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commentary/opinion

Meghan Markle Is Worth Admiring -- but Not Because of Royalty
Celebrities

Meghan Markle Is Worth Admiring -- but Not Because of Royalty

The birth of Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's first child has come and gone, as has the first anniversary of the royal wedding, and the announcement that Meghan and Harry are moving away from royal life. Consequentially, the world’s interest in the former actress known as Meghan Markle is at a fever pitch. We all can’t get enough of the American actress turned British royal, but what is it about Meghan that has us all so obsessed? Are we just all fantasizing about escaping the doldrums of our lives by falling in love and joining the royal family? At some level, this is what psychologists call projective fantasy. "If she could become a 'princess' then so could I."“People project their own unconscious (and conscious, though less so) fantasies onto those in the public eye (celebrities and certainly royals),” says Neil Schierholz, PsyD, a licensed psychologist. To many, Meghan Markle is the modern-day Grace Kelly: an American-born actress whisked away to a foreign land by a prince to become his bride. Many little girls are taught to fantasize about exactly that.We may covet this version of reality in our dreams, but they are just that: dreams. We don't actually know these people, though we can interact with them in our fantasies as if we do. Dr. Schierholz says we "manipulate them in our minds according to our own wishes, dreams, and desires without fear of retribution (after all, they don't know what we are thinking, right?).” Royals allow us a safe place to put our fantasies and to live them out, experiencing the good feelings that we may not otherwise get in reality. “In essence this allows us to ‘play with our dolls’ as adults, in our minds, without appearing childish and subject to ridicule, especially if others are engaged in the same,” says Dr. Schierholz.But Meghan Markle is so much more than a royal princess for so many of us. At the surface level, yes, many people follow Meghan and the royals as a form of escapism and indulgence in the princess fantasy, but at a deeper level:"It's more about the ideas this bi-racial woman represents and how she's bringing them to the forefront of a very old institution and helping to modernize it,” says Erika Martinez, Psy.D., CDWF, a licensed psychologist and founder of Miami Shrinks. Meghan Markle is a woman of mixed race, divorced, and an actress - all factors that 50 years ago would have kept her out of the British royal family, and yet, today, she’s using her to status to change the game.She’s also showed us how her grace extends to her personal trials in the public eye. “Personally, I very much admire her grace and fortitude as she's coped with her father and paternal half-siblings' behavior in the press,” says Dr. Martinez.Meghan Markle has been an amazing woman who did incredible things for the world for years now. As an accomplished actress, she had a starring role in a hit TV for seven years. She was making waves with her humanitarian efforts through charity, women’s rights and equality, and animal rescue before she even met Prince Harry. All of that is much more worthy of admiration than the way her life changed because of who she married. Still, many of us also still want to be a princess in gowns and tiaras who gets married to a prince. We admit it. Is it escapism, then? Yes, but so are so many, many activities in life. “Ritual and fantasy, the great spiritual teachers and indigenous peoples knew and know, are pathways to altered states, other realms, and healing,” says Dr. Schierholz.If we can channel our fascination with the Duchess of Sussex into a focus on Meghan Markle's successful career and humanitarian efforts, then it's fantasy time well-spent.

