventure along the way that gets you there. Essentially, orgasms and straight-up sexual intercourse are great, obviously, but there is so much more to discover. This is where tantric sex comes in.
What is Tantric Sex?
Tantric sex, which is also called spiritual yoga, is an ancient Eastern spiritual practice with roots in Hindu and Buddhist traditions. Instructions for this sensual art were recorded in sacred texts known as the Tantras as far back as the sixth century. Tantric sex books are famous for including drawings of a seemingly limitless array of sexual positions, but this approach to sexual intimacy is about so much more.
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Tantra literally means woven together. And the true emphasis is just that—achieving heightened sexual pleasure and intimacy with your partner. Devotees of tantric sex often enjoy hours of enhanced sensuality, but also deepen their physical and spiritual awareness and relationship at the same time.
There is also the practice of solo tantric sex, a way to become more intimate with your own body, in a way that allows you to better translate a healthy sensual relationship to intimate moments with a partner.
Myths About Tantric Sex
It’s helpful to dispel some myths about tantric sex. First off, tantric sex is not just about having amazing orgasms, although you very likely will. Instead, many tantric traditions promote slowing down, getting in the moment, and fully experiencing the sensual and spiritual dynamic of each tantric sex session.
In fact, orgasms aren’t the goal, just a potential by-product of spiritual yoga. Often people aim to go to the edge of orgasm and then back off in order to prolong sex and continue enjoying the experience.
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Another myth about tantric sexuality is that you need to be a super flexible or athletic yogi or spiritual guru in order to engage in this erotic practice. Not true. All bodies, all minds, and all couples can explore tantric sex. Sure, some super bendy, toned bodies can get into complex or physically challenging tantric sex poses that most of us can’t even imagine attempting, but acrobatics and lasting all night aren’t essential—or even necessarily desired.
The Benefits of Enjoying Tantric Sex With Your Partner
While the wow of the sexual part of a tantric sex practice is what gets most of the attention and allure, spiritual yoga is about so much more. Tantric techniques help you harness your sexual chemistry and develop a deeper connection to your partner and to yourself. This practice helps you use your sexual energy to explore pleasure as well as intimacy, sensuality, your bodies (yours and your partner’s), and your spirituality.
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Essentially, enjoying tantric sex with your partner helps bring you closer as a couple as it improves your sex life—and it teaches you about yourself and each other, too. You can both discover more about your true desires, your physical bodies, your hearts, and your spirits. You’ll enhance your physical control and ability to experience (and surrender) to your feelings as you explore the depths, edges, limits, power, and beauty of your bodies, hearts, minds, and orgasms.
Sounds amazing, right? Here’s how to get started.
How to Start Exploring Tantric Sexuality With Exercises
Like yoga, tantric sex is a practice that you can access whether you’re a beginner or more advanced. And you can continually learn from and deepen your experience and ability. There is always more to discover, a greater connection to find with yourself and your partner, and heightened levels of intimacy, spiritual awareness, and pleasure to achieve.
So, grab your partner’s hand (or your own) and begin exploring tantric sex. A new chapter in your erotic and spiritual life starts now. While tantric sex can be experienced in many different ways, if you’re a beginner it’s ideal to start with the basics. As you develop your practice, it may lead you to more complex tantric sex exercises, poses, and techniques.
Set the Environment for Presence
To begin, you’ll want to choose a private, comfortable space where you and your partner feel safe, relaxed, and uninhibited. You may want to set the tone with soft lighting and romantic music (but ideally something that won’t be distracting). Be sure to set aside an hour or more as tantric sex is intended to be a slow, meditative unfolding. You don’t want to feel rushed. Now, it’s time to begin exploring. There are a number of ways to enter into tantric sexuality, but the keys are going slow, following what feels good, focusing on sensation and your partner, and letting go of preconceptions or any kind of agenda or end result. Your job is simply to feel and connect, to give and receive. And move your bodies in ways (and positions) that feel good.
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You can begin clothed or naked. Tune into your breath and that of your partner. There’s no right or wrong way to touch but aim to disrupt your normal sex routine by trying something different, something less hurried, less geared toward orgasm or sexual intercourse. Instead, try sitting opposite each other and simply looking in your partner’s eyes. Then, slowly begin to touch each other’s bodies. Or give each other massages or pick body parts to focus on and touch each other simultaneously—or take turns. Sit on each other’s laps or get into any other position that allows you to experiment with touch, motion, breath, and connection.
Let Go of Judgements
Tantric sex is meditative, which essentially means to be in the present moment. So, banish thoughts of what you’ll be doing later or worries you have about this or that. Banish any judgment of what you like or don’t or how your body looks or feels. Instead, think about what your body wants and feels. Notice how different touches make you feel and be responsive to your partner's reactions, too.
Go Slow
Experiment with using synchronized breathing as you look at each other and/or touch each other’s bodies. Use a variety of touches, such as long, slow strokes, gentle taps, squeezes, or holds, varying the pressure, speed, and motions you use. Aim to start away from the sex organs. Touch the whole body before slowly making your way to the genital areas. You can incorporate kissing, oral sex, and/or sexual intercourse whenever you like.
However, again, keep things moving slowly with a focus on being mindful and present, which can heighten your pleasure and connection to your partner. Aim to continue eye contact and rhythmic breathing as much as possible. Your session ends when you both feel ready to stop, which might be after 30 minutes or after a few hours. It’s all up to you and what feels right.
Have a Wind-Down Routine
The cliche of sex being over, and both people immediately switching on the next thing (or smoking a cigarette) is an indication of the transactional nature of conventional, friction-based sex. However, tantric sex is all about deep connection, and sensuality. That's why it's crucial to not jump straight from the experience, into the next thing. Instead, create a wind-down routine with your partner.
How that looks will be up to you; maybe you'll cuddle for a while in bed, slowly caressing each other with tantric massage, or maintaining eye contact. Maybe you'll have plans to cook a meal together, and watch one of your favorite shows. What matters more than the what is the how — the key is maintaining intimacy and connection outside of the bedroom.
Tips for Beginners
It can help to talk with your tantric sex partner ahead of time about what you’d like to explore together. Discuss your acceptance of each other's bodies and desires, as well as the assurance that saying no to anything that doesn’t feel good is just as welcomed as saying yes to something new. A tantric practice is all about the mind-body connection, so setting the right conditions is key.
To get your ideas flowing (and maybe help you get in the mood), consider reading sex quotes or sex poems together and/or listening to music you find sexy. And talk about your desires, past sexual encounters, feelings for each other, and what you hope doing tantric sex together may bring to your relationship.
Enjoy the Play
Remember, you may feel awkward at first as you begin exploring spiritual yoga. Know that with practice, you will enhance your tantric sex skills as well as your awareness of your sexual energy and spirituality.
Let yourself laugh, play, and take pleasure. Aim to let go of any negative feelings and/or share them with your partner. Take the opportunity to dive into honesty and exploration together and with yourself. Relish in the sensations your body is capable of and in the loving embrace of your lover. The goal of tantric sex is goal-less, so enjoy the fun, and be curious to the potential of sensory pleasure.
