Finding the right person can take a lot of work. Often, we get it wrong many times before we get it right.
Give it enough time and you start to feel as though something is wrong with you. Maybe you’re the difficult one. Maybe there’s really no one out there that’s perfect for you.
Maybe, in all this chaos, you were somehow left out of the divine order and have no perfect partner.
Then it hits you: Will you be alone…forever?
By being friends with all, we are not alone.
– Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa
The thing is, there are some really big misconceptions entwined with the idea of finding the one (and the source of our loneliness).
These misconceptions not only convince you that the situation is worse than it really is when you haven’t found someone, but also that this person is supposed to fulfill some destined role in your happiness. So, of course, until they arrive, you feel lonely and incomplete.
Let’s talk about it.
Irrational fears are more common than you think
This is one half of the problem.
Often, when you think that you’ll never find someone to live out the rest of your days with, you’re steeped in your own irrational anxiety about the future.
Sure, there’s never any guarantee that you’re going to find someone. However, that can be said about anything in life. You don’t know what the future will bring and, the likelihood is, you have way more time to find someone than you believe in your anxiety-ridden mind at the moment.
You never know when or where you’re going to meet that person who just might be your perfect mate. I met my wife during the most unlikely time in my life, a time when I wasn’t remotely looking for a relationship, and the same can and may happen to you. You could meet them tomorrow or next year and prove your anxiety about the situation completely unfounded.
Of course, as I said, there are no guarantees. But, really, this is the less important of the two points…
Most of us depend on finding that right person to complete us and make us feel happy and complete. We’ve convinced ourselves that our entire happiness hinges on finding this person. In such situations, our happiness ebbs and flows like a wave in the ocean, rising high when we meet someone new and dipping when we go through yet another breakup.
And that’s really the problem. You need to realize that your happiness isn’t dependent upon finding a partner. If you’re worried about being alone than the likelihood is, you’re suffering from “the one” syndrome like so many other people. If that’s the case, it’s not by finding someone that you’ll realize happiness, it’s by realizing that you don’t need someone at all. Do that and the loneliness subsides.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a romantic relationship. They make life exciting and joy-filled. However, a lot of things do that such as following your passion, connecting more deeply with your circle of loved ones, and helping others. The problem is depending on romantic love to fill a void.
I get it, maybe you’re a hopeless romantic. However, no matter what your disposition, you can realize a version of yourself that is filled with joy and purpose even without romance.
Once you do that, you realize that you were never alone to begin with and that your happiness isn’t dependent upon someone else.