Mental Health

No, Depression Doesn't Make You Unlovable - Here's Why

Depression is like a dark cloud that can strike suddenly and without warning. It's more than a feeling of gloom. Past accomplishments no longer have meaning, we lose interest in things we once loved, we feel that those who love us are better off without us. If you suffer from depression, you’ve likely already sought out help. If you haven’t, it’s the most important thing of all and you should seek to see a therapist as soon as possible. Getting the right treatment for you can quite literally save your life. However, the fight isn’t over after the depressive episode ends. A big part of depression is feeling really lonely, even if you're in a room full of a million people. – Lilly Singh Why depression makes you feel unlovable The problem is...even after an episode is over, you know (or, at least, strongly believe) that it’s only a matter of time before another one will arrive. And, when that happens, you know there’s a chance you’ll do something you’re not proud of, like snapping at a loved one who did nothing wrong. You know what you’ve put them through and feel ashamed because of it. When you suffer from depression, a sense of shame that is difficult to shake extends into your life, and it can make you feel unlovable. Why depression doesn’t make you unlovable The truth is, millions of people all around the world experience depression just like you. And it happened to them the same way it did with you. Depression isn’t something you choose, it simply happens. There is nothing connecting a depression diagnosis with a lack of intelligence, strength, or biological capability. Your depression doesn’t make you less than another, it just makes you different, just the same way as anything else does. Of course, you suffer because of it, but that doesn’t mean that you’re less of a person or can’t be loved by another. We all know we have flaws and, we didn’t choose them. They are there and we have to learn how to deal with them. Everyone goes through the process of learning to deal with personal flaws, so while your loved ones may have a hard time understanding what you go through during episodes of depression, they can understand some of the feelings you experience – shame, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness. 3 things you can do if you feel unlovable due to depression If you experience depression, there are coping tools to help you work through these feelings of being unlovable. However, as stated above, getting professional help before anything is crucial. 1. Develop self-awareness with mindfulness meditation Mindfulness can help those who suffer from depression for several reasons, the most notable one being the ability to develop the self-awareness needed to see an episode coming. And, if you can see it coming, you can shift modes and prepare for when the storm hits. This one thing can make a huge difference. In addition to this, mindfulness has been reported to lessen depressive symptoms as a whole, making it even valuable to those who experience clinical depression of any intensity. However, most relevant to the topic at hand, mindfulness also allows you to develop the clarity neeeded to view your inner dialogue, which can help you work through feelings of being unlovable and the toxic thoughts they bring. 2. Reflect on past accomplishments...and avoid comparisons Whether you have a mild to medium depression or a more severe case, there are therapy techniques like CBT, ECT, as well as medication, and a slew of other treatment options that can help you get better. However, if you continue to create comparisons in your mind with others, especially those who don’t suffer from depression, you’ll just end up discouraging yourself. But, on the flip side, by dedicating yourself to learning to manage your depression, you can get far. Take some time to reflect on your past accomplishments, and see that you’ve done quite a bit even now with your depression. Sure, maybe not as much as you’d like. However, by reflecting on the progress you have made so far and focusing on making consistent progress, you’ll be further encouraged to continue with treatment. Slowly, you will get to a stage where you have your depression under control and your mind is in a better place where you can connect with others and not only give, but receive, love. 3. Communicate with those you love openly and honestly Opening up to loved ones about what you’re going through can be one of the most difficult things to do, however, it may be the single most important one of all. Perhaps the most damaging behavior of depression sufferers, closing yourself off to loved ones can cause you to feel alone not just during a depressive episode, but at all times. We don’t feel the same way outside of a depressive episode as during one, but shame and guilt often can make us unwilling to open up when it counts the most. If you can muster the courage to start communicating with loved ones about how you feel and what you’re going through, you can create a bridge that gives you strength when you need it the most. Depression still requires real, clinical help. However, the feeling that you’re unlovable that persists outside of depressive episodes can improve considerably if you focus on those three things.

We Reviewed Aaptiv, The Workout App for Busy People
Exercise

We Reviewed Aaptiv, The Workout App for Busy People

These days, it’s not always easy to dedicate time to getting a quality workout in. There are hundreds of fitness apps that aim to inspire users to reach their fitness goals and live a healthier lifestyle. But if you’re looking for a good sweat session and you only have a little time to spare, there is a helpful app that stands out from the pack. Aaptiv is an audio-based fitness app that comes with various workouts guided by personal trainers, complete with groovy tunes to keep your motivation going. For a monthly subscription, you can access the same type of high-quality workout experience you would get at a boutique fitness studio -- at a fraction of the price. Whether you're looking to do some guided tempo runs, strength train, or perfect your downward dog, Aaptiv has got you covered in almost any area of your fitness journey. What is Aaptiv? Founded in 2015 by Ethan Agarwal, Aaptiv was created out of the need to provide good workouts to people who live on-the-go lifestyles. It’s challenging to stay motivated or even build a relationship with a personal trainer when you’re constantly traveling for work, you're unable to get to the gym because you have to get the kids from soccer practice, or you're staying late at the office to make that good project perfect. Aaptiv aims to bring the quality of a personal trainer, the results of effective workout programs, and the inspiration you need to stick to a routine straight to your smartphone. And you don't need a gym to use it. How does it inspire us? Aaptiv is a good fitness application with quality training programs led by qualified fitness professionals. You really feel like you’re in the gym with a trainer when you’re taking Mike’s 30-minute strength-training workout. As for the running workouts, they remind me of the kind of experience that you find at a Barry’s Bootcamp or in an Equinox Fitness precision-running class. The great music, the trainer’s energy level, the challenging workouts and the timely reminders hold you accountable when you don’t feel like working out. There is also a workout challenge for the competitor in you. You’re always in total control of what workouts you’re doing, and can select a workout that best fits your schedule, as well as save the workouts that you like the most. Plus, the classes/workouts change every week, with over 30 options to choose from in each type of class. You’ll never get bored or feel like you’re doing the same thing over and over again. All of these workouts are available to you for less than $10 a month. Can it help you improve? Aaptiv is for the experienced fitness enthusiast looking for a quality workout program guided by uplifting and inspiring trainers. Whether you're training for a marathon, running your first mile, looking to bulk up, or want to gain some peace of mind in a yoga class, Aaptiv will get you there and keep you on schedule to reach your goals. Keep in mind that Aaptiv may not be for people who have never done strength training, since the strength workouts are audio guides and you can't see proper form in action. For example, doing an Arnold shoulder press without seeing the move may be extremely difficult for someone who’s never lifted weights before. For beginner-level runners, Aaptiv is a great tool. However, if you’re a more experienced/stronger runner, you may not find much of a challenge in the outdoor running, in which the fastest tempo pace is seven minutes per mile. The same can be said for the yoga workouts. They are great audio-based sessions if you know what warrior pose is. But if you have some basic fitness experience and you’re looking to get back on track with some quality workout programming and an upbeat trainer, Aaptiv is all you need. What do you need to try it? You’ll need a screen (phone, computer, or tablet). You'll also need some dumbbells for the strength-training workouts. If you have access to a gym, there are workouts built around specific pieces of equipment (i.e., rowing machine). If you're curious to try the yoga, get a mat to practice your soon-to-be-elite warrior pose. Lastly, depending on your location, you will need a pair of headphones to listen to the trainer cues. You’ll need a valid credit/debit card to register. This is a subscription-based app so yes, you do have to cough up some coins to keep the good times going. You will also need to download the app using Google play or the Apple app store. What’s included Audio-guided workouts Strength-training workouts Indoor/outdoor running workouts Walking workouts Yoga workouts Rowing workouts Elliptical workouts Indoor cycling workouts Stairclimber workouts Stretching routines Ab workouts Workouts for weight loss Training programs Guided meditations Race-training programs (from 5k to marathon) Partner challenges 20+ personal trainers Great music (top 40 hits) Ability to save your favorite workouts Accountability coaches/reminder notifications Potential drawbacks The major drawback using Aaptiv is that all of the workouts are audio-based. If you have never seen or done certain workouts, it’s a very challenging experience to simultaneously listen to instruction while executing your workout with proper form. I wouldn’t recommend the yoga or strength-training programs to someone who has little to no fitness experience. However, if you have experience lifting weights, practicing yoga and are confident that you can nail a workout with great form, I think Aaptiv will work for you! And while some users will consider the audio-based concept a drawback, others will see it as an advantage. We live in a world where we are often receiving audio affirmations and listening to podcasts. The feeling of being talked to directly is not only encouraging, it makes your experience feel unique and personalized. With Aaptiv, you never feel like you’re getting lost in some overwhelmingly large group fitness class. You almost feel like you’re being treated with the same focus and attention as someone who is in the gym with their trainer. Aaptiv is worth exploring during the free trial period because you can decide whether the audio-guided workouts and meditations are for you or not. Either way, you won’t complain about the actual workouts or even the music. But if you can listen to a Ted Talk or Soulection Radio, you will likely enjoy Aaptiv. If not, there is always YouTube. Where can you try this? Aaptiv is available for download here. Once downloaded you’ll have to agree to subscribe. Rates are less than $10.00 monthly and include a 30-day free trial, so you have plenty of time to properly try everything the app has to offer.

Why the Search for Wholeness Is Keeping You Away from True Happiness
Purpose

Why the Search for Wholeness Is Keeping You Away from True Happiness

Right now, someone halfway across the world is searching for happiness. Like most people, they’re not happy. They believe something is missing that makes them feel incomplete on a fundamental level. Maybe you’re one of those people. And so, to become truly happy, the general assumption is to acquire that one thing that will fix the problem. Once you get it, all things will be good and right in the world and you may ride off into the sunset. Well, maybe life won't be perfect, but you'll certainly be more at peace. The only problem with this is that you’re looking for peace and happiness outside of yourself– somewhere where it just doesn’t exist. So, you move from fixation to fixation, each one appearing more and more promising. You feel as though you’re getting closer. But it’s all smoke and mirrors. You’re searching for wholeness when you were never incomplete to begin with. You are all things. Denying, rejecting, judging or hiding from any aspect of your total being creates pain and results in a lack of wholeness. – Joy Page That never-ending quest for wholeness tends to revolve around three things: The one: The search for the one partner who will complete us is something that occupies a huge portion of many people’s lives. They’re so convinced that finding that special person will make them happy that they’ll experience heartache after heartache just for a chance at finding the one. Material items: Money and material items are a legitimate desire for those who grow up without much. Plus, there are studies that show those who have enough to pay for basic living expenses are happier than those living in poverty. However, that’s not what I’m talking about here. By material items, I’m referring to the desire for a mansion and an army of sports cars. It’s a vision of wealth that we become obsessed with over time. This, we believe, is all we’re missing to find happiness and complete ourselves. Achievements: Sometimes we seek achievements and fame because we don't feel worthy. We look for the recognition of our work and status by others offers to validate ourselves. So, we strive to achieve things to confirm we were "whole" all along. What the three things we chase have in common Each of these things lead us to live our life in the same way: Constantly striving to obtain the one elusive thing that will help us feel complete. But the problem is, this is our way of realizing a sense of self-worth. Feelings of unworthiness are driving us to look for external validation. How this keeps us from happiness As I mentioned earlier, these various efforts we make to find wholeness are all smoke and mirrors.We were already whole to begin with, we just think we are missing a piece. Almost all of us experience some form of self-judgment. We tell ourselves we’re not good enough, tall enough, handsome or pretty enough, smart enough, young enough, or one of several thousand other harmful narratives that only seeks to destroy our confidence and self-worth. It’s because of this that we mistake our complete selves as incomplete ones. This is the delusion. And this keeps you from happiness because you’re completely preoccupied trying to find an answer to your lack of self-worth outside of yourself when in reality, it was within you all along. So long as you’re searching outside yourself, you’ll never find your answer. What to do about it Throughout life, we become conditioned by our experiences. Someone constantly tells us we are stupid, we are bullied at school, we grow up a bit awkward and take that as our own inadequacy, we make a mistake that we never forgive ourselves for, or something else altogether. From this, our subconscious creates the narrative that we’re screwed up. And, from that, the “if I only had…” idea is created. But if happiness is only found from within, and all our efforts to find it outside of ourselves are fruitless, what should you do? Turn inward. Take the time to get to know yourself on a very deep level. Talk to others who are going through similar things as you, meditate to develop self-awareness, and change the way you live to include more nourishing activities built around personal growth and helping others. You don’t have to stop working towards your goals and it doesn’t mean that wanting to find that special someone, generate wealth, or achieve great things are misguided efforts. Just don’t do those things with the delusion that you’ll find some missing piece of yourself and realize eternal happiness or peace as a result. There are valuable reasons for all three efforts, but finding your own self-worth isn’t one of them.

7 Signs You Are Destined for Greatness
Self-Development

7 Signs You Are Destined for Greatness

From an early age, I knew I was destined to do– or be– something great.Little did I know at the time that everyone thinks the same thing. It’s a universal feeling inside of us, a recognition of our potential as human beings to be and do something incredible.We’ve all been given unique and amazing abilities and talents that can help us realize greatness. However, over time society bludgeons us with discouraging ideas, to the point where we stop believing in ourselves. Well, I’m here to tell you that you have greatness in you.No matter who you are, if you’re a human being living today you have greatness within you -- you just have to start believing it.Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.– William ShakespeareI don’t pretend to be a success expert or a seer of any kind. However, there are certain things that signal someone is destined for greatness, factors I’ve identified over years of studying success principles.Here are seven signs you’re destined for greatness:1. You’re resourcefulDo you always seem to figure out a way to make things happen, no matter what you’re faced up against? That’s a sign you’re naturally resourceful, an incredibly useful skill for achieving virtually everything in life.Amazon founder Jeff Bezos considers it one of the most important qualities for success, so if you’ve got this critical skill in common with the world’s wealthiest person, you know you’re destined for greatness.2. You’re a natural problem-solverSimilar to resourcefulness, if you’re a natural problem-solver, you were practically made to be an entrepreneur. However, beyond that, being a natural problem-solver is a sign you’re destined for greatness no matter what you do.That’s because problem-solving is critical to virtually everything we do, from overcoming common day-to-day challenges that hinder your productivity to figuring out that next big business idea by identifying problems and thinking of creative solutions in the form of a product or service.3. Nothing stops you from accomplishing your goalsAre you the kind of person who always finishes what she starts? If you always complete what you set out to do no matter what happens, and never allow yourself to settle or quit on your goals, you possess one of the most valuable qualities a person can have -- and a key to realizing greatness in any endeavor.4. You’re relentlessly persistentIf you’re the kind of person who gets up every time you get knocked down, and pushes forward through rain or shine, that’s a definite sign you’re destined for greatness.Persistence is a quality that virtually all wildly successful people display. The level of rejection, failure, and setbacks one inevitably faces has to be weathered in order to achieve greatness. Persistence helps you maintain the energy necessary to get there.5. You’re not afraid of asking questionsRealizing greatness requires self-development, and self-development requires that you be willing and unafraid to ask questions. It’s as simple as that. If you’re the kind of person who isn’t afraid to raise your hand in a class setting, and you possess the willingness to step outside of your comfort zone, then you very well may be destined for greatness.6. You never failBy not failing, I’m referring to not viewing failure as a setback. If you treat failure like a building block, a valuable learning experience that moves you further forward towards your dreams and goals, then you may very well be bound for greatness.This is easily one of the most important qualities of all, so if this doesn’t naturally describe you, don’t worry, it’s a quality you can develop with time and effort. Just look for the lessons in each so-called “failure” to see what you can take away.7. You understand that change is in your handsMany believe that people– and the world at large– can’t be changed, that we’re all somehow stuck blowing in a great big wind called fate and have little to no say about what happens to us. This is not only a damaging belief, it’s fundamentally wrong.If you understand that change is in your hands, that’s a healthy sign you’re destined for greatness because you understand that you have your hands on the wheel, and naturally look for ways to improve and move forward. You can decide to make a difference not only in your own life, but also in the life of others.

Yes, Rejection Hurts - Here's How to Turn it Into a Source of Motivation
Motivation

Yes, Rejection Hurts - Here's How to Turn it Into a Source of Motivation

Rejection sucks. It doesn’t matter how many times you get hit with it, it always stings. And worse, it often leaves you feeling even less confident than you were before. These two factors create a perfect storm for living a life of regret and missed opportunities. But whether you’re trying to pitch a business idea, convince others to support your cause, or just ask someone out on a date, rejection can also be a stepping stone instead of a roadblock that stands in your way. If you can change your perspective on rejection, then your can change your entire outlook. A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. – Bo Bennett Before we talk about dealing with rejection, it’s important to note that rejection is all about what goes on in your head. Sure, it’s caused by an outside event, but what is important is what happens in that brain of yours immediately afterward. Do you beat yourself up? Do you tell yourself, “See, I knew you weren’t good enough”? Or do you see it as a stepping stone to something greater, understanding that in order to get to success you need to encounter a certain amount of rejection? Having worked in a sales environment and later as an entrepreneur, I have an intimate relationship with rejection. It is one of those things that you never quite get over one-hundred percent, but that you can absolutely learn to deal with in a productive way, very much like with emotions such as fear or anger. And, for me, what led to that mastery of the art of dealing with rejection was really just one simple idea. If you can come to see that this idea is true in all things, it will change your perspective on rejection forever. Instead of seeing it as something that knocks you down hard, with the chance of never being able to get back up, you can perceive it as a painful event that actually motivates you to keep moving forward. RELATED: 9 Incredibly Successful Entrepreneurs Who All Failed Big Before Winning Big How a number-based goal system can help turn rejection into a game Okay, so back in that sales-based business I mentioned earlier, we had to contact people via various methods such as cold-calling to try to get sit-down meetings. Yes, it was the worst thing ever. Anyway, back to the point. Sales is always a numbers game. It’s also filled with rejection. So, what did we do to help us deal with that rejection? Well, after a while, we got a pretty good idea of what our “conversion rate” was. In this case, conversion rate meant how many “nos" we had to get through before we got to a “yes”. So, every time we’d get a no, we would just jot it down, mentally telling ourselves “Yes! I’m X closer to another yes.” We actually turned rejection into a metric for productivity. I’ll say that again: We turned “no” into a desirable, productive outcome. That changed my entire perspective on rejection. And not just when I was doing sales (never again…), I went on to apply that ideology to everything else I’ve done since. This trick turns the tough journey to reaching your goals into an addictive game of sorts. And if you can buy into this game, you can transform your relationship with rejection forever, softening the blow when you experience it and increasing your chance of success tenfold. What’s your number? So, my question to you is this: What’s your number? You probably have no idea now, but if you keep going, you’ll get your yes. You might be thinking, “But what if I never get a yes?” The cool thing is, everyone has a number. Yours might be higher than someone else’s, meaning you’ll have to go through more rejection before you get to your goal, whether due to less experience, skill, connections, dumb luck, or other factors, but you still have a number and if you keep going, you’ll get that yes.

Leave 'Normal' Behind, Because You Were Meant for More
Self-Development

Leave 'Normal' Behind, Because You Were Meant for More

You still have it. Deep down. Inside you. Somewhere. It’s the dream of who you want to become, and what you want to do with your life. And yet, that dream seems so wild and unrealistic that you need to let go of it to pursue 'normal' things, like 'normal' people do. Like money. Money buys everything, including happiness, doesn't it? Well then how come you still feel something tickling you inside? Aren’t you happy with all the money you have? What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. To be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself up. -- Oprah Winfrey (more ) When you realize 'normal' is not what you want People have been telling you how to live your life. They tell you what to do and which highly respected career path you should pursue. They tell you to never stop climbing higher in your career, to earn that bonus, to get that promotion. They draw a picture of happiness and tell you to try to make that picture come true. They promise you that once you make a lot of money, then you'll be able to settle down and be happy. Like a 'normal' person. But what if that is not true? What if you don’t want to settle down? What if you don’t like the career they have chosen for you? What if you work so hard to get more money, only in an effort to fill the emptiness inside you? What happens if one day, the money cannot fill that hole? That’s when you realize what they have taught you is not what you want. You don’t want to just be "okay" with a job you don’t enjoy. You don’t want to be miserable working for 30 years and then call it a life. You don’t need to be like everyone else. You don’t have to be 'normal.' The fear of going the other way We are social creatures. We like the feeling of belonging. We don’t want people to judge us. We like playing it safe. We also inherently want to be successful, to stand out and do something extraordinary. Yet the fear of failure, the fear of being different, can outweigh our desires. What if we go left when everyone else goes right, and then it turns out we are wrong? What if we try so hard and then we fail? How can we be sure that it will all be worth our effort? READ: Embrace Failure to Learn the Things Success Won't Teach We let that fear get the best of us. We use fear as an excuse for not trying. But, what’s the worst that can happen? You get more experience, you learn more, you live more. If you fail, you will learn how to get back up. If you win, you get the life you want. If you want to do something extraordinary, you need to be willing to do something that no one else is willing to do. Let your dreams show you the way Once you overcome your fear, you will face another problem. You don’t know how to start. We live in a world where too many people tell you how to achieve your dreams, and yet you still don’t know what to do. Because the truth is they don't know you better than yourself. They don’t know your obstacles, your strengths, your weaknesses. They don’t know what you are afraid of, or what you are proud of. So why listen to them? You don’t need to read all the self-development books in the world to know what to do. You just need to let your dreams show you the right path. READ: How to Follow Your Heart and Live Your Personal Legend What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to achieve? What is it that really makes you happy and that you won’t regret when you're on your deathbed? Close your eyes, and imagine that all of your dreams have come true. What will your future self tell your current self? For the first time in your life, walk the way your gut tells you, and follow the path your heart shows you. Your new life awaits It’s never too late or too soon to start something new. You will never go wrong if you follow your heart. There will be some sacrifice, some sufferings, some stress, some fear. But that is unavoidable. And that is okay. Indeed, those are the natural signals the universe is sending you that you are about to step into something extraordinary -- something that will lead you to a life worth talking about. Your new life awaits. All you need is to start. It’s your turn.

You're Already a Leader: Learning to See Your Impact on the World
Mindset

You're Already a Leader: Learning to See Your Impact on the World

“I’m not really a leader.” Not surprisingly, that is a statement I hear quite a bit as a leadership coach. Many people are so caught up in the day-to-day, the have-to’s, that they completely lose sight of the impact they have on the lives of those around them. “Well, that’s just what I do.” This is probably the statement I hear almost as much as “I’m not really a leader.” Whether it’s taking care of a 3-year old toddler or a $30 million-dollar business with a hundred employees (or both simultaneously), people begin to see the work they do as normal. They no longer see the extraordinary ideas, effort, and results that are borne of what they see as small, insignificant tasks. You're Already a Leader: Learning to See Your Impact on the World If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader. -- John Quincy Adams Perhaps you are reading this and seeing yourself in these two statements. You are starting to think about the “little things” you do every day and how they impact yourself, others, and the achievement of much broader goals. You are beginning to realize not only how your actions impact others, but that what and how you do those things are unique and special to you. This is your moment of leadership awareness. See your goals Many people have goals they can rattle off without much difficulty: a successful career or business. A happy family. Fulfilling relationships. All of these are wonderful and admirable goals. Yet how much do we truly see our goals? By “seeing" our goals, I mean seeing them for what they really mean to you. What do your goals ultimately say about what you want for your life and the lives of those around you? Goals are not just finish lines off in the distance that you're trying to reach. They are a reflection of who you are, what is important to you, and what you are working towards becoming in the future. Your goals are you. It may not seem like it, but when you sit down and list out all your goals and aspirations, take a moment to see them not as tasks and to-do’s, but instead as a reflection of yourself. READ: Finding Your Why: How to Discover Your Professional Purpose Leadership is the ability to motivate and inspire others to strive towards a common goal. By understanding how the goals you have for your career, your business, your family, or your life reflect who you are, you begin to understand your own motivations for reaching those goals. When you know your own motivations, your purpose, you can better understand how to connect to and inspire others, even if what inspires them is different from you. Identify your influence on others Influence can be powerful, whether it is wielded like a sword or whispered like a prayer. Influence doesn’t come to us through a fancy title or a big bank account. We all know people who have one or the other yet who inspire little confidence from those around them. Influence can be earned by your skill and ability to produce results. Influence can also flow from your own authentic passion and commitment. Maybe you don’t have the background and pedigree, but others are inspired by something intangible within you that speaks to their own goals and desires, or to their personal feelings towards you. Think about the influence you have in various parts of your life, and identify what it is that draws others to you. Who do you influence and why do they follow your lead? Leadership requires understanding where your influence comes from and making sure you use it in a way that is aligned with your authentic self and the goals you want to achieve. When your influence is corrupted by things that are detrimental to your goals, or even more importantly, to the people who trust and believe in you, that influence fades quickly. Whatever the source, influence is never taken. It is given, and can be rescinded when abused. Conscious leadership Raising your leadership awareness can be an uncomfortable process. Most of us are not taught to sit back and think to themselves, “Why am I so awesome?” We’re taught that humility and hard work are what yield benefits in our lives and careers. We may say things like “Oh, I didn’t really do much” or “Anyone could have done it.” Yet to truly be a leader, we must begin to tap into the parts of ourselves that are unique and dynamic. We must consciously embrace that there are special traits within us that are so powerful that they inspire others not only to believe in us, but to take incredible actions that defy their own self-perceived limitations and bring us closer to achieving shared goals. You are already a leader. Now is the time to recognize your leadership abilities and consciously utilize them to make a difference.

Mindset Motivation: Why Embracing Your Challenges Will Intensify Your Mental Strength
Mindset

Mindset Motivation: Why Embracing Your Challenges Will Intensify Your Mental Strength

Our mindset can be our greatest ally or a dangerous enemy. We spend so much time locked inside our heads that, if we don’t develop masterful mental skills, we risk falling into a downward spiral of destructive and deceptive thoughts. The challenges we face can swiftly gather momentum, clouding the constellation of our mind and freezing us in fear. As anxiety and suspicion sweep our mind, we become so afraid to actually make decisions that every drop of power we hold to find a way forward gets diluted. When tough times are at hand we think that life is out to break and burden us, but life only seeks to empower us. We hold the mandate for our existence. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. - Martin Luther King, Jr (more quotes) Defeat will often appear as a giant to invade our thoughts, yet when we shut down the delusional nature of that giant, we can use its might to find a way through. Mental strength means that we use every strike against us as a reason to push ahead, every stumble as a position to rise from, and every closed door as a redirection to another entry point. We can elevate ourselves from hardship and adversity once we undertake the mental maturity to overcome it. Mental strength is not born from privilege, superiority or easy living. It is constructed and projected by the minds of those that have seen the darkest days and survived the toughest nights, yet nevertheless focused on the merit of their inner power and virtue. The muscle of our mind Mental strength is not a gift awarded to us at birth; as children, we are dominated by feelings. They act as our powerhouse for expression and a means to get what we want; temper tantrum city arises because we are innately connected to emotions rather than thoughts. Now, as adults, mental strength is something that we strive to enhance through the shadows of adversity and the profoundness of our pain. We gain strength with every obstacle we overcome that stretches our psyche to find solutions or to adapt to circumstances. Our life lessons will resound on repeat until we can establish a level of cognizance and maturity with how we frame our mindset. Rather than look upon our times of hardship as debility, attack or limitation, we can use them as a credit in our mind bank of strength. Modifying our perception of the problem can lead us to intuitive disclosures and responses when we engage the full measure of our mind to reconcile, attune, and think outside of the box. Enhancing creative vision from the inside to out As long as we give license to extrinsic factors to rule our thoughts, behaviors and actions we will always be at their mercy. We weaken our own inner resources and we suffer in our thinking when we allow our mind to constantly immerse us in what is wrong or what we feel crushed by. A messy mind creates an even bigger monster that stands over us devouring our mental resiliency. When we consciously acclimatize how we translate our thoughts, we begin to approach life and its clusters of challenges from the inside out, rather than outside in. Clarity inspires emancipation from external influence. A path towards a solution is easier to find when we channel our thoughts and matching emotions toward it instead of blocking it from our periphery. The answers that we seek often come out of the blue, yet they reside within us from the wise river of our soul - just itching to be heard and observed. The power of our mental intention What we place at the forefront of our mindset is what we have the potential to create. If we continue to align our thoughts in accordance with our struggles, our fears, then we inevitably dissipate the mental strength we need to bravely rise above them. Our mind is the conduit to our greater goals and dreams. Our desired outcome is found through the lucid window of our mental awareness and ability to absorb what hits us as an instrument for transformation and amplified intelligence. We can broaden our mental dexterity through laser-like focus, embracing each challenge, and by believing in our own intrinsic strength. Our power lies in how we intuitively respond to our difficulties and how well we can unbind ourselves from our own self-induced mental barriers - the actual circumstance itself takes second place. Through a single thought that we perpetuate and internalize we can either accomplish our biggest fear or achieve our highest hope - the choice is always ours. Flow through a stronger mindset Rigidity in our thinking serves to constrict our supreme embodiment of flow and flexibility. Thoughts and feelings will come and go. We can choose the thoughts that we stick with and the ones we wish to lovingly scrape away. Mental strength is boosted by the capacity to diligently apply ourselves to what is thrown at us. What we craft from our struggles constitutes a pyramid of strength that grows larger in volume and shape - the more we get through, the more confident and courageous we become.

3 Life Lessons from Taking a 3,000-Mile Road Trip Across the U.S.
Self-Development

3 Life Lessons from Taking a 3,000-Mile Road Trip Across the U.S.

Last September, I took a trip to Florida. However, this wasn’t a simple ‘book your flight, pack your bag, and stay for a week’ kind of trip. No, this was a three-thousand-mile road trip straight across the United States, from sunny southern California to Florida, with three kids in a minivan. The trip was pre-planned over six months and involved a one-month stay with family -- including three brothers whom I had never met before in my life. Whew... Needless to say, a three-thousand-mile road trip going anywhere is going to teach you a lot about yourself. However, I could have never imagined just how incredibly valuable the trip was going to be. 3 Life Lessons from Taking a 3,000-Mile Road Trip Across the U.S. I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world. – Mary Anne Radmacher It’s been one year since we took our epic road trip, and since then, I’ve been able to reflect on it quite a bit. I learned a lot on that trip, much of which I learned once we arrived in Florida. But that’s a different story. The cross-country trek was a journey in itself that taught me things about life and myself that I’ll always hold dear. In particular, there are three incredible life lessons I took from my journey across the country: 1. It’s hardest in the beginning, you just have to push through Before we even took off, on the day we were scheduled to set out, I started second-guessing myself. I wasn’t second-guessing taking the trip, I couldn’t have looked forward to it more, particularly meeting my brothers. What I was second-guessing myself on was the crazy idea that I’d take my family three-thousand miles across the country and put myself up for a full two-day drive without much money to my name (the month-long stay there in Florida was going to sap everything from me). We had a middle point, my wife’s cousin in Texas who was gracious enough to take us in between our trip, but it was still going to be extremely difficult. I was no stranger to driving long distances, having driven to Northern California and Las Vegas in the past (both half-day and six-hour trips respectively), however, this was roughly two days worth of driving. I knew from before the trip that it can be difficult to get yourself going but that once you do it becomes progressively easier. However, something about personal experiences teaches us in an accelerated manner like nothing else can. Once we got going, after a few hours I felt a wave of relief. I knew I could do it and was filled with nothing but excitement. Oftentimes, all you need to do is take that first step. Before we do, our goals can seem large in scope and almost insurmountable. However, you’ll be amazed at what you can accomplish if you take that first step and simply place your focus on taking one small step after another from there. The cool thing is, once you do that, you often gain an incredible amount of momentum that allows you to not only keep going, but accelerate your progress several times over. 2. The difficult choices (and actions) now lead to a more meaningful life later It’s not our fault, we’re programmed to see out relief for what we feel now in this moment. Hunger, fatigue, thirst, all of these essential experiences program us to seek out relief immediately. And worse, the Internet has shortened our attention spans and made it easier than ever to get information in the blink of an eye. The result is we’re used to getting what we want exactly when we want it across most domains in life. However, big goals aren’t so convenient. They won’t come to you and you need to devote at least several years of strong, consistent effort to accomplish them. For most people, this is far more effort than they’re willing to put in to get anything. Planning this trip took a lot of effort. There were times where I’d step back and think, if for no reason other than automatic programming, “I’m not doing this, it’s so much work just to plan for this damn trip.” But you know what? We felt in our hearts that it was worth it before I even stepped into Florida (and it became far more memorable by the time we left). That trip across the country was an amazing experience and the value of the proceeding stay with my family was on a value that I can’t begin to describe. And while that road trip was hard as hell, for the rest of my life I’m going to remember that entire trip (I’m taking a plane next time, thanks) as one of the greatest moments of my life and something I’m so glad I did. I still look back on that trip now and find a lot of joy and fulfillment from it even today, and I’m sure I’ll continue to for the rest of my life. 3. The importance of balance Easily the most significant lesson of all, my three-thousand-mile road trip taught me the importance of balance. By that, I mean balancing one’s efforts when working towards any great goal or achievement. Let me explain. At the end of our trip, we got everything together and prepared to head back home. It was bittersweet, with us enjoying the trip so much that, in many ways, we didn’t want to leave. Since we had taken the trip once before, we no longer feared it. We knew what was in store and felt more confident because we had done it once before. However, I underestimated just how different that second trip, the trip back home, would be. What was, in the beginning, a long and arduous journey on the way to Florida had suddenly become an incredibly fast and easeful adventure on the way back. The difference was night-and-day. But why? What led to such a significant difference in difficulty from one trip to the next? We learned how to properly balance our efforts. On the way there, my wife and I weren’t quite sure how long each of us could go before the other needed to “tag out” and have the other take their place at the wheel. We also weren’t sure how long we all could go without stopping for a break. Everything was unfamiliar. However, with a little experience and some conscious adjustments, the trip back home was methodically planned to allow for the perfect balance of work and rest. So, the trip was clearly easier, but what about speed? The trip there took us five days including breaks. The trip back? Less than two days. We even took two extra breaks to enjoy some of the notable stops along the way, something we had no energy to do on the way there. Work smarter and harder, not just harder Most of us live and work in a way that we kill ourselves to accomplish our goals, believing that it’s necessary for maximizing our productivity. However, this methodology couldn’t be more wrong. For years, I’ve practiced mindfulness meditation and learned the art of working smarter and more intentionally as opposed to killing myself to max out my performance. I used to kill myself working, going with little sleep (if any) for days thinking that if I stopped, I’d lose out. But I was wrong and I saw this lesson in action more clearly than ever while taking our road trip and it taught me something that I’ll take with me forever. How well do you balance your efforts? Can you notice when you’re at half efficiency? When you’re tired and have to take a break? Learning about yourself and becoming a self-expert is critical if you want to realize your most productive self. Productivity and maxing out in life isn’t about working stupid and constantly banging our head against a wall, it’s about working smarter while working your hardest. It’s about working intentionally, gauging our performance, making constant adjustments, and consciously balancing our efforts in a way that keeps us at maximum efficiency.